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Roylicious
Feb 21, 2012

Braver than the cops
ain't afraid of no chaps
If they steppin up on me
I just start bustin some caps
Ask your friend what the difference is between the logical end of libertarianism and anarchy.

That usually gets them butthurt.

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8-Bit Scholar
Jan 23, 2016

by FactsAreUseless
Yeah, I don't think libertarianism works on an economic level. That is to say, I don't think the free market and private companies can be trusted upon to act ethically, despite what Gary Johnson thinks. It's the biggest point we diverge on.

ChrisHansen
Oct 28, 2014

Suck my damn balls.
Lipstick Apathy
It's okay to be friends with people with different opinions

mazzi Chart Czar
Sep 24, 2005
Kidnap your friend and throw him out into the middle of the forest naked and alone. If he is a true libertarian, you will never see him again. If he makes it back to civilization, mock him for not enjoying the freedom of pooping in a hole while bugs bite his balls.

paul_soccer10
Mar 28, 2016

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
if he doesn't return, he was never a libertarian to begtin with

rabble rabble
Mar 24, 2015



Nap Ghost

mazzi Chart Czar posted:

Kidnap your friend and throw him out into the middle of the forest naked and alone. If he is a true libertarian, you will never see him again. If he makes it back to civilization, mock him for not enjoying the freedom of pooping in a hole while bugs bite his balls.

sounds like a good idea for the chigger thread, you should syndicate ur post there for maximum return on investment

firebeats
May 8, 2016

ChrisHansen posted:

It's okay to be friends with people with different opinions

Drad_Bert
Jun 26, 2013

by Smythe
drag your friend behind a pickup truck

That Robot
Sep 16, 2004

ask me anything about robots
Buglord

Gaunab posted:

My friend recently came out as a libertarian recently. Should I support him or shame him?

ask him how oklahoma's doing; they starved "the beast" there, didn't they? :grin:

That Robot
Sep 16, 2004

ask me anything about robots
Buglord

8-Bit Scholar posted:

That depends. Is he a Randian "Libertarian" (and thus not a Libertarian at all, really) or is he an actual Libertarian, in that he supports smaller government, strong local government, states rights >>> federal rights, and an abolishment of the drug prohibition?

both are still lovely philosophies that hurt the poor regardless, all so some loving fatass plutocrats can buy a few more yachts

Mariana Horchata
Jun 30, 2008

College Slice
"I tend to be fiscally conservative, socially liberal" - some person in college u decided to stop hanging out with years ago

Captain Splashback
Jan 1, 2007

BY APPOINTMENT TO HER MAJESTY
QUEEN ELIZABETH II
SPLASHBACK HOLDINGS LTD
PUCKINS AND PRINTERS PURVEYORS

paul_soccer10 posted:

an actual classical libertarian or the new type who yearn for unfettered totalitarian corporate hegemony with no oversight whatsoever

A very important distinction to make!

Iron Prince
Aug 28, 2005
Buglord

mazzi Chart Czar posted:

enjoying the freedom of pooping in a hole while bugs bite his balls.

don't tempt me with a good time

8-Bit Scholar
Jan 23, 2016

by FactsAreUseless

That Robot posted:

both are still lovely philosophies that hurt the poor regardless, all so some loving fatass plutocrats can buy a few more yachts

Maybe so. My experience is more with rural communities than the urban poor, so my perspective is different in this, but what I see is a lot of local agencies--particularly schools--who are essentially slaves to a pithy federal handout that doesn't really ever address the budget issues in these towns. Populations are drying up too, and when school populations decrease, so does their budget. With a system that has a very distant moneylender doling out allotments to those who deserve it, you end up with a "one size fits none" solution. Maybe the Dept of Education will give ten thousand dollars to a school to buy more computers. But maybe this school doesn't need computers, maybe it needs something else--a specialized piece of equipment, or structural repairs or better curriculum tools. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't, and overall the result is that small towns feel very alienated by a government who is clearly more interested in urban populations than rural ones.

It seems to me that matters like education, and a lot of social issues as well, would be best left to state governments. The Federal government honestly has enough to do with the maintaining of a standing army, regulating taxes, passing national budgets, defense decisions, and general global issues. In my mind, a community is well aware of what it needs or wants--even if, like in Texas, those needs and wants begin and end at football.

