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I'd suggest we collect the all-time classic stdh on the first page, but let's be honest, they're classic for a reason and are showing up on your facebook wall right now.
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Apr 15, 2016 04:52
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Sadly the glasses only work for 30ish% of colorblind people, last I saw.
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Apr 16, 2016 06:00
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Apr 16, 2016 15:44
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"hardest d"
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Apr 17, 2016 04:02
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I like getting them from the bank because it makes people happy to see them in a tip. Same thing for those golden dollar coins. Samizdata posted:Yeah, well, I am blue-green-purple colorblind to a degree the military turned me down and my ex-wife would tease me about picking the wrong shirts and stuff, so yay for that 30%! During WWII the airforce would recruit colorblind people to be bomber pilots. Turned out aerial camouflage of the day was a hell of a lot easier for colorblind people to spot, for whatever reason. Tunicate has a new favorite as of 04:50 on Apr 17, 2016 |
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Apr 17, 2016 04:44
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ED:Doublepost
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Apr 17, 2016 04:50
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If it was 90s era IBM I'd believe it. Except it's less 'lost in the system' and more 'retired in place' because for a while IBM had a policy of never ever firing anyone, so people would just stop working.
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Apr 18, 2016 23:54
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quote:Reached His Tee Total
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Apr 23, 2016 01:03
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Ugh, that reminds me of an really irritating pop psych quote I keep seeingquote:Labels consume peoples' identity. It's scary to me when people say, "I am ADD." Can you imagine someone declaring "I am asthma"
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Apr 24, 2016 04:16
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Post poste posted:No, the vast majority of us knew those trophies were bullshit and hated them. Yes, and the vast majority of us know these stories are bullshit and hate them.
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Apr 26, 2016 13:59
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Tracula posted:“I stole some ketamine from the vet and injected it. I think there’s something wrong. Can I sue him?” Posted in troll confirmation but not that different from a real TCC post. Jay Rust posted:Well it's been often said that being frightened turns your hair white, no idea if that actually happens Sort of. Stress can increase the rate of hair loss, and you usually preferentially lose older hairs. If your hair is already starting to go gray, then stress makes you shed more of your older, less-gray hairs, and what's left is a lot whiter. Tunicate has a new favorite as of 17:14 on Apr 27, 2016 |
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Apr 27, 2016 17:07
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ratbert90 posted:“After paying for my groceries today I was preparing to walk away and I see the cashier rolling her eyes and sucking her teeth as a young lady and young man, (who obviously didn’t have a lot of money) were putting up their groceries, I had a really strong feeling that I was supposed to stay close to these youngsters. Well I stayed and watched as the cashier slammed through their things — the final total was $123.40. " I need a number for the groceries. One two three four! Perfect!
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May 2, 2016 02:59
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Christo posted:The savings comes from taking advantage of a low sale price and stocking up. If some combination of coupons gets you a pack of toilet paper for 50 cents, you buy enough to last for years and store it. Now whenever you need a new pack, you grab one of the packs you got for 50 cents instead of paying a few bucks at the store. Yeah, the Walgreens by me had a sale on disposable razors at the same time as putting out a coupon, so it ended up being like a dollar for a bag of en good ones. So I bought all the ones they had in stock, and am still working my way through them. Not sure if it even counts as 'extreme couponing', but for nonperishable items I can see it being a hell of a lot cheaper
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May 2, 2016 15:54
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The use of the singular 'they' is perfectly acceptable. If it's good enough for motherfuckin' Shakespeare it's good enough for me. 
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May 6, 2016 01:28
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Aphrodite posted:Mine is a guy who keeps liking Trump posts and Breitbart articles about how Trump zinged those idiot Democrats. Simple ambition. Canada wants to be the new power in North America.
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May 12, 2016 16:21
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Allegedly there's CCTV footage, but it hasn't surfaced.
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May 15, 2016 18:38
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MonoAus posted:ST_DID_H: A few years ago, after reading the STDH thread for a while I noticed that almost every NAR-style STDH had almost the same structure. I had the idea to make a template and randomly insert names/places/things, so I threw together some code. I thought I had lost it in a HD crash ages ago, but I found it in a backup and thought I'd put in a few updated STDH elements. I'm curious what would happen if you stuck it into a deep learning neural net.
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May 26, 2016 15:43
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Flamethrower rounds.
