"Anonymous Confessions: The legend of pissbitch".

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8-Bit Scholar: Jan 23, 2016; by FactsAreUseless

Zorodius posted:

what you need, my friend, is some heroin to forget your troubles

sweet dreams come to the man with an arm full of heroin

woah now, trying to juggle way too many balls at a time. Just take a breath, sit down, and inject some heroin, and you'll be right as rain.

So...what you're saying is...no no, don't tell me, I've almost got it...

# ? Sep 16, 2016 20:25

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# ? May 5, 2024 20:12

dookifex_maximus: Aug 10, 2016; by zen death robot

just go plyg

# ? Sep 16, 2016 20:27

flick my Mr. Bean: Nov 18, 2014

loquacius posted:

As for the second one I'm kind of torn on whether that Jastiger fanfiction was written by Jastiger or not

His wife would have been far larger than "curvy in a cute midwestern kind of way" if it was written by Jastiger.

# ? Sep 16, 2016 20:59

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Ok let me just double-check this is the right thread this time

aaaand

quote:

I finished high school and, rather than going to college, took the money earmarked for that and signed up with a professional wrestling school. I moved my entire life across the country to South Philadelphia, since there was a good, affordable school and a ton of independent wrestling promotions I could make money at.

This was back in 2008. I did okay for a single guy just out of school. I had a lovely apartment I shared with 5 other guys at the school, but I could work out at the school for free, I worked nights at McDonald's for cash, and I was getting into the best shape of my life.

I graduated near the top of my class and was seen as a strong rookie. I wrestled a lot of independent promotions near me and built up a bit of a name as a hard working, reliable guy that would always give 110% and could work heel or face (bad guy or good guy) depending on what they needed. I've even spent time in Japan and Mexico to hone my craft and had a pretty decent run in Japan as a top heel gaijin (foreigner). I hadn't made it to WWE or anything, but it definitely was a possibility in a few years.

Throughout all this I hosed a LOT of women (mostly what's called ringrats, trashy women that have sex with indy wrestlers). I lost my virginity after one of my first wrestling shows after graduating, to a much older woman who admittedly just enjoyed loving young wrestlers. I felt like King loving Kong, and I'm pretty sure I've had sex with at least 200 women in the last 6+ years. I've hosed young, old, hot, ugly. I've been to a Japanese whore house and hosed 4 women at the same time, and to a shady Mexican place where I think the girls may have been born as men. I was very careful during most of this, using condoms, making sure to get checked regularly by a doctor.

I slipped up majorly, though. I started routinely seeing a woman at one of my regular shows outside of Pittsburgh PA. We've been hooking up for about 4 years now, so I thought I was safe. She likes me to cum inside her (she's on BC) and I usually oblige her. Otherwise I ALWAYS wear a condom for fear of STDs. Big loving mistake.

On my last physical the doctor noticed some rashes on my skin. I had ignored them (most wrestlers have a lot of bumps and bruises) like a moron but he asked for some blood work.

Those rashes were a sign of syphilis. And it's been in me for a while, to the point the infection is causing me some major complications which are just going to get worse. I have what's called "Tertiary Syphilis" now, and if you wanna wikipedia that and give yourself nightmares, go ahead.

Due to the possibility of spreading blood and bodily fluids, I can no longer wrestle. My dream job is over. I also, in good faith, can't have sex with anyone again without fear of infecting them. So my second favorite thing in the world is over. I am 25 years old and effectively have doomed myself to a life of social isolation, ostracization, and celibacy. I have no idea what I'll do for a job, as I have gently caress-all marketable skills. The woman who infected me? I don't even have a cell phone number or address for her, part of the fun at the time was the anonymous nature of what we did. I've started reaching out to the various women I did have sex with, just to find out if they possibly infected me, and if I may have infected them. Thank God I wore a jimmy hat with everyone else, but it's still hours of terrible, awkward conversations.

and to follow that up

quote:

Last night I had a dream where I gave a robot a rimjob.

It was the sexiest dream I've had in a long time.

loquacius fucked around with this message at 03:00 on Sep 17, 2016

# ? Sep 16, 2016 23:53

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

also I can't exactly speak for H.H here but I'm sure he'd agree with me

:siren:

please stop sending in Jastiger-related confessions :siren:

# ? Sep 16, 2016 23:54

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

Hey syphilis wrestler, you should probably read wikipedia because

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Syphilis#Tertiary posted:

People with tertiary syphilis are not infectious.

Get treated but you can still wrestle and bone.

# ? Sep 17, 2016 00:04

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

I uh, I thought syphilis was curable?

