H.H posted:

My wife died in late April at the age of 35 (cancer). We had two daughters, now 12 and 9 years old and trying to be strong for them and help them through it is becoming unbearable. None of us are handling it well but I have to pretend I am for them and also at work so I don't lose my job. My confession is that I think every day about sending the kids to their grandparents' place for a while so I can have a break from it all and deal with my own problems, but I feel like I'd be abandoning the kids when they need me most. On the other hand, I feel like I'm going to snap and go insane if I keep this up much longer. I'd never say it out loud because I love them very much, but sometimes I wish we never had children just because of how terrible it is watching them go through this at those ages while their inept father tries and fails to figure out how to help them.

Kitchner posted:

She just found it funny because she was pretty cool. I just hooked up with her once and then it became a regular thing, but I referred to her as a slump buster to one of my mates and he kept using it so I confessed to her before his fat mouth landed me in it by accident.

She was chubby but she wasn't really fat, had huge tits and she's still in the top 3 girls I've ever slept with years down the line (not that it's a huge list). Sadly she's a bit crazy and that's why we broke up.

Only ex I'm friends with though.

Solice Kirsk posted:

She single?

H.H posted:

fat girl date

loquacius posted:

This might seem like a weird place for me to say but it sounds like you need some bro

Or at least find SOMEone you're not worried about judging you, get drunk, and just like unload your emotions on them. Talk their ear off. Find another fat ugly girl on a dating site and instead of trying to score just drop this giant feelings bomb on her (the "friend zone" offensive).

Like, that you went on a date with this girl, that you attempted to have sex with her despite being apparently disgusted by her, that you didn't close the deal, and that you are depressed about all of the above seem to suggest that you have some self-esteem issues you should probably talk to someone about.

Solice Kirsk posted:

Hey H.H., have you asked the mods if you can bring this back to GBS? In sure they wouldn't care so long as you don't release really stupid confessions. Or ones about loving the owners pregnant wife.

quote:

(For some reason Guerrillamail.com wasn't loading for me earlier so I tried a different anonymous mail client to send this...I'll send it again here in case you didn't receive it earlier.)

I could have just posted in the thread as lil pissbitch since that's already a known alias of my "anonymous" confession about gettin' beefy and whatnot (which I still do a LOT)...but I thought it'd be more fun as an anonymous confession, given the spirit of the thread. I wanted to take an opportunity to just sort of write about my anonymous confession from last year and the effect it has had on my online presence, as well as just my life in general I guess.

To start, I wanted to address something that someone said in this thread about it being weird that I think my compulsions are weird. First of all...they are. If you can find some way to read it again (all of it, not just the parts that often get quoted) I think you'll find it to be pretty goddamn weird. Sure I probably didn't need to care so much about that information being linked to my original username (more on that in a moment) but I have to ask you to try to contextualize the info. Ya gotta remember, this wasn't just something I shared to try to be funny. I literally say, out loud, "Get beefy bitch" without really understanding why, and that's truly just the tip of the iceberg. It's a funny thought, but what if, when you held a conversation with your boss, you had to occasionally suppress the urge to ask her to get REAL beefy?

"Excuse me, ma'am, but do you think that maybe you should just get ..reeeal beefy you lil queefer bitch?"

It's a funny thought or whatever, but I promise you it's 100% a real struggle in my life. In other words, it's something I hide from society as a whole, thus the desire to post something like that anonymously.

Second of all, and I won't pretend for a second that I planned it like this, but the way things happened was a perfect storm. In my wildest dreams I never could have predicted the response it ended up getting on SA, nearly becoming some sort of gay retarded meme...hell, every now and then I'll still search the forums for one of those stupid rear end phrases like 'get beefy bitch' or 'pissbitch', and find someone using them in a post on some subforum I've never even posted in. Everything in the original confession is 100% true, but I did spend about 2-3 hours writing the post, editing it in a way I found to be amusing and informative. It's so weird, because I know that if I would have published my post as a new thread under my original username, it would have been buried on Page 2 within 24 hours. Despite that, you gotta believe me when I say that I had no idea it would take that kind of hold with the GBS/SA hivemind that it did. Like I said I've had a lot of time to think about all of this retroactively. But...as I've posted before, I'd be lying if I said it didn't just tickle me to death. I'm retroactively and intensely proud of all of it.

