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HerStuddMuffin posted:Uh, he is a world class athlete and regularly shoots four or five hole in ones in a single round of golf, for instance. I don't know where you get your information from but you're obviously a victim of foreign propaganda. I still really don't get how North Koreans can see pictures of him, know what he looks like, and still believe things like this
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Aug 4, 2016 15:49
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As I understand it basically every female social reject has that gay porn thing going on, there's an entire genre of anime marketed at them Shy bladder goon: as a former shy-bladder goon, I've found that it doesn't really matter what you are thinking about, more that you are thinking about something other than how you can't pee and it's really embarrassing. It's an anxiety issue. Thinking about beefy pissbitches or about dudes beating you up or peeing on you or whatever is distracting and probably a decent placebo, which is why it worked, but it doesn't sound very confidence-inducing, which is probably why it stopped working. Try focusing on your breathing and thinking about something that makes you feel good about yourself. Solice Kirsk posted:Cousin loving, I feel, is the most appropriate of incest. this is kinda like saying skimming from the cash register at work is the most appropriate of thefts While technically true, that doesn't make it a good idea
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Aug 5, 2016 13:27
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Red Suit posted:Tattoo goon, just find a place that will do a decent cover up job what would this entail, make it into an eagle holding a basketball Skinhead goon, just pay a man to shoot you with a laser for a very long time. You were a skinhead teen and you got a Nazi tattoo, think of it as penance  e: take a hint from Orange Is The New Black and get it made into an eagle holding the Microsoft Windows logo loquacius fucked around with this message at 13:32 on Aug 5, 2016 |
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Aug 5, 2016 13:28
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KomodoWagon posted:A lot of the episodes are hosed up but it gets weird because it doesn't seem like anyone realizes that it's hosed up. Like, even when it's about loving your cousin to get your parents' attention, there's an overwhelming sensation that Jerry Seinfeld (the real person) is completely oblivious to why such a thing would be really strange to put on national TV and thinks it's just regular ol' chuckles sitcom material. It's definitely more Larry David than Seinfeld, and you can tell this if you try watching Curb Your Enthusiasm. Off the top of my head there's an episode where the premise is someone thinks he's beating his wife and an episode where the big punchline at the very end is that a building full of people think he's a pedophile
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Aug 5, 2016 13:37
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DOOP posted:As an only child, I don't understand the whole (cousin) incest thing. Why does society frown upon it aside from mutant babies My running theory is that anyone who fetishizes incest, asks why it's a big deal, etc etc was an only child like, if you have a sibling you know why it's weird, so just trust me, it's weird KomodoWagon posted:I was asking about CYE CYE was made after the laugh-track era and I kind of doubt Seinfeld actually had a live audience, it had too many exterior scenes for that to really make sense
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Aug 5, 2016 15:18
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P-Mack posted:It's not considered weird at all in much of the world. You really have to keep at it for generations to get mutants. People seize on the genetic thing because we are a society of moral cowards who are scared to take any ethical stand that we can't couch in semi-scientific utilitarian terms, but at the same time want to maintain broadly the same social mores as the old religious, community focused society that we've replaced with empty corporate consumerism. see, this guy, this guy doesn't have any siblings, that's what I'm talking about also he jerks it to incest porn on the regular
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Aug 5, 2016 15:42
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Yeah I think fujoshi confessor needs to crawl before she can walk, meaning work on trying regular romance stuff before trying regular sex stuff before trying to be the top in gay porn You guys are telling a 32-year-old kissless virgin to try going on fetlife or whatever, seems like a bad idea no matter what kind of porn she watches
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Aug 5, 2016 16:08
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genericangst posted:These are fair points. I guess I was just judging like, how would I feel if a woman I was dating brought this up to me. I figured a lot of people would be like, "Eh, I'm not into that but maybe I'll give it a try," but given that she's a 30-something year old virgin, I guess she wouldn't necessarily have the confidence to even bring something like that up. Most people with niche kinks manage to not let it run their entire love lives. Plenty of people just live well-adjusted full lives while getting off to weird porn forever, plenty of other people just pull out the kinky stuff every once in a while when they're in the mood for it. She wouldn't have to go figuratively balls-deep into fetish territory right away even if she wasn't a complete neophyte, but since she is it strikes me as a Really Bad Idea Like, she should probably have at least a passing interest in whether potential long-term partners have an interest in this thing that she wants to try, but it's very possible that she developed a fixation on this particular act as a side-effect of being solely reliant on porn for so long. Remember, Steve Carell was not a well-adjusted person in that one movie he made, and his friends were giving him bad advice e: except when Paul Rudd donated that box of porn to him and advised him to use it, that was good advice
