Star Citizen game developer, & public figurehead, has cool website of jokes

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Star Citizen game developer, & public figurehead, has cool website of jokes

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

Jon Do posted:

just gonna leave these here

credit to EminusSleepus

i never bought into reincarnation until I saw summer glau in this exact same picture with the exact same forced smile and slight variations on thousands of fat disgusting nerds, over and over again, forever

she must have been hitler in another life or something, nobody deserves that

# ¿ Apr 17, 2016 19:30

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 13:19

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

Pelican Dunderhead posted:

thanku commando melkor

jfc why would you record yourself being too fat and worthless to get off a loving couch

guys im beginning to think this man may not be an upstanding example of humanity

because he can barely loving stand up at all

# ¿ Apr 17, 2016 19:38

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

spacetoaster posted:

Cloud Imperium Games actually hired a guy to come defend them on our forums.

http://forums.somethingawful.com/member.php?action=getinfo&userid=217322

genuine question here but how hosed up do you have to be to think this obese pedophilic stalker piece of literal garbage is worth not only defending but paying someone to defend for you

# ¿ Apr 17, 2016 19:58

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

hey company that hired this terrible ogre instead of an actual human being: i will do this mans job for his salary and half the salary of the PR yes-man you hired to make him seem like a good employee

if you factor in the savings from not needing to deliver donuts to meetings by the ocean-barge-full you really can't afford not to hire me

# ¿ Apr 17, 2016 20:00

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

Colonel Cancer posted:

GBS caring about these tepid jokes, lol. You do realize that the mainstream reaction of a site that proudly posts 9/11 jokes on main page among other things would be 100% the same, right?

how much did you spend on imaginary spaceships

# ¿ Apr 17, 2016 20:10

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

someone help me out here who the gently caress is cig and how are they related to sc, I thought it was all from chris rogers games or whatever the gently caress

# ¿ Apr 17, 2016 20:12

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

spacetoaster posted:

Here's Ben with the CEO's wife.

thanks but like no seriously what is cig doing? did chris rogers hire them or what

# ¿ Apr 17, 2016 20:17

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

Colonel Cancer posted:

He's a fat dumb white guy with lovely humour who managed to run a pretty successful scam.

I guess it's like seeing your own reflection for most goons, aside from being successful.

no seriously how much money did you spend on pretend spaceships

# ¿ Apr 17, 2016 20:23

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

Mange Mite posted:

I assume he is one of those shill accounts they were talking about

if so he is not a very good one

# ¿ Apr 17, 2016 20:25

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

*runs into thread, drenched in sweat, fat rolls jiggling like the ocean on a windy day*

guys! GUYS!

*huff puff*

did you know

*gasp, gasp*

that being a pedophile and stalking a newscaster

*holds up finger to wait a minute while catching breath ends up lying on the pavement in a puddle of their own lardsweat*

is exactly like making jokes?!!!?!

# ¿ Apr 17, 2016 20:27

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

a hole-y ghost posted:

He can't run. Immersion shattered.

fuuuuuuuck drat

# ¿ Apr 17, 2016 20:29

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

imagine I said "waddles laboriously"

# ¿ Apr 17, 2016 20:29

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

he can't really have a framed picture of her can he

that's gotta be shopped

fakedit: im the children's airplane curtains

# ¿ Apr 17, 2016 20:37

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

spacetoaster posted:

Did you even look at his website? The link is in his tweet in the OP.

Go check out the section on the TV lady.

yeah I saw the section but framing a photo somehow flipped the switch from "creepy stalker who should be in jail" to

well I guess there's no real switch because I sill think the same thing but it's really really really gross and weird

# ¿ Apr 17, 2016 20:43

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

Microwaves Mom posted:

Fat, awkward, creepy, stalker is a pedophile News at 10:00.
Probably was IRC buds with Jared

he doesn't need the reminder about the news, he records it every night to play back in slow motion

# ¿ Apr 17, 2016 21:02

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

Enfield posted:

why is this stickied

the PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW!!!!1

# ¿ Apr 17, 2016 21:07

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

guys i assumed kikkelivelwhatever was making jokes

there's no way they're serious is there?

