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Eonwe posted:*deputizes new lawman by pinning a bagel bite to his vest* 
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Jun 2, 2016 19:38
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| # ? May 5, 2024 09:34 |
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It's high noon *throws spaghetti noodle at wall to see if it sticks*
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Jun 2, 2016 20:55
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There ain't enough room for two pastas in this town
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Jun 2, 2016 20:56
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*Doors to the saloon slam open, and all heads turn to look at who just entered* *A lone baked ziti is standing in the door way, staring down the lasagna at the bar just trying to enjoy his drink* *The saloon begins to empty out*
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Jun 2, 2016 20:58
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*sheriff goes to the saloon and orders 2 cannolis after an intense shootout* |
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Jun 2, 2016 21:30
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*drunkenly stumbles out of saloon* *falls headfirst into a horse trough full of marinara* Horse: NEEEIGHHH *Horse's mouth parts are red with marinara* |
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Jun 2, 2016 21:35
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Indians? Whattya mean? feather, or noodle? |
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Jun 2, 2016 21:36
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Real Tough Hombre: Smile when ya say that! Pardner: T  rtellini!
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Jun 2, 2016 21:44
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*poisons the well with sauce made in NEW YORK CITY!?!?* |
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Jun 2, 2016 21:46
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Luvcow posted:*two grizzled cowboys sneer at each other as they eat at opposite ends of a single strand of spaghetti, as they chew nearer to each other's faces the worried crowd runs for cover* |
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Jun 2, 2016 21:51
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*me at a fancy italian restaurant (olive garden)* "can i get some parmesan cheese on this?" *two waiters rush over, hands already on their holstered cheese grinders. they lock eyes as they meet at my table and stop. a few tense moments pass when, suddenly, they both begin to pull out their grinders. one of them is fast, inhumanly fast, and is spraying shredded death into the air before the other can even finish drawing. he is hit with cheese directly in his chest and flies backward fifteen feet into a hay wagon that is apparently there now, sending hay and shards of wood flying over me and my food, all amidst screams from my fellow diners. the surviving waiter pauses, savoring his victory, before calmly walking to my plate and shredding some cheese onto it.* "will there be anything else, sir?" |
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Jun 2, 2016 22:16
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Thingyman posted:*me at a fancy italian restaurant (olive garden)* "m-more breadsticks..." |
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Jun 2, 2016 22:29
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Thingyman posted:*me at a fancy italian restaurant (olive garden)*
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Jun 2, 2016 23:29
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 *slaps down a fifty cent piece* *bartender hands over shot glass of tomato sauce*
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Jun 3, 2016 00:48
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i'm just a rich alfredo tycoon E: the point of this post is maybe alfredo sauce is the equivalent of oil. sorry, didn't have much of a joke to go with it. Scaly Haylie fucked around with this message at 00:56 on Jun 3, 2016 |
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Jun 3, 2016 00:53
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Eonwe posted:Arno River Crossing 2 |
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Jun 3, 2016 01:58
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Thingyman posted:*me at a fancy italian restaurant (olive garden)*
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Jun 3, 2016 03:52
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Luvcow posted:*two grizzled cowboys sneer at each other as they eat at opposite ends of a single strand of spaghetti, as they chew nearer to each other's faces the worried crowd runs for cover*
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Jun 3, 2016 03:52
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"tell me, schatze, is it twue what they say about the way you people are... gifted?" *italian sheriff expertly tosses a pizza crust into the air and catches it* "oh, it's twue. it's twue. it's twue, it's twue!" |
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Jun 3, 2016 04:53
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A daring train heist committed this weekend by the notorious pesto gang of el paso. The newspaper headline read: "Paso Pestos Pilfer Popular Pullman" ---------------- |
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Jun 3, 2016 09:14
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Billy 'the kid' Valentino |
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Jun 3, 2016 09:25
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Zyla posted:A daring train heist committed this weekend by the notorious pesto gang of el paso. lmao
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Jun 3, 2016 10:40
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excuse me waiter, there seems to be some true grit in my endless caesar salad |
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Jun 3, 2016 11:45
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social vegan posted:excuse me waiter, there seems to be some true grit in my endless caesar salad
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Jun 3, 2016 18:28
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social vegan posted:excuse me waiter, there seems to be some true grit in my endless caesar salad ---------------- |
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Jun 3, 2016 18:37
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Harmonica: [facing three men] And Frank? Snaky: Frank sent us. Harmonica: Did you bring any lasagne for me? Snaky: Well... looks like we're... [snickers] Snaky: ...looks like we're shy one plate. Harmonica: [shaking head] You brought two too many. |
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Jun 3, 2016 18:54
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By the way, you know anything about a man going around eating spaghetti? He's somebody you'd remember. Instead of talking, he eats. And when he better be eating, he talks. |
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Jun 3, 2016 18:56
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Billy the Kid once shot a man for slurping his spaghetti in his sleep
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Jun 3, 2016 19:08
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there are two kinds of people in the world, my friend: those with an order for a pasta bolognese, and the people who have the job of doing the cooking |
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Jun 3, 2016 20:11
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hey kids, we're gonna watch Ragu "oh, you mean Rango" *slams a jar of Ragu on the TV stand* do i stutter?