There's no elegant solution, but in my state I've seen education budgets shrink and a major ecological disaster occur as a direct result of mistakes or poor decisions made by federal agencies. It seems to me that local governments could stand to be empowered, so that their knowledge of the realities of their community might be better applied to actionable solutions.

ANIME IS BLOOD
Sep 4, 2008

by zen death robot

8-Bit Scholar posted:

Maybe so. My experience is more with rural communities than the urban poor, so my perspective is different in this, but what I see is a lot of local agencies--particularly schools--who are essentially slaves to a pithy federal handout that doesn't really ever address the budget issues in these towns. Populations are drying up too, and when school populations decrease, so does their budget. With a system that has a very distant moneylender doling out allotments to those who deserve it, you end up with a "one size fits none" solution. Maybe the Dept of Education will give ten thousand dollars to a school to buy more computers. But maybe this school doesn't need computers, maybe it needs something else--a specialized piece of equipment, or structural repairs or better curriculum tools. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't, and overall the result is that small towns feel very alienated by a government who is clearly more interested in urban populations than rural ones.

It seems to me that matters like education, and a lot of social issues as well, would be best left to state governments. The Federal government honestly has enough to do with the maintaining of a standing army, regulating taxes, passing national budgets, defense decisions, and general global issues. In my mind, a community is well aware of what it needs or wants--even if, like in Texas, those needs and wants begin and end at football.

There's no elegant solution, but in my state I've seen education budgets shrink and a major ecological disaster occur as a direct result of mistakes or poor decisions made by federal agencies. It seems to me that local governments could stand to be empowered, so that their knowledge of the realities of their community might be better applied to actionable solutions.

blah blah blah all you want to do is eat the poor YOU loving MONSTER

ANIME IS BLOOD
Sep 4, 2008

by zen death robot
ban this sick filth

glowstick party tonight
Oct 4, 2003

by zen death robot

8-Bit Scholar posted:

Maybe so. My experience is more with rural communities than the urban poor, so my perspective is different in this, but what I see is a lot of local agencies--particularly schools--who are essentially slaves to a pithy federal handout that doesn't really ever address the budget issues in these towns. Populations are drying up too, and when school populations decrease, so does their budget. With a system that has a very distant moneylender doling out allotments to those who deserve it, you end up with a "one size fits none" solution. Maybe the Dept of Education will give ten thousand dollars to a school to buy more computers. But maybe this school doesn't need computers, maybe it needs something else--a specialized piece of equipment, or structural repairs or better curriculum tools. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't, and overall the result is that small towns feel very alienated by a government who is clearly more interested in urban populations than rural ones.

It seems to me that matters like education, and a lot of social issues as well, would be best left to state governments. The Federal government honestly has enough to do with the maintaining of a standing army, regulating taxes, passing national budgets, defense decisions, and general global issues. In my mind, a community is well aware of what it needs or wants--even if, like in Texas, those needs and wants begin and end at football.

There's no elegant solution, but in my state I've seen education budgets shrink and a major ecological disaster occur as a direct result of mistakes or poor decisions made by federal agencies. It seems to me that local governments could stand to be empowered, so that their knowledge of the realities of their community might be better applied to actionable solutions.

what teh gently caress dude

8-Bit Scholar
Jan 23, 2016

by FactsAreUseless

ANIME IS BLOOD posted:

blah blah blah all you want to do is eat the poor YOU loving MONSTER

The poor do not eat well, and thus are not healthful to consume.

Always eat the rich.

Captain Splashback
Jan 1, 2007

BY APPOINTMENT TO HER MAJESTY
QUEEN ELIZABETH II
SPLASHBACK HOLDINGS LTD
PUCKINS AND PRINTERS PURVEYORS

8-Bit Scholar posted:

Always eat the rich.

Doing so has the added benefit of possibly getting high off of whatever drugs the rich can afford.