# ¿ Apr 17, 2016 21:38

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

"lol you thought I obsessively collected thousands of a woman's photos and had one framed in my bedroom because I was CREEPY? lol it was a joke you idiots, lol #puppetmastered"

# ¿ Apr 17, 2016 21:41

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

man when I was a teenager I was doing sick kickflips on a skate board and kissing girls instead of stalking news anchors and eating 7000 calories a day

# ¿ Apr 17, 2016 22:05

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

kikkelivelho posted:

I mean that was Ben specifically. Not Chris, not his wife or RSI. I already said that they probably need to let Ben go because of this.

"Probably"?

# ¿ Apr 17, 2016 22:42

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

lol of course he has a trinitron

# ¿ Apr 17, 2016 22:48

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

kikkelivelho posted:

I'm not defending Ben's actions. I'm just annoyed by the fact that people are trying to link this to Chris and his company when no such connection exists.

yes hmmmmm how could people possibly conflate this disgusting troll with the person who not only hired him but also entrusted him with being the public persona of their company

golly it's a real head scratcher, I just don't know!!!

# ¿ Apr 17, 2016 22:59

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

a hole-y ghost posted:

That guy's first post in the thread talked about Derek Smart. That should tell you what you need to know about him.

his first post was so dumb I legitimately thought he was joking, infact I am still not 100% convinced of his sincerity

# ¿ Apr 17, 2016 23:03

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

Chris Roberts sits in a dimly lit room. Across from him, his new applicant sits in a sagging leather couch.

"Hmmm....it seems like everything is in order here..." he states, looking over the applicant's resume. Still, something nags at him. Something is...missing. "Just one more thing. We expect a lot from our community managers. Can you stand up from the couch?"

A wave of confusion clouds the applicant's countenance, but they quickly rise to their feet.

Too quickly.

Chris sighs and waves the applicant out of his sight, disgusted. The search would continue.

# ¿ Apr 17, 2016 23:07

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

a hole-y ghost posted:

also: Kikkeli Velho

i don't know what this is, is this an anime?

mods???

# ¿ Apr 18, 2016 01:16

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

is derek smart a good guy or a bad guy i don't speak space moron language

# ¿ Apr 18, 2016 01:20

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

i feel like ive missed so much here - why is it that this game that has missed every deadline it's ever had and is clearly never going to release with half the features promised has become a religion to idiots?

dont people that are continually lied to eventually figure it out somehow??

# ¿ Apr 18, 2016 02:13

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

D_Smart posted:

He's an rear end in a top hat, but he's our kind of rear end in a top hat.

[/quote]

wtf how did d smert make nested quotes i thought that poo poo got removed when quotes linking back to posts was implemented

# ¿ Apr 18, 2016 15:25

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

"guys seriously i made literally thousands of racist and pedophilic comments and meticulously archived them alongside gigabytes of pictures of a woman i definitely am *NOT* actually stalking (because she lives in philadelphia now, i have her address and phone number saved but there's too many minorities there to visit) AS A JOKE

guys be nice i lost my eye as a kid and that makes all this totally normal and not disgusting at all"

# ¿ Apr 19, 2016 06:06

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

Skoll posted:

I'm morbidly curious how and Mrs achieve coitus... Are cranes involved? Or a complicated pulley system?

hi congratulations you've won "the grossest post in the thread" prize

here's your trophy:

faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaart

# ¿ Apr 19, 2016 18:01

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

ZenMaster posted:

Cross posting from the Star Citizen thread:

EFFORT POST:

For the morning crew to chew on, if I am being a jerk let me know, I will delete this, I am not minimizing depression or what Ben went through.

Timeline from very weak googling:

Been reading a lot of information put other there by Ben after Benghazi dropped... something didn't add up... and I read more than a few conflicting statements...

He wrote two LJ updates, one of April 16th and April 18th, 2016 to explain himself.

Ben makes one apology in the April 16th LJ update:

He is sorry it's so boring! I guess we are all just dum dums! Actually, this is a dodge. No one cares about his LJs. They are not the true issue here, it is the IRC chats. They are full of racism, pedophilia-related content, and threats of murder and violence (some against children). No one is using the LJs to troll Ben, or at least, that would be worthless as they are boring. But, Ben can explain the chats:

Ben Lesnick, April 16, 2016:

So, he's blaming SA for his disgusting IRC chats, right? Cause it convenient to blame the ones calling you out, no?

