Mulli posted:

Heal
Shows route to nearest hospital on your google glasses

DeepQantas posted:

Power word: Enhance- Removes blurriness on target photograph

mailorder bees! posted:

lesser spell of identification

reveals someone's twitter handle

alnilam posted:

Predict Weather
Caster becomes aware of general weather trends for next 24 hrs, with a 1-7 in a 1d8 chance of accuracy. Requires slight hand motions and 1 mobile phone (not consumed)

Moola posted:

drilldo squirt posted:

I'm going to Malcolm, you think this is a game? You think we are just playing? Grow up Malcolm, this is real, real people are trying to win this and you are not helping. What part of this game makes you think it's for kids Malcolm? Is it the squid people? The paint? the child like avatars? You sound just like my dad Malcolm. Well guess what, you and my dad are wrong, and if you paid a little bit of attention you would understand the deep and intriguing backstory. From the game's societies desperate struggle with the octopus people and your avatars harrowing adventure as a child solder forced to fight on the front lines. OF course you wouldn't Malcolm your ten, maybe go play some bejeweled and educate yourself a little kid.

Ace of Baes posted:

thank you for making this thread

no they will not posted:

my 2016 tier list

Top tier
2

• prime
  
• can use it to tell if a number is even. Just divide it by 2 and see if there's a remainder.

Good Tier
6

• Made up of three 2s: beefier, but somewhat less wieldy. Smoke a weed my byob brothers
  
• first number in the classic sex code number we all know and love, of, "69"

Bad Tier
1

• Very small. A baby's number
  
• Overused
  
• last number in any countdown

poo poo Tier
0

• stupid
  
• Smallest number you can get to without going negative
  
• a piece of poo poo
  
• loving sucks rear end, google rznv

Salmiakki posted:

smoobles posted:

mike the rapper: "i guess you could say it's time to... drop the mike"

*drops mic*

*drops himself into grave*

*audience quietly claps appreciating the double entendre*

Doctor Dogballs posted:

I ran povertly to the bathroom, cheeks aclench

alnilam posted:

I killed my uncle. And the bizarre thing is that I did it for my ghostly old man. I murdered this poor guy because I wanted him to think that I was cool. He's always going off about how when he was in school and all the people he used to kill. And I got the feeling that he was disappointed that I never cut loose on anyone, right? So I'm sitting in the chapel and I'm pondering stuff, and Claudius is praying right next to me me. And he's kinda, he's kinda unaware. Weak. And I started thinkin' about my ghost father, and his attitude about, about weakness. And the next thing I knew, I jumped on top of him and started whaling on him. And my friends, they just laughed and cheered me on. And afterwards, when I'm sitting in the guardhouse, all I could think about was my ghost dad, and Claudius having to become a ghost and explain what happened to him. And the humiliation - the loving humiliation he must have felt. It must have been unreal. I mean, how... how do you apologize for something like that? There's no way. It's all because of me and my old man. God, I loving hate him. He's like this mindless ghost that I can't even relate to anymore.

[crying]

'Hamlet! You've got to be number one! I won't tolerate any losers in this family! Your intensity is for poo poo! Kill kill kill!' You son of a bitch. You know, sometimes I wish my indecision would give. And I wouldn't be able to soliloquize anymore. And he could forget all about me.

Shakill OReal posted:

i flunked out posted:

techno cop: you have the right to remain peaceful. anyhting you do or say will be loved unconditionally. you have the right to unity, if you do not have unity, it will be assigned to you via this kandy. do you understand these rights and the respect im giving you?

shabbat goy posted:

Dear Hobo Pyro:



sincerele,y
Washing machine

misty mountaintop posted:

I, Tony, being of sound mind, want you to think of painful social isolation and despair whenever you think of my chocolate. My ideal consumer is a woman or man who has been abandoned by their friends and family, probably forever. My marketing strategy will be to place my chocolate bar on a desert island and sink passing ships with my submarine.

i am he posted:

where were you when you heard the news, that tupac faked his death. i was in class and the teacher turned on the tv and we all watched it together. a lot of people were scared and crying, but i was excited because im a hip hop fan even though im white.

ChairmanMeow posted:

What do you call a woman on the arm of a yobber?

A tattoo.

google THIS posted:

DraconicImpulse posted:

The Trump
what you will need:

- tequilla
- lime juice
- triple sec
- sea salt
- a lime
- ice
- cocktail shaker

Cut the lime up a bit and use it to wet the rim of the glass. Put the rim of the glass in the salt so that the glass is salted. Fill a cocktail shaker about 2/3 of the way up with the ice. Pour in a shot or two of the tequilla into the shaker. Add 1 shot of the triple sec. Squeeze the lime into the shaker. Shake the hell out of the thing. Pour the mixture into the glass.

Now build a wall between you and the margarita and make the bar pay for it.

Luvcow posted:

Jellidelic posted:

i possess the skill of photoshopping joints/blunts onto anime if anybody needs that done hmu
1

drilldo squirt posted:

Please do it continuously.

Luvcow posted:

Shakill OReal posted:

Please do not post bad posts here, or posts from other forums.

google THIS posted:

headbutt every door you encounter. if you do this enough times it's a statistical inevitability you that you'll eventually find a door made of balsa wood and smash through it, and then you will look like a total badass and impress all your friends

Rodney The Yam II posted:

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe
Attack snails on fire off the shoulder of Orion
I watched snail trails glitter in the dark at the Tannhauser Gate
All those snails will be lost like snails...in the rain...

alnilam posted:

slime to die...

FutonForensic posted:

"i'm a robber! gimme all your valuables!"

*i give him a printout of emptyquoted posts*

Luvcow posted:

MrWillsauce posted:

magneto trying to use a credit card

treasure bear posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=An2qUIBWCLs

FutonForensic posted:

I AM SMARTRESS. MAKE LOVE TO ME. I AM SMARTRESS

O-ok!! *I climb onto Smartress*

WAIT. I WANT TO BE. ON TOP