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Jun 3, 2016 20:13
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*lassos rowdy cattle with a piece of cooked spaghetti* |
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Jun 3, 2016 23:43
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*gruff cowboy voice* limoncello, barkeep. make it a double. |
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Jun 4, 2016 00:39
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Don't take your gorgonzola to town |
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Jun 4, 2016 01:08
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*a couple of cowboys sit at the bar at Giuseppe's Salone, the best Italian saloon in Westwater. a balding man in a white chef's apron places a sumptuous plate of spaghetti al dente on the bar in front of one of them, kissing his fingers and gesticulating passionately after presenting it.* cowboy 1: that's the finest-lookin' plate of pasta I've ever seen, henry! cowboy 2: lemme tell ya somethin', boy. i've been comin' to these 'talian waterin' holes round this here country goin' on a score now, an' i'll be goddamned if giueseppe's ain't given me the best plate-a pasta this side of the mississippi. the man's an artist. *henry tips his hat at giuseppe, who kisses his fingers again* cowboy 1: i'll sure take yer word for it. looks like god himself made 'em in his image. *suddenly, the saloon doors slam open. a hefty looking guy with a gut the size of a sack of potatoes lumbers in. the saloon goes quiet. henry tries discretely slips his plate of pasta into his rucksack* cowboy 1: (whispering) who's this portly fella? henry: boy... that's big carb mcnarb. cowboy 1: who? henry: some say his ma found him driftin' down a river-a marinara an' named him "ravioses" - "I drew him out of the sauce." others say he's an agent-a the devil himself, sent down to earth to punish the first man for tastin' the forbidden rotini. any which way ya look at it, he's a nasty ol' sonuvagun with an appetite'll eat any man outta business. don't be deceived, boy - he may look all bumblin' an' harmless, but I once seen him slurp a man up whole, like some kinda big noodle. cowboy 1: jesus mary n' joseph! *big carb mcnarb walks up to the bar, belches loudly, and sniffs the air* big carb mcnarb: mmm mm mmmm! that some of yer famous spaghetti i'm smellin', giueseppe? giueseppe: please, my friend, i sweara to you, i- ah... i do not know what- big carb mcnarb: no need to flap yer lips there, amica, you know 'xactly what I'm here for. so where's my cut? i know you've got it - i can smell it. giueseppe: mcnarb, you know howa business has been! i justa can't- big carb mcnarb: we had a deal, partner. fifty per cent of yer spaghetti down a hundred per cent of my gullet, an' you'd be free-a me fer good. but if yer gonna be cheatin' me outta mine... *big carb mcnarb grabs henry's rucksack and pours its contents down his throat to hushed gasps from the other patrons* henry: sonuva- big carb mcnarb: (belching) ...we're gonna have a bituva problem. *big carb mcnarb walks around the counter, licking his lips.* giueseppe: please, mio amico, i have never done-a bad by you! i have a wife and a beautiful donna at home and- big carb mcnarb: you've had yer chances, friend. i jus' hope you done good in the eyes of the lord. *big carb mcnarb begins to inhale, slowly at first, as though slurping down a strand of spaghetti.* cowboy 1: what in the sam hell is he gonna... henry: for god's sake mcnarb, the man's got a family! don't- *but it's too late. his slurping gets more and more intense, and soon it's a veritable vortex of suck. giueseppe tries to run, but the powerful inward gusts from mcnarb's bellows hold him in place. horrified patrons scatter as fast as they can from their tables and out the door as all manner things are swept towards the void of mcnarb's massive maw. henry and his friend stand in the doorframe, witnessing in utter terror as giueseppe begins to unravel into one long fleshy noodle, screaming as it enters mcnarb's abyssal stomach.* henry: (choking back tears as he and his friend leave) gieuseppe.. oh jesus, gieuseppe... *soon, all that's left of the once-great Italian chef is a pile of bones, sucked clean. big carb mcnarb belches. he pats his belly for a moment, and then reaches under the bar for another plate of spaghetti, which he immediately devours. it's pretty good honestly*
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Jun 4, 2016 01:51
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| # ? May 5, 2024 09:34 |
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the nameless gunslinger rides into town, being met by silent hostile stares from the locals. he aproaches an old man wearing a dusty suit, maybe the major. "i'm looking for the man who ate my fideuā" |
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Jun 4, 2016 16:03
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