|
spog posted:Divorce is much like getting a household appliance removed from your rear end at the hospital: while that's may not be something to be proud of, it's just the ending of something that's gone seriously wrong with your life. I wish thread titles were longer
|
#
?
May 10, 2016 21:12
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 4, 2024 10:02 |
|
|
tfw when you realize the new Zaurg thread isn't going to be very exciting cause he actually has his poo poo together. That said bittersweet endings tend to be the best ones.
|
|
#
?
May 10, 2016 21:40
|
|
|
Nocheez posted:So give the details on the stuff we wanted to know about her before that you didn't tell us because you were still married. Wonderhangers and custom chocolate bars couldn't have been the worst things she did. Oh I don't know. I shared a lot in the past two threads. After we bought the house in 2013 and moved in I pretty much ignored anything to do with finances. I didn't pay any bills, didn't balance checkbook, didn't even look at Excel/budget. Maybe once in a while I would check balances via online bank web site. So in 2015 I forget when exactly, I loaded the Mint app on my phone and in an effort to be thorough I add every account I had and my ex's one credit card she had only in her own name. I found out she spent thousands of dollars on iphone games over something like an 18 month period. From 2013-2015 we upgraded a lot of stuff at the house. I mean this was as close to our dream family house of the future where our kids would grow up and have pool parties and everything. Ex wanted to upgrade a LOT and FAST (fast imo) as usual and I had obviously changed to someone who longer argued or anything I just said ok sure and helped make the purchase. - all windows in entire updated to impact/hurricane. Holy poo poo I just remembered, she signed a contract to have the windows done for $20k when a salesmen met her outside the home without me there. I certified mailed the cancellation immediately the next day. Within the next month I had a different company doing it for about half the price. - pool resurfaced - brand new pool fence installed (had a fence already but it was old) - pool heater installed - huge shed purchased and put together - part of roof replaced (this was a necessity, just noting it) - some applicances replaced And she was working on getting the guest/kids bathroom redone right up until she said she wanted to separate. That time was really the worst for me. That feeling that I'd put so much into this house and now she wanted me out. Like she planned the whole thing that way. Deep down I don't think she is that evil but it was a thought and it made me sick. I leaned on a couple friends for advice and help like I never have before. Reached out to a couple counselors. I turned it around after about 1-1.5 months when I made the decision and contacted a lawyer.
|
|
#
?
May 10, 2016 22:15
|
|
|
zaurg posted:Oh I don't know. I shared a lot in the past two threads. I am glad you are better and in a good place now.
|
|
#
?
May 10, 2016 22:32
|
|
|
Gumbel2Gumbel posted:I am glad you are better and in a good place now. Seriously. I mean, I know it's literally the punchline to a funny quip, but the fact is that you have had some success serving as a warning to others. I read your threads in realtime. I learned a lot - not facts about budgeting, but about the mentality that gets people in debt. Seeing your mentality ("I think I'll go anyway and rationalize it like this...") made me pay more attention to my own feelings about budgeting.
|
|
#
?
May 11, 2016 02:02
|
|
|
It sounds like she had wanted you to be there to shoulder the burden of cost to get her dream house. Once you were almost done she wanted to seperate and keep the house and everything she wanted. It's great that you got the house and kicked her out so that you didn't lose everything. Out of everything that could have happened it went amazingly for you. How bad was the divorce from her end? You sound like your lawyer handled everything and didn't get involved and lose your cool. Which is what you should have done. Also a pool heater in Florida?
|
|
#
?
