shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: I'm finding it very hard to immerse myself in the lie.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: I'm finding it very hard to immerse myself in the lie.

uranium grass: Jan 15, 2005

Vartiter posted:

ughhhhh

Dudes think it's hot when you call their sisters cunts, right? Come and get it boys. :byodame:

quote:

(My nine-year-old son is a very well-behaved boy and quite smart, which often gets him labeled a �nerd� at school. After a particularly bad bullying incident, I decide to take him to a psychiatrist so he can discuss it with an expert and get some tips on how to cope with bullies.)

Psychiatrist: �Hello. What seems to be the problem?�

(My son is understandably nervous to admit what�s going on and I answer for him.)

Me: �He is getting bullied at school and it�s gotten to the point where there�s nothing I can do about it. I have tried everything I can to help.�

Psychiatrist: �Okay, follow me.�

(She leads my son into a playroom where I and the psychiatrist will observe him through a one-way mirror and then the psychiatrist will enter the room and interview him later. My son gets a book off a shelf and reads it.)

Psychiatrist: �There are so many toys and he wants to read?!�

Me: �Yeah, he reads all the time.�

(My son finishes the book and the psychiatrist enters the room to speak to him. She then goes up to me as if she has something urgent to tell me.)

Psychiatrist: �I�m sorry, but your son is autistic.�

(It should be noted that I�m in college as a psychology major and know my son doesn�t meet the criteria for the diagnosis.)

Me: �What makes you think that?�

Psychiatrist: �He�s very polite and quiet.�

Me: �I�m certain that he isn�t autistic.�

Psychiatrist: �But he said he likes math! I�ll prove he�s autistic. People with the disorder don�t like loud noises.�

(She sneaks up behind my son and screams in his ear which, predictably, scares him.)

Psychiatrist: �See, he�s autistic.�

Me: �My son isn�t autistic, and even if he was, I�m still shocked by how unprofessional you are. Did you even discuss bullying with him?�

Psychiatrist: �This is more important than bullies, and besides, his disorder is most likely the reason he�s being picked on in the first place.�

(I ended up taking my son to a different psychiatrist two-and-a-half hours away, but much better. The new doctor told my son how to deal with bullying and I have noticed he is much happier now. I told this story to the new psychiatrist, who knew her and said she has a reputation for diagnosing anyone she thinks is too much of a goody-two-shoes as autistic.)

# ¿ Apr 23, 2016 13:17

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# ¿ May 4, 2024 18:14

uranium grass: Jan 15, 2005

even in his self-righteous fantasy he can't get a food service worker to acknowledge him

# ¿ Apr 30, 2016 13:27

uranium grass: Jan 15, 2005

cash crab posted:

Every time I see that fuzzy little baseball cap I know I am in for a ride.

I'm going to be back at my parents' place for a visit in a couple of weeks. I am so looking forward to his, um... commentary. Especially heading into election season. Original plans were for myself, my spouse, and my parents to spend a weekend of that trip at the beach, but it coincided with black bike week and he wasn't comfortable with the situation with, and I quote, 'the belligerents, with the president and how they are these days'. :cripes:

# ¿ May 1, 2016 07:52

uranium grass: Jan 15, 2005

We've seen this topic come up a few times in this thread so I was really surprised to see it actually (sort of) happen.
LUNCHROOM LUNACY: ISD COPS INVESTIGATE $2 BILL SPENT ON SCHOOL LUNCH
The bill was so old its manufacture predated the counterfeit prevention measures that make use of a counterfeit checking marker possible so they actually had reason to believe it was a fake bill

# ¿ May 5, 2016 23:45

uranium grass: Jan 15, 2005

axolotl farmer posted:

It looks like scurvy is actually pretty common among people who have really bad diets.

http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/medical_examiner/2015/11/scurvy_is_common_and_should_be_diagnosed_and_treated.html

I had to be out of the country for three months to get surgery in the US (weird insurance thing) and was the only one who really cooked in my two-goon house. My partner got doctor-diagnosed scurvy towards the end of my stay just from eating like crap so I absolutely believe the common goon is capable of clinical scurvy.
eta: I made fun of him relentlessly for this and he eats healthfully more frequently now (and takes a vitamin c supplement)

uranium grass has a new favorite as of 19:08 on Apr 14, 2017

# ¿ Apr 14, 2017 19:03

uranium grass: Jan 15, 2005

# ¿ Jul 4, 2017 20:06

uranium grass: Jan 15, 2005

# ¿ Nov 16, 2017 05:30

uranium grass: Jan 15, 2005

The Snoo posted:

not my screenshot

kill me

I have literally read this joke in a Readers' Digest

# ¿ Jan 4, 2019 01:48

uranium grass: Jan 15, 2005

The Pirate Captain posted:

Where is he going that you can get drinks for $3.50, or even $7? I've never spent less than $10 on a drink in a club, even for the cheapest stuff, and usually it's way more than that.

The answer is that he's going to his imagination, because he made it up.

The South US.

# ¿ May 25, 2019 04:37

uranium grass: Jan 15, 2005

Didn't we have a "My uncle works at Nintendo" thread? Whatever happened to that? I enjoyed it immensely.

# ¿ Sep 9, 2020 15:40

uranium grass: Jan 15, 2005

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

I don't think eyebrows made of stars and an ego larger than the North and South island combined stay anonymous for long, especially not when you're throwing a massive international tantrum about your maybe-divorce.

I used to be a massive fan of the Dresden Dolls, but I find the way Palmer behaves and her relentless need to promote herself the as the ultimate MPDG trying at best.

e: I've been living overseas since I was 18, including in countries where people actually LIKE Americans, and no one has ever, ever done this anywhere ever.

This is basically how I feel. I was a huge fan through my teen years but Amanda herself has just become so offputting, plus that hosed up poo poo she did to her ex... I had to go through all my playlists and remove her because it was all I could think about every time I heard her voice.

# ¿ Jan 21, 2021 18:26

uranium grass: Jan 15, 2005

The General posted:

IIRC she had a recording of her ex freaking out over her pretending to have killed herself, then used it on an album.

And I think the ex committed suicide shortly after her stunt of pretending to have killed herself.

Yeah it was this, she faked a suicide to punish her ex for being an addict.

# ¿ Jan 22, 2021 05:07

uranium grass: Jan 15, 2005

more like oldtruthless

# ¿ Feb 27, 2021 19:16

uranium grass: Jan 15, 2005

of course she fails to mention they were wearing trump flags as capes

# ¿ Oct 7, 2021 19:32

uranium grass: Jan 15, 2005

Skwirl posted:

I doubt that would get a kid removed from school even. Assuming it's not a school with a uniform it's generally just wearing something with a drug or alcohol reference or a girl wearing a tank top that gets you in trouble.

they were specifically trying to hold a trump rally in the parking lot during school hours iirc

# ¿ Oct 9, 2021 17:25

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# ¿ May 4, 2024 18:14

uranium grass: Jan 15, 2005

they're claiming to be mad lots of animal testing is done on beagles even though they clearly never gave a gently caress about beagles being tested on up until this last few months

# ¿ Oct 27, 2021 22:19

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: I'm finding it very hard to immerse myself in the lie.