Which brings me to my next point. Even if nobody else gives a poo poo, I love having a secret identity. For years I'd contemplated registering a parachute account in order to shitpost more freely without worrying as much about a link to the real me, since I'm pretty sure a dedicated internet detective could easily link my primary SA account to my real life social media accounts, and my real life career is 100% Internet based. But now I can regularly post as lil pissbitch without worrying about hurting my online rep. I sometimes wonder if anyone could deduce from the lil pissbitch post history what my primary account is. I feel there are clues there, but I doubt anyone would give enough of a poo poo to link the accounts, which is just fine by me.

So I dunno. This Dog Series thread has been a bit dull, so I wanted to contribute to spice things up a bit and provide a little insight into the Beefy Guy's perspective on things. I've had a lot of time to think about it all and I've generated a lot of thoughts on the whole weird-rear end mini-phenomenon that came about as a result of my original anon confession over a year ago, and now I'm kinda buzzed on a Thursday so I thought I might share some of my thoughts with this thread.

PS: BigBadSteve made a post about Getting Beefy that I felt perfectly personified the mentality behind the compulsion and I'd like to share it with you now in case you missed it:

"Your disturbance makes me happy, since I'd like nothing more than to see these wonderful phrases to take over SA Forums, they are easily the funniest and most transformative things seen here this year. First SA Forums, then we get REAL beefy with the world, bitch.

You've recovered from your peeing stage-fright condition, due to using the famous "C'mon you lil pissbitch" mantra. Cured of a problem you'd no doubt experienced for years beforehand. But do we hear the slightest gratitude toward the original anonymous "Get beefy bitch" confession poster? None at all. You sound like an ungrateful li'l whine bitch.

The problem with your use of the other powerful phrases is you. Saying "Get beefy bitch" almost always works. When it very occasionally fails, saying "Get REAL beefy bitch" like you mean it invariably works. These phrases have radically changed many lives for the better. They're not working for you because (1) you're not saying it like you mean it, and (2) you're not doing anything useful you could get REAL beefy about. You're just emptily parroting the phrases.

Sitting on your fat rear end staring at the Forums all day does not qualify as acting. Nor does neurotic worrying about whether you're saying too much "Piss, you lil pissbitch", "Get beefy bitch" and "Get REAL beefy bitch."

Decide to do something useful, and just before you actually do it, tell yourself to "Get beefy bitch!" If that doesn't cause you to act beefy enough, quickly order yourself to "Get REAL beefy bitch!!!" Note the very strong emphasis on the "REAL". Hopefully I'm not waxing too philosophical when I say that you need to "Get REAL beefy bitch!!" about saying "Get beefy bitch" and especially about saying "Get REAL beefy bitch!!".

Real Beefy Rx: Follow this advice and you will get REAL beefy, and be glad you did. Then repeat for the rest of your long, happy, BEEFY productive life.

Hope I haven't hurt your feelings too much with the truth, but someone had to get REAL beefy with you.


tldr: Get REAL beefy and read it all, bitch."

----------

EDIT: Just stumbled across what appears to be a 4chan subreddit where someone (gnarlyhotep?!) crossposted selections from my anonymous confession about 6 months ago: https://www.reddit.com/r/4chan/comments/3vt0b4/anon_likes_to_get_real_beefy/

How surreal...

Solice Kirsk posted:

Hey H.H., have you asked the mods if you can bring this back to GBS? In sure they wouldn't care so long as you don't release really stupid confessions. Or ones about loving the owners pregnant wife.

Kitchner posted:

She just found it funny because she was pretty cool. I just hooked up with her once and then it became a regular thing, but I referred to her as a slump buster to one of my mates and he kept using it so I confessed to her before his fat mouth landed me in it by accident.

She was chubby but she wasn't really fat, had huge tits and she's still in the top 3 girls I've ever slept with years down the line (not that it's a huge list). Sadly she's a bit crazy and that's why we broke up.

Only ex I'm friends with though.

Drunk Nerds posted:

Confession: Every girl I've ever slept with is in the top 4 girls I've ever slept with

quote:

I recognize that this is an extremely silly issue to have, but nonetheless:
I am married, and I love my wife. I have a steady job which I enjoy greatly, and a mutually respectful working relationship with my boss. My family is loving and supportive and we talk frequently. I am part of a number of (real life) communities based on shared interests/hobbies, and am well respected in those communities.