May 11, 2016 02:17
|
|
|
UCS Hellmaker posted:It sounds like she had wanted you to be there to shoulder the burden of cost to get her dream house. Once you were almost done she wanted to seperate and keep the house and everything she wanted. It's great that you got the house and kicked her out so that you didn't lose everything. Out of everything that could have happened it went amazingly for you. I think she's happier now too which is good. She's doing fine. We still have to communicate a lot regarding our kids and we communicate better than we ever have. Mostly through text. Some calls. Divorce from her end... well I know her lawyer bill was cheaper than mine. I initiated the process and finished it going to the final court date just myself and lawyer. She got the 20k from me and we went through the house and pretty evenly divided up stuff. It's amazing how much poo poo we had, she literally took a house full worth of stuff (dishes, clothes, furniture, etc etc etc) and I didn't have to buy anything new - except my master bedroom furniture which I haven't done yet. Yes I played it cool the whole time. I let her rant and go crazy many times while just playing cool and letting her know I would think about it (her always wanting to discuss the details of the agreement, etc.) or just responding with "ok" to any threats. The night she was served I was out running and she called me furious - even though I told her it would be happening soon. I recorded her a lot just in case she went completely batshit insane which thankfully she never did. I'd also made sure I had copies of all house keys on me and kept in another spot away from home, along with hardcopy of all my important documents, and every important document scanned & PDF'd. I tried to prepare for the worst after hearing so many divorce horror stories. Having people over and the water temp being under 80 is pretty drat chilly for us Floridians. It's May though and heating up quite a bit. Heater will probably only get used during a 4 month stretch of the year. This is like a pure E/N thread. I'll try to get to posting budget tomorrow for the onslaught of BFC hate. zaurg fucked around with this message at 03:20 on May 11, 2016 |
|
#
?
May 11, 2016 03:17
|
|
|
Any BFC'ers divorced with kids and have a similar agreement to mine where each parent pays % of medical/extracurricular expenses for the children? How did you manage that?
|
|
#
?
May 11, 2016 03:22
|
|
|
zaurg posted:This is like a pure E/N thread. I'll try to get to posting budget tomorrow for the onslaught of BFC hate. Speaking of, how much do you have saved for retirement? You're in your late 30's now, right?
|
|
#
?
May 11, 2016 03:56
|
|
|
Just finished re-reading your first thread over the last four days when someone posted the link in the newbie thread and now here you are. Welcome back. I wouldn't wish going through divorce on anyone but it's heartening to hear that you seem to be in a much better place emotionally now. Looking forward to seeing the financial numbers if you care to share but mainly just happy for you and your daughters.
|
|
#
?
May 11, 2016 05:53
|
|
|
zaurg posted:Any BFC'ers divorced with kids and have a similar agreement to mine where each parent pays % of medical/extracurricular expenses for the children? How did you manage that? I am in the same situation. I only have one kid and my wife and I got divorced last October. Our financial obligations and 50/50 custody seem pretty similar. I have no alimony or child support. She pays the healthcare premium and we split everything else down the middle. My daughter is three and in daycare. They know to bill us each our half separately, so that cuts out one potential issue. For her medical expenses, I know what my ex's out of pocket max is and just made a mental note to split that in half. It comes out to about $2k for me if she were to meet that. I also have a single HSA and my out of pocket max is $1k, so I just max that out and if I have to dip into it both her portion and my out of pocket would both be covered. If we do not hit the max for either of us, then I will continue to roll it over. For the extracurricular stuff, right now we just kind of eyeball it. My wife wanted her in dance and she signed her up for it without asking me, so she is not obligated to anything. However, I am not being a total jerk about it. My daughter and I have a pool membership and I will be paying for her swimming lessons. I am sure in the future this may be a little more involved, but it has worked for the past 7 months. I hope this maybe helps a bit. I feel exactly how you seem to. I have never been happier since my divorce. My daughter's and my time is not being overshadowed by a negative energy that her mother and I had when we were in the same house and she seems to not care at all, she is just a happy little girl. I hope you continue to stay positive. Let me know if you want any other type of information that may help you.
|
|
#
?
May 11, 2016 17:33
|
|
|
Inept posted:Speaking of, how much do you have saved for retirement? You're in your late 30's now, right? Yes late 30's. Only about 10k in my Roth 401k. I'm currently contributing 5% of each paycheck and the company does not do any matching.
|
|
#
?
