Atasnaya Vaflja posted:

bringmyfishback posted:

sweet cool mom-ing

quote:

While waiting for the airport shuttle to arrive at my hotel in Dallas this week, I was enjoying a Lone Star waffle and sipping my coffee in the lobby/cafe across from two older gentlemen rambling on and on about Muslims and terrorists and Muslims and abortion and Muslims, and well… you get the idea. I’ll do my best to paraphrase what was actually a lengthy discussion that began when an image of President Obama appeared on the TV screen above the juice machine.

“Son of a… I still can’t believe my daughter helped elect that pedophile worshipping raghead to the White House,” a mustached man blurted out with a volume and trajectory that was never meant to stay at their table. His golf hat wearing companion threw up his hands in considerable disgust as if to say, “I know, I know – what’s the world coming to?”

Having been witness to the last five minutes of their charming conversation, I wasn’t at all shocked by such a seemingly escalated turn of phrase. Instead, I mustered up enough pre-sunrise energy to reply from across the room with an air of innocent confusion, “Pedophile worshipper?” Bait thrown.

The man with a perfectly shaped rectangular snow-white mustache clarified, “Barry’s beloved Mahatma [sic] took his wife when she was only 5 years old.”

“It’s just disgusting,” the other chimed in out loud with what I’d come to learn was his patented hand gesture of unhappiness.

“I’m assuming you’re referring to Muhammad,” I asked, my pronunciation comedically clear, “and Aisha? Not Gandhi, right?”

The mustached man shrugged and rolled his eyes a bit, “Yeah, whatever.”

“And you, gentlemen?” I asked across the empty room. “Am I to assume that y’all are atheists?”

“Heavens, no, sir” the geriatric golfer replied. “We’re god fearing Christians,” the other added. Bait set.

“Oh, so you worship an intergalactic sex trafficker?” I asked with just enough of a hint of bravado to let the gentlemen know they were being challenged to a duel.

“Excuse me, son,” one replied curtly, clearly not asking a question, clearly knowing that I’m old enough to not likely appreciate being referred to as “son”.

“I mean, you do read your Bibles, don’t you?” I asked.

“I begin and end every day with the Word of the Lord,” asserted the mustached man, accompanied by righteous nods of agreement from his cohort. Duel accepted.

Hedging my bets, knowing that I’d look like a complete jerk in a hotel cafe if I was wrong, I called the man’s bluff, “Good for you, which translation?” I pointed to the man’s luggage, making a reaching gesture. “May I borrow it for a moment to read something?”

“I don’t, I, uh…” he stammered, as if trying to remember where he may have left his Good Book.

“No worries, I have one right here – Numbers 31” I pulled out my phone, never really intending to read an entire chapter in a hotel lobby. “You guys are fans of Moses, right? The burning bush, parting the red sea, the ten commandments, et cetera? He’s sort of the central prophet of the Old Testament, the ‘let my people go’ hero, right?”

They both shrugged in skeptical agreement, looking as if they had stumbled upon a bit of street magic that intrigued them, but might also turn them gay. “Careful, son,” Mr. Mustache half-invited half-warned me to proceed.

Before moving on, I felt it was probably a good time to find common ground, friendly asking, “What I mean is that we can agree that Moses was an extremely faithful servant to God, right? He did whatever God commanded, right?”

I could see them conjuring up images Charlton Heston for affirmation as they relaxed, now more confident with their answer, nodding somewhat cautiously, “Yeah, sure. Of course.” Let the games begin.

“So then, in Numbers 31 when God commands Moses to kill all of the Midianites, he does what he’s told, right?” I could tell this was likely the first time they had heard the word Midianite. “Actually, Moses spared all the women, and that’s when God who specifically told Moses to kill all the women too – except for the young virgins, right? Come on, guys – you know this story, right?”

“Of course, what good would it do to kill innocent girls?” the golfer replied. “By God’s mercy, he saved the girls just like he saved all of us. What’s your point?”

“Hmm… actually, they must have skipped this story in your Bibles,” I joked. “God actually trafficked these young virgins – stealing the girls from one tribe, forcing the child brides into marriages with the soldiers, trading as sex slaves with other tribes, selling them on the open market. I mean, that is the definition of sex trafficking, right?”

“You’d best stop right there, son,” the man with the mustache half-shouted, slapping his hand on the table with a force that was much more aggressive than I was comfortable with before finishing my first cup of coffee for the day. “My God™ has never done any such thing!”

