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Flowers For Algeria posted:teach empathy. This is one of the most important things we need to get through the thick skulls of the American people (apologies if you're talking about another country). But I see heavy resistance from the entrenched anti-humanity groups in the South & Midwest.
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Mar 2, 2016 16:55
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gobbagool posted:Millennials and post-millennials are so hosed up on gender politics and proving that their snowflake-kin is superior to all other non unique-kin that nobody will have sex any more, and all rape can be reclassified is another one of those goddamned weirdo things that kids in fox costumes do, problem solved hosed up if true.
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Mar 2, 2016 22:19
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JFairfax posted:what the gently caress is bypassing consent? I mean I've got drunk and done some stupid poo poo, that's part of getting too drunk - it always seems like a good idea at the time. It's not an advisable situation, and you should have your friends get you out of it due to the possiblity that you'll either be accused of rape or raped.
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Mar 3, 2016 20:10
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Helsing posted:I'm not denying the existence of rape culture or the need for change and perhaps I'm being suckered in by right wing scare stories but some of the discussions I hear about how consent is being defined in some school curriculums sound like they are entirely premised on men being the only initiator of sexual contact, and call for the removal of any spontaneity from love making or physical affection. These are worrying and make me glad I'm already married and comfortable. Though for the sake of my son I hope things don't get that awkward. I was always worried about consent (though not as the academic concept, rather than "does she want me to X or would that make her uncomfortable?") as a teenager, which held me back a bit too much, according to ex-girlfriends. Hopefully more female empowerment will lead to more women taking the lead. God knows I was relieved that my wife did.
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Mar 3, 2016 20:27
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Control Volume posted:the arguments about affirmative consent are funny, to me, because it's a bunch of people who look at the concept of a safeword and go, "hwuuuhh? bwuuuhhh??" To be fair, talking about safewords (not to mention the need for them...) for the first time with your parter is an awkward as gently caress conversation.
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Mar 3, 2016 21:57
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twodot posted:Prior to the "I want you to gently caress me" moment, the people involved should have had an adult conversation about whether they want to have a sexual relationship, and nature and borders of what that would entail. Having that knowledge, you should be able to figure out whether passive compliance constitutes consent or not. This doesn't seem so easy to do. It seems really awkward, and would be very difficult for anyone with any kind of anxiety or confidence issues to do. How does such a conversation start anyhow? I'm used to the progression of "the bases" to put it crudely. Things get heavy on their own. Someone takes the lead, and if the other isn't into it, they stop it. If it doesn't stop there, it's rape.
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Mar 3, 2016 22:13
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Helsing posted:So if I meet someone at a bar or a party, we hit it off, are getting a bit touchey feeling, and head somewhere more private, I'm supposed under this system to slow things down and ask the girl "if the condom breaks and you get pregnant will you be having an abortion?" I can't think of a worse moodkiller.
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Mar 3, 2016 22:32
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twodot posted:I mean not having children is pretty important to me, so I would ask this question. If you are indifferent to or want to raise a child with a stranger feel free to not have that conversation. This seems like a crazy amount of social burden on people, as good an idea as it may be on paper. As it is now, asking that kind of question to a woman you've just met and are about to fool around with will most likely get you tossed out instead for making things too weird. Edit: And if I was asked the same thing, I would also likely freak the gently caress out if she asks "Oh hey, is it OK if I don't get an abortion if you get me pregnant?" 
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Mar 3, 2016 22:36
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Control Volume posted:I literally ask everyone i fool around with if they have any stds, asking someone if they're on birth control isn't that much of a stretch and you probably shouldn't be loving the people who refuse to answer these questions unless you want gonorrhea and a beautiful baby boy These are much easier to ask quickly while depantsing than a conversation about their abortion views. Asking if they're on BC is practically the same as "Oh hey, you brought a condom right?"
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Mar 3, 2016 22:44
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SedanChair posted:Then fix your sexual encounters. Actually no, in the context of this conversation, "my" (Or my partner's) Jollies are not irrelevant, as determining what consent should be is very important. Adding uncomfortable conversation about the possible consequences of sex, particularly when it comes to a subject as unpleasant as abortion, seems like a lovely thing to do.You're ruining the moment for possibly both of you. This of course is really only a concern when it comes to the beginning of a relationship or a casual encounter. Talking about something like this with a steady partner is a good idea.
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Mar 3, 2016 23:07
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Helsing posted:It kinda seems like the ultimate message of affirmative consent is "don't hook up with strangers" and "don't have spontaneous sexual liaisons". Is that a fair characterization? This is what I'm getting from it, and that's a bad road to go down. It reeks of victim blaming and slut shaming.
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Mar 3, 2016 23:08
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Who What Now posted:It takes only seconds to get affirmative consent. How loving spontaneous are these hypothetical sexual encounters that you can't stop to ask "are you ready for a trip to the bone zone, baby?"? Are you literally just sprinting dick-first into some women? Do you rip off breakaway pants the moment you lock eyes with a stranger and just start humping as vigorously as you can? Because that's the only conceivable scenario I can think of where you don't have time to get affirmative consent. No no, I'm talking specifically about the "don't have casual sex" vibe we were getting. Affirmative consent is good.
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Mar 4, 2016 00:19
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SedanChair posted:It cannot be completely off the spectrum of sexual assault in all cases because it is on the spectrum of coercion. The only way to avoid engaging in coercion is by securing not grudging consent, but enthusiastic consent. Come on man, I've been tired, annoyed or otherwise "not in the mood" before when my wife was horny. I've gone through with it to make her happy. Her being happy makes me happy. She didn't rape me. I made the decisions on my own, without intimidation or coercion. And I'll do it again, as it's a minor inconveniece rather than a violation (as again, I made the decision) to me. Now I'll grant that if our roles are reversed, due to the perceived power imbalance it might be viewed differently from the outside. Though I question whether even there it would be considered rape, rather than an annoyance to make your partner happy.
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Mar 4, 2016 20:01
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