chitoryu12 posted:

Is a "deconstructed Tequila Sunrise" separate glasses of tequila, orange juice, and grenadine drank individually?

hogmartin posted:

Paladinus posted:

Standard and Poors 500 has annual dividends of about 2-2.5%. In 40 years it would turn $200 million into roughly $550 million tops.

Bertrand Hustle posted:

19 different pistols, you guys. Plus ten more guns. And this guy ran totally normal and was in no way huffing and puffing and drenched in sweat because twenty-nine firearms and several dozen magazines of ammo don't actually weigh anything despite being made primarily out of metal. Also, they have no physical dimensions at all and there's no way you'd see some evidence that a guy was carrying almost thirty guns and as many extra magazines under his clothing. Hoodies are basically portals to alternate dimensions.

chitoryu12 posted:

Bruce Lee carried a .357 Magnum and always said that it was the best form of defense against someone who actually meant you harm. Therefore, the best martial art is shooting people.

Haifisch posted:

Goons are old enough that their families have finally cut off the really weird ones, or at least started locking up the panties.

Jerry Cotton posted:

They put on the bit that controls the flow of the drip (a bit of plastic beneath the bag) backwards on my grandma back in the eighties and she got a massive dose of morphine. Not enough to kill her but she was well out of it for the rest of the day. At least that's what they said they'd done when they were explaining why she was all drugged up

Darth Windu posted:

My friend from high school became a nuclear machinist for the navy. Nearly failed senior year physics because his calculator was unknowingly in radians instead of degrees for the entire semester, but made it up when the final was symbolic solutions only. I guess he fit right in.

goose willis posted:

If the diaper is empty that means poo poo didn't happen

piss explosion posted:

I found the most stdh part of this is that there's actually a shop out there called "piggly wiggly"

Jay Rust posted:

That's what free health care gets you, nurses who can't tell when a patient is drunk

Fathis Munk posted:

Love how in the last paragraph the narrator loses track of who he's supposed to be, suddenly becoming a student in the class.

poptart_fairy posted:

So what's your #CrotchSpawn tumblr.

CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:

"I'm a creepy violent psycho who is especially creepy around girls"

Comptroll The Forums posted:

Wait... why do you need papers signed by a doctor to say that you're allergic to your own carpet? No treatment thanks, just a note will do.

Paladinus posted:

Whenever I see someone wearing a t-shirt, I immediately approach them and ask about intricacies of producing t-shirts, printing techniques, materials being used, international trade agreements, etc., until I prove conclusively they don't deserve to wear clothes. loving casuals. Learn something about things you wear maybe.

'Uhm, I guess it's like acrylic paint, ha-ha'

You moron.

THE BIG DOG DADDY posted:

I know I've brought this up in this thread before but in one of my classes in high school one of the kids was diabetic and the substitute teacher yelled at him and told him he would confiscate his Gameboy when in actuality the kid was testing his glucose levels with some primitive 2003-era tester. The substitute definitely went beet red when the kid was like "it's not a Gameboy, I'm diabetic" and the whole class laughed at the sub

burial posted:

I know what the term means in general usage, I just don’t know why it’s in quotes there. I don’t think it usually is? so adding them makes it seem like either an error or a strange dog whistle.

Like if I were to put up a sign that says “‘fresh’ sandwiches sold here,” you’d go “wait, why are there quotes around that? are they not ACTUALLY fresh?”

Antivehicular posted:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grace_(prayer)

Fairly common among many denominations, usually referred to as "saying grace." Also fairly common at a lot of not-officially-Christian-but-functionally-so American social groups, like the Girl Scouts, who taught me every grace I know. (Everything beyond "rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yay Lord" is pointless showmanship IMHO.)

Butt Detective posted:

I was kind of pleasantly surprised by that one. I was expecting the usual “child wants my game, mum demands I give it to him because I’m a grown man and shouldn’t be playing kids games, I go off on some big spiel”, but instead it was cute, even if it’s still probably stdh.

TheMostFrench posted:

They call this one the Sanchez Spinner, because the head comes off due to the rotational force of taking a turning knee to the face.

I know this because...I taught it to him. I am Big Sanchez.

Mastodon Compound posted:

This is how i've been reading it for years, amd every post about incels still made sense.

Zanzibar Ham posted:

Poor grandpa 238-44-3816, after a lifetime of being ridiculed for his name he now gets his pizza late because of it too.

Bertrand Hustle posted:

You found Weedlord Bonerhitler's social?

tight aspirations posted:

When you know when you know, you know, you know when you know, you know.

Decrepus posted:

Imagine having so little contact with humans that hearing people post the lock/key analogy online is enough to ignite the your imagination.

Splicer posted:

Please tell me the comments are people patiently explaining what coffins are and what they're for.

Dixville posted:

poo poo Crystles vs JO Crystals: who will win?

Zamboni Rodeo posted:

I worked at Target for about a year when I was in college. I have not worn red polos or khakis since.

Slippery posted:

More like Turkey to keep building F-35 widgets for five years

Stoatbringer posted:

They do seem to get terribly upset very easily at the most trivial things.

Joey Freshwater posted:

I always see them by the entrance/exit but never like patrolling the place. They've also always looked like they couldn't give less of a poo poo what was going on in the store either.