Mirthless posted:

http://www.somethingawful.com/news/gross-nails/

A couple years back I was regularly playing Magic at a local comic book store in my area. There's a lot of gross nails at your average comic book store, and even more gross nails in your average group of magic the gathering players, so the overlap eventually results in full gross nail saturation and you just stop noticing it in most cases. One person in particular, however, was impossible to miss.

I don't know what the dude's name was and I didn't want to know. I would have asked but I didn't want him to open his mouth, he had halitosis so bad I could actually smell it across the room. He lived with his mom. He was either in his early 40s or later 30s, or he may have been in his 20s with a serious drug habit, which I won't rule out thanks to the two inch long yellowing coke nail he had on each hand. Those weren't the only gross nails, though! Both hands! Five chipped, inch+ long nails on each hand, yellowing and completely filthy underneath. I don't just mean like little chips, either, full cracks that were practically splitting the nail. I don't know what this dude's opposition to clippers was, I can't imagine those fingers were comfortable. He stank to high heaven, too, not just his nasty "I eat poo poo professionally" breath, the dude smelled like cat sex in a litterbox. The scent of ammonia coming off of him was so bad I had a headache by the time we finished our set of games. I've never been so glad to lose in my life. I was relieved just to get away from the loving table.

There was a lot going on about this guy, and the smell was overpowering, but his nails really just stood out as the worst thing about him. Smelly dudes are a dime a dozen, you don't walk into a comic book store on a friday night and expect to have a good time, olfcatorily speaking. But those nails! They were as mesmerizing as they were vile. By some miracle, or perhaps a startling amount of self awareness for The Gooniest Motherfucker, he didn't offer to shake my hand at any point, and thank god for that, because I don't know if I would have been able to keep myself from vomiting. They were so repulsive that they are burned into my brain forever. I will never be able to forget those nails.

itt: gross nail stories. Trim your loving nails, goons!