“Okay, okay – I’m sorry, guys,” I tried to calm them, “you’re right. Your God didn’t do the trafficking himself.” I paused for effect before starting again, “But, that’s just because He couldn’t be seen by humans. It’s hard to take the money from your customers when your customer can’t see who to pay. So God ordered others to be the front men for His little crime ring, Moses and the priest Eleazar – intergalactic sex traffickers for God.”

“Alright, that’s enough,” one of them said. “I’ve had quite enough this blashphemy.”

“But, I thought you guys were Christians? Why wouldn’t you want to talk about the Bible? You said you read your Bible every day.”

“This bullshit isn’t in any Bible I’ve ever opened,” he answered. “We’re done here.”

“Oh, please, please,” I tried to calm again, “relax – you were absolutely right! God saved those virgins, alright. It’s right there in the Bible, Numbers 31. The best part where God commands Moses to save 32 of the virgins just for Himself! Imagine – the pick of the littler, cream of the crop!”

“You’d better zip it, son. I’ve had enough of your lies!” shouted the now livid mustached man as he stood up and started gathering his belongings. “You know what’s wrong with this country? It’s miserable hate-filled pukes like you ruining it for the rest of us.”

“Hey, now…” I put my hands up in a gesture of mock surrender, but really prepping to slap a fist away. “Don’t blame me, it’s in the Bible. No hard feelings, I wish you guys the best. May the next president worship and fear the same intergalactic woman killing sex trafficker that you do.”

“God drat it,” the golfer shouted, “now that’s about enough of this nonsense!”

“Careful my friend, though shall not take the Lord’s name in vain, Exodus 20:7,” I replied with an admittedly petty twinkle in my eye. “Plus, we didn’t even get to the fun part. According to Jesus’s own words, ‘Before Abraham, I am’ and ‘The father and I are one,’ Jesus is God, making Jesus himself the biggest intergalactic sex trafficker of all time. Wait a second, what exactly did Jesus do with these 32 virgins?” I paused for dramatic effect to let the men’s imaginations fill in the pieces.

After an awkward (red-faced)staring contest, the men turned to stomp past the front desk clerk, “Call us a cab,” the golfer barked at the clerk.

“I’d be happy to, sir,” the desk clerk offered, “but the shuttle will be here any moment.”

“Just call us a god damned cab!” The man stormed out through the automatic doors to the portico, pacing back and forth, pausing intermittently only to wag his finger through the glass.

“Making friends?” the clerk half whispered in my direction.

“Apparently the thought of sharing a free airport shuttle with someone who reads the Bible is just too much for some people.” I answered with an “awe shucks” shrug.

Indeed, nothing like a little Bible story to ruin a Christian’s day, eh?

hyperhazard posted:

Doctor_Acula posted:

ThePlague-Daemon posted:

This reads like somebody updated a STDH from the '70s.

A book published in 1917, via snopes.com posted:

A young woman in Central Park overheard an old negress call to a pickaninny: "Come heah, Exy, Exy!"

"Excuse me, but that's a queer name for a baby, aunty?"

"Dat ain't her full name," explained the old woman with pride; "dat's jes' de pet name I calls for short. Dat child got a mighty grand name. Her ma picked it out in a medicine book — yessum, de child's full name is Eczema."

Xen Tricks posted:

That's incredible, I knew it stretched back a while but I can't believe it's literally the exact same racist joke 100 years ago

Choco1980 posted:

Libraries like to make a big deal out of "banned books week!" each year, when the "banned" books just mean in pretty much literally every case that some elementary school decided they didn't want it on school grounds, because it would hurt delicate little Timmy's eyes. Though he would have no problem going across town to a book store and buying it himself.

OIF posted:

1. Looking for Alaska, by John Green
Reasons: Offensive language, sexually explicit, and unsuited for age group.

2. Fifty Shades of Grey, by E. L. James
Reasons: Sexually explicit, unsuited to age group, and other (“poorly written,” “concerns that a group of teenagers will want to try it”).

3. I Am Jazz, by Jessica Herthel and Jazz Jennings
Reasons: Inaccurate, homosexuality, sex education, religious viewpoint, and unsuited for age group.

4. Beyond Magenta: Transgender Teens Speak Out, by Susan Kuklin
Reasons: Anti-family, offensive language, homosexuality, sex education, political viewpoint, religious viewpoint, unsuited for age group, and other (“wants to remove from collection to ward off complaints”).

5. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, by Mark Haddon
Reasons: Offensive language, religious viewpoint, unsuited for age group, and other (“profanity and atheism”).

