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Transporter Chief Personal Log: You know, I should have loving listened to Barclay. (That's something I thought I'd never say.) He told me, "Chief,is Keiko really Japanese? I'm fluent in Japanese thanks to my (holographic) girlfriend and she didn't understand a word I was saying when I tried talking to her. I think she's just really obsessed with old anime videos." and I didn't listen, because I didn't even know what the gently caress he was talking about! Anime?! She's a god-damned botanist! They have nothing to do with animals! It wasn't until AFTER the wedding I found out they were some sort of ancient 2-dimensional video simulations and I was like "What the hell?!"
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May 11, 2016 00:37
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| # ¿ May 19, 2024 16:56 |
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Transporter Chief Personal Log: The Captain called me in to discuss complaints about 'cultural appropriation' by me and the rest of the lads staging some Klingon rite of passage thing. Worf seemed to be in good spirits afterwards, but a bunch of ensigns have been really upset about it. But, as the lowest ranking rear end in a top hat in the whole affair, I'm the one to blame. Meanwhile, I'm sitting here and I'm supposed to be taking lessons on 'cultural appropriations' from some loving Earl Grey-drinkin' Frenchman who does Shakespeare plays, roleplays as an American secret agent or something and whose English accent is so thick it could clog the environmental filters. He honestly sat there, talking about being respectful of other cultures, all while I know for an absolute fact he stole artifacts from a 10,000 year old Vulcan burial ground not less than 5 months ago. I may be a lot of things Picard, but at least I'm not coming up with academic reasons to excuse MY grave robbing. At least when I desecrate a grave, its out of boredom, profit or revenge.
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May 11, 2016 05:14
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Not again. Picard is trying to sort out some stuff because we had a First Contact situation with a pre-warp culture and they've assumed because we came from the sky, we're gods... The worst part is, then you've got Picard over there, just trying to explain that we're just mere mortals, wringing his hands over the Prime Directive and our cultural interference, and now I'm wondering if these aliens aren't just assholes playing a prank on us by pretending to think we're all divine and supernatural and laughing about how gullible we are behind OUR backs. These people were in the middle of the nuclear age and they thought we were 'gods'! Jesus Christ. You fuckers split the goddamned atom and you still think men from the stars are loving gods?! They've got simple voice-only residential communicators and radio and visual mass media and even a global data network, but they thought the voices from our communicators were loving ghosts or angels. They have a primitive rocket system, and they think our shuttlecrafts are 'celestial chariots'! Picard is seriously eating the poo poo they're slapping on his plate! gently caress it, if they want to keep playing around and pretending we're gods, if they want to keep it up? I'll be their god. I'll be a god of death...
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May 11, 2016 06:14
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"Hold that turboli---!" Then I see it's the First Officer. I barely got the world 'hold' out of my mouth before Commander Riker started shouting at the computer "Close lift doors!" Then I wait and wait for the return of the lift, and it never comes. I'm waiting there like an rear end in a top hat and decide I've had enough of this and get the computer to give me directions via Jeffries Tubes to get to Deck 10. 15 minutes later, I crawl out of a port on the floor and I see Riker just leaning on the open lift doors having a conversation. Then he shoots me a smug look and I can't tell if he's just being 'normal' smug Riker and is just trying to impress everyone with the way he can keep an attractive woman interested in him, or if he's being 'rear end in a top hat' smug Riker because he recognized me from Deck 2 and only did any of this just to mess with me. I pretend like I don't see him in either case and just trudge myself over to the bar and want to finally unwind. Then he sees me pull up a stool and he suddenly ends his conversation, coming up to me and asking me if I'm having a drink when I should be repairing something in those Jeffries Tubes. I then have to try to delicately explain to him that I've been off-duty for the last 30 minutes, I was just trying to get to Ten Forward and that was the only way. He starts giving me a verbal warning about how the Jeffries Tubes aren't for non-duty travel and it's a danger to the ship to have the crew turning them into shortcuts because they don't have time to wait on a lift or the inclined walkways. The walkways? The ones ALL THE WAY ON THE OTHER END OF THE SHIP? Whoever designed this vessel didn't think we needed THAT many sets of stairs between decks to between levels because, 'hey, these turbolifts are super fast! People can use those quickly." Then good ol' Picard gets off the turbolift, first thing out of his mouth when approaching Riker is a complaint about the lift being broken because he waited nearly 20 minutes for it to arrive for him. Then Riker starts telling him how I was just telling HIM about the lifts being broken and that I had to use the Jeffries Tubes. Before anyone can say anything else, Picard wants to know why I'm taking a break instead of doing a full diagnostic, then? I'm a Starfleet Officer, I need to show the initiative and when I see a problem, I need to fix it and he expects a lift system status report in the morning.
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May 12, 2016 05:59
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