shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: I'm finding it very hard to immerse myself in the lie.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: I'm finding it very hard to immerse myself in the lie.

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sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

I think as long as they're not dominating the thread they're fine

# ¿ Apr 15, 2016 11:50

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# ¿ May 1, 2024 16:31

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

Poop is really just the absence of not-poop.

# ¿ Apr 15, 2016 21:22

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

Navik posted:

To be fair, I think part of the problem with the bills was also that they were sequentially numbered?

Which isn't that weird if you consider a lot of them are passed around as like a novelty item straight from the bank, but yeah, I could see that contributing to someone's suspicion.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2016 02:02

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

kimbo305 posted:

http://imgur.com/gallery/4ghAxNS
When I make a romantic dinner for two, I also plate the forks the same way and put glasses on the same side.

i hope this person sprains their ankle

Also me and my idiot boyfriend when we were freshmen in college set up a nicer dinner than that for ourselves and that was with dorm-rear end furniture and poo poo. He brought filet mignon he stole from his brother's wedding and my roommate lent us one of those tiny electric tea candles (since you weren't allowed to have an open flame :kiddo:

)

# ¿ Apr 21, 2016 00:52

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

BrigadierSensible posted:

What is really sad, and awkward is the pimping out of the photo for internet points. The convoluted story, (I have a girlfriend, I really do), the desperation, (please like me, whoops I mean her. It is so important for her that you click the like button.), and the fact that it is probably all staged make it a thousand times worse than just a picture of some mediocre food.

She gave me a big hug when she saw how many likes and upvotes it already had!! Help me be such a good and loving boyfriend!

Khazar-khum posted:

Gems

I love when people keep a collection of their favorite quotes that they said. It's a great indication of an obnoxious person who will be completely insufferable to be stuck around.

# ¿ Apr 21, 2016 12:26

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

such a great instance of somebody doubling down needlessly when they could have easily covered their rear end by being like "Oops sorry the 4 was a typo" or whatever. The craving for FB likes overrides the individual's common sense

^^Also lmao yeah, it's just so playground. GUYS I DID THIS AWESOME THING, wait you want to see me do it and won't just praise me based on my word? Well I can't do it again you guys lmao it was obviously too awesome and amazing the first time, you're all the dumb ones in this scenario laffo, heh

# ¿ Apr 24, 2016 21:49

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

cash crab posted:

"lol ok"

I love picturing the blue guy as being some totally normal dude who has just started normaly dating a girl, and the red guy has concocted this crazy abusive scenario in his head to justify his obsession with the girl.

# ¿ Apr 26, 2016 12:12

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

BrigadierSensible posted:

How do I get to see women naked? Hmmm...

I know! I will buy expensive sculpting equipment and clay and a potters wheel etc. and then the bitches will flock to my house to be nude in my presence. I may even get them to rub grapes on their vaginas.

Grapes that I can eat later. With or without their permission.

I feel like I have seen this or a painting equivalent on a sitcom and possibly one decades old

# ¿ Apr 27, 2016 12:11

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

The final link to the other gallery is quite apprope

# ¿ Apr 28, 2016 22:00

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

ratbert90 posted:

Even if this story is true, what does a random pervert have to do with transgender people?

It's the SAME THING, duh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why else would people go on all those hormones and surgeries except an insatiable lust!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????? :bahgawd:

# ¿ Apr 29, 2016 12:23

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:

Someone who describes the person they're flirting with as "a comely stranger" would probably be head over heels for the type of of person who gives out heads of broccoli instead of flowers. They will probably really like each other and can be ~~insufferable~~ quirky together forever.

I hope the comely stranger also looks like a character design from Disney's Frozen

# ¿ May 2, 2016 02:37

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

I absolutely believe the cashier looked like she was going to cry but it definitely wans't for the reasons the writer hoped we would assume

# ¿ May 2, 2016 12:17

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

MC Nietzche posted:

Amazing.

However you are forgetting

The key there is

CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:

I'm 90% sure only one goon ever has had sex with a human being

# ¿ May 9, 2016 01:44

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

Khazar-khum posted:

Intellect

I'm so impressively, jaw-droppingly smart yet I can't pluralize the word "woman"

Also I love the 9 hour gap between the thing posted and the green guy responding. And then the next gap where no one else even touches the thing. It tells you exactly what kind of person the OP is, one of those people you have on your friends list and want to delete but you used to all hang out together in high school so there's some straw of social netiquette that makes you hesitate every time you hover over the "unfriend" button.

sweeperbravo has a new favorite as of 12:37 on May 12, 2016

# ¿ May 12, 2016 12:34

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

MonoAus posted:

pfft

Yo bro that's just how kids talk, get with the times man!

