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Glad to see this is back  BYOB/CCCC might have been a better choice, as threads that have been hounded out of other subforums have ended up peacefully doing their thing there, but we'll see how long this one lasts.We Need To Talk About Kevin guy: I don't really believe that any child could end up in a state like this for no reason whatsoever, but this would make a pretty decent premise for a D-list horror movie so there's that. White Thunder / Fat Daddy: Absolutely report the replacement guy. He should not be placed in a management role with an attitude like that under any circumstances, and honestly I'm shocked you haven't already done this. If corporate knows about it and they don't care, well, part of me says you should quit rather than work for a company like that, but that would really not help your employees unless you made a big thing out of it, involving local press etc. In any case you still have options here. No sleep Xenoblade guy: What did your silverware say? I'm picturing you poking listlessly at a bowl of dry Frosted Flakes and then the spoon goes "forget about it Brian, just go to sleep" Mormon lady: lol "jazz cigarette", is that the only Mormon-church-accepted term for weed or what Lastly here is a dog 
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Jun 6, 2016 15:19
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"Immigrants are economic drains on society" is a p ridiculous thing for someone who apparently lives in America to think I mean, I guess that was worded vaguely enough that you might only hate the ones who are drains on society etc etc but that would be an oddly specific hatred to have And this peeping story is definitely true, because "I was going to peep on my roommate's sister, but I chickened out" is an inherently believable story. Way to go not spying on someone, dude, even if it was only because you were scared
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Jun 7, 2016 03:17
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H.H posted:fat girl date This might seem like a weird place for me to say  but it sounds like you need some broOr at least find SOMEone you're not worried about judging you, get drunk, and just like unload your emotions on them. Talk their ear off. Find another fat ugly girl on a dating site and instead of trying to score just drop this giant feelings bomb on her (the "friend zone" offensive). Like, that you went on a date with this girl, that you attempted to have sex with her despite being apparently disgusted by her, that you didn't close the deal, and that you are depressed about all of the above seem to suggest that you have some self-esteem issues you should probably talk to someone about.
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Jun 15, 2016 22:12
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H.H posted:lil pissbitch As I understand it you have classic Tourette's, but IANA psychologist. If you feel this is interfering with your life, because they can absolutely treat that poo poo.Honestly though all I can think is that if you manage to make it to an upper management role you can make this your catchphrase. "Here's my proposal for the second quarter, Mr Pissbitch" "You call this a marketing plan? Get beefy, bitch!" *pounds desk w fist* "Er well I've also been kicking around plans for a radio campaign..." "RADIO? I don't think you heard me correctly. *grabs dude by his tie* Get... REAL beefy... you little loving queefer bitch." "Yessir, I'll have a new plan for you first thing in the morning." "Well, Mr CFO, I guess we COULD scale back our projected earnings at the shareholder meeting, but you know what I think? *leans forward at table conspiratorially* I think it's time... to get beefy, bitch." "Ho ho, I like your style, Pissbitch! Promotions all around!" H.H posted:spider fetish dude There's a community on Tumblr that would be extremely supportive of this, unlike me who will just say your wife is a saint Seriously god bless that woman for knowing you have a fetish like this and not only understanding but being willing to indulge you with it. I say surprise her with flowers, take her out to a nice dinner, then take her home, open a bottle of wine, light some candles, and give ovipositor dildo night a shot. Maybe you'll like it, and she'll feel good and appreciated for helping you. "BUZZ CLICK I AM A SPIDER" "Oh no, spider person, please don't ovipositor me" "BUZZ CLICK SPIDER NOISE"
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Jun 20, 2016 16:03
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*Steve Urkel bursts through the Winslow family's door* "Geeeeet beefy, bitch!" *audience whoops and hollers for ten seconds straight* *later something bad happens to Carl* "Get REAL beefy, bitch!" *audience just loving loses it cheering and laughing* Solice Kirsk posted:My not anonymous confession is I hate your new av loquacious. this makes me the saddest boy of all 
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Jun 20, 2016 17:49
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Hi GBS, what is your favorite series of dogs
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Jul 7, 2016 16:01
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RE weird social-Darwinist right-winger guy: I was one of those "socially liberal, fiscally conservative" people ten years ago, and I think something very much approaching the opposite is true now. And I don't think I even changed that much, I think the state of the issues did. Like, I don't think we should re-outlaw gay marriage or care what bathroom people use or anything like that, and I'm in favor of police reform and gun control etc, it's just that having gone to a fancy-rear end college I know some people that qualify themselves as leftists, and the kind of poo poo they talk about on social media these days makes me roll my loving eyes super loving hard. And yet at the same time, the rich control this country to an unprecedented extent, have had the poo poo cut out of their taxes and hire expensive accountants to avoid what little is left, and need to be brought to loving heel. The middle class is being starved out of existence, student debt is out of control, and the only places in the country where there are still jobs have an exorbitant cost of living. Is it still the socialist party of America's stance that identity politics are a bourgeois distraction? Because honestly if we're all arguing about lady ghostbusters and fat fashion models while the rich are quietly buying up both viable political parties I think they might be on to something.
