How Wonderful! posted:

me and the girls playing the ultimate prank in this mischievous maelstrom known as college... that's right... climbing up into a tree with our trusty binoculars and spying in on the yobber house, trying to catch them in their Deadpool boxers prancing around... oh here we go Aubrey get up here you've got to see this... one of them is smelling under his fingernails and laughing.... oh my god check it out one of them is watching a shaky camrip of Boss Baby 2 with his left nut hanging out and affixed to his chair... drat where'd he get that camrip... I want to see Boss Baby 2... AND I want to see that nut.... oh girl D-Bog is in the corner there trying to photoshop a frog onto a speedboat... wonder what the caption's gonna be... can't wait to find out... oh oh oh quick quick quick get up here Trudges is on the move... holy poo poo check him out is that a Stone Cold Steve Austin crop top? And the boots from the Matrix...? where's that boy goin.... ooohhh nice he's trying to send a letter but he doesn't know how... ok ok give me some space, don't crowd me.... ok he's writing the address on the envelope... it's to America's Funniest Home Videos, is that even on anymore...? drat a classic, that boy's got refinement.... ok he's pausing... he's writing "please" at the top.... ok ok.... he's bending over... shhh Stacy you perv don't laugh so loud they'll hear... ok he's taping the letter to the front door... and leaving spare change for a stamp on the ground in front of it.... oh poo poo I think that just might work....

Escape From Noise posted:

I'm on the strongest birth control of all *sits backwards in chair* abstinence!

Also years of sitting in chairs backwards has destroyed my testicles' ability to produce sperm.

Barking Gecko posted:

Gimme the beets boys and free my soul . . .

Gramps posted:

I thought I shat blood in the toilet bowl

Android Blues posted:

Husband, braced into the Balldo with the postural composition of a painting Goya never sold because it was "too hosed up": Alright, wife. I'm ready for my...uaggh...earth-shattering ballgasm.
Me: *fainted from arousal*

bad guy posted:

well let's break it down before this thread gets moved to a different location, op. i myself tend to believe that just about anything can be funny in the right circumstances. for example, if you particularly got, or had aids, that might be pretty funny to me, but if it were anyone else, then it wouldn't. that's not because i hate you it's because you posting this thread is kind of like you saying to the universe "hey, give me aids, i think it could be funny" so i would be laughing *with* you, plus i imagine you live in a country where drugs are available to treat aids. it's not the death sentence it once was. so basically it's like if you posted a thread that asked whether it was funny to get a pie in the face and saying it could be funny and then boom, you got a pie in the face, only it's an aids pie, if you get my meaning.

but none of the things you posted were funny to me so i think maybe aids is not going to be your "bit" unless you're willing to go full slapstick route and get aids every day for my benefit in different ways like you slip on a banana peel and get it somehow, or when the big shepherds crook comes to yank you offstage, it doesn't just remove you from sight, it also gives you aids. even then you'd basically be a gallagher type prop comic, only instead of watermelons it's aids and that's pretty much the lowest form of humor. i think you can do better. i believe in you.

google THIS posted:

Only BYOB could make aids not only funny but also, somehow, wholesome

How Wonderful! posted:

cornering you at a party, I insist on showing you a 240 slide powerpoint on my phone demonstrating that ONE of the Lee Harvey Oswald dupes clearly had an earth-shattering ballgasm on November 22nd 1963... the SAME kind of earth-shattering ballgasm that facial analysis of Jack Ruby shows plain as day on THREE SEPARATE OCCASIONS from 1959 to 1963... what kind of device could possibly facilitate such an earth-shattering ballgasm, you might ask? Well, I'll let you connect the dots yourself, but let's just say, even LBJ's office bathroom held a FEW secrets

How Wonderful! posted:

corkboard connecting with red yarn Jack Smith, Operation Paperclip, and Wilhelm Reich, me gesticulating wildly and shouting "BIOPOWER IS STORED IN THE BALLS! WHO HARNESSES THE POWER?? 50.4% OF THE WORLD HAVE THE GUNS, BUT WHO'S PULLING THE TRIGGER???" as I am banned from alt.music.belleandsebastian for the fourth and final time. "I'm sorry it turned out this way," types user "mod_with_the_arab_strap," "but we've got to get you away from here. You're dyin'." He smiles and turns from the computer towards his wife. He's ready for a ballgasm. It's going to be earth-shattering... and it's the free people of the world who will pay the price.

vanisher posted:

your friend sk posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xY5dYCPlhbw

Manifisto posted:

How Wonderful! posted:

*eating a delicious pizza with my beloved children and wife, slipping a pepperoni to the dog... audibly farting and saying "HOO BOY sounds like thunder's in the forecast" at least once per day... going to work and dreaming about the pizza, wearing a pepperoni and cheese printed necktie that my oldest gave to me to work, hoping people will ask about it... so many pizza secrets to share with the world... might make a food blog about it... make separate posts for all my custom burg inventions...gotta look into this squarespace thing... this might be big for me....*

How Wonderful! posted:

*I make one post for a burg that is a South of the Border Delight with a Serious Southwest Kick... a Must-Try Masterpiece for Committed Chiliheads and then forget my log-in info for 3.5 years when I log back in and post about how to cook trader joe's eggrolls in the air fryer just right*

nut posted:

hey op if u wanna see a real big weiner have u thought about turning off ur monitor

more falafel please posted:

just turn that impostor syndrome into "I'm Poster" syndrome

Nosfereefer posted:

google THIS posted:

Buddy this is My Big Day and if you think I'm not keeping the sauce bouquet you're Doritos Loco

rear end-penny posted:

Pretend I did the work of combining these into a meme, I'm high and at work and phone posting, so I'm not actually doing that.

