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WELCOME TO MLS, WHERE THE RULES ARE MADE UP, THE POINTS DON'T MATTER, AND EVERYONE'S JERSEY IS BLUE It's Saturday, March 5, 2016, and tomorrow begins the 21st Major League Soccer season, the top mens' league in the US and Canada. Our winter is over and no longer must we pretend to give a poo poo about Leicester City! LA imported a bunch of old Euros, Chicago burned everything to the ground and started anew, New England got more of Vancouver's leftovers, and we're all going to spend the year pretending the friggin' Timbers weren't last year's winners. NYCFC wowed us all by showing just how apathetic Pirlo could be, and Orlando City fans raced to the top of the league for being complete loving dorks, which, in MLS, is a real accomplishment. No expansion teams this year but next year there's a couple. If you're Didier Drogba, you're hanging out for a few weeks to avoid turf for as long as you can (bonne chance with that); if you're Jermaine Jones, you're in Denver waiting out a six game suspension because your last act as a Rev was living out the American dream by slugging a ref. DC have a new crest that looks like the eagle is wearing a corset and Columbus have a jersey that looks like they lost a fight with an inkjet cartridge. Many of the 2010 USMNT World Cup team and qualifying squad members went out and had babies this year, so look for them to be drafted in about 2032. (You think I'm kidding? LA just signed Roy Lassiter's kid). Seattle managed to keep Jordan Morris but lose Oba to the exotic and mysterious orient. And the Philadelphia Union are a team that exists. ... WHAT'S AT STAKE Trophies and tournaments to be won, besides MLS Cup: CONCACAF Champions League (er, places to play that next year 'cause uh), Multilevel Marketing Canadian Championship, Supporters' Shield, US Open Cup. All-Star Game is in San Jose with Arsenal as the opponent. CONCACAF and CONMEBOL have World Cup qualifiers so expect callups for that, as well as the Copa America Centenario. There is a small break early-mid June to accommodate Copa America, during which time the Canadian Championship games are held; I'd expect some US Open Cup games to pop up then too because if you can't beat some USL jobbers with your second and third string, well...that's annually about half the league. Chicks got the Olympics; dudes may or may not. ... WHAT'S ON TV Nationally, Fox networks, ESPN networks, Univision networks, and TSN/RDS networks. Don't speak Spanish for Univision? They're doing an SAP English audio option, although you miss a lot of fun of inane Spanish language chatter and player middle names (MORGENSTERN!). How you get those channels is up to you, your cable/satellite/internet provider, and your favorite computer herpes-riddled pirate stream site. Locally and online, MLS Live, which is traditionally a free preview over opening weekend. League TV and streaming schedule with instructions on how to use SAP ... SHOULD I GET MLS LIVE? If you only care about your team, and you have cable, your team gets a lot of national coverage, and/or your team's local feed is blacked out, no. If you are a giant nerd--which you are, because this is MLS--and you like to watch any old game that's on, you're a cord-cutter, or you're a big fantasy player, yes. You won't get any Fox, ESPN, Univision games on it, and a few teams still black out games that are covered locally, but otherwise, I'm a fan. ... SHOULD I GO TO A GAME? Hell yes. If you've got an MLS, NASL, NWSL, USL, PDL, NCAA, etc team in your area, get out to a game if at all possible. It ain't gonna be Bayern Munich vs Barcelona, but you'll have a good time and meet fun people. Likewise, if there's folks in your neighborhood who meet up at a bar for viewing parties, drop on by. The best way to experience American soccer is to show up and have a good time. ... WHAT'S IN THIS THREAD News, views, discussion, running jokes, and CascadiaChat about MLS. Probably gonna see some NWSL. NASL/USL/PDL, the lower divisions, get their own thread. NCAA soccer chat--Tomorrow's Draft Picks and Waiver Claims Today!--might show up in the fall, might not. Why MLS is/is not bad, why Europe/Latin America is better, why don't we have promotion/relegation, and what expansion means to you are definitely new and exciting topics we're all dying to hear about. Live weekly or monthly in-game threads for your game day OH loving HELL commentary will be posted separately. Beyond the introductory fantasy section below, ongoing fantasy threads will be in the Armchair Quarterback. ... FANTASY Pat Noonan having nailed his penalty, Jay Heaps lines up to take the las--right, not that fantasy. B.B. Rodriguez posted:Welp people. It's that time of year again. Yes, it's Fantasy MLS time. ... REFERENCES: MLS AIN'T JUST A LEAGUE, IT'S A DEGREE Boys Girls Schedule, boys Schedule, girls Transactions Du Nord, Soccer Insider, The Equalizer and everybody's on twitter, instagram, snapchat these days for your social media needs ... The coolers are packed. The jerseys are bought. The banners are painted. The mohawks are bleached. The chainsaws and muskets are oiled. The cannons are loaded. The stars have aligned. Let us celebrate the opening of the 2016 MLS season with the adding of chocolate to milk and the team intros and running jokes to this thread. Hoover Dam fucked around with this message at 15:56 on Mar 6, 2016 |
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Mar 6, 2016 03:45
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| # ¿ May 12, 2024 03:03 |
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And now, something https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQlaZek57uw
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Mar 8, 2016 20:06
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Star Man posted:THE RAPIDS WON A GAME It's because they brought back Rapidman, you know. Meanwhile, let's hear it for 4th 0-0 home opener in a row, Revs!