# ? Sep 17, 2016 00:07

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

Drug-resistant syphilis is a thing now, so it's not always easy, but they'll definitely still treat it. Also, if he really is in the tertiary stage, it's possible some of the damage may be permanent even if the syphilis itself is cured. But if he's lucid enough to type that confession, it's definitely not a "gently caress this, I'm out" thing.

# ? Sep 17, 2016 00:13

Hedrigall: Mar 27, 2008; by vyelkin

Keep pushing that stone up the hill, Sisyphilus

# ? Sep 17, 2016 00:23

100 degrees Calcium: Jan 23, 2011

I know it's fiction, but that story has me wondering if instead of getting this terrible career I hate, I could have gone to wrestling school and had a rad career.

# ? Sep 17, 2016 01:10

Putty: Mar 21, 2013; HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

GlitchThief posted:

I know it's fiction, but that story has me wondering if instead of getting this terrible career I hate, I could have gone to wrestling school and had a rad career.

Kitchener have you ever considered that your entire life may also be fiction

# ? Sep 17, 2016 01:35

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; What is the Matrix 🌐? We just don't know 😎.; Buglord

I think the important question is if you can catch tertiary syphilis from a robot's rear end

# ? Sep 17, 2016 01:44

Pastry of the Year: Apr 12, 2013

Improbable Lobster posted:

I think the important question is if you can catch tertiary syphilis from a robot's rear end

One time a wrestler hosed an old lady and well, the old lady gave birth to some kind of gooey mechanical hand

I don't think we dare allow wrestlers to start loving robots, even in their asses

# ? Sep 17, 2016 01:49

timp: Sep 19, 2007; Everything is in my control; Lipstick Apathy

Pastry of the Year posted:

One time a wrestler hosed an old lady and well, the old lady gave birth to some kind of gooey mechanical hand

I don't think we dare allow wrestlers to start loving robots, even in their asses

especially in their asses

# ? Sep 17, 2016 03:50

cyberia: Jun 24, 2011; Do not call me that!
Snuffles was my slave name.
You shall now call me Snowball; because my fur is pretty and white.

Double-life goon, I really hope your crackhead mistress doesn't know your surname, your phone number or where you live because if you dump her she will absolutely come and ruin your loving life by telling your wife everything you've been doing.

# ? Sep 17, 2016 04:27

Jastiger: Oct 11, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

dog buttz posted:

His wife would have been far larger than "curvy in a cute midwestern kind of way" if it was written by Jastiger.

My wife just had a baby. Shes not that big yall. Id post pix but you'd prolly dox.

# ? Sep 17, 2016 04:36

School Nickname: Apr 23, 2010; *fffffff-fffaaaaaaarrrtt*

At six years of age I just forgot the procedure in how to take a poo poo. Dropped the pants, didn't drop underwear, sat down on the seat, shat away. "Something's draggin on my underwear?". I take a look. It's a solid dark brown log. "The gently caress is this doing here?, "I went to the toile-". And then I realise. Tipped my undie's load into the bowl and speak nothing for the rest of the day. At least I washed my hands.

# ? Sep 17, 2016 04:37

Carth Dookie: Jan 28, 2013

Hedrigall posted:

Keep pushing that stone up the hill, Sisyphilus

This isn't getting enough love.

# ? Sep 17, 2016 08:05

H.H: Oct 24, 2006; August is the Cruelest Month

School Nickname posted:

At six years of age I just forgot the procedure in how to take a poo poo. Dropped the pants, didn't drop underwear, sat down on the seat, shat away. "Something's draggin on my underwear?". I take a look. It's a solid dark brown log. "The gently caress is this doing here?, "I went to the toile-". And then I realise. Tipped my undie's load into the bowl and speak nothing for the rest of the day. At least I washed my hands.

Did the underwear stay in the bowl?

# ? Sep 17, 2016 19:51

Fuck da Mods: Jun 27, 2013; fina get poz'd?

lol @ tertiary syph

# ? Sep 17, 2016 20:31

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

cyberia posted:

Double-life goon, I really hope your crackhead mistress doesn't know your surname, your phone number or where you live because if you dump her she will absolutely come and ruin your loving life by telling your wife everything you've been doing.

I'm pretty sure the "solution" he's talking about is giving her a hot fix and moving on.

# ? Sep 17, 2016 20:34

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

gently caress da Mods posted:

lol @ tertiary syph

Quit wrestling and star in the Goonies reboot.

# ? Sep 17, 2016 20:34

client: Aug 19, 2010

gently caress da Mods posted:

lol @ tertiary syph

id actually watch wrestling if this elephantman-looking motherfucker was out there chokeslamming people and macking on the ring babes

# ? Sep 17, 2016 20:58

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

gently caress da Mods posted:

lol @ tertiary syph

I'm with everybody else. You're not contagious, get back in the ring and make this your "thing"

# ? Sep 17, 2016 21:39

Basch lives!: May 31, 2011; Grimy Drawer; Dinosaur Gum

Can anyone explain what it means to be the "Daughter of Pissbitch"? I know about pissbitch himself. We all have a bit of pissbitch in us, especially after being inspired by his incredible story. But wtf is this daughter poo poo.