6. The Holy Bible
Reasons: Religious viewpoint.

7. Fun Home, by Alison Bechdel
Reasons: Violence and other (“graphic images”).

8. Habibi, by Craig Thompson
Reasons: Nudity, sexually explicit, and unsuited for age group.

9. Nasreen’s Secret School: A True Story from Afghanistan, by Jeanette Winter
Reasons: Religious viewpoint, unsuited to age group, and violence.

10. Two Boys Kissing, by David Levithan
Reasons: Homosexuality and other (“condones public displays of affection”).

Olive Garden tonight! posted:

Along with a picture of their ~6 year old child.

quote:

Smoking Pot Calling The Kettle… Black
HOTEL | NC, USA | BIGOTRY, CRIMINAL & ILLEGAL, HOTELS & LODGING
(I am coming on my shift and my manager is leaving, but wants to show me his new car so we proceed outside. While we are discussing the car, a Cadillac pulls up in the far corner of the parking lot and just sits there for around thirty minutes as we talk about the car. I jokingly say “there is another drug deal going down.” My manager gets in his car and pulls up next to the Cadillac, then comes back to the door, gets out, and the both of us go inside.)

Me: “So what was he doing?”

Manager: “He was smoking a joint. He claims to be a guest here; I’m going to verify that.”

(We get to the desk and look up the room number. As we are doing this the guy walks in and stands by the desk.)

Guest: “So just because I am black and wearing a wife beater you assume that I was doing something illegal?”

Me: “Uh, what?”

Guest: “You’re racist, man! You assumed I was dealing drugs and doing illegal things cause I’m black!”

(I am a white male in my early twenties, and my manager is an older black guy.)

Me: “If you want to get technical about it, sir, you were doing something. Last time I checked pot is still illegal; correct me if I’m wrong. Instead of accusing me of being racist, you should be thankful that we haven’t gotten the cops involved in this matter.”

(He turned and walked away. He didn’t say a single word to me for the rest of his stay. Turns out you’re racist for catching someone smoking pot; who knew?)

quote:

Will You See Them Later, Alligator?
ARCADE | JACKSONVILLE, FL, USA | CRAZY REQUESTS, PETS & ANIMALS
(I work at a place where we have arcade games and things like that. We also have alligators out front that you can get food for and feed if you want to. None of the staff mess with the gators; we mostly just leave them alone.)

Me: “Hello, sir, can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, you can. My family and I want to swim with the alligators. How much is that?”

Me: “Um, sir, we don’t offer that service because… the gators will eat you.”

Customer: “That’s stupid! I know you’re lying to me! They are tamed; otherwise you couldn’t feed them. Go get your manager!”

Me: *goes and gets manager, and tells manager what happened*

Manager: “If you want to go swim with the gators go ahead. Free of charge.”

Customer: “Finally someone with sense!”

Manager: *turns to me* “Sometimes you just gotta save the savable.”

quote:

I’m So Tolerant I Can’t STOP Talking About It!
FLORIST | CEDAR RAPIDS, IA, USA | AT THE CHECKOUT
(I work in a flower shop. It’s shortly after Valentine’s Day, so we’re all recovering from the rush. I’m a woman in my twenties.)

Customer: “So, did you and your husband do anything for Valentine’s Day?”

Me: “I had to work, but my partner understands. I sent flowers and we had dinner when I got home.”

Customer: “Oh, is that what we have to say now? ‘Partner?’ Not ‘husband’ or ‘wife’?”

Me: *a little annoyed* “Well, considering I’m gay and I don’t always feel like outing myself to random strangers, yes.”

Customer: “Ha, sure. You know, we’re having training at my job for that. We have to use different words. Gotta make sure we don’t offend anyone who’s not heterosexual.” *laughs*

Me: “Mm.”

Customer: “You know, I’m fine with it.”

Me: “Okay, good.”

Customer: “As long as you’re happy.”

Me: “I am.”

Customer: “You should go to San Francisco. They’re so tolerant there. It’s crazy.”

Me: “…uh-huh.”

Customer: “So liberal. I mean, it’s insane. They kiss in public there and everything. The first time I saw that, I was like, ‘What the h***?!’ I couldn’t believe it! In public!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “You really should go there. You’d love it. You’d fit right in.”

Me: “Have a nice day, sir…”

(Whatever his training was, I think that customer needed remedial classes.)

quote:

Wish You Could Give Them A Cold Shower
TRUCK STOP | ON, CANADA | CRAZY REQUESTS, EXTRA STUPID
(I am working as a supervisor at a truck stop that has shower facilities available for travelers and truck drivers for a small fee. If truck drivers purchase a certain amount of fuel then they’re be entitled to a free shower. I am paged over to the counter where I find a man and woman, visibly upset, yelling at the cashier.)