May 12, 2016 01:37
|
|
|
spinst posted:How far in debt are you at this moment? zaurg posted:I confused debt with net worth. Total debt is a hefty 250k 30 year fixed mortgage @ 4.5%. poo poo I lied. It's good I'm updating budget at this time. I forgot to post that I borrowed $7500 from family last year. 5%. Repaying at only $100 per month.
|
|
#
?
May 12, 2016 01:44
|
|
|
dreesemonkey posted:Post up your budget Z man. $4700 monthly income after taxes $275 Roth 401k $450 health/dental insurance for me and kids $25 life insurance $1750 house mortgage with tax and ins escrowed $100 loan repayment to family $200 electric $80 water $40 internet and netflix $90 cell phone $80 lawn service $700 daughter's private school $60 auto fuel So that leaves me only $850 for: not sure about amounts yet - auto insurance is about $600 paid twice a year - groceries - auto repairs - medical and dental copays - clothes - entertainment - kids extracurricular activities/camps - car payment which I don't have now but should budget for - nothing saved aside from retirement?
|
|
#
?
May 12, 2016 02:06
|
|
|
something clever, thanks for sharing.
|
|
#
?
May 12, 2016 02:10
|
|
|
Hey at least you're not delivering pizzas anymore! You make more than what you and your wife made combined in your first thread by over $1000/month. On the other hand, private school 
|
|
#
?
May 12, 2016 02:11
|
|
|
Mocking Bird posted:On the other hand, private school Yeah, I thought one of the main points of getting a new house in the last thread was to be in a good school district.
|
|
#
?
May 12, 2016 02:20
|
|
|
SmuglyDismissed posted:...private school... You guys have good memories. Yes, that was one of the main points. And the local public school is a decent A rated school. But after we moved ex wanted daughter to go to a private school unless she could get into the public school's gifted program, which she couldn't. It was a huge battle between us and I finally gave in.
|
|
#
?
May 12, 2016 03:34
|
|
|
I wanted to chime in to say that I also read your previous threads in their entirety (I registered my SA account to read your threads and SlowMo's threads) and I'm extremely glad that you're happier now. It sounds like you and your ex are doing a solid job of working together to parent your daughters, and I wish you the best.
|
|
#
?
May 12, 2016 03:56
|
|
|
zaurg posted:You guys have good memories. I am a teacher (who went to private school and teaches at a private school) and would 100% recommend it to anyone for whom it is financially feasible. I don't think it is financially feasible for you. If you can, I would suggest you and Z-Ex discuss placing your kids in the public system until high school. IMHO unless your daughter needs a lot of individual attention, high school is when private school attendance carries the most benefits in terms of teacher-students interaction and college placement/preparedness. I entered the private system after 10 years of rural public schooling and was fine once I did; private school just gave me a bit of a boost in terms of AP classes and allowed me to more fully be a total art/drama nerd.
|
|
#
?
May 12, 2016 05:20
|
|
|
zaurg posted:$4700 monthly income after taxes Thanks for posting. House: Over 1/3 of your income, which on the face of it is usually a no-no. Is there any chance of selling to downsize or get a trustworthy roomate? Private school: I'd argue dropping this if possible, but who knows how catastrophic the fight would be with your ex and even your daughter if she was that adamant about the private school. I imagine there was some "coaching" from her mom on that part. Your daughter is probably in only like 2nd-3rd grade or something, right? Ideally you could nip this in the bud before your other daughter is old enough for school and also needs to go to private school. Cell phone: There is almost zero reason to have a cellphone bill over $50 anymore. Ting or Republic Wireless or Google Fi or Cricket or Straight Talk or something will all give you the same service you're getting for half the price (or better). If you get good sprint reception where you're at, ting or republic wireless could be good. Sprint or T-mobile is what google Fi uses (while not on wifi), Cricket does ATT towers, and Straight Talk is either VZW towers or ATT towers depending on your area. My wife has been on straight talk for years with zero problems. Customer service kinda sucks, but she has only had to call them like 2 times in 4+ years. If your t-mobile service is good they have a hard-to-find plan on their website for like $30/mo which is very little talk minutes, but unlimited text and decent data. Not sure if that's still around or not. Beyond that there doesn't look like much meat to cut. You minimally need to do something with the house or private school, ideally both. Are you using any software for budgeting at the moment?
|
|
#
?
