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Why's our robots always gotta be gay?
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May 10, 2016 13:44
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| # ? May 7, 2024 09:32 |
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one time in one of these threads somebody pointed out that when after you finished bangin your holowhore on the holodeck and said "end program" she'd dematerialize from around your cum and a load would just drop out of the air and splat on the floor it completely changed the way i look at star trek
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May 10, 2016 13:52
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ohh poo poo this holo-character gained sentience again and is threatening to take over the ship fourth time that's happened this week
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May 10, 2016 13:59
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No Riker, you can't gently caress a wormhole. No, it's too big. I guess it's not impossible to form the warp bubble into the shape of an erect penis, sir, but there's no reason we'd need... No sir, I don't need a reference programmed into the holodeck.
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May 10, 2016 14:02
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Nefarious 2.0 posted:one time in one of these threads somebody pointed out that when after you finished bangin your holowhore on the holodeck and said "end program" she'd dematerialize from around your cum and a load would just drop out of the air and splat on the floor Nah, matter and energy are interchangeable, and reused on the enterprise. So your jizz load is your grilled space cheese sandwich later, or used to rematerialize Riker after an away mission.
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May 10, 2016 14:08
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im the guy who mops up all the hololoads
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May 10, 2016 14:09
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ScrotoTurboSperg posted:im the guy who mops up all the hololoads oh, hey o'brien
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May 10, 2016 14:10
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Welcome to the bridge, Mr. LaForge  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8aEhtJ-sgg
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May 10, 2016 14:11
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so last night i was all up in the jeffries tube - when he turns around and says hey, more lube please!!!
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May 10, 2016 14:11
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THE DOG HOUSE posted:sometimes i get into arguments with someone who thinks all these shows had great deeper meaning and lessons with humanity. t he last one was him explaining how in one society they fought a virtual war then the loser would then kill off some % of its population and how tidy that was and how it was what we were heading to. its always some crap like that too that could never actually work and NO IT IS NOT CLEVER in old timey musket wars, British troops would stand still when a grenade landed next to them, because it was the gentlemanly way to conduct oneself in time of war. Wars have artificial rules today too, sometimes they are followed and sometimes they are broken depending on the anticipated consequences
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May 10, 2016 14:22
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THE DOG HOUSE posted:sometimes i get into arguments with someone who thinks all these shows had great deeper meaning and lessons with humanity. t he last one was him explaining how in one society they fought a virtual war then the loser would then kill off some % of its population and how tidy that was and how it was what we were heading to. its always some crap like that too that could never actually work and NO IT IS NOT CLEVER The idea is that if one side breaks the rules then the other side presses the button and the nukes fly and everyone dies. It's a cold war metaphor you putz
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May 10, 2016 14:29
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i'm morn sitting at the bar
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May 10, 2016 14:32
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Cry Havoc posted:i'm morn sitting at the bar Temba, his arms wide
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May 10, 2016 14:57
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Crusty Nutsack posted:Deep space nine is not a spaceship it just sits there doing nothing waiting for people to come to it IT IS NOT A SPACESHIP Deep Space 69
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May 10, 2016 15:11
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Stardate 43862.9- Wesley Crusher reports odd sounds behind wall of quarters, and believes it to be a holodeck program of a ghost that has somehow gained access to the ship. After investigating holodeck, I discovered the origin of the sounds to be the passionate love making of Commander Riker and three Orion women. Stardate 43862.9 addendum- Request from Dr Crusher for repairs of what she had dubbed "the trombone extractor" has been approved.
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May 10, 2016 23:24
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Stardayteh, all the time, everywhere. Experience Bij. That is all.
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May 10, 2016 23:48
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Mange Mite posted:The idea is that if one side breaks the rules then the other side presses the button and the nukes fly and everyone dies. It's a cold war metaphor you putz Yeah exactly, which was my second point actually . I lost the COD war, refuse to kill my civilians, then what ? Get nuked ? Then they will get nuked. Back to square one where nothing happens except I didn't kill the civilians Everything from that show has these gaping plot holes like that
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May 10, 2016 23:54
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THE DOG HOUSE posted:Yeah exactly, which was my second point actually . I lost the COD war, refuse to kill my civilians, then what ? Get nuked ? Then they will get nuked. Back to square one where nothing happens except I didn't kill the civilians Then everyone dies because mutually assured destruction, rhe entire planet is destroyed and your species goes extinct. It's an obvious cold war metaphor how do you not get this
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May 10, 2016 23:59
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CREMANS LOG: Currently confined to quarters cause that rear end in a top hat Tucker overheard me say T'Pol's tits are fake. Now I get to miss movie night.
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May 11, 2016 00:09
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Mange Mite posted:Then everyone dies because mutually assured destruction, rhe entire planet is destroyed and your species goes extinct. It's an obvious cold war metaphor how do you not get this Omg and what didn't happen during the cold war It can't happen because for the very reasons it supposedly would happen
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May 11, 2016 00:25
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satanic splash-back posted:I'm masturbating in an unseen corner of the ship That random little room with the window Picard was hiding from the Borg in First Contact?