Captain Splashback
Jan 1, 2007

BY APPOINTMENT TO HER MAJESTY
QUEEN ELIZABETH II
SPLASHBACK HOLDINGS LTD
PUCKINS AND PRINTERS PURVEYORS
I feel you, OP. My friend recently came out as a librarian too.

buddhanc
Feb 16, 2010

i sat in my living room sipping my cup of chicory and looking out my window and pondering my choices. overhead flocks of ghang gliders soared through the soot, taking advantage of the unregulated skies to make their morning commute. i shifted, somewhat uncomfrtable. i needed to make a decision soon, before my neighbor rumbled out of his driveway in his abrams tank and the vibrations from the tearing of pavement made the decision for me

i read through the billboards on the sidewalk again. joe's sewage: faster than anyone! poo poo-b-gon [as i read the name i silently thanked z0r for the death of the nannu state and the freedom to curse in public]: no clogs! there were five others that i passed over, but i knew, that morning, i was a poo poo-b-gon man. i trotted outside and grabbed the sewage hose that sat dribbling on my lawn. where was the nearest linkup station? i jogged down the street, briefly warming my face on the fire from my neighbor's house, before i tripped on a stray corpse and fell face first onto the sidewalk. as i pushed myself up and wiped the blood [not mine ] from my hands, i saw the linkup station. after paying my thirty dollar day-fee [a small price to pay for fredom] and jogging the mile back to my house, i was soon happily doing my business. like a free man

i jammed my foot on the gas and grinned as my engine roared. it was free of catalytic converters and other emasculating controls, and at last, was the robust and mighty machine i had always known it could be. i flipped my sunglasses open and jammed them over my eyes and the cloud of black smoke behind me was witness to the power of my works. ther umble of gravel beneath me was like glorious harmony to the howl of the engine. for nearly fifteen seconds i was grinning like a maniac as the car jolted and crunched down the crumbling street. of course , i had to slow and toss my tiny cube of gold into the toll box, and wait for my neighbor to wave me past, but soon i was back to full speed, living life as free as the birds used to do before we shot them all.

i downshifted into third as i caught side of an unfamiliar barricade ahead. smoke rose in a plume behind the stacked wood and bodies. as i came to a stop a man with a cigar gritted in his teeth and a shirt soaked red and cracked sunglasses waved me to roll down my window.

"what seems to be the problem?"

"new repairs on this stretch. going to need double tolls till weve got it fixed"

i grimaced as i searched around my glove box for an extra cube. at this rate id never make the public hanging...


i run into the center of bear-baiting ring. my stomach churns as i face the beast. howls and cries from the crowd wash over me like hypodermic needles at the beach. i feint left b ut as i push off the blood-soaked earth my foot explodes throgh the my shoddily-constructed shoe. with a silent curse for whatever nameless ten-year-old sewed it i kick it off and dash to the right. thank z0r i always ccw, i think to myself as i air-somersault past the bear. the crowd of mercenaries roar at the sight of my acrobatics.

if i can win the crowd then perhaps the king of this stretch of road will let me go...good thing i have an ace up my sleeve.

make that two, i think as i pull out my twin desert eagles, locked and loaded with the finest hollow-tip bullets that our local toy/gun store carry. the recoil from both firing at once knock me back against the blood-drenched wall of the arena but i keep firing at the bear.

as it finally staggers back and crashes to the ground i air somersault forward again and kneel, crossing my arms in front of my chest and holding my guns against my shoulders and feeling the cheers of the crowd wash over me. i have won my freedom. i let only the briefest pity for the less skillful travelers wash over me, but content myself with the thought of penning a scathing letter against these mercenaries tonight. then i grin. score one for the market, motherfucker


shoeless and gasping i run down the road toward the city, dodging shards of glass and the bones of long dead children. i had paid the last toll with my car itself. once the consortium has purchased enough of sick and dying bodies from the local hospital to grind into cement, we'll have our new roads [or so the ads promise], but it's too late for my car.

i hear a faint stirring in the underbrush that stretches out toward the asphalt. with all the nimbleness of an unregulated manufacturer responding to demand, i do a three-quarters cartwheel while simultaneously firing ten shots from my dual DEs. i chuckle at the crashing and groaning from the brush in the silence after my deafening barrage. oen step closer to that new road.

i take off running again. by three p.m. i'm at the office. as i approach the elevators there's a deafening crash and smoke comes from behind the elevator doors. i note the name of the manufacturer and use my bleeding feet to write a message of warning on the floor of the hall. i ignore the moans and take the stairs to my office.

my manager scuttles toward me as i enter. "eight hours late? you're fired. and you can be sure no other company will hire your scummy rear end in the future"

my left eye twitches as i calmly respond. "you forgot one thing."

"what's that?"