May 12, 2016 15:09
|
|
|
Re: Private School Most people here are arguing for dropping this, and if the premise is all about money, then that makes sense. That said, Ill offer a counter opinion. While your overall situation isn't amazing, I do not think the $700/ month for this represents a massive your fiscal world is on fire emergency. Others have brought the value of fighting to get rid of it with your ex, but the more important value judgement, I think, is what the impact of changing the school would be on your kid. Does she like it? does she have a quality established friend group? Does she have a good relationship with her teachers? If the answers to some or all of these are yes, then I would strongly suggest you leave it be. If the place is good for your kid, it would be one of the last things I looked to change, and I would look to make other personal sacrifices to make it more palatable from a money perspective. Of course, that all goes out the window if it is not a great environment and doesn't seem to be working well. If that's the case its not only a waste of money, but also a negative even if it was free.
|
|
#
?
May 12, 2016 16:32
|
|
|
dreesemonkey posted:Thanks for posting. Selling for downsize, yes it's an option. Plan was to ride out the rest of 2016 as-is and preferably would rather go the trustworthy roommate route. Private school: Oldest daughter is just finishing 1st grade. Youngest daughter will be entering kindergarten in two years. Our divorce agreement says something like we "intend on both kids going to private school until high school..." but I think how it's written in the agreement is pretty meaningless, it's whatever we agree on doing, as long as the cost is split. No longer having that private school monthly bill would be huge. I know my ex has to be having trouble right now with her budget. She did get a roommate though (family member). The other thing is... I never knew a 1st grader could get so much homework and have so many tests per week. It's insane. Weekly schedule is very hard on my daughter. She is learning a lot though and has progressed so much this year. I'm saying I would welcome a reduced load if switching to public school meant that - which I think it would. Cell phone, I have AT&T and iPhone6 with the $25/month leasing plan included in my monthly bill. I had justified it to myself because my employer pays me $50/month for cell phone usage. And it really helps to have an iOS phone for work purposes, testing software, etc. I'm surprised you didn't mention the $80/month lawn service. There is no reason I shouldn't get rid of that. I have every other weekend without my kids and I own a mower, weed eater, gas tank, hedger, tree trimmer, machete, axe, fertilizer spreader. The time it takes me to do it has been the only thing holding me back from going back to doing it myself. I really value that weekend time lately. I did get rid of a $100/month pool service already and spent the last few weeks really learning the pool system and feel confident I can easily maintain it now. When something breaks I'll need help though. Software for budgeting, I just have a simple list in Excel.
|
|
#
?
May 12, 2016 16:57
|
|
|
You cannot afford your house, at least if you're not making any major changes to your budget. You are in debt to your family. A house with a pool is an extreme luxury when you've just gotten divorced and are putting your children through private school. Either get a roommate or sell it and move to cheaper digs.
|
|
#
?
May 12, 2016 17:01
|
|
|
You should get a good quality pool test kit from http://tftestkits.net/splash-page.html. They are cheap and they don't charge a ton for shipping for all the individual replacement chemicals. Keeping pool water balanced is easy and no pool service will ever do a particularly good job of it. Assuming you don't have a saltwater pool, you probably only need to ever use household bleach, cyanuric acid (stabilizer), baking soda as necessary to reduce alkalinity, muriatic acid as necessary to reduce pH, and then whatever you have to do to maintain calcium levels (add some calcium, drain water occasionally, or nothing if you are lucky). Pool stores will tell you all sorts of insane things, don't listen to them ever.
|
|
#
?
May 12, 2016 17:06
|
|
|
I recommend setting up alerts on Zillow. A few years ago I did that on a whim and they emailed me a listing that was perfect for us a couple weeks later. Deals pop up all the time.
|
|
#
?