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May 11, 2016 00:36
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Transporter Chief Personal Log: You know, I should have loving listened to Barclay. (That's something I thought I'd never say.) He told me, "Chief,is Keiko really Japanese? I'm fluent in Japanese thanks to my (holographic) girlfriend and she didn't understand a word I was saying when I tried talking to her. I think she's just really obsessed with old anime videos." and I didn't listen, because I didn't even know what the gently caress he was talking about! Anime?! She's a god-damned botanist! They have nothing to do with animals! It wasn't until AFTER the wedding I found out they were some sort of ancient 2-dimensional video simulations and I was like "What the hell?!"
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May 11, 2016 00:37
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Bloodfart McCoy posted:That random little room with the window Picard was hiding from the Borg in First Contact? Please don't jerk off in the underground poker meeting room
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May 11, 2016 00:44
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Hector Beerlioz posted:Please don't jerk off in the underground poker meeting room Please don't play poker in the underground masturbation chamber 
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May 11, 2016 00:54
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Please jerk off in the sonic shower like the rest of us, please!
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May 11, 2016 00:54
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"Captain I'm acting irrationally and am overly emotional and going through some kind of mating thing again where I can't stop crying or complaining about bullshit for another episode. Can I sit next to you? I like it when you let me sit next to you, otherwise I feel like you're mad at me for something and I hate that feeling. I talked to Jenna in 10-4ward today and she feels the same way. We both feel like you don't let your guard down enough and you seem frustrated when I try to talk to you about things, and I feel like I need to be able to talk to you about the things I'm doing and working on. I can also sense a deep distrust in me from inside you and that hurts me and I just want us to be on the same page as one another and talk about things. I was down in the botany lab today talking to Keiko and she has the same problems with the replicators that I do, where it just won't heat dinner up to the right temp. It's either too hot or too cold. Oh and don't forget you have a doctors appointment with Dr. Crusher on Thursday and you skipped the last one. You need to go to those, we've talked about this. I've been thinking of starting a cat simulator program on the holodeck for some of the school children because I've read that cats are therapeutic for children. Did I tell you about.." phaser blast rips through Troi
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May 11, 2016 01:27
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Big Beef City posted:"Captain I'm acting irrationally and am overly emotional and going through some kind of mating thing again where I can't stop crying or complaining about bullshit for another episode. Can I sit next to you? I like it when you let me sit next to you, otherwise I feel like you're mad at me for something and I hate that feeling. I talked to Jenna in 10-4ward today and she feels the same way. We both feel like you don't let your guard down enough and you seem frustrated when I try to talk to you about things, and I feel like I need to be able to talk to you about the things I'm doing and working on. I can also sense a deep distrust in me from inside you and that hurts me and I just want us to be on the same page as one another and talk about things. I was down in the botany lab today talking to Keiko and she has the same problems with the replicators that I do, where it just won't heat dinner up to the right temp. It's either too hot or too cold. Oh and don't forget you have a doctors appointment with Dr. Crusher on Thursday and you skipped the last one. You need to go to those, we've talked about this. I've been thinking of starting a cat simulator program on the holodeck for some of the school children because I've read that cats are therapeutic for children. Did I tell you about.." *Riker puts phaser to his head... Then reconsiders*
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May 11, 2016 01:50
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Major Kira is ignoring me lately, probably Shakaar's doing. Hmph. Two can play at that game. From now on I'll practice shape shifting into forms that are DEFINITELY NOT Major Kira or her personal effects. Take that.
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May 11, 2016 01:56
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Turn your head and cough in the giant ball of the Olympic class medical ship.
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May 11, 2016 02:31
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Personal Log: Crew and I taken prisoner by the Dominion. Was being escorted and tripped while walking down the corridor. Everyone laughed...
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May 11, 2016 03:15
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Maintenance Report: Had to respond to a request submitted by Nurse Chapel. Apparently those paddles on the wall Dr. McCoy makes you push with your legs got jammed. I go into sickbay and hear lots of banging from the pressure chamber. Nurse Chapel explained to me that when Scotty gets too much scotch in him and starts to get rowdy they have to lock him in there. The brig is the usual drunk tank but he's too clever and can deactivate the force field. Chapel says he usual pisses in there as an extra gently caress you. The paddles could be easily fixed but I said they will have to be replaced at the next starbase because gently caress those things. Worst part of the routine physical.
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May 11, 2016 03:19
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Prisoners Log: Honorless guard that beat me to near-death in a fair fight refused the order to execute me. Another honorless guard killed him like an honorless coward with a phase disruptor. Honor. 
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May 11, 2016 03:25
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Hector Beerlioz posted:CREMANS LOG: Currently confined to quarters cause that rear end in a top hat Tucker overheard me say T'Pol's tits are fake. Now I get to miss movie night. Lol! Thank you so much for making this thread.