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Jul 8, 2016 16:25
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At least that teacher seemed to blame parents rather than the kids themselves  My fiancee is a school counselor and hasn't succumbed to cynicism RE children yet, even though she spends half her time dealing with Extreme Problem Children and the other half disentangling middle-school girl drama. Granted she's only been at it a couple years.
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Jul 8, 2016 17:05
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Is the suicide confession Golem II? I ask because it's kind of conspicuous that someone posts in this thread about wanting to commit suicide, he gets a probie, and then an anonymous confession shows up saying the same thing. Well, regardless of whether they are the same person, that poster and the confessor should both seriously consider calling that phone number. Gotta wonder what's going through that girlfriend's head if she knows about this, loves him, and apparently isn't doing anything.
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Jul 10, 2016 15:34
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In less serious news Reginald is a blue birb from a popular webcomic What exactly is an "anthropomorphic" dildo, does it have arms and legs and walk around and talk in a goofy voice or is it actually shaped like a little person whose entire body you shove inside of your own because I'd definitely believe that either or both of those are real fetishes I think I remember someone in D&D talking about their sister being a weird Tumblr shut-in and being told by all goons present that she was definitely raped, case closed *gavel bang* because that's the kind of thing the super-sleuths in D&D would say rather than admitting that people can in fact be simultaneously super weird and politically liberal Homeschooling part is news to me though. Honestly I think people should need a government permit to homeschool, and get evaluated via standardized testing just like teachers do. Otherwise there is nothing to stop them from doing something like this, and homeschooling seems like the perfect way for an abusive personality to keep their children under their thumb. Also, requiring a government permit to homeschool would really really piss off homeschool types (added bonus)
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Jul 10, 2016 15:41
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skeletonotherkin posted:Lol at a righteous christian upbringing resulting in your daughter having a display case full of the finest synthetic dicks and a sailor moon obsession. It makes complete sense to me actually due to the whole "not spending all day in a big building with a bunch of other kids her own age" thing Poor girl's probably only ever had social interactions of any type through Tumblr, of course she's gonna be Tumblr personified. And a collection of forty dildos in all shapes and colors is just the ladygoon equivalent of a hard drive containing 2TB of lovingly categorized porn in a directory labeled "boring work stuff".
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Jul 11, 2016 02:33
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I feel your pain, gay anon, but remember it's not all Orange Is The New Black. There was that incidental gay pilot in ME3, and Sulu is gay now. Take your victories where you can find them. Also try not to fall into the identity-politics trap of worrying about pop-culture representation to the exclusion of everything else. I remember being really excited there was finally a Jewish video game protagonist in GTA: The Lost And Damned, but then I stopped playing it after about 15 minutes of gameplay and realized my life wasn't really tangibly improved in any way. They still didn't have to kill him off in GTA5 though 
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Jul 12, 2016 18:07
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Please tell me you're actually going to give some of the money to your daughter though Like, whatever about your ex-wife, I don't know either of you so I'm not gonna make a call there, but please put a bunch of it in a trust or something for your daughter instead of blowing it all on Steam sales or whatever
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Jul 12, 2016 20:18
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Yeah anon I'm assuming you've lawyered up, run this by your lawyer and see what he/she thinks. If there really is no way to get around paying her it's probably the best idea to just loving pay her now so you're not as owned later
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Jul 12, 2016 20:49
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Y'know I don't think I ever got The Talk either, because my dad is incredibly awkward Luckily I had the Internet and was browsing porn by the time they would have given me the talk anyway. I do remember one time when I was 12, there was a boner joke on The Drew Carey Show and my mom tried to explain it to me and I was like, mom, I'm a 12-year-old boy, please do not try to explain to me what a boner is, thank you It was like if your mom tried to explain to you what breathing was at age 18, if breathing was something you never ever wanted to hear your mom talk about Anyway yeah anon your mom is really confirming my prejudices w/r/t homeschool people. Sorry to hear about your poo poo, and  and also :getvaccinated:
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Jul 13, 2016 21:01
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My parents also found my porn search history when I was 13 or 14, had a very awkward sit-down talk about how "they" (meaning my mom, my dad didn't really give poo poo one) wanted me to stop because it would warp my view of women I just kinda nodded, said it wouldn't happen again, and figured out how to delete browser history within the next 5 minutes
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Jul 13, 2016 22:26
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Business Gorillas posted:Schizophrenia yeah uh it's probably closer to munchausen's
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Jul 14, 2016 14:57
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Business Gorillas posted:Delusions and paranoia are like the two biggest positive symptoms of schizophrenia and you can argue howling and pretending to be a wolf is a degradation of speech and thus a main negative symptom. I guess it comes down to whether you think they really believe what they're talking about or are making it up for attention, or to feel special, or to fit in with others who fit one of the first two categories, or any number of other reasons that slot nicely into Munchausen syndrome
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Jul 14, 2016 15:07
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Living with multiple hot women and making no moves but jerking off constantly is a pretty believable goon story, yeah Unanonymous confession, the summer between high school and college I went skinny-dipping with four girls and then got drunk with two of them and managed not to get any action at all
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Jul 14, 2016 17:09
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Solice Kirsk posted:
I'm actually glad in retrospect. I'm pretty sure I had the emotional maturity of the average middle-schooler when I was in high school and basically no self-esteem so it's probably for the best that I didn't get any action until college. Now, granted, at the time I was not happy about it at all, but everything worked out for the best. That said, hang in there bro  CJacobs posted:When I was in high school a mean girl found out I was gay somehow and spread it to all her friends who then made fun of me. I thought girls were supposed to be friends with gay people drat it! maybe being gay just meant they considered you feminine enough to be fair game for their mean-girl mind games
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Jul 14, 2016 18:41
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I'm sorry buddy. I've talked my way out sex or misplayed my hand too many times to count. Including screwing up two bar hookups in this last month alone.