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Jun 3, 2016 06:01
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 I work in an office with around 20 people and we all use the same fridge. We've had problems for months with food going missing and no matter how many passive-aggressive notes management put out or naming of cartons/packets; poo poo keeps going missing. One day some greedy poo poo eats my ENTIRE portion of leftover lasagna I'd brought in leaving me with no lunch and I was mad as hell. As a hobby I am a competitive chili eater and I have experimented with making my own chili sauces so I have some 5,000,000 scoville extract in my cupboard (357 Maddog extract) and decided to lace some food with it and leave it in the cupboard. I got a pack of 3 sausage rolls, lifted the pastry off of one of them, dabbed several drops of extract at one end and put the pastry back on top and back in the packet Revenge is a dish best served red loving hot. I have one hell of a tolerance to hot food and in hindsight this was a DUMB idea even if I was super mad that someone had eaten my lunch. I was bad and I feel bad. 2 days later my colleague (it turned out to be the fat gal in the office) starts screaming in agonizing gastronomical pain and we have to call an ambulance for her. She is legit having seizures and vomiting and crying and everyone in the office is freaking the hell out She was taken to hospital by ambulance and discharged a few hours later (thankfully) once the pain had subsided. Food stopped going missing. TL;DR Someone stole my food, I put them in hospital FP Edit: Ha! Didn't realise there'd be this much support! I am in the UK; I don't work there any more nor live in the same city and this was around 5 years ago. Send boobs... hell send anything!
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Jun 3, 2016 16:28
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quote:
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Jun 6, 2016 19:48
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Christo posted:I love that the robber just happened to be carrying a bottle of acid. What was he going to with it, melt into a safe? Where did he even get it in the first place? Throwing acid on people's faces is distressingly common.
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Jun 8, 2016 16:41
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 My sister is currently in the back yard laying into her ex(?)-boyfriend because he's not actually dead, though she attended his funeral a few months ago. He just climbed over the back fence and knocked on her window. Gotta be the weirdest booty call ever. Update #1: Apparently he owed money to somebody and felt that faking his death was the best solution. Only his mother knew the truth, even his kids thought he was dead. Update #2 : Now they're making out. No, arguing again. My sister seems to be waffling between accepting him back and ripping his arms off and beating him to death with them. Update #3 : OMG HE WAS IN THE NEXT TOWN THE WHOLE TIME. Which is hahahah Okay, he was a manager at a restaurant here in town, but he got transfered over to the next town when he faked his death and the district manager came by and saw him and remembered him from before and mentioned it to an employee here in town, who then told EVERYONE that he was still alive and just 15 miles away. I know that's horrible grammar and everything but I'm trying to type fast so I can keep eavesdropping Update #4 : Oh poo poo, she's bringing the kids into it now. He's trying to pull a "woe is me, this was so hard on me, you don't understand" thing and she's like "YOUR loving KIDS DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU WORTHLESS PILE OF poo poo" Update #5 : "But baby, baby. Baby. Baby please. Baby. Come on, baby." - not dead ex-boyfriend Update #6 : He would have come back to her sooner, he would have told her, but he didn't want to upset everyone and wanted my sister to move on with her life without him. And he had started dating somebody. Sister making inhuman sounds. Update Whatever: He's been dating somebody else, but when his old coworkers started showing up at the new restaurant, he figured he should try to come tell my sis in person that he wasn't dead before she heard it through Facebook or something. And he made a Facebook account a couple months ago and catfished her, sent her a friend request and has randomly commented on her posts under the name of one of their high school class mates. She's supposed to be impressed, I guess? That he kept in contact sorta? By lying to her again... Update: OMFG HE'S BEEN DATING OUR AUNT Update: Our aunt is a bit "special"... you would think she's just ditzy but technically she's got some brain damage. She has no idea that she's dating her niece's supposedly dead ex-boyfriend. He told her he moved to town for a fresh start. ohgodohgodohgod if my sis calls aunt erica my mom is gonna get in on this poo poo Update: Thank god it's too late to call anyone. I dunno what's worse - that he faked his death and moved one town over or that he knowingly dated our aunt after doing so. the only way this could have been worse is if my sister found out when our aunt brought him as her date to a family function Update: The yelling seems to have stopped, but I can