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Aug 5, 2016 16:29
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Hey as long as we're naming famous cousinfuckers of history, Albert Einstein's second wife was his first cousin on one side and his second cousin on the other side fake-edit: and that cousinfucker's name... was Albert Einstein
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Aug 5, 2016 17:55
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The first half of the hates-Chinese-people confession I was like "yeah people who work at museums always tell me the Chinese tourists are the worst ones hahaha-" and then I got to the fantasizing-about-killing-them part and I was like "oh  "
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Aug 7, 2016 13:22
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Alas for poor niggerstomper58, who would have ever thought that such a mild-mannered soul would attract Internet drama
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Aug 7, 2016 14:27
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I just want you goons to know that none of you are wonderful people and I don't appreciate you at all H.H posted:George Costanza / dude with rich sick girlfriend I feel kind of bad that my first thought upon hearing "super rich girl from old-money family with tons of health problems" was "I wonder how much cousinfucking her family has done over the generations" but for real though look at your current happiness level and ask yourself how much being rich would really help you. If you end up married to her with access to all of her money and you get busted banging a sidepiece, which seems like a likely outcome to me, you probably won't get anything in the divorce. Imagine yourself spending all your free time drinking and zoning out for your whole life -- would drinking super expensive booze instead of Evan Williams really make that any more fulfilling? I wouldn't do this, and I love money. Just walk away, man. Help yourself to a couple of those mysterious $250,000 things (Rolls Royce???) and get out. Don't worry about her, she's a grown-rear end woman and if she has breakup troubles her family can just buy her three new houses or whatever. Groovelord Neato posted:i hate to break it to that goon but violence has gone down year after year and we're living in possibly the most peaceful and safe time in human history  The two most consistent wrong opinions people have held since the beginning of time are "kids today are so much worse than they were when I was a kid" and "the world is falling apart and it's nothing like the Good Ol' Days"did you know thirty years ago we were in a Cold War with a nuclear superpower with an anathematic ideology to our own and a strong interest in wiping us out??? but it's way worse today because chinamen and jews and black people etc etc etc. Take your meds, grandpa. Red Suit posted:We won't. We're already past the tipping point and there's no stopping climate change. I don't understand the Portland theory because if the Arctic melts wouldn't it be underwater  H.H posted:lady in love w crazy guy I mean, this isn't exactly a rare phenomenon, actual convicted serial killers have tons of fangirls (I think the Tsarnaev fans have calmed down by now but I had a chip on my shoulder about them for a while). I dunno if the suicidal tendencies you were alluding to in this post were embellished for attention purposes, but if they weren't, that's probably the reason you're attracted to a guy who cut your face open for no reason. Someone out there cares whether you're alive, even if the anonymous confession you wrote got lost in a huge flood of posts because it sounded made-up.  etc etc
loquacius fucked around with this message at 15:00 on Aug 8, 2016 |
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Aug 8, 2016 14:58
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Please do not marry a woman with severe physical and mental health problems with the express intention of cheating on or murdering her Aside from the obvious ethical issues &c &c, neither of these plans will work out for you I'm kind of  at the people who say the cops will not suspect that the person who had hundreds of millions of dollars to gain from someone's death might have had something to do with killing her just because she had health issues, especially if your marriage is obviously unhappy to casual observers and/or you're cheating on her
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Aug 8, 2016 17:03
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E1M1 posted:This. I also think it was really hosed up to put yakety sax over the 9/11 footage. What kind of hosed up place is this? Are you suggesting that terrible legal advice presented in earnest is similar to dark-humor internet memes in some way
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Aug 8, 2016 17:11
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HerStuddMuffin posted:He'd be better off leveraging the gf and getting a high paying job that involves lots of traveling and not much actual work through family connections, and squirrel up as much as he can while living the high life on the corporate teat. Then when they catch on/him and fire/dump his rear end, he can retire on the savings. Much better plan, and it's actually legal. This plan sounds best to me because rather than relying on a goon to competently get away with a murder he'd be the clear prime suspect in, it's the classic "lazy guy dating/married to idle-rich woman with connected dad" move. It's time-tested. Do this, anon goon. That way when you're left with nothing in the divorce because it was caused by your infidelity, you'll at least have gotten a little something for yourself in the meantime.