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This would be great if I wasn't painfully aware that the context was him railing against lizard people Seriously, that crazy man has a great voice for yellin'. Cast him as a video game voice actor as a grizzled sergeant or something
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Jul 14, 2016 20:36
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"washing up"  what kind of washing up would you have to do serving people fresh cansAlso does that mean you're NOT washing the cans you reuse over and over because that's actually p gross
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Jul 20, 2016 15:32
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Refilling a bunch of dirty Coke cans from a 2-liter over and over and serving them to your guests because you don't want to deal with the hassle of buying new cans of Coke has gotta be one of the goonier habits I've heard of in threads not specifically devoted to goony habits You're not saving money, you're not #lifehacking, you're just being gross. Buy some cans. Throw them in the recycling bin when you are done, and then buy some more cans. This is not difficult.
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Jul 20, 2016 16:09
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Either can happen, sometimes you drink too much and it won't go up and sometimes you drink too much and it won't go down
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Jul 22, 2016 02:22
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H.H posted:
The only people I heard of that this would apply to were also furries though
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Jul 22, 2016 16:54
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Stay strong, alcoholic goon That was somewhat more of a feel-good post than I was expecting, and I'm glad you haven't drunk since the trip happened. But you should definitely tell your wife about it. It'd make pouring out the rum make a lot more sense in retrospect, and it's also the kind of thing your spouse should know so she doesn't do things like buy you bottles of rum as a nice gesture. Request her discretion if you don't want it generally known, but please tell her about it. Goon who's fed up with their friends: I went to a super-liberal but really fancy college, where most of your friend options are either from the "super-rich rear end in a top hat" or "'activist' who only cares about pop culture because they're actually really privileged" varieties, so I can see where you're coming from on this. You can still find plenty of people that fit one definition or the other who are super chill, though; I'm guessing that most of your friends fit that bill or you wouldn't have become friends with them in the first place. Try to keep that in mind. If you need a break from them, try to find some other friends in other ways (meeting new friends as an adult is hard but doable), but don't burn your bridges. And don't crash college parties to get laid; that sounds kinda creepery. I'm sure a lot of college girls are on Tinder anyway. Oh, and why would you talk about hauntingly beautiful nudes and not post them, what's wrong with you
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Jul 23, 2016 15:16
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bradzilla posted:Not necessarily. In 2 years he might have made a cool million but that's all. The real money doesn't come until free agency which is like 5 years after you're drafted. He was probably on league minimum salary. It's a very short career, for reasons that that confession should have made obvious, and it doesn't help that pro athletes are in the general case famously terrible with money. Some of them are set for life. Some of them, well, aren't. e: also I despise condoms and one of the best things about monogamy is that I don't have to use them anymore ok that's my 2 cents RE condoms
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Jul 24, 2016 22:56
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china bot posted:goon: i got free nudes from a teenager, should I punish her for this??? Yeah I have no idea what this goon's motivation is I mean, when I was a teenager I also did the whole "chat with some girl online for a while and ghost on her when she started getting a little too 'into' it" thing, that seems relatively normal, I just don't know why he found out she's getting married and his first instinct is "I should ruin this relative stranger's special day for no reason whatsoever" Well, anon, if you're reading this and care, please do not ruin this relative stranger's special day for no reason whatsoever. Imagine you did, and jerk off or whatever, if you want. Write real-life fanfiction about yourself doing this thing if that's what you need to do. Just don't actually do it.