"there's only one monopoly we don't tolerate. a monopoly of force." i backflip as i pull out my DEs and start firing. the screams of the dying fill the air like mercury. this is one market that just got regulated.

before i leave the office, i loot the bodies of my dead coworkers, murdered by my hand, like an irs employee mailing a 1040. i leave the office a tomb; a blood offering to the hungry god i worship now. stepping back into the stairwell is like stepping through a looking glass. i am wearing shoes ripped from the dead feet of my former boss. call it an audit.

with a ninja's grace i leap from stair to stair as i exit the building. light bulbs flicker and dim; the local smallpox epidemic is two weeks old and they've almost run out of bodies to burn for power. they're talking about charging customers one child per year as fuel. some people were upset about it but at least the government isn't behind it.

my shoulders are heaving as i crash through doors into the lobby. a pack of wolves lurk around the receptionist's desk. night is almost here. they begin to howl as i jog outside into the gathering darkness

i check my watch—6 oclock. I had meant to run a few errands before going home. Just one, actually. I run down the street until i see a dimly-lit verizon store. the salesman doesn't even blink an eye when i enter, dripping blood and gore, desert eagles jammed in my waist. then i pull out my guns and point them in his face.

he blinks.

"i paid 5 bucks more last month, you know?" i growl between gritted teeth
"so?" he says
i put the guns back in my waist. the salesman exhales in relief

then i kneel and draw my katana. with one smooth motion i behead the clerk.

"i wish to file a complaint," i say, as gouts of arterial blood spray paint the ceiling.

at last i'm home. i recline back in my babyskin chair and swirl some orange juice in a mug. as i bring the mug up to my limits i feel a sudden pain in my lip. i fish around in the juice and pull out a shard of glass. rolling my eyes i toss it on the pile in the corner.

my pet tiger pads into the room. not for the first time i offer a silent thanks that no gang of criminals can tell me not to keep it. then i see the blood dripping from its jaws.

i curse as i ease out of my chair and walk into the next room, following the blood. the corpse of my neighbor's son is still warm on the floor of the kitchen. i turn on the alarm system and set up the house defenses just in time for the doorbell to ring.

I look out my front window; my neighbor is carrying a shotgun and has a crazed look on his face. I call out:

"What do you want?"

"I want that damned tiger."

"No."

"GIVE ME THE TIGER."

"Come and get him."

My neighbor shudders as he considers his options: 1) wait to ambush me later, 2) attack now, 3) write a scathing letter and mail it to all our neighbors. He cocks his shotgun and fires it at the door.

My defense system activates. With fury and power that would warm the heart of a Blackwater soldier it reduces my neighbor to ash. As the whir of the chainguns slows i walk back to my babyskin chair. it feels soft. it feels warm. it feels like freedom.

alarms wake me from my slumber. not my house; the neighborhood coop alarms are ringing. i listen to the sound. next to me my slave girl stirs. i casually backhand her across the mouth to keep her quiet. three horns followed by a low ringing—possible outsider invasion.

i check to see that her chains are secure then lower myself out of bed. a low whistel summons my tiger. i press a button next to my bed; a slave child scurries in. i order him to bring me my katana.

wrapped in my robe and with my sword strapped across my back i slip outside into the ringing night. the noises are coming from the south. i see a neighbor across the street slap his wife in the face as she begs him not to leave and i thank z0r no slave has tempted me.

the light from torches flicker in the distance at the watch point. there are already several neighbors gathered in a circle. i can hear a low muttering but i cannot see what they have surrounded

i reach the outside of the circle with my tiger at my side. it carelessly bites one of the men in the circle on the leg. he falls to ground and i take his place and see...

it is worse than i had feared...a face as dark and soulless as the night sky looks up at me. tears stream down his face. i shudder at the thought of more of them...out in the darkness...i lope away from the circel and call my tiger to my side. tonight...we hunt


i see the fear in their eyes as i approach the campfire. i wear a chain of tiny ears around my neck and my face is spattered with blood. i grip the head of my enemy in my right hand.

ashen-faced, my neighbor asks me of the forces in the darkness

"it's a group seeking medicine for sick children," i reply. "it was." i suppress a giggle. i toss the little head into the middle of the circle.

"are you ok?" one asks

the others mumble, afraid to look me in the eyes

i look him in the eyes. he twitches. i say

"sanity is like a rule. a regulation. i am free."

i heft my katana in my right hand, then bring it to his neck

"will you question me, or will you do as i say."

it is not a question.

