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If you ever wanted to see how a French president handed over something of dubious worth to Germans, the Euro 2016 is the perfect place for that. It's the European Championships again, and without further ado, here are the champions Germany sends to France.  Are boys looking good  But who are all these people? Behold our fearless leader Hans Joachim Löw  Goalkeepers Manuel Neuer (Bayern München)  The only German keeper you will see during the tournament, and rightfully so. Bernd Leno (Bayer Leverkusen)  Pictured: Timo Horn, who turned up after googling Leno He's alright, but certainly no Ron-Robert Zieler. Marc-André ter Stegen (FC Barcelona)  Missing another easy shot again Löw could've gotten Weidenfeller instead since he's also a part-time keeper but no, let's nominate the idiot who's never done a proper job while wearing a Germany kit. Defense Jérôme Boateng (Bayern München)  https://twitter.com/WernerDoye/status/742111996590624768 A centerback, and pretty drat good at his job, will play every match. Mats Hummels (Borussia Dortmund)   Another great centerback, expected to pair up with Boateng throughout all the matches, be it for the Mannschaft or Bayern come this summer. Currently injured, can hopefully make a quick comeback. Shkodran Mustafi (Valencia CF)  Either a centerback for the bench, or filling in as fullback after seeing another one of Rudys and Cans performances there. Benedikt Höwedes (Schalke 04)  Centerback, was more or less tolerable as fullback during the World Cup, let's see what he'll do this time. Antonio Rüdiger (AS Roma)  Fifth centerback in the provisional line-up, which should be enough cover in case someone important gets injured. Has some potential for a great player in him. Jonas Hector (1.FC Köln)  Germany's only nominal leftback. He's mediocre as gently caress and surprisingly old at 26, so there's not a whole lot of room to develop for him. Scored against Italy in a friendly which of course means he'll play all matches in France. Emre Can (Liverpool FC)  Pictured: Can and Sakho having a laugh shortly before their doping tests. An okay defensive midfielder nominated for the fullback position, which he is really bad at. Sebastian Rudy (TSG Hoffenheim)  Rudy is a bad player and I don't understand this nomination at all. He's shown no promise over the course of six years, yet ended up here because of the Swabian connection. Midfield/Offense (because having a dedicated Offense means having more than one name) Sami Khedira (Juventus Turin)  Will play every match, gets a long eeeeeeeh... from me, there are better options around even with Gündoğan out. Bastian Schweinsteiger (Manchester United)  Schweinsteiger chuffed about his first expedition to France Currently injured Leitwolf, will play all matches if the doctors okay it. Toni Kroos (Real Madrid)  One Kroos fits all Will orchestrate passes from his position in midfield and never not look bored. Joshua Kimmich (Bayern München)  One of the youngsters it is unclear whether he'll make the cut, the Euros might be a bit too early for him. Julian Weigl (Borussia Dortmund)  Also a youngster who is not expected to make the cut, as long as Schweinsteiger gets fit in time. Good lad. Thomas Müller (Bayern München)  Needs some practice for the salute. Where other players fail Thomas... will find a way. Mario Götze (Bayern München)  Germany's Golden Boy, people wonder if he'll do the same thing here and score the big winner again. Marco Reus (Borussia Dortmund)  Reus getting a legit driving license in Cambodia Last time he got himself injured Germany went on to become World Champions, so I'll spot a terrible pattern and say his injury status is important for mounting a title challenge. Mesut Özil (Arsenal FC)  Germany's playmaker and king of assists behind Henry. Doesn't quite look his age. Julian Draxler (VfL Wolfsburg)  Julian has been waiting for some time for a breakthrough, will this Euro be his? Karim Bellarabi (Bayer Leverkusen)  Bellarabi is fast on the wings, and that's about it. Julian Brandt (Bayer Leverkusen)  Part of the youngster brigade, might or might not be cut for the final line-up. Leroy Sané (Schalke 04)  Same chance of staying as the rest of the young ones, has some potential for a great attacking player (Brandt has, too). André Schürrle (VfL Wolfsburg)  Made the assist for Götze's winning goal in 2014, has been very uneven since then. Walks a bit like a duck. Mario Gomez (Beşiktaş Istanbul)  Has been rather productive in Turkey, which happens when you're not injured and playing. Lukas Podolski (Galatasaray Istanbul)  Everyone loves clowns, Germany will even sacrifice a slot for one (though Poldi is kinda good for team chemistry). What to expect? They won't make it out of the group. Additional ressources and bad photoshops http://www.tomnash.eu/gomez-button.html    https://vimeo.com/171193536 Healbot fucked around with this message at 12:39 on Jun 19, 2016 |
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May 30, 2016 15:31
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| # ? May 6, 2024 20:08 |
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I'm ready to press the Gomez button after he scores in our epic clash against European giants *checks notes* Northern Ireland?!? http://www.tomnash.eu/gomez-button.html
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May 30, 2016 15:39
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Hell yeah thank god the Gomez button is back it was broken for ages.