Me: “Hi, I’m the supervisor. Is there something I can help you with?”

Male Customer: “Yeah, this idiot won’t give me a free f****** shower! This is ridiculous! I bought enough fuel so I should get a free f****** shower!”

Female Customer: “She’s so stupid! Why won’t she just give us the free shower?! We bought gas!”

Me: “I’m sure I can sort this out; can I just see your receipt for the fuel?”

(When he hands me the receipt I notice that it is for a different truck stop.)

Me: “Sir, this is for [Other Truck Stop]. Had you purchased the fuel from us, or even one of our other locations we could give you a free shower, but not from our competitors.”

(At this point the woman’s face goes slack and she starts backing up towards the door, obviously realizing the mistake.)

Male Customer: “It doesn’t f****** matter! I got fuel so you have to give me a shower! I get a free shower as long as I fuel up!”

Me: “Sir, it’s like filling up your [Burger Chain #1] card and then trying to redeem it at [Burger Chain #2]. We don’t reward people for giving business to other companies.”

Male Customer: “This is f****** bull-s***! I’m gonna tell everyone I know to not stop here anymore! It shouldn’t matter where I get fuel; you still have to give me a shower!”

(He continued in the same vein as he walked out the door, his girlfriend having left some time before.)

quote:

Sometimes, The Compliments ARE Complimentary
PLUMBER | AK, USA | AWESOME CUSTOMERS, BAD BEHAVIOR, CRAZY REQUESTS
(I work at a small family owned plumbing and heating company where the owner sometimes makes special exceptions for people who do a lot of business with us or are close friends to them. I also have exceptional customer service skills when it comes to irate customers. This exchange happens during the winter, when we are the busiest.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Local Plumbing and heating Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “You guys installed a furnace for me a couple of months ago, and you still haven’t come back out to finish the work. When can we do that?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but it may be at least two weeks before we can finish that work due to our high volume of calls for no heat.”

Customer: *now very irate* “That is absolutely unacceptable!! I paid a lot of money for this to be done properly, and it should have been done over a month ago! You need to send [Specific Technician] out right now so he can finish his half-a**ed job!”

Me: “I do apologize for this, sir, but we are very busy with rather important calls, and seeing as the work that needs to be finished isn’t life threatening, we are going to have to schedule you two-to-three weeks down the road.”

Customer: “I’m going to call the owner right now and complain to him about your incompetence and lack of customer service skills!”
(He hangs up. I continue on with my work, as now it has piled up quite a bit while I was on the phone with him. He calls back again, and I answer his call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Local Plumbing and Heating Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “It’s me again. I talked to your boss. I’m calling you back to apologize for how I treated you. I’ve been having a rough time with things lately and it was wrong of me to take it out on you like that. I also told your boss that you’re a huge asset to the company and if anything, he should give you a raise for not losing your cool with me when you should have.”

(Sir, I don’t know where you are now, but I wish I had time to tell you how much saying that meant to me. Even with my good customer service skills, I rarely receive compliments about it and that truly made my day!)

Captain Monkey posted:

100%. Children's opinions don't tend to be well reasoned, and it's actually kind of strange that you'd think that somehow 10% of literal children were capable of understanding political theories and the world at large enough to have a reasonable opinion that they came up with on their own.

oldpainless posted:

Like Marge!

Jerry Cotton posted:

What possible profound realization is there? (That doesn't also lead to a restraining order.)

Verisimilidude posted:

My Life as a Teenage Moonlighting Victim

BobbyK posted:

I hate this person

Pac-Manioc Root posted:

Here is a thing that definitely happened, in real life, in the world:

chitoryu12 posted:

Also the film completely ruins the message it tries to tell: Wonder Woman shanks the dude she thinks is Ares and is dismayed when it doesn't end the war, and the real Ares tells her that man is inherently corrupt and he just gives them the tools to use themselves.....but as soon as he's killed, all the German soldiers stop fighting and start laughing and hugging each other and World War I ends in the next scene.

quote:

Manager: “[Cashier], I highly doubt that every poor person in the city is lining up to buy fancy ball gowns.

timefly posted:

Their "childhood is basically gone" because they lost video game save files.

Trebek posted:

haha that stuck out to me too. Her 700 dollar iphone in currently down. But it's cool her and god were on the same page about it.