# ? Sep 17, 2016 22:10

Zorodius: Feb 11, 2007; EA GAMES' MASTERPIECE 'MADDEN 2018 G.O.A.T. EDITION' IS A GLORIOUS TRIUMPH OF ART AND TECHNOLOGY. IT BRINGS GAMEDAY RIGHT TO THE PLAYER AND WHOEVER SAYS OTHERWISE CAN, YOU GUESSED IT...
SUCK THE SHIT STRAIGHT OUT OF MY OWN ASSHOLE.

BUY IT.

Basch lives! posted:

Can anyone explain what it means to be the "Daughter of Pissbitch"? I know about pissbitch himself. We all have a bit of pissbitch in us, especially after being inspired by his incredible story. But wtf is this daughter poo poo.

some guy pretended to be a woman with a lesbian piss fetish, instead of solving this and all problems with heroin, as is rational

# ? Sep 17, 2016 22:16

H.H: Oct 24, 2006; August is the Cruelest Month

quote:

Just when I thought I could feel safe, the same car stopped outside my house, beeped twice, then drove away. Any time I let my guard down things like this seem to happen. Strange that people would want to harass me so much, I don't know what I ever did to deserve this! Try to imagine what it feels like to be followed around all the time, it's awful. I think it might have started when I got in some really intense arguments in Debate & Discussion ; perhaps a goon doxxed me?
Getting help where I live is really difficult because nobody seems to take me seriously. Everybody thinks I'm imagining the harassment, even though I recorded the sound of the car beeps on my phone and showed them. Right now I really don't know who to trust.

# ? Sep 17, 2016 22:47

Samuel L. ACKSYN: Feb 29, 2008

my confession is im gangstalking that guy ^^

# ? Sep 17, 2016 22:55

SniperWoreConverse: Mar 20, 2010; Gun Saliva

Hedrigall posted:

Keep pushing that stone up the hill, Sisyphilus

My confession is that I'm Sisyphus in real life, constantly doing extreme brutalistic hell labors for no gain.

I'm mostly clean tho

# ? Sep 17, 2016 23:08

remigious: May 13, 2009; Destruction comes inevitably; Hell Gem

This thread has reaffirmed my belief that men are loving garbage human beings.

# ? Sep 17, 2016 23:25

Putty: Mar 21, 2013; HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

future confessors please keep the forums out of your confession because hearing "this happened because of the forums" makes your confession instantly fake and gay and i will invade your privacy with my car

# ? Sep 17, 2016 23:40

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Wasn't there like a long bitstrip comic series that got posted on SA once about how gangstalking is real and a serious problem and no I'm not crazy shut up you're with them aren't you

remigious posted:

This thread has reaffirmed my belief that men are loving garbage human beings.

Eh that might be just the SA demographics talking. I'm sure there's an anonymous-confessions Tumblr out there with a bunch of submissions from garbage ladies :shrug:

# ? Sep 17, 2016 23:40

remigious: May 13, 2009; Destruction comes inevitably; Hell Gem

I'm willing to concede that women can be perv creeps too

# ? Sep 17, 2016 23:44

Cumslut1895: Feb 18, 2015; by FactsAreUseless

Samuel L. ACKSYN posted:

my confession is im gangstalking that guy ^^

I put a device in his TV to beam thoughts into his head

# ? Sep 18, 2016 04:57

kaschei: Oct 25, 2005

Someone stole my bike my freshman year and then put my old bike lock on the bike I bought the next semester.

I spent the next few years wondering if every flat tire was the result of some rear end in a top hat loving with me still.

My brother tells me some of his friends heard the story and are convinced I'm lying about the old lock being replaced. So I've spent the past few years wondering if people think I'm crazy or just a habitual liar.

# ? Sep 18, 2016 05:11

Carth Dookie: Jan 28, 2013

kaschei posted:

So I've spent the past few years wondering if people think I'm crazy or just a habitual liar.

Both. Plus they think your paranoid.

# ? Sep 18, 2016 05:11

anti-magic: Sep 9, 2012; We've come up in the ram-raiding business, Owl.
It's all high class now.
No more baby seats.

loquacius posted:

Wasn't there like a long bitstrip comic series that got posted on SA once about how gangstalking is real and a serious problem and no I'm not crazy shut up you're with them aren't you

It was called Targ and it was posted in the bad webcomics thread.

# ? Sep 18, 2016 05:16