"Anonymous Confessions: The legend of pissbitch".

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Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

I had both happen last month. Started strong but like 20 minutes in lost it and couldn't get it back up, but never finished.

Man, if that chick was awake she probably would have been pissed!

# ¿ Jul 22, 2016 01:27

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# ¿ May 10, 2024 00:34

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Oddly enough I had a girlfriend that thought she was really a werewolf too. She got four teeth marks tattooed on her neck and continuously lied about it being a tattoo. She pointed out that her new healing powers actually caused the punctures to close and scab up with in a couple days as "proof." She lied so much about anything and everything though that I really think she believed the stuff she was saying. She also told my best friend at his birthday party that she was pregnant, but I wasn't the father and that an angel was.

Honestly I kind of miss the crazy she brought. Last I heard she moved to New Orleans (of course) and died when she passed out in a running car in a garage. Really don't know if that's true or not since her friend that told me that also told me she died in New York of a drug overdose.

# ¿ Jul 27, 2016 06:11

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

cyberia posted:

Non-anonymous confession: After a year of lovely, messy break-up nonsense I filed divorce papers today and I thought it would give me a huge sense of relief but I actually just feel sad and lonely.

There's no such thing as closure

Once it goes through you'll probably feel a bit better.

# ¿ Jul 27, 2016 12:10

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

The gently caress is it even supposed to mean?

# ¿ Jul 28, 2016 01:59

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Maybe they changed the name to protect anonymity. This way it could be any of the rubber band ball removing people.

# ¿ Jul 28, 2016 03:13

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

quote:

A friend of mine and I recently had our wildly different schedules align with a week of PTO. I had not seen him in about two years, and we fell out of regular contact about a year before that (he moved, and i started working graveyard shifts). Needless to say it was good to see him, as we were very close friends once upon a time.

The trip went well once I got coaxed out of my usual introverted self. Smoked a few bowls, drank a bit, ate good food, even impulsively took a trip somewhere neither of us had been before. I had genuinely been enjoying myself, for the most part.

Except...

I have a crush on him. Have since we both discovered we were in to guys way back when. It's only gotten worse as time goes on. He's a lot of things I'm not, and there's a part of me that says we could work out, even though we live far apart. He says I can always be honest with him, and he can be honest with me. But I can't work up the courage to tell him. I made a relationship out of a friendship befofe, and everything went up in smoke after a month. Threw me in to depression for half a year and it still lingers in the back of my head to this day. I worry if I pull the trigger, the same thing will happen...even though I know better.

I did work up enough courage to drunk text him and say I thought he was very cute once I was well and on my way home. He thanked me for being honest about my feelings. Haven't talked about it since, though.

The next time we see one another will probably be in the spring...but I don't know if I can wait that long. I want to see him again before the end of the year and just tell him in person. Maybe it would work out. Maybe not. But I won't know until I ask...right?

You're absolutely right. I'd say take the risk and tell him how you feel. Sounds like you're good enough friends to get over it if he doesn't feel the same way.

Edit:
Have you considered writing him a three page love letter?

# ¿ Jul 28, 2016 12:20

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Dirk Squarejaw posted:

And get some string and a life-sized pic of your friend's face.

Cut a hole in the mouth and tape it over your dog's face so it looks like your friend is licking the peanut butter off your balls.

# ¿ Jul 28, 2016 12:59

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Bombadilillo posted:

Note: this also works if you are a lard beast it just takes longer.

Also tell your lady friend about your anxiety and how you having trouble trying to date. Maybe she has friends. She's a friend. Tell her poo poo.

Yeah, she'll probably be able to help you out a lot with this stuff. And it will make you two closer.

# ¿ Jul 31, 2016 17:31

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Shoe guys wife should be stealing women's shoes from the gym for her husband. If she's not willing to put in the work for that relationship then shame on her. :colbert:

# ¿ Aug 2, 2016 13:44

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Awesome sexual harassment goon! The only one left is the one guy that went after his roommates girlfriend and wrote her a 3 page note.

# ¿ Aug 3, 2016 00:40

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Givin her the ol' Iowa Chop.

# ¿ Aug 3, 2016 12:55

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

KomodoWagon posted:

Well first you dive into 50 g's in credit card debt and then you work to pay off the debt

e: suck my dick you fuckman

It's even funnier because people literally do this with student loans. And even death doesn't stop you from owing those debts.

# ¿ Aug 3, 2016 19:09

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Also UV Blue vodka.

# ¿ Aug 3, 2016 21:07

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

I have a bunch of friends that are veterans and every single one of them thinks it's hilarious when people thank them for their service. Well, except for one time when a ww2 marine thanked one of them. He said that actually meant something.