RoboRodent posted:

Why is she hiding cookies in her bathroom? That doesn't sound sanitary.

life is killing me posted:

Not sure, in this day and age, why a teacher either wouldn't know who one of their students is, or why a teacher wouldn't know one of their students is trans and at least be aware and courteous enough to address that student by their preferred pronoun. Either way this didn't happen but why anyone would think this was believable is beyond me

Not Always Right posted:

(My phone number is only two digits off from a local pizzeria’s. I’ve spent my entire life getting occasional wrong-dials from people who accidentally fumbled and hit the wrong number, looking for pizza. One night, it is two am, and our phone rings. I let it go to machine, and am greeted by a rather amusing voicemail from a very drunk man called “Gordon”, who is practically begging for pizza to be delivered to his dorm room at the local college. I try to go back to sleep, but “Gordon” calls back again… and again. On the third call, I answer the phone.)

Me: *groggy* “Look, Gordon… you’re dialing the wrong number. The pizza place’s number is [phone number.]”

Gordon: *slurred speech* “Look, I don’t care… Can you deliver pizzas? Four pepperoni ones? I remember your voice. I got the stromboli from you the other day!”

Me: “No, I just said you’re dialing the wrong number. This is not the pizza place, and I certainly don’t work there.”

Gordon: “Whhhaaattt? Well, then, can you pick me up some pizzas and bring them to me? I’ll pay you $20.”

Me: “No… No, I won’t do that.”

Gordon: *screaming* “You suck and you’re the Ebenezer Scrooge of pizza, a**-hole!”

(Gordon slammed the phone down and didn’t call back. Thankfully.)

life is killing me posted:

Yeah but how do you mis-gender a kid who is in your class presumably 5 days a week, whose preferred gender and pronoun she should have known already?

Tunicate posted:

It's an obvious blowout

RhomboidSphinx posted:

speaking of anti-vaxxers (this should probably go in IOSM but I didn't get a screenshot), but I saw a facebook post the other day reminding people to get their pets vaccinated. One lady said she refused to with her cat because it's 'proven' to have the same affect on animals as it does in humans - i.e. autism.

She thought vaccines would give her cat autism.

NY Post posted:

The shake-up started when Piatek and two pals, after a visit to the 9/11 Memorial, ordered drinks at the posh tavern around 6:30 p.m. Jan. 28.

A female bartender served Piatek a $15 jalapeño margarita and his pals beers. But when he tried to order a second round, a male bartender noticed his hat — and skipped them, he said.

One of Piatek’s pals pointed out it was their turn to be served, but the bartender scoffed. “Is that hat a joke?” the Manhattan Supreme Court suit claims he said.

“Immediately it clicked,” Piatek said, adding that bartenders didn’t see the pro-Trump slogan until he turned his back to the bar.

“Ignoring me because I’m wearing the hat is ridiculous,” Piatek said. “It’s really sad.”

The “flustered” bartender got them a second round but allegedly “slammed the drinks down.”

A third bartender also asked Piatek if his lid was a joke and shouted, “I can’t believe you would support someone so terrible and you must be as terrible a person!,” Piatek claimed.

“I wasn’t even trying to order a drink and she said, ‘Don’t even try to order from me. I won’t get you a drink,’ ” Piatek alleged.

A manager said he spoke to the bar owner, and was told, “Anyone who supports Trump or believes what you believe is not welcome here. And you need to leave right now because we won’t serve you!,” according to the suit.

quote:

[Disney attorney W. Mike] McCray’s first witness was Robert Hill, the actor who portrayed Pooh bear at the park that day. Hill testified that while in costume, his vision and movements are severely restricted. The girl, then nine years old, was tugging at him from behind and, in turning to see who it was, he accidentally struck her with an ear. “We’re trained not to retaliate,” he said.

McCray then asked for a brief recess. After jurors returned to their seats, Hill reentered the courtroom in costume. Taking the witness stand, Pooh answered the lawyer’s questions by nodding his head and stomping his feet. “What do you do at Disneyland?” McCray asked. Pooh got up and did a jig down the aisle. The courtroom audience burst into laughter. “Have the record show that he’s doing a two-step,” noted the judge. By calling Pooh to the stand the attorney was able to present a lovable, sympathetic witness who wouldn’t — and couldn’t — hurt anyone. The bear demonstrated that he couldn’t have slapped the girl in the face as she claimed. The costume’s arms were too low to the ground. The jury took just 21 minutes to acquit Pooh on all charges.

Hecuba posted:

This motherfucker from high school is a hatefollow I just can't quit. He's a dragon-shirt-wearing weeaboo Trumper who spews hilariously bad political takes in between "woe is me no gf" and pictures of big titty anime witches.

Needless to say, this did not happen.

Brother Entropy posted:

no idea on the hairbuns though, that escapes even me

ilmucche posted:

Didn't sandor kidnap sansa to use as leverage if he was captured, or have I remembered the books wrong?