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me: hmm this is a hard question but i think my answer is c
regis: is that your final answer
me: if you think about it what certainty is there really in life. whats here today may be gone tomorrow in an instant. all we can hope for in life is to keep moving forward, without regrets
regis: drat
regis: ok kevin, it's all happening. now for the $500000 question: you're missing your son's recital right now. what kind of recital is it?
a: piano recital
b: clarinet recital
c: ballet recital
d: baseball recital
kevin: uh, i'd like to call his mother
regis: ...well, we tried, kevin, but she said she wasn't sure you were friends even before the divorce
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Jun 12, 2016 03:18
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May 9, 2024 04:14
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guy who won everything on 'millionaire': *picks up phone* hello?
kidnapper: listen very carefully. we're not loving around this time. tell us where the money is or your daughter bites it
guy: hmmm. well, regis, i'd like to phone a friend
kidnapper: ...i'm sorry?
guy: my lifeline. phone a friend
kidnapper: ...i'll put her on i guess?
daughter: daddy help i don't know where we are but i could swear i heard a rare native species of bir --
guy: now honey i know you're excited and it's a big moment, but gee, i just don't know how to answer this one. what do you think?
daughter: what
guy: where's the money? c'mon, we've only got... 10 seconds left.
daughter: daddy no this isn't --
guy: oh gosh! rats. time's up. what a stumper
kidnapper: the gently caress, guy? tell us where the loving money is
guy: gee regis. i just don't know! 'ask the audience'
kidnapper: jesus gently caress! ...hey bryce, come over here and tell him we're not loving around
bryce: we said no names, jayden! no naaaaaames!
jayden: gently caress! gently caress! look, we'll do this your way: a. you tell us where the money is, b. we shoot and kill your daughter. what is your final answer?
guy: (heavy breathing)
jayden: WELL?
guy: ...50/50, regis!
*sound of gunfire*
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Jun 22, 2016 05:03
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Jun 12, 2016 03:18