May 12, 2016 17:09
|
|
|
Nocheez posted:You cannot afford your house Agreed. Droo posted:You should get a good quality pool test kit from http://tftestkits.net/splash-page.html. They are cheap and they don't charge a ton for shipping for all the individual replacement chemicals. Keeping pool water balanced is easy and no pool service will ever do a particularly good job of it. It's saltwater. Only thing I've had to do is add salt, add a little stabilizer, and cleaned the filter. Local pool store tests the water for free. The salt system also has a diagnostics interface and I downloaded the manual. My next task is to replace the pool light.
|
|
#
?
May 12, 2016 17:16
|
|
|
zaurg posted:It's saltwater. Only thing I've had to do is add salt, add a little stabilizer, and cleaned the filter. Local pool store tests the water for free. The salt system also has a diagnostics interface and I downloaded the manual. My next task is to replace the pool light. Salt doesn't generate if the water is under 60 degrees, so you'll have to add bleach in the winter as chlorine. You also need to check the TA every month or two and the pH weekly. If you haven't added muriatic acid to your pool in months, then you almost certainly have a pH problem. Also, salt shouldn't go away except when water is lost so if you are adding salt too frequently it means you have a leak or your salt cell is going bad and giving a false reading.
|
|
#
?
May 12, 2016 17:29
|
|
|
If it's a salt water pool could Zaurg fill it with mud and grow clams/oysters? Oysters are $35 a bushel and clams are like 13 cents each. A onion bag full of them is like $100 bucks.
|
|
#
?
May 12, 2016 17:35
|
|
|
This thing could be a potential money making machine!
|
|
#
?
May 12, 2016 17:35
|
|
|
Droo posted:Salt doesn't generate if the water is under 60 degrees, so you'll have to add bleach in the winter as chlorine. You also need to check the TA every month or two and the pH weekly. Thanks for the tips. I wonder how cold the water actually gets during our "winter". I doubt it gets below 60 but I don't recall checking during our coldest days. I've been handling pool maintenance on my own since the last week of February and I recently added about 25 lbs of salt to get the level back up to normal range. I don't know any history of salt being added or anything being added prior to that, so I'm just going to have to monitor from here going forward. I've been testing the water, no pH problem, but will continue testing it regularly.
|
|
#
?
May 12, 2016 17:40
|
|
|
Droo posted:Salt doesn't generate if the water is under 60 degrees, so you'll have to add bleach in the winter as chlorine. You also need to check the TA every month or two and the pH weekly. Do not listen to anything this man says I have years of experience with pools and he has a bunch of half information from Trouble Free Pool which has problems diagnosing such problems as "I added a bunch of chlorine and now my water is clear green" being a copper issue and "I added bleach during the winter with nothing running and now my vinyl liner is white wha' happen"
|
|
#
?
May 12, 2016 17:43
|
|
|
Sephiroth_IRA posted:If it's a salt water pool could Zaurg fill it with mud and grow clams/oysters? Strong Tuyop BASIL flashbacks right here. BFC full circle. Do it zaurg. You know you want that sweet, sweet In all seriousness though, glad to see you're doing well. Gives me hope that even the biggest BFC superstar can start turning their life around.
|
|
#
?
May 12, 2016 17:47
|
|
|
Gumbel2Gumbel posted:Do not listen to anything this man says I have years of experience with pools and he has a bunch of half information from Trouble Free Pool which has problems diagnosing such problems as "I added a bunch of chlorine and now my water is clear green" being a copper issue and "I added bleach during the winter with nothing running and now my vinyl liner is white wha' happen" Uh, I told him to buy a test kit and that salt cells don't generate chlorine when the water is cold. What exactly is your problem with that? From the Hayward salt cell manual: The Aqua Rite automatically stops generating when the pool water temperatures drops below 50şF.
|
|
#
?
May 12, 2016 17:47
|
|
|
zaurg posted:Selling for downsize, yes it's an option. Plan was to ride out the rest of 2016 as-is and preferably would rather go the trustworthy roommate route. Gardening is something you can get your kids involved in soon, too. My sister and I started around 3 or 4, and we both love gardening now in our 20s/30s. Save yourself the $80 and DIY. How do you plan to find a roommate? Younger family maybe?
|
|
#
?
