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Officer: We got a cause of death on the stiff? Mortician: This is only a preliminary reading, but it looks like he tried to eat a single cornflake, and the sharp edges of the flake cut up the inside of his throat so he choked to death on his own blood, and with his last moment of consciousness he dragged himself towards his computer keyboard and pressed the scroll lock key aka the worst keyboard key
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Apr 12, 2016 00:45
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What if you took a bullet for the president, but you lived, but you suffered from anxiety and panic attacks and when you were up on stage and the president was presenting you with the medal of honor, you freaked out and had a heart attack and died right there?
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Apr 12, 2016 00:46
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Glass Bottom Boat posted:died posting on this forum "lmao were they reading a bunch of stuff in comic sans?" "mhmm. and what's up with that color scheme?" "I dunno it's pretty chill." "chyeah." |
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Apr 12, 2016 00:52
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no they will not posted:Officer: We got a cause of death on the stiff? |
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Apr 12, 2016 02:23
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everybody dies imo
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Apr 12, 2016 02:26
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no they will not posted:Officer: We got a cause of death on the stiff? hahaha
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Apr 12, 2016 02:28
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Macnult posted:"lmao were they reading a bunch of stuff in comic sans?"
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Apr 12, 2016 03:38
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Well chief from what I can tell he appears to have suffered a stroke while straining to twist open a bottle of low-cal Caesar dressing. I'm not even sure why he was going to all the trouble, as the bottle was a plastic squeezer that flips open. Stranger still, there are no vegetables of any kind in this house, so we have no leads on what he was planning to use the dressing for.
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Apr 12, 2016 06:31
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- So where was the body? - Uhh, in the walk-in freezer. - How ironic, looks like the chef got ch... - No wait, I had the map upside down. It was in the bathroom. YEAAAAAHHH |
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Apr 12, 2016 06:56
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"he died as he lived, patheticly." |
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Apr 12, 2016 09:01
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He died as he lived... choking on a pretzel |
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Apr 12, 2016 10:34
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He died as he lived...... a disappointment to his parents
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Apr 12, 2016 15:51
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Hahaha. "If." |
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Apr 12, 2016 20:35
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He died as he died. In the moment |
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Apr 12, 2016 21:57
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he died as he died: dead
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Apr 12, 2016 21:58
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what if you abruptly died while you were in the middle of dying? Like you were having a heart attack and right in your last second of life you fell down and broke your neck and that killed you before the heart attack did. And also you had terminal cancer that was gonna kill you any day now. And also you were gonna die of old age eventually, anyways. And the sun was eventually gonna explode so you were dying of that too.
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Apr 12, 2016 22:00
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he died with his life flashing before his eyes: his life flashing before his eyes |
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Apr 12, 2016 22:00
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he died as he lived, 25 years old |
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Apr 12, 2016 22:13
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knew an important professor who died eating pizza at a pizza hut |
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Apr 12, 2016 23:28
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irokia posted:knew an important professor who died eating pizza at a pizza hut this thread is for people dying to mediocre stuff not awesome stuff like eating pizza |
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Apr 13, 2016 01:36
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at a pizza hut though, so not so awesome. The only thing worse would be dying in a little caesar's
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Apr 13, 2016 01:43
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i hope he had the sausage crust |
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Apr 13, 2016 01:52
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...are you making that up?
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Apr 13, 2016 01:53
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dying while eating a salad at pizza hut would be pretty mediocre but there are literally no salads in their menu's salad section so Dying at pizza hut while covertly eating a salad you smuggled in via tupperware |
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Apr 13, 2016 01:56
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I once got hit by a car while crossing the Pizza Hut parking lot. I didn't die though, which was lucky |
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Apr 13, 2016 02:02
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died while working on a car that I started working on several centuries ago |
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Apr 13, 2016 02:23
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Died while just hanging out with hoodlums what a mediocre way to go Jesus :/ |
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Apr 13, 2016 10:23
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imagine, if you will, amassing a great merchant fleet and propelling yourself from the slums to a wealthy and powerful position you live in constant fear that some backstabbing charlatan will come take it from you but you hold on and push through the stress and responsibility because your name will mean something you donate huge sums in hopes that they build statues of you and name bathhouses in your honor many sleepless nights are filled with the grim understanding that one day your name will be uttered for the very last time you devote your life to greatness, however it may come suddenly, a rumbling, then blackness. two thousand years later, a second-year archaeology major on an internship-trip to italy uncovers your charred face "lol bill check this dude out he's picking his nose"
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Apr 13, 2016 18:29
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Dying at work is a scary thought, especially if its at a job you hate. Finish ringing up some horrible customers, get a heart attack and die on the way to the break room. |
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Apr 13, 2016 18:43
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Dying while watching the game of thrones with that "shame, shame" scene 
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Apr 13, 2016 21:10
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died from being too horny in a barrel |
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Apr 13, 2016 22:42
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Swimming upstream, caught by a bear |
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Apr 13, 2016 22:46
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I have the coolest death ever lined up but I worry that I might accidentally die eating some yogurt on the way there.
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Apr 14, 2016 02:06
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if you need any help with your cool death let me know
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Apr 14, 2016 02:07
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MrWillsauce posted:if you need any help with your cool death let me know Thanks though I think I have this sorted. Though now that I think about it I could use a body guard to make sure I get there intact.
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Apr 14, 2016 02:14
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alright I'm happy to help. what's the plan?
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Apr 14, 2016 02:30
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MrWillsauce posted:alright I'm happy to help. what's the plan? I'll contact you when the time comes.
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Apr 14, 2016 02:34
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I thought an assassin was waving at me so I bit down on a cyanide pill but it turned out he was waving at the person behind me |
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Apr 14, 2016 15:20
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no they will not posted:I thought an assassin was waving at me so I bit down on a cyanide pill but it turned out he was waving at the person behind me |
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Apr 14, 2016 15:36
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| # ? May 7, 2024 09:39 |
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I was captured and they were gonna torture me for information so I broke the tooth with the cyanide capsule in it, and just as I did, all of the kidnappers pulled off their masks and said "SURPRISE!!!" and it was my friends for the CIA all along. They all remembered it was my birthday today, and I was so touched. And then I foamed at the mouth and died. How embarrassing.
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Apr 14, 2016 19:31
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