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May 30, 2016 15:44
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hopterque posted:Hell yeah thank god the Gomez button is back it was broken for ages. Just like Gomez himself, so no loss there
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May 30, 2016 15:47
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Kind of mean of Löw to send out all the firsttimer kids against some hard cunts like Slovakia without proper leadership on the pitch. Got a deserved bloody nose but in the end they'll just blame it on the weather I fear instead of taking that as a lesson learned.
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May 30, 2016 16:38
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All I want from Euro 2016 is for Özil to complete another pass like this one: https://gfycat.com/PolishedUntidyBadger I've been raving about it ever since I saw the live replay and I've never seen anything like it ever again. Make it happen, Mesut! Okay, there's a few other things I want: - Weigl in the team for every single minute of the tournament. Yes, i'm a 1860 fan so there's some "Unser Junge" thinking here, but this guy has become a midfield machine this year and if there's one thing we desperately need it's a player who plays a good and clean no bullshit pass (I know this contradicts my Özil wish but that was loving MAGIC so it doesn't count) without wasting a second thinking about the less obvious and way harder second, third or fourth option. He'll probably won't even make it to France, though - There's a whole group of players (Rudy, Hector, Rüdiger, loving-Gomez, Can and maybe ter Stegen) that should take a look at Mustafi's path at WC 2016 and maybe think about taking the same one. Including Mustafi himself (his Lego fig is still amazing) - Neuer finally being called libero instead of goalie, because that's what he is - Götze to once again score the most important goal in the tournament, because I want to see that guy as happy as he was two years ago. I've never seen him laugh like that again and it's all because of those evil Bayern-men!
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May 30, 2016 16:40
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Sorry, double post:elbkaida posted:Kind of mean of Löw to send out all the firsttimer kids against some hard cunts like Slovakia without proper leadership on the pitch. Got a deserved bloody nose but in the end they'll just blame it on the weather I fear instead of taking that as a lesson learned. I thought that Kimmich was the worst in that aspect. Guardiola always praises him as this great player (is he? I've not seeen that many Bayern matches this season) but during the second half he had this constant "Why do I have to play in this loving weather" smugface on. Dude, you're playing the Mannschaft for the first time. Make an effort, would ya?
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May 30, 2016 16:45
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^^edit: That's what I get for letting the tab open too long, but we really agree about Kimmich. Good OP, OP. Anyone else thinking that Sane has the best chances of getting into the final squad? He has some attacking talent, something the team definitely needs. I rate him as the better offensive player between him and Brandt. Weigl is not bad, but we have better players for his position. And Kimmich is overrated in my opinion. He didn't impress me in yesterday's game. None of the youngsters managed to stand out, but I think Kimmich was the weakest of them. Pep might think he's the second coming or something like that (or not, hard to tell what Pep's trying to say sometimes), but I think he's not yet good enough to make the squad.
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May 30, 2016 17:05
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reposting this here lmao at Khedira's facial hair
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May 30, 2016 17:19
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Good OP, OP.
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May 30, 2016 17:26
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AlexF posted:- There's a whole group of players (Rudy, Hector, Rüdiger, loving-Gomez, Can and maybe ter Stegen) that should take a look at Mustafi's path at WC 2016 and maybe think about taking the same one. Including Mustafi himself (his Lego fig is still amazing) I admit, I don't understand what you are trying to say here 
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May 30, 2016 17:34
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I've heard that Germans don't want Jerome Boateng to be their neighbour, c/d?
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May 30, 2016 17:47
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Boateng can be my neighbour anytime if he lets me ride in his sweet rear end custom Bentley in exchange! For real though: He seems kinda dumb in interviews which leaves a strange impression. I've "met" him in person twice (coincidentally, of course...I don't know him personally) in a restaurant we often go to and both times he was absolutely humble and nice to every one there. It doesn't fit his outgoing clothing style and sometimes aggressive fits on the pitch at all. He seems really, really cool! Torrannor posted:I admit, I don't understand what you are trying to say here Mustafi got injured just in time before everyone realized how badly he sucks, so no one could exploit that weakness. Best thing I've ever seen him do.
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May 30, 2016 17:54
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Wasn't Mustafi pretty good for Valencia this season or was that the Guardian bullshitting me?
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May 30, 2016 18:01
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Wengy posted:Wasn't Mustafi pretty good for Valencia this season or was that the Guardian bullshitting me? Supposedly he was, yeah. Doesn't really matter though since he likely won't be playing. Löw seems to prefer Höwedes and Rüdiger (ugh).