Something Awful was founded in 1999. Ben Lesnick would have been 18 years old when it was founded. Depending on when he discovered it and how long it took to 'idolize' it, he could well have been 19-20. This is further proven with:

The #WINGNUT IRC chat was founded in 1997 (and WCNEWS in 1998) a full 2 years before SA existed. If SA is to blame, this this:

Ben Lesnick, April 18, 2016:

is bollocks.

Two things here: If Something Awful is to blame as he says in the first missive, then this is simply not true. He would have been 18-20 range, an adult. Secondly, no one ever teased him for thinking cartoon anime women are hot. Some rational people might tell you that THINKING CARTOON ANIME CHILDREN are hot is BAD....that is the issue.... and if he was 17, how is a 17 year old thinking a 10 year old is "hot" and describing sexual things ok anywhere? Ben admits in graphic detail what he would do to a ten year old "cartoon anime woman," er child...

So, let's assume for the moment all of his gross rants and Hitler jokes and shooting up a classroom jokes are his to own, and not SA's fault... he was 17 and misguided.. he seriously was angry at the world? No friends, family, and nothing to live for? Losing your sight would be devastating, I am not minimized that at all... and maybe he did hide how he was feeling, but look at this.. is this the world of a anti-social, angsty teen who wrote those horrible things?

I get you were mad, depressed, and felt you wouldn't get out of life what you wanted... it would make anyone depressed. But it seems you had a tight family who loved you. Big parties, similar interests, and there are LJ after LJ of Ben buying things... every LJ is him buying a new toy or DVD series and enjoying it... he is passionate, and it shows... what doesn't show is the reason for the disturbing chats.

Who you are in secret is who you are in reality. That was exposed recently. I believe you have changed, but stop blaming everything and everyone else. Those things were inside you at one point, and you let them spill out onto the web in vibrant color, and people accepted you and you only got worse. Form 2002 and beyond you do some amazing things in your life, stuff even I have never done... I assume 1997-2002 was similar... your dad seems cool, did you go to Civil War reenactments with him? Museums with your mom, aquariums with your sister? I think you did...

But Ben, why do you never address: why did losing an eye make you joke about sex with kids? About shooting up a schoolroom of kids? How is the excuse that you felt you "had the world figure out" applicable? I would agree if it were embarrassing political posts or dumb ideas about society and its ill that were uncovered. If Sept 11th made you mad, why the racist rant against blacks, Chinese, etc? How do jokes about murdering kids fit into that narrative?

They don't. I do not deny you were very depressed. I do not claim to know how you felt during those dark times, and I am glad you found an outlet and friends to get through... but normal conversations between friends don't include these things. And if they do no one keeps a record of their awfulness. And then doubles down as to why they were kept.

If he truly did hate the world at one point and was just a dumb kid, it would have been in 1997-1999 time frame, and his chats would have started way before SA and any influence that would have had.

So by maybe, 24 you had mellowed?

Sorry, you were 27 when you wrote this stuff... lesson not learned?

DarkOff had a bit more to add, thanks Dark.

jesus christ dude take your meds

# ¿ Apr 19, 2016 18:02

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

that's really really sad

# ¿ Apr 19, 2016 18:18

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

please do not take my sentiment as an invitation to post elsewhere though, if all you post is sc poo poo you're probably dumb and we don't want to hear it

# ¿ Apr 19, 2016 18:19

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

8 track betamax posted:

I'm the growing sense of despair for the human race

good news friend, soon you will be able to leave them behind for a fantastic simulation game that spans the stars themselves, it is called star citizen, have you heard of it???

# ¿ Apr 19, 2016 19:41

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 13:19

Rockman Reserve: Oct 2, 2007; "Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

no they will not posted:

I did a little digging myself and have an addendum

nice

zen master this is funny and cool and your post was creepy and dumb and bad, take notes

# ¿ Apr 19, 2016 22:46

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Star Citizen game developer, & public figurehead, has cool website of jokes