Johnny died on the way back to his home planet.

# ¿ May 19, 2016 12:26

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

Bobby Digital posted:

nice

# ¿ May 19, 2016 23:11

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

The last one is particularly sad, why he thought that was an event worth telling the world about. "My friends and I have fun and they celebrate my birthday!! I swear!!"

# ¿ May 20, 2016 12:21

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

RNG posted:

Another more severe racist saw the approaching black man and fled, creating a newly available seat.

# ¿ May 22, 2016 17:08

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

LITERALLY A BIRD posted:

I don't usually quote goons for content but somebody else crossposted this in the IoSM thread and I felt it deserved a happy home here

[/quote]
[/quote]

That entire post should be the new word filter replacement for cuck

# ¿ May 26, 2016 22:34

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

A lot of stuff that slides into this thread isn't actually stdh but just stupid poo poo where you wonder why the author bothered to go to the trouble. Lot of content-type overlap with the idiots on social media thread

see also, every post ever made on these forums

# ¿ Jun 1, 2016 20:34

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

Drunk Tomato posted:

Yeah it's like half made-up stuff, half cringey stuff that maybe happened but is pathetic

that's a good way to put it.

"poo poo that Didn't Happen" and "Why Are You Telling Me This poo poo"

# ¿ Jun 1, 2016 20:57

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

Henchman of Santa posted:

Mostly the troper tales. If they aren't truly absurd they're just regular things that people with no life experience think is wacky.

yeah like it's stuff that would easily fit in a (quality notwithstanding) slice-of-life story or novel, if any of the tropers actually were capable of sitting down to write the stories they insist on pedantically gathering tropes for.

# ¿ Jun 1, 2016 20:58

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

Samizdata posted:

Wait, so you're saying my posting here is something stupid?

I'm not a man, so I cannot properly explain it to you.

# ¿ Jun 2, 2016 12:15

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

chitoryu12 posted:

Pray tell.

my favorite line

# ¿ Jun 3, 2016 12:32

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

ghost emoji posted:

I was unfriendly to a hot girl, hashtag redpill hashtag justice :smug:

Next week, I'll post my story about how I didn't get laid. Epic

# ¿ Jun 7, 2016 21:59

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

Leon Einstein posted:

I actually believe that story. The guy was a dick to a girl because he secretly was obsessed with her, so he showed this by being mean to her. You know, like a 5 year old would.

That's exactly the tone of it, isn't it?

Like if he really didn't give a poo poo about the girl it wouldn't be a story he would brag about

# ¿ Jun 7, 2016 22:43

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

This troper has a schlong so fine, so exquisite

# ¿ Jun 8, 2016 00:08

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

MonoAus posted:

Also "Her cleavage is calling for me" is creepy as gently caress.

The breasts vibrate against each other as do a cricket's legs, summoning a mate.

# ¿ Jun 8, 2016 02:39

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

chitoryu12 posted:

It's from Redpill, the guys who think women are just cum dumpsters looking to abuse and manipulate men to satisfy their petty emotions. Like look at the first comment after:

They literally think that sex is their right as men and it's better to pay for it than risk getting involved with a "whore".

The one upside of these stories is that they make me really appreciate my boyfriend and the fact that he doesn't pick the scab of an existing mental illness. He's a really good guy and i am blessed

# ¿ Jun 11, 2016 03:37

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

chitoryu12 posted:

I had a short-lived friend in the neighborhood back in middle school or 9th grade (can't remember how long he lasted). He was a few years younger than me and one of only two friends I had within walking distance, so he came over to my house fairly often to play video games and stuff like that. He had a chronic problem with telling fantastic stories about himself and his relatives which could never possibly be true. The only one I remember with any clarity was that he said his dad drove down to the Mexican border to shoot a bunch of badass privately owned weapons like an AA-12 (he conveniently couldn't remember what shotgun it was until I prodded him).

I don't think he was autistic or anything, or really had any disorders beyond probably ADHD. He was just a lonely kid trying to make himself seem cool.

Sounds like good material for this thread!!!