My confession is that I have a rather unusual fetish, and I experience some serious unhappiness about it. It's more common than you might think, but still pretty weird. My fetish is for oviposition-- for women to be captured by monsters, penetrated by an ovipositor, and have eggs laid in their womb. They then carry these eggs to term and give birth to monstrous children. I particularly focus on scenarios involving driders: a creature with the upper body of a beautiful woman, but below the waist, a spider body. (I recognize that ovipositors are typical of wasps and not spiders, but apparently this whole drider thing is pretty common). I love scenarios where a drider captures an adventuress, spins her up in a web, then fills her up with eggs. I should say here that my wife knows all about my fetish and is supportive, though obviously there's not really anything we can do about it. I try to avoid online communities dedicated to it because they often have a pretty morbid twist, like the spiders or whatever eat their way out of the woman, and in my fantasies it's always a very maternal, nurturing experience where the woman grows to love her monster babies and raises them.

Anyways, there's plenty of art dedicated to this fetish, though most of it isn't very good. There's not really a lot of hentai of it, though I tend to enjoy hentai with belly expansion. I don't jerk off much these days, but my wife understands that sometimes this is what I'm in the mood for. I find inflation/expansion stuff pretty gross and nonsexual. It has to specifically be oviposition, or sometimes monsters that cum torrents and make a woman's belly expand that way. She has to specifically look pregnant.

So, where I'm going with this is the real confession part. Sometimes I get deeply, miserably depressed that I can never really be a drider and do this in real life. I wish so hard sometimes that these fantasy worlds were real and I could go there and be a drider. I get very despondent realizing that this is not possible, and I fantasize about a future where genetic engineering, robot bodies or existence on a massive virtual reality allow this to happen. If a sentient AI existed, that would even be enough, because she would be a person for all intents and purposes and the "world" in which she lived could be programmed to make my fetish possible; to me it would be figures on a screen, but to her it would be real, and that would work for me.

My wife has tried to help and suggest that we role play, or even get one of those expensive weird dildos that's an ovipositor, but role play doesn't work. It just reminds me that I can't really do this and I am not really a drider. I doubt buying expensive props would change that. It's not like I can't get off without this. It's just something that occasionally bothers me more than it probably should.

I just really, really wish I could be a half-woman half-spider and capture beautiful adventurers in my web to carry my spawn

H.H posted:

Ovipositors

H.H posted:

Ovipositiors

H.H posted:

lil pissbitch

H.H posted:

spider fetish dude

Solice Kirsk posted:

My not anonymous confession is I hate your new av loquacious.

H.H posted:

the woman grows to love her monster babies and raises them.

Hedrigall posted:

Ovipositorgoon should read Saga, there's a smokin' spider babe in that

Vulture posted:

fordham posted:

Why the gently caress did I just read that?

quote:

Sears comes up a lot for good reason, and I work for their network provider. We just got the word from on high yesterday that, due to over 2 million Dollars in unpaid bills, we're putting a complete freeze on any and all work for them. Any pending orders for new service (yes, somehow Sears is still trying to open new stores in 2016) are being put on hold or cancelled outright, and any existing sites are having their monitoring disabled with any pending repair work also being cancelled. Any and all questions, comments or complaints are being referred back to Sears corporate.

H.H posted:

Here's a confession I was asked to post in another thread (http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?noseen=0&threadid=3762804&perpage=40&pagenumber=43#post461442504):

quote:

All my friends know me as a fun guy that is always up for doing stuff, going out and entertaining people. I always invite people over to my house every weekend after we've been out to a bar or whatever and I keep a huge stock of booze in and everybody has a great time. People bring their own quite often too so I know it's not like I'm just being taken advantage of - I earn more than most of my friends so I don't really care about that anyway, I just like it when people have a good time. And everyone is always like "oh that was loads of fun last week, same again on Saturday?". Truth is I'm a miserable sack of poo poo and I can rarely wait until it's like 3am and everybody has hosed off so I can drink in peace until I pass out. I just feel like if I'm not making other people happy then there is literally no point to my existence.

I tried telling myself to get beefy and stop being such a lil pissbitch but it doesn't seem to work

H.H posted:

Host with the most

LethalGeek posted:

Drink alone you'll be happier