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May 11, 2016 03:35
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is this supposed to be funny
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May 11, 2016 03:38
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crewmember's log engineering star date seven oh oh one two point nine eleven we've finally identified the clouds of sweet smelling vapor emitting from lt. cmdr data's face holes- he has discovered a disturbing fad from the post-eugenics wars dark ages known as "vaping". During a warp core malfunction he was ordered him to assist chief engineer Laforge, but he refused to provide aid to any of us and only observed clouds of steam issuing from the cracked tubing, shouting "sick plume, bro!" at each one. It admittedly isn't any worse than his last phase, as the vest and "man bun" were not starfleet regulation and we had all grown very tired of his lecturing guinan about "hops" while we tried to order drinks Also the vaping, while distracting, appears to pose no threat of explosion, unlike the ironically named "hover board" that killed spots #12 through #19 and sent four crew members to sickbay with second degree burns during the captain's flute recital. hopefully he'll take notice of the nancy drew holonovels that the bridge crew have been leaving around the ship and move on from this weird early 21st century stuff. We already know he likes solving mysteries and I don't think she ever faced off against anyone who could destroy the ship. computer, end recording and replicate me some fuckin French toast
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May 11, 2016 05:01
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Transporter Chief Personal Log: The Captain called me in to discuss complaints about 'cultural appropriation' by me and the rest of the lads staging some Klingon rite of passage thing. Worf seemed to be in good spirits afterwards, but a bunch of ensigns have been really upset about it. But, as the lowest ranking rear end in a top hat in the whole affair, I'm the one to blame. Meanwhile, I'm sitting here and I'm supposed to be taking lessons on 'cultural appropriations' from some loving Earl Grey-drinkin' Frenchman who does Shakespeare plays, roleplays as an American secret agent or something and whose English accent is so thick it could clog the environmental filters. He honestly sat there, talking about being respectful of other cultures, all while I know for an absolute fact he stole artifacts from a 10,000 year old Vulcan burial ground not less than 5 months ago. I may be a lot of things Picard, but at least I'm not coming up with academic reasons to excuse MY grave robbing. At least when I desecrate a grave, its out of boredom, profit or revenge.
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May 11, 2016 05:14
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Stardate 42695.4- The ship has again passed through a transdimensional hole of some sort, scorching the hull plating. While on repair duty the majority of the senior crew went on an away mission to a nearby planet; upon my return to the ship Acting Captain Yar had declared martial law. All male crew members have been detained in the cargo hold, along with Ensign Jones being sent to the brig for calling Lt Yar "A drat robot fucker," delaying any further repairs to the hull.
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May 11, 2016 05:54
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Not again. Picard is trying to sort out some stuff because we had a First Contact situation with a pre-warp culture and they've assumed because we came from the sky, we're gods... The worst part is, then you've got Picard over there, just trying to explain that we're just mere mortals, wringing his hands over the Prime Directive and our cultural interference, and now I'm wondering if these aliens aren't just assholes playing a prank on us by pretending to think we're all divine and supernatural and laughing about how gullible we are behind OUR backs. These people were in the middle of the nuclear age and they thought we were 'gods'! Jesus Christ. You fuckers split the goddamned atom and you still think men from the stars are loving gods?! They've got simple voice-only residential communicators and radio and visual mass media and even a global data network, but they thought the voices from our communicators were loving ghosts or angels. They have a primitive rocket system, and they think our shuttlecrafts are 'celestial chariots'! Picard is seriously eating the poo poo they're slapping on his plate! gently caress it, if they want to keep playing around and pretending we're gods, if they want to keep it up? I'll be their god. I'll be a god of death...
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May 11, 2016 06:14
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Stardate 49230.2- Q has again filled Captain Janeway's quarters with genital stimulation devices fashioned from the anatomy of various alien lifeforms from around the universe. The size and shape of some of these devises has made disposal difficult, we have resorted to using the replicator's mass reclamation feature. By our estimates 57% of the matter being used for replication purposes can be traced back to these devices... We're literally eating cock all day.
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May 11, 2016 06:56
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| # ? May 7, 2024 09:32 |
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TICKET SUMMARY: ENTBG0134>REPAIR MAIN CONSOLE: SPARKING - OPEN ENTBG0135>REPAIR MAIN CONSOLE: SPARKING - OPEN ENTBG0136>REPAIR MAIN CONSOLE: SPARKING - OPEN ENTBG0137>REPAIR MAIN CONSOLE: SPARKING - OPEN ENTBG0141>REPAIR MAIN CONSOLE: SPARKING - OPEN ENTBG0143>REPAIR MAIN CONSOLE: SPARKING - OPEN ENTBG0151>REPAIR MAIN CONSOLE: SPARKING - OPEN ENTBG0152>REPAIR MAIN CONSOLE: SPARKING - OPEN ENTBG0153>REPAIR MAIN CONSOLE: SPARKING - OPEN ENTBG0154>REPAIR MAIN CONSOLE: SPARKING - CLOSED - RESOLVED ENTBG0155>REPAIR MAIN CONSOLE: SPARKING - OPEN >...
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May 11, 2016 07:22
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