tell my sister is really upset and he's definitely losing ground. Sis: "How much did you owe?" Ex: "10 thousand" Sis: "For what?" Ex: "Just stuff" Sis: "What the gently caress is just stuff?" Ex: "I lost 2 thousand on rousey and doubled down a couple times" WHAT THE gently caress IS HE FOR REAL Update: That was most definitely the sound of flesh hitting flesh in a totally not sexual way. Update: I have just been told to call the police. I'll be back asap. i.imgur.com/J1daSoR.jpg Update: That didn't go like I assumed it would. Apparently faking your own death is not illegal? Like, at all. Update: I called the police, obviously. They ran Jackson off, but didn't arrest him. Technically this is my property, so I would have to press charges and posting this to imgur was as involved as I want to get in that redneck soap opera drama. So yeah, faking your death is not illegal. He transfered to his new job under his real name and his mother knowingly paid for a fake funeral. But what you really want to know is how he faked his death. He filled up his tiny little boat with empty whiskey bottles and beer cans before using his mother's boat to tow it out on the water a few miles and set it adrift. He said he considered leaving behind some blood, but didn't want anyone looking for a murderer. He hoped that he would quietly be presumed dead from drunkenly falling out of his boat and drowning. It's so loving simple, it's stupidly brilliant. And it worked. Until he ruined it by moving only one town away and keeping his name. I also feel pretty confident that my sister would have eventually stumbled across him, though hopefully not while he was with my loving aunt. And no, I have no idea how THAT mess is gonna go down. Unfortunately, I am not confident that we've seen the last of the not dead ex-boyfriend. Apparently, the jig is up and that means he can move back home and be with his kids and get his old job back and what the gently caress ever. One of the officers said that there may be a fraud charge they'll eventually hit him with and that they'll look into it, but that he's pretty much free to do whatever he wants. He left reluctantly with a hangdog face, but he did manage to get my sister to agree to call him. So I'm just.. I don't even know. This is so stupid. Somebody is getting a Come to Jesus talk, but I dunno who just yet. Note: I'm sorry, I can't answer your questions... like about whether he was legally declared dead or paid his taxes, etc - I didn't ask, I just eavesdropped. I just know that he disappeared, his boat was found abandoned, and his mother held a funeral. And now he's back with a wild story. If I learn anything else that's worthy of updating you with, I'll post again. Last update, I swear: This is what I've learned over the last few hours - he paid his taxes in April; he was not legally declared dead; his funeral was a small church service with no casket; he says he will go see his kids in the morning; he still owes money to whoever and figures he can "get an extension since his life is so crazy right now" - which I believe means he's gonna have two broken legs pretty soon; my sister says she isn't taking him back but I don't believe her; she has also decided not to say anything to our aunt and leave any explanations up to him. That's all I've got and I don't really care to ever have more. TL;DR: My sister's boyfriend faked his death, moved one town over, and started dating our aunt. Tunicate has a new favorite as of 21:32 on Jun 14, 2016 |
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Jun 14, 2016 21:09
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"I think a lot of guys are secretly attracted to you but they're ashamed because they think that means they're gay."
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Jun 15, 2016 20:36
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Not Giving Him A Sporting Chance Office | AB, Canada | Coworkers, Movies & TV (I have this one coworker who’s always giving me a hard time over my love of movies. This conversation broke out as I’m getting ready for the premiere day of a blockbuster I’d been looking forward to.) Coworker: “I can’t believe you’re going to the theatre to see it. In this day and age, you can download anything you want for free. Only an IDIOT still pays for entertainment.” Me: “How are you spending your Christmas vacation again?” Coworker: “I’m flying down to San Francisco to watch my 49ers play!” Me: “And how much is that costing you?” Coworker: “Around $8000.” Me: “And how is that NOT paying for entertainment?” Coworker: “Sports are different. With sports, there are fans there that you can hang out with! Each game is a one-time only event.” Me: “This is the premiere. There’s going to be fans there I can hang out with. It is a one-time only event.” Coworker: “Whatever. Movies are the lowest form of entertainment. All you do is look at pictures in the dark for two hours.” Me: “With football, all you do is watch grown men chase a ball for four hours.” Coworker: “SPORTS… ARE… DIFFERENT!”
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Jun 16, 2016 16:48
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If he lived in a fantasy town it's more likely that would have happened. But seriously wearing a t-shirt with your own name on it as a costume??