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Aug 8, 2016 17:32
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Yeah, no one gives a poo poo if billionaire heiresses die or go missing Her rich and powerful family wouldn't even lift a finger
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Aug 8, 2016 17:39
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Business Gorillas posted:Wait are we goonsourcing a murder itt? GOON PROJECT
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Aug 8, 2016 20:48
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It was interesting to see this anti-white-people post that reminded me a lot of the racist posts you see from white people a lot of the time, where they say "<such-and-such race> are moving in and it's ruining the neighborhood" without really articulating how it's ruining the neighborhood. Like, there are white people around and the neighborhood is "bland" somehow now because the white people... drink wine that you somehow know the price of? That's the only solid criticism I can find that doesn't involve reading a whole lot into the way they look around at things. And you don't like the gay dudes' bathing suits or taste in music, ok you still come off as super whiny there even if you're expressing yourself a bit better. Like, I know it doesn't make sense to equate racism against white people with racism against other groups, that post just reminded me a lot of the kind of post a mad whitey would make because he doesn't like having to live near brown people but can't think of a legitimate reason for it besides "I don't like when people are brown." Oh, and the wannabe-drug-dealer confession's prose just made me think "wow, Rorschach is getting kind of desperate"
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Aug 9, 2016 12:49
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This is probably an academic distinction, but to "beat the poo poo out of" someone is not the same thing as to "smack the poo poo out of" someone. One implies one blow and the other implies a bunch of blows. So he didn't full-on beat his wife into submission, he just kind of snapped and whacked her one with a spatula. Neither one is something that should be accepted, of course. She's in the right to move out after that happened, but she absolutely wasn't in the right to keep their kids away from him or to say that in the first place. It's a hosed-up story and has been since we first heard the premise.
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Aug 9, 2016 15:33
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Murphy Brownback posted:You're making an awful lot of assumptions based on basically nothing. I've never in my life heard that either "beat/smack the poo poo out of" implied exclusively one hit. No, I was saying that "beat" means a lot of hits and "smack" doesn't necessarily
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Aug 9, 2016 15:54
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Yeah I kind of wasn't interested in starting a big long discussion over that when I posted it, sorry
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Aug 9, 2016 16:03
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He mentioned she had basically expunged the fact that she said anything at all from her version of the story, I wonder if that detail is also absent from her own mental version of the incident We can agree that hitting people is (a) bad, not good, (b) a tactical error in the argument in question, and (c) probably a death knell for a marriage that was already in trouble also that murdering the rapist cop cousin is not a good plan, even if the anon feels like he doesn't have a lot to live for atm.
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Aug 9, 2016 16:33
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SciFiDownBeat posted:you should change your username to "garrulous" because the word "loquacious," while an accurate description of your posts, doesn't quite convey their triviality It's kind of funny that you tried to restart a finished argument I already said I had no intention of having in the first place to accuse me of quibbling over trivialities, and your main point in the post where you did this was a thing I literally said in the post you quoted but I bet it made you feel better to type it at least
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Aug 9, 2016 19:19
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H.H posted:that sociopath girl again This reads like a supermarket-checkout-aisle romance novel or the worst kind of fanfiction. You come off as super self-obsessed by this point. I'm gonna amend the suicidal-tendencies diagnosis from my last post: you're just a drama queen and you're going through a phase. quote:in response to loquascious "uh excuse me but when people are racist against brown people it is actually for a very good reason: brown people are just bad"  H.H posted:big tit guy dog buttz posted:my girlfriend's tits are only big and not huge! loquacius fucked around with this message at 12:53 on Aug 10, 2016 |
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Aug 10, 2016 12:51
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H.H posted:I have lost interest in the following camgirls that used to give me a boner: read this in the voice of a town herald issuing a royal proclamation from a balcony announced by a really long bugle with a tapestry hanging from it and poo poo
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Aug 10, 2016 15:01
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crackton posted:Step 4, move to Canada. Everything is a lot more bearable here. And we have bears. And a few months ago there were two capybara's running around Toronto so everyday felt like an IRL Pokemon Go. Colder regions have sky-high alcoholism rates because that's the only way anyone can deal with the winters Please do not encourage vulnerable depressed people to immigrate to your frozen hellhole, thanks  I'd recommend instead that these people move to more rural/suburban areas of California, where there are good laws and good weather
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Aug 10, 2016 17:32
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@Diaper rash goon: maybe invest in a bidet and then stop worrying about how other people poop. Man, your parents must have overpottytrained the poo poo out of you. And the weird dick confession has several terms I don't recognize and would rather not google at work, but I do like how it ends with "My dick is also small" and I think all confessions should automatically get that added onto the end, ok thanks
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Aug 10, 2016 19:28
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ArmZ posted:for the poo poo goon: also: (link to the popular children's book "Everybody Poops" on smile dot amazon dot com)
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Aug 10, 2016 19:34
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Putty posted:loquacius please bear the torch like you did last time i cannot live without cousin loving confessions never fear, poopchat will not last forever Waiting on some mod directives, set to fill in once they arrive
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Aug 11, 2016 02:09
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hey if anyone here is missing the r/relationships thread I've got a surprise for youquote:So to start off I'm a 32 year old dude. My girlfriend is a 27 year old girl. We've been dating for about a year. She's increasingly keen on the idea of moving in together and generally moving forward with our relationship. Here's the problem. She's 27 lived with her parents literally her whole life, works a dead end retail job, participates in our local burlesque scene(Which, in my opinion, is the female version of LARPing), but beyond that has no ambition. And like, I'm not a sterling example of ambition and drive, but I've come to a point where I'm living with little debt and relative comfort, and looking to buy a home in the next year or two. quote:Last night I went to a sex party and told a guy how to masturbate, right in the middle of the party. I didn't even offer to let him touch me so he didn't, I just let him look at my cleavage (I was dressed.) He came all over himself and it was really hot. Later I made him find us a private place, and then I pulled my pants down a little so he could touch one breast and finger gently caress me while I rubbed my clit and came.