# ¿ Aug 4, 2016 12:47

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

I think we should actively start blaming WW2 vets for creating the baby boomer generation. Our children's children are still gonna be cleaning up their loving mess. Sure they stopped Hitler, but at what cost?

# ¿ Aug 5, 2016 05:18

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Cousin loving, I feel, is the most appropriate of incest. So stick your dick in your cousin you wuss. If it's good enough for George Castanza it's good enough for you.

# ¿ Aug 5, 2016 12:38

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

I think that's the goon that tried to burn himself to death.

# ¿ Aug 5, 2016 13:04

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Oh, George wanted to gently caress his cousin to get his parents attention, but didn't expect the cousin to be into it. I think Jerry bought a van that episode too.

# ¿ Aug 5, 2016 13:16

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Well if course it's not a good idea, but we need some crazy follow up stories in here, besides the uninteresting "I sleep with dudes for money and am still in debt" person. I think cousin fucker has potential. :colbert:

# ¿ Aug 5, 2016 13:31

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

In all my years of being here I don't think I've spent more than 5 or 10 minutes in FYAD. Hell, I posted in LF and YCS and still never really bothered with it.

# ¿ Aug 7, 2016 14:28

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Having been forced into months long droughts of no sexual activity before I wish I could switch my sex drive on and off.

# ¿ Aug 7, 2016 18:47

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Everyone my age fucks their cousins. loving your cousin is the coolest. You ain't nobody, if you don't gently caress your cousin.

# ¿ Aug 8, 2016 02:48

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

china bot posted:

If loving your cousin is cool, consider me Jerry Lee Lewis

My man!

# ¿ Aug 8, 2016 03:25

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

quote:

i'm the girl in love w/a sociopath slash possible-killer (pg 23)

Nobody responded because it's obviously fake. You're not good at creative writing. And no one wants your loving cat.

# ¿ Aug 8, 2016 14:40

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Murdering a child raping cop and committing suicide isn't the worst thing in the world. If he had life insurance for his kids and had it for over 2 years that's another benefit. Now I'm not saying he should do it, mostly cause its probably not true, but there would be some good from it.

# ¿ Aug 9, 2016 16:41

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

H.H posted:

I hope the top confession is the one about the dude writing a 3 page letter.

That was my favorite one last time. I thought he said they were together and his roommate moved out and punched him. I just wanna know if he ever told her about that letter.

Edit: Maybe a title change to "Anonymous Confessions: Tell us what's up 3 page letter guy! "

# ¿ Aug 9, 2016 18:17

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

wyntyr posted:

Harley Quinn goonette that's going to get murdered by her boyfriend: PM me, I can put you in touch with some resources.

A high school writing teacher that gives a drat?

# ¿ Aug 9, 2016 22:27

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Violence has solved more and bigger problems than anything else through out history. Who are we to question violence?

# ¿ Aug 10, 2016 00:35

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Well if people would start making up entertaining stories like they used to we'd have better things to talk about.

# ¿ Aug 10, 2016 01:10

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

lotto goon posted:

Update on the lottery situation.

My daughter turned 18 a few days ago and paperwork for support is finalize and will have no contact with my ex wife from now on.

I will cash in on the 24th

For those who said don't screw my daughter over... She has been living with me for the last 6 years. Her mom is a meth head and I pay child support so she won't try anything in court. She hasn't wanted anything to do with her daughter for years now. I had my daughter move out when a crackhead tried to molest her at night. As long as I would send the support she wouldn't try to get her daughter back in court.

I am paying for college and a first home for her.

My ex wife knows the support stops now and will never find out about my lottery winnings.

For fucks sake listen to me. I've got more than a decade of experience in investment and banking and have seen poo poo like this a few times and she 100% is going to lawyer up the second she hears you won the lottery to see if she can get any of it. And the first call that lawyer is gonna make is to the lotto commission who will tell him the winning ticket was bought while she was still owed and they are going to sue you for it. Wait until it's just about to be too late to claim. By then she will not be looking into it, and will probably not think too much of it. Or at least wait a few more months. The more amount of time you put between stopping payments and cashing that out the better your chances of keeping it for you and your daughter.

EDit:
Obviously it's your decision, but if you think for a second that a meth head isn't gonna think of a way to get more money from you then you don't know how hard meth heads work/look to get money. Hell, she could even send someone to rob you.

Solice Kirsk fucked around with this message at 22:28 on Aug 11, 2016

# ¿ Aug 11, 2016 22:25

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Kmart Manager posted:

My confession is that I just celebrated my 15th year anniversary working at Kmart. I’m 32 years old. I haven’t really advanced much either. When I started work, I made $6 an hour and now I make $10.50 an hour. I live in a shithole apartment. I lost contact with all of my friends because they no longer want to be associated with me. In my off hours, I just play video games and smoke weed. The last time I got laid was four years ago and it was with someone who was so hideous that I never told anyone about it. I tried going to school several times in my 20s but I eventually gave up.