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Jun 17, 2016 01:15
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cash crab posted:Maybe she Sulked out on a nurse on a past visit and they're all too fremdschämed to make her sad now
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Jun 20, 2016 21:52
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 Today in one of our classes I introduced the children to two apples (the children didn't know this, but before the class I had repeatedly dropped one of the apples on the floor, you couldn't tell, both apples looked perfect). We talked about the apples and the children described how both apples looked the same; both were red, were of similar size and looked juicy enough to eat. I picked up the apple I'd dropped on the floor and started to tell the children how I disliked this apple, that I thought it was disgusting, it was a horrible colour and the stem was just too short. I told them that because I didn't like it, I didn't want them to like it either, so they should call it names too. Some children looked at me like I was insane, but we passed the apple around the circle calling it names, 'you're a smelly apple', 'I don't even know why you exist', 'you've probably got worms inside you' etc. We really pulled this poor apple apart. I actually started to feel sorry for the little guy. We then passed another apple around and started to say kind words to it, 'You're a lovely apple', 'Your skin is beautiful', 'What a beautiful colour you are' etc. I then held up both apples, and again, we talked about the similarities and differences, there was no change, both apples still looked the same. I then cut the apples open. The apple we'd been kind to was clear, fresh and juicy inside. The apple we'd said unkind words to was bruised and all mushy inside. I think there was a lightbulb moment for the children immediately. They really got it, what we saw inside that apple, the bruises, the mush and the broken bits is what is happening inside every one of us when someone mistreats us with their words or actions. When people are bullied, especially children, they feel horrible inside and sometimes don't show or tell others how they are feeling. If we hadn't have cut that apple open, we would never have known how much pain we had caused it. I shared my own experience of suffering someone's unkind words last week. On the outside I looked OK, I was still smiling. But, on the inside someone had caused me a lot of pain with their words and I was hurting. Unlike an apple, we have the ability to stop this from happening. We can teach children that it's not ok to say unkind things to each other and discuss how it makes others feel. We can teach our children to stand up for each other and to stop any form of bullying, just as one little girl did today when she refused to say unkind words to the apple. More and more hurt and damage happens inside if nobody does anything to stop the bullying. Let's create a generation of kind, caring children. The tongue has no bones, but is strong enough to break a heart. So be careful with your words. Tunicate has a new favorite as of 18:07 on Jun 26, 2016 |
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Jun 26, 2016 18:01
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Melted snowflake refers to it as the "The Economy of Belief" which I think is a nice term.
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Jul 1, 2016 22:46
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LITERALLY A BIRD posted:Weatherman I'll pay you three internet dollars to follow oldpainless around for a day and post 'oldpainless more like old____less' every time he says something Well of course the parrot would want people to repeat things over and over.
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Jul 5, 2016 23:05
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Weatherman posted:I already do it for free Do it for a week and get one of those sweet extra-long mod avatars
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Jul 7, 2016 01:57
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Jul 9, 2016 21:02
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 I love this kid; he's secretly my favorite student. It's like pulling teeth to get him to say anything during class discussion, but he'll come up to me after class and we'll talk about video games and random stuff and just shoot the breeze. Definitely an introvert like me, but he loves Fallout and Star Wars and always chuckles at the geek culture references I make during my lessons. He's an awesome kid. I could tell he was getting nervous about the final presentation coming up this week, but to everyone's surprise, he volunteered to go first, waltzed up to the podium, and jumped right into his speech. He was literally shaking and his voice cracked a few times, but he would just make fun of himself and play it off like he didn't care. As if the self-deprecating humor weren't enough, his PowerPoint was chock full of memes! We all roared with laughter at all the doges (such speech, very presentation, wow), success kids, and Spongebob references. He even threw in a nod to Pokemon Go at the end! Needless to say, his presentation was met with thunderous applause. Fantastic job, Jesse! You da real MVP (Most Valuable Presenter). **FP Edit: Woo-hoo! Send me your corniest puns!
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Jul 13, 2016 02:35
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 Misunderstanding some pretty key mechanics of pokemon go in your anecdotes is not just for facebook anymore.
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Jul 14, 2016 20:54
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She's pro-brexit too it seems
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Jul 15, 2016 00:30
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You see he broke off the knife in the mugger's shoulder because he knew the mugger might be left handed too.