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Jul 25, 2016 15:48
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LethalGeek posted:I dated someone who told me this once it was quite the eye opener This comes with a ready-made excuse "Sorry, I only date humans. Purebred only. I'm sure you understand." Back away slowly, facing them at all times, and if necessary explain that you were once shot in the back by an alien and it was a particularly traumatic experience
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Jul 26, 2016 15:34
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H.H posted:a stereotype of a crazy girl Did someone who is in debt to loan sharks really just attempt to make me jealous of their life because they have a lot of sex
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Jul 26, 2016 20:01
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H.H posted:
I mean this one's pretty obvious, but Seriously, anxiety issues appear to be ruining your life and you need to get that dealt with. Find yourself a dude therapist so you can stand to be in the same room as him without gnawing your leg off, and get this poo poo figured out because you can't really live like this. quote:freelance writing dude Can I just say this actually sounds like a p good setup to me I mean, you hate your main job, whatever, plenty of people hate their jobs. I actually think it's kinda cool that you're able to fill your days with something you like better, and get paid $10-15K a year for it. That's a pretty sweet deal. Hell, I like my job and I'd like to be able to do that. I dunno if this makes you feel any better but regardless it's how I feel
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Jul 28, 2016 13:05
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As I understand it wet dreams happen when you're not getting laid or masturbating enough and your subconscious decides to take a little initiative due to the "not masturbating" requirement I don't imagine many people here are that familiar with them, no
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Aug 1, 2016 16:35
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Hahaha this porn is funny, I'm just gonna keep watching nerds jerk off because it's hilarious to me. Ok one more jerk-off video. I don't like this, it's comedy. Hey what if I were to jerk off myself while watching it, that'd be like meta-comedy. It's meta, guys! That's even funnier! *ironically jerks off to ironic climax* On a separate note I don't really know how people filming themselves jerking off to CGI porn of fictional people really fits under the term "tribute" in any way but hey people can call their jerkoff porn whatever they want. (on a third note when you find yourself jerking it to videos of other guys jerking it to CGI porn you really need to go outside and speak to someone of your preferred sex IRL)
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Aug 1, 2016 17:05
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I liked the detail where he got naked and rolled around in mud in a situation where he wouldn't be able to bathe for days afterward, then didn't end up actually using that for anything
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Aug 2, 2016 17:49
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runupon cracker posted:Dear Fat Guy: All like "hello old friend" 
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Aug 3, 2016 16:32
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Well, get set up with Mint for one, that should help at least a little, but honestly the real answer here is that if 500-pound lardbeasts can post in YLLS you can post in Biz Fin. Swallow your pride and get it done.
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Aug 3, 2016 17:53
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H.H posted:are troops wow this is an edgy post but like someone else said you don't appear to really have any grasp of history 1) Your "petty squabbles between heads of state" argument actually applies much more to wars BEFORE ww2 than after; since ww2 it's all been clashes of ideologies with a little bit of inscrutable market forces mixed in. Even Iraq War 2, which could be described as "GWB wants to finish the job GHWB left undone", had the oil thing and the "does post-Cold-War America have a responsibility to be World Police" question to decide. 2) Your North Korea reference was honestly some  poo poo. "Honoring the armed forces is something North Korea does!!!" ok it's also something the UK and Germany and fuckin' Switzerland do, but3) Was the part about "benefits other countries give everyone" about the GI Bill and VA healthcare? Because the kind of person who finds themselves in a position where volunteering for the forces is the best plan they have going is absolutely the kind of person who would benefit most from free education, and after the poo poo they have to go through paying their hospital bills is kind of the least the government could do. I mean, yes, I agree everybody should get free education and healthcare, but that's not the system we have so e: I just saw the phrase "the only 'sacrifice' any of these 'brave men and women' made were their lives" and lol e2: wait is this Jastiger Poodge posted:God that child sounds legitimately terrifying. Yeah that post would be p scary if it had a 1% chance of being true loquacius fucked around with this message at 12:43 on Aug 4, 2016 |
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Aug 4, 2016 12:40
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Having to watch people constantly thank soldiers for their service is the price you pay for living in Iowa
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Aug 4, 2016 13:46
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I think the idea of "all world conflicts should be decided via cage matches between world leaders or their appointed champions" is kind of interesting, but it's not a stable equilibrium because if you lose a duel but think you'd win a traditional war there is absolutely nothing stopping you from just invading rather than abiding by the duel conditions Plus all it would take is for North Korea to somehow engineer themselves the best cage-fighter ever born and there goes the world order e: Comedy option, Kim Jong Un does it himself and is undefeated across all countries
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Aug 4, 2016 14:08
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You guys must have a different definition of "interesting" than me  It's "Onion article" or "SA frontpage article" interesting, not "let's give this a shot!" interesting
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Aug 4, 2016 14:49
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