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Aug 11, 2016 13:20
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I had no idea burlesque was just fat women LARPing as hot women, that's funny but doesn't really surprise me but yeah while reading that I was like "I bet with the burlesque thing she's at least fun in the sack" but apparently not. Get out, dude. Don't let her keep you hostage with a threat she hasn't even made. Maybe give her friends or family a heads-up, and if they give you grief for leaving (which it sounds like they might do) tell them to gently caress themselves. That's as far as your obligation extends. She's a grown woman.
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Aug 11, 2016 13:25
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Oh and sex party lady, why would you choose to tell us that story if it didn't even register on your hot scale? That basically guarantees you have a better one you could have told instead.
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Aug 11, 2016 13:29
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HerStuddMuffin posted:Thank you, I certainly do. That thread was fantastic until a couple of morons shitted it up and got it locked. speaking of After a conversation between H.H and Smythe, this thread will  no longer be posting suicide confessions. If you feel the need to make one of those, we would like to preemptively direct you to the resources listed in the OP. H.H will be updating it to include this information as soon as he is out of cat jail.And cut out the suicide-encouraging poo poo because that'll get this thread closed or gassed and nobody wants that. Lookin' at you, KomodoWagon.
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Aug 11, 2016 14:00
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If anything will stop this conversation I bet this confession will I had to read this, so now you all have to read it too quote:Posting on behalf from what a popular D&D poster confessed to me in person. He hasn't given permission to post this but his story must be told. His name have been changed...
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Aug 11, 2016 15:15
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If someone eating gonorrhea didn't stop the rules derail maybe an update from an old confesser willquote:Update on the lottery situation.
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Aug 11, 2016 16:03
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Lottery goon, maybe your wife didn't try making a fuss to get her daughter back but I think with a bajillion dollars or whatever on the line she'll probably sit up and take notice. You seem pretty confident and the die is cast now anyway so good luck and godspeed I guess, just keep an eye out.
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Aug 11, 2016 16:04
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quote:My wife has always been fat. At first, it didn't bother me that much, but as the years go by I seem to notice her physical flaws more and more. When I first met her, I was really attracted to how put together she was, always wearing flattering clothes, beautiful makeup, nice perfume, great hairdos, etc. Its not like being intimate with her initially was some huge shock as to what she looked like naked, but I guess those new relationship chemicals in my brain kind of tuned out her physical flaws.
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Aug 11, 2016 20:32
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quote:My confession is that I just celebrated my 15th year anniversary working at Kmart. I’m 32 years old. I haven’t really advanced much either. When I started work, I made $6 an hour and now I make $10.50 an hour. I live in a shithole apartment. I lost contact with all of my friends because they no longer want to be associated with me. In my off hours, I just play video games and smoke weed. The last time I got laid was four years ago and it was with someone who was so hideous that I never told anyone about it. I tried going to school several times in my 20s but I eventually gave up. quote:I'm sorry if this isn't a terribly interesting confession but it's been on my mind for a few weeks now so I'll just confess to get it out of my system.
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Aug 12, 2016 04:03
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quote:My friend is a former drug addict turning his life around and has been clean for months. He is applying for jobs and asks me to be a reference for him. I agree. Whenever I get calls from firms asking me to talk about him, I tell them stories about what drugs he was hooked on, what desperate poo poo he did while he was at the low point of his life, and mention that while he’s fine now, he could relapse at any moment. quote:I have a problem with the weirdest sort of synesthesia. No, I'm not seeing tones as colors. It's also very specific, there are only two songs at the moment that trigger the association;
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Aug 12, 2016 13:34
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Bad job reference goon, are you sabotaging this guy on purpose or is this an "aw shucks I'm just telling them the truth" kind of thing, because if it's the latter you should probably give him the "list someone else as a reference" pointer at some point
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Aug 12, 2016 13:35
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