Prurient Squid posted:

Law and Order: Special Hobbits Unit.

canyoneer posted:

In the shire, the hobbits are fed by two separate yet equally important breakfasts

ChubbyChecker posted:

Buttchocks posted:

BYOB is like eating crayons: a little immature, sure, but it's also colorful and non-toxic.

BoldFrankensteinMir posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nF41HS0B0t8

Manifisto posted:

Jenny Agutter posted:

geometry nodes are neat
https://i.imgur.com/7eMH33R.mp4

Nosfereefer posted:

instead of legs, the horse is supported by four, somewhat smaller, horses

google THIS posted:

It's horses all the way down

Finger Prince posted:

Just an ever-expanding fractal of horses sprouting from horse legs for infinity

Viginti Septem posted:

A nice Mandel-trot set.

google THIS posted:

cruft posted:

more falafel please, I made a song about your username.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ba9ho2J5GTk

You can see lyrics by enabling captions.

Doctor Dogballs posted:

Hey baby ditch that STring cheese and get with this STRONG cheese

Prurient Squid posted:

Competitive mourners.

google THIS posted:

A lot of them get disqualified for griefing

How Wonderful! posted:

hey you wretches and perverts I'm here today to play a little bit of Elden Ring and to m....marry this seahorse. Thanks user Goldballs_Based_488 you're too sweet. Yeah I'll... I'll, of course I'll kiss the seahorse on the lips. And of course it'll carry my sea babies. Thanks for... thanks for asking and th-thanks for the donation

Kaiser Schnitzel posted:

i've had my sctoch
https://vocaroo.com/1baQsaOptG60

Bright Bart posted:

Dad dad he's our man
If he can't do it our mom can

Escape From Noise posted:

Bluedeanie posted:

It was about dusk, one evening during the supreme madness of the 4/20 outdoor music festival season, that I encountered my friend. He accosted me with excessive warmth, for he had been smoking much. The man wore motley. He had on a tie-died Sublime shirt, and his head was surmounted by the baggy oversized beanie. I was so pleased to see him that I thought I should never have done wringing his hand.

I said to him --"My dear Fortunato, you are luckily met. How remarkably well you are looking to-day. But I have received a quarter of what passes for White Rhino, and I have my doubts."

"How, bro?" said he. "White Rhino? A quarter? Impossible! And in the middle of the Midwest!"

"I have my doubts," said I, "And I was silly enough to pay dispo prices from a music fest weedman without consulting you first. You were not to be found, and I was fearful of losing a bargain."

"gently caress yeah bro let's rip that poo poo," said he.

"Come, our time is precious and the Pink Floyd cover band is coming up and I don't wanna miss that poo poo. My apartment is down the block."

"Smoke," I told him, handing him the pipe after he sat on my couch. He raised it to his lips with a smirk. I was just grateful this was the longest he had gone since I ran into him earlier without talking to me about the time he tried salvia in high school.

"This apartment..." he said, between coughs, "is nice. I dig your blacklight reactive Primus poster bro." He began to zone out at the poster, much as I had planned, and he then fell asleep after only half a bowl, because it actually was White Rhino and that poo poo is fuckin gas.

And so I went about my work. I fuckin hated Fortunato, he was really annoying and always trying to bum rides off me and always asks me for a cigarette any time he is hanging out in front of the gas station he works at when I go to get gatorade, like dude you work at the gas station just buy your own newports what the gently caress we're like 30 now. and so I began walling him up inside my apartment. by the time he would wake up he would be stuck in here, and the rent is due in three days so he will have to pay it and also he will miss the govt mule set tonight that i know he was looking forward to, which is a little extra petty considering i am tricking him into being stuck paying for my rent but i mean i did stock the fridge with hot pockets and root beer and i am leaving him the rest of this quarter which i think is fair when you think about it.

by the time i was sealing in the last few bricks, he began to rouse from his slumber.

"bro why are you walling us up in your apartment" he said, smacking his lips from cottonmouth and sleep breath

I looked down and i walled myself in on the wrong side

"poo poo" i said. "gently caress. god drat it

bad guy posted:

your friend sk posted:

Kaiser Schnitzel posted:

This goes out to my friend Stoner Sloth and all the other as they prepare for their annual ANZACBUTT Day
https://vocaroo.com/11iVUgRGQPTQ

Manifisto posted:

Finger Prince posted:

Follow the bubba
Down to Gornky Park
Lindtsen to the wind of flambin'
An August gubba night
Joober passing by
Lindtsen to the wind of flambin'
The gubba is closing in
Did you ever trink
That we could be so brank, like borba...

deep dish peat moss posted:

Kaiser Schnitzel posted:

this one is about leftovers

https://voca.ro/1iwWcvaHGKa6