Kid I work with tells mundane but humorous stories all the time that i'm 99% sure are made up. He's not always the protagonist of the stories but usually is. He's got a lot of problems though so I figure the least I can do is humor him and enjoy his stories that he's obviously telling because he wants people around him to be happy :unsmith:

# ¿ Jun 13, 2016 20:46

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

MonoAus posted:

I'm told my partners' co-worker does this. My partner would tell him about something that he's done in the past and a few days later it will come back as a story from the co-worker about something he'd done. People like to just dribble poo poo I guess.

I'm always left wondering whether the person really believes they are telling the truth, like whether the act of chewing on the story for a few days created a false memory when it happened to them. I also wondered this about my pathological liar coworker from my old job. Best part about his schtick is that larger, over-arcing stories would change key details over time. I kinda wish in retrospect I had the gumption to call him out on in way back when, even in just a curious way "Oh I thought you said you were married?" just to see whether he would double down on it (he probably would have).

# ¿ Jun 16, 2016 12:26

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

Stroop There It Is posted:

This guy has zero understanding of or empathy for what birthing another human being and raising a young child can do, regardless of whether this happened. He thinks she's going to feel back to normal and want to have sex immediately after the baby is born? Not only does she need to recover physically from shoving an entire little human through her vagina, having a baby can really gently caress with how a woman feels about her body sexually for a long time, especially if she doesn't have a partner who is capable of listening, being understanding, and taking it slow. Even aside from that, taking care of an infant or young child (alone, too, it sounds like) is incredibly exhausting and not conducive to feeling up for sex. This is one of the few periods in life where you just have to man up and accept that you are going to feel very sexually frustrated for a while, unless you clear getting your needs met elsewhere with her and she's definitely fine with it. What is with these dudes and being as manipulative, controlling, and selfish as they claim all women are?

But, but, you don't understand, he works and makes the money!

Also, yeah, he never mentioned in there that HE ever helps out with the kid (kids? by now?) or anything else in the house, the "letting her make most of the decisions" makes it sound like the minute he steps through the threshold of the house we've entered the domestic domain of women's work and he considers himself off the clock.

Ugh, nothing about that story isn't gross. Even the triumphant sex described just sounds really depressing and one-sided.

# ¿ Jun 20, 2016 13:55

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

Geniasis posted:

Yeah, is that supposed to be a common thing? Because it sounds serial killer-y

Tee hee! I'm so quirky!

# ¿ Jun 23, 2016 18:57

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

Teacher then keeps the continually rotting apple at the front of the room in a glass, threatens to feed it to any child who disobeys the kindness rule

# ¿ Jun 26, 2016 23:51

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

Bobby Digital posted:

One more seed in the bottom left apple half and we'd have loss.jpg

Then again, if seed were missing we wouldn't have loss.jpg

# ¿ Jun 27, 2016 03:37

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

hyperhazard posted:

my school's halls were canals of jizz, we took gondolas to class

# ¿ Jun 30, 2016 21:58

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

quote:

with a revolver stuck down the front of his pants, a cowboy hat on, and an open bear

Wow, yeah, I do see how that would be disturbing to som-

oh

# ¿ Jul 2, 2016 03:16

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

CannonFodder posted:

poo poo that never happens: posting STDH with a fully charged phone.

there's probably a correlation between the believableness of a post and the percent battery left

also i love how that one's message seems to be like "you paid for my groceries. i'd gently caress you lol"

# ¿ Jul 6, 2016 03:10

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

ElGroucho posted:

The ending LOL really makes it

that's the exact part, IMO, that turns the message from "i'd like to genuinely thank you and pay you back in a meaningful way" to "i used to be more racist against your people, but you still have holes right he he"

# ¿ Jul 6, 2016 03:36

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# ¿ May 1, 2024 16:31

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

Kajeesus posted:

That's not the message at all and it's kind of weird you'd jump to that conclusion.

idk, "i'm sure you won't let me" seems to me to imply some sort of touching because she was visibly religious :shrugs: and for all the stdh there is, "racist guy retains some racism and misogyny after a positive encounter with someone from the intersection of such groups" is pretty believable IMO

like you have this dudebro making what could have been a poignant post undercutting it by making a joke at the end just to remind you, naw man, he didn't go soft, he's still a tough guy

eh, even if we disagree on the meaning of that last turn of phrase, i think we can agree it is a dumb stdh

# ¿ Jul 6, 2016 16:26

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: I'm finding it very hard to immerse myself in the lie.

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