I don’t feel suicidal but this is as good as it gets for me. Each year, I get fatter, balder, and ever closer to death. My parents on my 30th birthday tried to stage an “intervention” where I was to move back home, go back to school, and unfuck my life. I remember getting so angry that neighbors came by and asked if they needed to call the police. I’m having fun with No Man’s Sky so that’s enough to get me through the next couple of weeks.

Eh, welcome to life I guess. Just remember that no matter how much money or fun you have you will eventually get to an equilibrium. It's why rich people can be depressed when it seems impossible for poor people. If you're sort of happy now, that's probably as good as most people have it.

# ¿ Aug 12, 2016 06:09

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Job reference goon is doing the lord's work. Once a druggy always a druggy. That'll teach his friend to put in a ton of mental and physical effort into overcoming an addiction and try to turn his life around. gently caress that guy. gently caress him right in his nonaddicted-wanting-to-contribute-to-society rear end.

# ¿ Aug 12, 2016 18:21

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Ugh, I'm losing total interest in this thread. Can't we get some damned fun confessions? Someone pick up the reins and pretend to be Kane again.

# ¿ Aug 12, 2016 19:03

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Goon who got guy fired: you have two choices here. Either change grocery stores, or start a rumor at that grocery store that the guy is a gently caress up and got fired at your work even though you and all your co-workers tried to cover his mistakes. You don't want the people you buy groceries from to think you're a jerk.

# ¿ Aug 13, 2016 13:44

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

This is 100% correct. Everyone gets thrown under the bus at some point and the best way to handle that is to pre-file an HR complaint about everyone on your team for any special projects. Remember, they make you feel "uncomfortable."

# ¿ Aug 13, 2016 13:53

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Butthole goon: I posted this in an old thread, butt (eh, eh) it might come in handy for you too:

Solice Kirsk posted:

Solution 1:

Start rubbing her butthole with your finger during sex or foreplay with out actually penetrating her. DON'T JUST SHOVE IT IN THERE YOU FOOL! After a few weeks start applying a little more pressure. Eventually the tip of your finger will go in. Apologize to her. If she says "No, that's fine" then you are maybe a week or two more away from success! Just keep getting your finger in a little more each time. It goes with out saying that you should be lubricating your finger for this. Once she's into the finger being in there it's time to go for the gold. Make sure everything is super lubricated and make sure you go loving slow. Congrats! You just had sex with your wife's butt!

However, if she freaks out at the tip of a finger and says no, well...you probably aren't ever gonna have anal. And you'll probably have to do the dishes for a week or something.

Solution 2:

Ask your wife for anal on an anniversary or your birthday or something.

Solution 3:

Bribe her sexually. Ask her what her biggest fantasy is and knock that fucker out of the park. Even if its something you're not into, just dive right in! I mean, use google to find out how to do it perfectly, watch a ton of porn or "how to" videos to just become the "Her Fetish" master. After a few weeks of giving her her biggest fantasy ask for anal.

Solution 4:

You got a boring prude wife.

I think you can substitute "Buy an rear end fleshlight" for solution number 4 though because your DTF wife is worth keeping.

# ¿ Aug 13, 2016 19:03

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

I don't want kids either. Not one bit. It cost me a fiance and everything, but there's nothing wrong with not wanting them and not wanting to be around them. Live your life with your husband and the two of you can just retire like 15 years earlier and vacation around the world with all your saved money!

# ¿ Aug 15, 2016 13:35

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Jose posted:

how did you manage to get engaged and whether or not you were having kids hadn't come up? were you 18

She changed her mind and I didn't change mine. She's married with two kids now and absolutely miserable so I think I made the correct decision. I feel kinda bad for her, but she followed what she thought she wanted so I can't be too upset. Still think the two of us would have been happier together, but we'll never know now. Having a relationship fall apart where both people are still totally in love with each other is a weird thing.

# ¿ Aug 15, 2016 20:23

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Jose posted:

i understand but i feel this should happen before someone pops the question i guess

It did. She changed her mind.

# ¿ Aug 15, 2016 23:42

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# ¿ May 10, 2024 00:34

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Zzulu posted:

I tend to build these statues of famous people made of ground beef and then I nut on them and then I eat them up,

I can't believe I'm typing this, but can you post a picture of a bacon Jimmy Durante pre-semen?

Eh, let's live a little. Post-semen as well.

# ¿ Aug 16, 2016 01:13

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > "Anonymous Confessions: The legend of pissbitch".

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