May 12, 2016 17:51
|
|
|
Go to Leslie's, get them to measure all your numbers. Post results here and I'll tell you what to do since they'll try and sell you a bunch of expensive poo poo. Phosphates only matter if you keep your chlorine low (algae growth will happen) or if you have hosed up balance issues they can cake up on your heat exchanger when combined with calcium. 1) Salt goes away as it is used to generate chlorine, it's normal to have to top up during high usage times once or twice a month. Get a salinity test done. 2) Only add liquid bleach when the pool is running. 3) Salt can be bad for certain unsealed high end surfaces but should be generally fine. 4) Muriatic acid is nasty as gently caress. NASTY. AS. gently caress. It's HCL gas in solution and fumes like a motherfucker. I have heard of 2 people losing eyesight due to splashback through firsthand accounts. You do not want that poo poo around with children. Dry acid is better and the sulfate issues that people worry about aren't something to be concerned about in anything except commercial applications. 5) CYA is a pain in the rear end to add the dry stuff and gunks up your filter. Get the liquid stuff even though it's roughly 4 times more expensive because it only leaves due to splashout. It'll solve you a ton of wasted time. 6) If you have a DE filter consider switching to fiber as a filter media because crystallized diatomaceous earth is a known carcinogen. 7) Calcium does matter for vinyl pools, just not as much. I read a study done it by a liner manufacturer. 150 is a good reading for vinyl, 200-400 for all other surfaces. Gumbel2Gumbel fucked around with this message at 17:59 on May 12, 2016 |
|
#
?
May 12, 2016 17:55
|
|
|
Gumbel2Gumbel posted:1) Salt goes away as it is used to generate chlorine, it's normal to have to top up during high usage times once or twice a month. Get a salinity test done. https://www.hayward-pool.com/pdf/literature/salt-pamphlet-LITSLTPAMP14.pdf On page 5: • Chlorine is converted back to salt after use • Salt does not wear out, degrade or evaporate* • A salt chlorinated pool will have a constant supply of salt to continuously convert into fresh, pure chlorine. *salt only leaves the pool through splash out and backwash—not evaporation!
|
|
#
?
May 12, 2016 18:00
|
|
|
Droo posted:https://www.hayward-pool.com/pdf/literature/salt-pamphlet-LITSLTPAMP14.pdf Reading a Hayward manual is like asking a dictionary salesman if you need a dictionary FYI, there's a reason Pentair is better respected. "Salt water chlorination produces an excess of hydroxyl ions whilst releasing chlorine from salt, which makes the pool alkaline (sodium hydroxide, NaOH, caustic soda) . This requires the frequent addition of Hydrochloric Acid (HCl) to neutralise the alkalinity and convert the sodium hydroxide back into Sodium Chloride (i.e. table salt), which can be split by electrolysis again . Thus the consumable supplying all the chlorine is in fact the hydrochloric acid, with the salt merely acting as a non-consumed intermediary, being split and reformed . The whole process is exactly balanced by equivalents : the amount of chlorine produced is directly related to the amount of hydrochloric acid used, other things remaining equal . This could be represented roughly as follows (with the ions all separated in solution)" Speaking as someone who has serviced hundreds of pools and dipped my toe into the arcane chemistry behind it, there is a lot of stuff that looks right with simple calculations that just does not bear out in real life experience. Pools are a giant open wound in your backyard that you throw money and complex chemicals into that are all doing a bunch of crazy poo poo that you can get to roughly work out in your favor. Gumbel2Gumbel fucked around with this message at 18:21 on May 12, 2016 |
|
#
?
May 12, 2016 18:16
|
|
|
Please continue this fascinating argument about salinity.
|
|
#
?
May 12, 2016 18:22
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 4, 2024 10:02 |
|
|
Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:Please continue this fascinating argument about salinity. I can't, motherfucker is WRONG ON THE FORUMS. Also yeah I'm done caring, I'll help out Zaurg if he wants.
|
|
#
?
May 12, 2016 18:25
|
|