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May 30, 2016 18:05
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needs more Mannschaft
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May 30, 2016 18:10
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is there beef with low and schmelzer or something? i recall him having a pretty good season and seems like a much more viable fullback option than the rest of that garbage fire
vivisectvnv fucked around with this message at 19:33 on May 30, 2016 |
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May 30, 2016 19:29
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vivisectvnv posted:is there beef with low and schmelzer or something? i recall him having a pretty good season and seems like a much more viable fullback option than the rest of garbage fire 
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May 30, 2016 19:30
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vivisectvnv posted:is there beef with low and schmelzer or something? i recall him having a pretty good season and seems like a much more viable fullback option than the rest of garbage fire With Rudy pretty much having a guaranteed spot, there's only so much space for bad haircuts in the squad, so Schmelzer had to stay home
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May 30, 2016 19:32
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I used to think Schmelzer was poo poo, then I saw Hector and Rudy in action, also Can at full back lmao
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May 30, 2016 19:35
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Have you ever seen Hector doing something even remotely resembling a sprint? That guy's highest speed is Schmelle's light jog.
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May 30, 2016 19:38
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vivisectvnv posted:is there beef with low and schmelzer or something? i recall him having a pretty good season and seems like a much more viable fullback option than the rest of that garbage fire Löw doesn't like him. That's all. Schmelzer is better than all the other garbagemen that are currently on the team.
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May 30, 2016 19:41
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I think he said some years ago that he doesn't think his playing style and potential doesn't suit the national team. And since he's pretty stubborn and always sticks to his position on some players (see Kießling) that'll never change.
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May 30, 2016 19:45
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Can is a very handsome man with nice hair. Don't play him at fullback you stupid nazis. Germany should have literally taken Klose instead of Podolski.
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May 30, 2016 22:29
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Ewar Woowar posted:Germany should have literally taken Klose instead of Podolski. Can all me crazy but I don't think this was on the table.
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May 30, 2016 23:38
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Love that OP, had a good laugh at "Bernd Leno"
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May 31, 2016 05:36
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Schmelzer's problem is unreliability. Löw looks at players like women look at cars. Khedira or Weigl should play before Kroos aka the snide piece of poo poo who bitched out at Euro 2012, nearly gifted Argentina WC2014, was kicked out of Bayern, and was subbed off of a CL final because he was being dominated by 30 yo Spaniards Howedes-Hummels-Boateng-Rudy is a decent back four which is why I'm sure we'll not see it. The lack of attacking pace must be a concern. Not looking forward to the knockout rounds.
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May 31, 2016 05:45
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Reprisal posted:Schmelzer's problem is unreliability. Löw looks at players like women look at cars. Well Hector, Rudy and Howedes will be reliably bad, looking forward to it. It's a good thing they have Neuer/Boateng/Hummels to clean up the mess.
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May 31, 2016 11:27
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Reus is gone, Germany's title chance is secured
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May 31, 2016 11:42
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Dunban posted:Reus is gone, Germany's title chance is secured Came here to post this, lmao, some things barely ever change. Edit: Bellarabi, Rudy and Brandt will not go to France.
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May 31, 2016 11:43
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They all make sense IMO. Of course, there's a bunch of other players that should not be there as well, but...yeah... bye bye!
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May 31, 2016 11:50
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Wait Reus being out was a surprise? I thought that was clear weeks ago, or did I mix him up with some other injured gently caress?
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May 31, 2016 16:26
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Also gently caress Jogi for removing the entire Leverkusen portion of the team (except for Leno), but at least he left Rudy home as well.
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May 31, 2016 16:27
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Triple post because that's exactly how many players Löw recruited from ranks 2 - 4 of the Bundesliga (Dortmund: Weigl and Hummels; Leverkusen: Leno; Gladbach: none) and Hummels barely counts. lololol
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May 31, 2016 16:35
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Well they had almost 20 points on Dortmund which had 10 on Bayern, so maybe they should have played better 
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May 31, 2016 16:39
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Not taking Reus because he's injured makes sense, only he should have done the same with Schweinsteiger!
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May 31, 2016 16:41
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Katana Gomai posted:Triple post because that's exactly how many players Löw recruited from ranks 2 - 4 of the Bundesliga (Dortmund: Weigl and Hummels; Leverkusen: Leno; Gladbach: none) and Hummels barely counts. lololol Someone is salty their team has the same number of Nationalspieler as Köln! I think that is just a reflection of the state of the Liga tbh. All of Leverkusen, Schalke, Wolfsburg, Gladbach have some good players and are similar quality teams I'd say. Dortmund got unlucky with Gündogan and Reus injured, otherwise they might be even with Bayern...
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May 31, 2016 19:55
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Katana Gomai posted:Wait Reus being out was a surprise? I thought that was clear weeks ago, or did I mix him up with some other injured gently caress? Torrannor posted:Not taking Reus because he's injured makes sense, only he should have done the same with Schweinsteiger!
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May 31, 2016 20:21
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May 31, 2016 21:12
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I can actually see Schweinsteiger start in something like every other match in rotation with Khedira.
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May 31, 2016 21:25
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