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Mar 13, 2016 12:53
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TheBoyBlunder posted:Rumor has it Tim Howard to Colorado will be officially announced tomorrow. The timing makes sense since it's one of the two national tv games the Rapids have and butts in the seats and etc. I'm not wild about it, partly because I think he should still be running Everton, and partly because it feels wrong for him to be on any MLS team that ain't in Jersey. .... WHILE WE'RE DISCUSSING DEPRESSING TEAMS: You may know this if you follow me on Twitter, but my mom died suddenly on Thursday. I know it's a bit late for this weekends games--I'm on vacation in Osaka atm--but if you'd like to honor her, get tore up (gin and tonics were her favorite, or  if you prefer) and heckle some players in person. She taught me all I know about being an awful sports fan. 
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Mar 20, 2016 01:46
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there is a goddamned haiku along the backstop behind the goal in the River End and it's weirding me out
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Apr 9, 2016 01:58
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MechaFrogzilla posted:I'm reasonably certain it's not Seattle, either. Speaking of which https://twitter.com/herculezg/status/720380831831691265 $50 to the Melting Pot? oh my god you cheap zeroes
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Apr 14, 2016 00:13
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XyrlocShammypants posted:No it won't. Last time I went to Melting Pot and got a simple meal, dessert and drinks it cost about ~90 after tip Same, and on the drive home I kept thinking how many restaurants in the city that amount would've bought better meals from real chefs and not Sysco's Best (It was a going away party for a friend of a friend and not remotely my pick. How bad could it be, I thought) Also there is soccer tonight
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Apr 14, 2016 01:27
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I HATE THIS LEAGUE ADN EVERYONE IN IT see you next week
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Apr 17, 2016 23:20
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JayMax posted:Every Montréal player is an angel and I won't hear otherwise. Oh my word you mean we could legitimately do the "[team name] went to Rome to see the Pope..." chant?
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Apr 20, 2016 16:13
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BTW the Revs are doing some Brazil stuff for the Orlando game on the 30th, so if you attend, you'll get to see me do sexy dance fighting. Or more likely you'll get to see me clapping with the roda while much more skilled members of my capoeira group perform, because I am the group's Ralph Wiggum.
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Apr 20, 2016 23:27
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Revs 2016: MORE DRAWING THAN RISD!
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Apr 28, 2016 03:39
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Game worn or GTFO. Finally got a Revs jersey last year that isn't twelve sizes too big for me.
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May 2, 2016 02:10
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Your Boy Fancy posted:Agreedo Same and I think that's a record for getting us all on one side BTW, the jersey that fits (mostly) is Nguyen, adult M.
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May 7, 2016 23:47
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Shrapnig posted:Hunter Jumper should sue his parents for his stupid loving name. That name owns and you fuckers know I'm an authority on goofy names ... TO: REVS FROM: COLUMBUS Kei Kamara FROM: REVS TO: COLUMBUS A big bag of GarBucks (TAM, GAM, first-rounder in 2017, second-rounder in 2018, international roster spot and cut of future transfer money) I have no idea how to feel about this other than to confess I am more a Qdoba partisan than Chipotle in that I like queso and guac at no extra charge
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May 12, 2016 15:30
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Hello Towel posted:I didn't get to watch the Fire game last night and I'm probably happier for it. I was not expecting your coach to be that angry that early in the game; the "gently caress!" cries started around minute 6. By the end of the game two Salvadoran guys came to my row just to hassle Alvarez. Also, I think other than Accam, Alvarez, Kennedy, and Lampson--wait, Harrington too--the rest of the lineup was like "who?"
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May 15, 2016 23:17
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personified right now.
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Hello Towel posted:Paunovic is a good coach; I hope we can hold onto him. Accam is almost definitely on his way out, though, along with Sean Johnson. Accam was the only dude out there who looked like he had a job to do. Also, Cocis's back was covered in circular hickeys from cupping
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May 16, 2016 00:56
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Damnedest thing: David Villa's PK just landed on my back porch.
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May 30, 2016 01:48
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joshtothemaxx posted:I really hate Charlie Davies, but he doesn't deserve cancer Christ, I thought I was having a traumatic year
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Jul 30, 2016 21:55
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Hey let's take a guy who's a fan favorite, just had two major traumas this year, and send him to a rival above us in the table for Garbucks!
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Aug 4, 2016 14:31
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THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL
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Oct 24, 2016 21:52
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