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Jul 16, 2016 22:15
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It didn't happen anywhere near me because the only replica bustmobile within300 miles is owned by a guy who charges money for taking photos of it at cons.
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Jul 17, 2016 06:00
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MN | Uncategorized I am working the ovens at a pizza chain that offers both carryout and delivery. Customer # 1 comes in to pick up his order. He has long dyed blond hair. Our Till worker informs him that his first pizza is ready and his second one will be out in about 30 seconds. Customer # 1: “Why is the second pizza not ready with the first. “ Till: “I took a little more time to make the second one so it went in the oven a little while after the first”. Customer # 1 “that’s not how it works” Manager steps in. “Im sorry for the delay sir, but the first pizza was a simple cheese and the second was a works pizza. IT takes a little more time to put all the topping on your pizza.” Customer # 1 (getting very nasty) “Have you even taken a Customer Service course before. “ Manager “yes” Customer # 1 “I demand to see the certificate right now” Manager “I cant do that, I need to make other peoples orders now” Customer # 1 “What is your name” Manager “*****. Sir, you have your order, please leave, I have a store to run”. Customer # 1, rants for a little while, then leaves. Customer # 2 who witnessed everything and has already paid for his order takes out $20 and hands it to my manager. “You souldnt have to deal with assholes like him.” Manager “Thank you, but I can’t take that” and hand it back. He then put in on the counter and leaves the store. She then makes change for it and gives me, the till and another worker $5 and keeps the last part. They then tell me this isn’t the first time he has made a scene. About half an hour later the phone rings and I Answer. Me: “thank you for calling ****, this is ****, How may I help you” Customer # 1 (Very nice) “who is the manager right now” ME: “***” Customer # 1 “May I speak with her” Me” May I ask with this is regarding” Customer # 1 “This is **** and I want to talk to her about the incident that happened about 30 mins ago” Me “ok please hold” Customer # 1” Ok” I told my manger it was the guy, and he wanted to talk to her. I also told her I was going to listen in to the line because of him being a trouble making customer. Manager “Thank you for holding, this is ***, how may I help you”. Customer # 1 (very nasty and he doesn’t know im listening) “HI, I was in earlier and I want to know the names of the store manager, and his manger, and I want their phone numbers. “ Manger “ I can give you their name, but I cant give out their numbers.” Customer # 1 “Your telling me you cant call your manager if there is a problem.” Manager “no, I just cant give you their numbers.” Customer # 1 “When will the store manager be in so I can call and talk to him.” Manger “He is opening in the morning.” Customer # 1 “I will be calling him. And let me tell you what you did wrong. You Saw my hair and assumed I was uneducated. I have a masters degree and am a regional manager for an aeronautics cooperation. I am educated and I assure you I am Smarter then you.” Manager “Sir, if you don’t have anything important to tell me now, I need to get back to running my store.” Customer # 1 “Assure your boss that I will be calling him.” Hangs up We check over his account and see he got free food about 3 months ago, we think he complains until we give him his food for free. We told out boss about the incident and noted how he talked to me verses my manager, probably to make me think he was level headed and she was being rude to her, but he didn’t know I was listening in on them. We haven’t heard from him again.
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Jul 23, 2016 15:28
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WampaLord posted:I'm totally willing to believe almost all of that, there's nothing that over the top except for Customer 2 randomly giving the manager "And let me tell you what you did wrong. You Saw my hair and assumed I was uneducated. I have a masters degree and am a regional manager for an aeronautics cooperation. I am educated and I assure you I am Smarter then you.” Yes a human certainly did say that
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Jul 23, 2016 20:22
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Employee, Phone Home Retail | OH, USA | Bosses & Owners, Lazy/Unhelpful (It’s a slow day at work. Five of us are sitting by the back stairwell, just talking and killing time. One of the managers joins us, right as a coworker pulls her phone out. Management has stated that if you have your phone out, they’ll take it for the day and write you up.) Me: “Hey, [Manager], [Coworker] has her phone out!” Manager: *looks over at my coworker* “So she does.” Me: “Aren’t you supposed to take it?” Manager: *shrugs* “It’s not like we have anything else to do.” (Half of us pulled our phones out. I ended up going home early.)
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Jul 25, 2016 04:10
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Jul 29, 2016 00:28
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