"a man chooses" i say.

they kneel before me. alarms wail in the distance. i see the earth soaked in a tide of blood. i finger the necklace of ears like a rosary.

"we are strong," i say. "together we are free".

they murmur in assent. one man remains quiet. i remove his head, then hand it to one of my followers.

"we are free. put it on a stake, to warn those who would oppose us."

i order the rest of the men to secure the neighborhood gold. we will keep it at my house; i will disperse it as necessary. the gold is mine...the precious...

...

i sit on a throne of skulls inside my new house. palace. i run my fingers through the head of the slave who kneels at my side. in my other hand i grip the femur of a dead enemy. a slave used a rock to hone the end of the bone to sharp points. the walls and floor are red, spattered with blood and smeared with dirt; the ceiling is black with soot. my tiger stalks outside.

when the snows come we move to the caves in the hills for warmth. i will spread my seed.

a beast stirs. i breath in the fetid air, thick with blood and death. law is dead. i am the law. the market is dead. i am the market. i scratch at my fur loincloth and crush a louse. government is dead. i am the government. god is dead. i am a god.

somewhere in the distance i hear the howl of the alarms and the chatter of guns.

and this is heaven.


But you remember one thing: if you screw up just this much, you'll be flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog poo poo out of Hong Kong!

epilogue

the cave is dark but warm. the women huddle under furs and blankets for warmth during the day. i lead the hunting parties out in search of game but any creature larger than a chipmunk has long since been slaughtered. we hunt squirrels and rodents with our AK-47s; sometimes a scrap of meat is still left after the hail of bullets.

one of the women is heavy with my child. i alone may mate with them. the heads of the men who objected rot on stakes outside the cave mouth.

one evening after we have returned from our mighty hunt with two squirrel carcasses and a dead robin someone almost tripped on, we spy a man in the distance staggering toward the cave. we watch as he winds his way through the badlands. black snow falls, mixed with ash. his powder blue shirt is badly torn and bloody and there is no spark in his eyes.

he begs us for shelter. i explain that our food supplies are low but that there is room in our cave if he will hunt and accept my rule. he nods, exhausted, and starts to shuffle past me to the fire.

then i catch sight of the patch on his sleeve. a stylized white eagle on a field of blue. the mark of the oppressors. i grab his collar and growl in his face "you're one of them"

"what? what are you talking about"

"one of them. the patch. the eagle."

"p-p-please...i just...delivered mail"

i grip his throat in my hand and lift him and shout "A CRIMINAL!!!!!"

my tribe huddles around me.

"HE WORKED...FOR THE GOVERNMENT!!!"

i see the rage in their eyes. hooting, they jump up and down, calling for blood. i lower the man to the ground and they mutter with disappointment. i beckon for a slave to bring me my club: all sharpened bone and shattered glass. i put my mouth next to the man's ear and i grasp the club and hold it in front of his eyes. "If you want a vision of the future," I say. "Imagine my warclub, smashing a human face, forever."

then i swing it against his head, and it crunches, and he falls to the ground. "we eat meat tonight" I say with a smile. the cheers are deafening.

Tricky D
Apr 1, 2005

I love um!
I sincerely hope you aren't expecting anybody to read all of that.

Captain Splashback
Jan 1, 2007

BY APPOINTMENT TO HER MAJESTY
QUEEN ELIZABETH II
SPLASHBACK HOLDINGS LTD
PUCKINS AND PRINTERS PURVEYORS

I'm sure this is a drat fine story, but could I have a brief plot summary please? I ask because I don't want my chicory to go cold whilst I read.

Sorry for being a dick.

Tia.

Pitdragon
Jan 20, 2004
Just another lurker

Tricky D posted:

I sincerely hope you aren't expecting anybody to read all of that.

some nerd will

8-Bit Scholar
Jan 23, 2016

by FactsAreUseless

Serviette posted:

I'm sure this is a drat fine story, but could I have a brief plot summary please? I ask because I don't want my chicory to go cold whilst I read.

Sorry for being a dick.

Tia.

TLDR: Shooting people is the only way to solve your problems

glowstick party tonight
Oct 4, 2003

by zen death robot
someone needs to make a gb2games smilie

Captain Splashback
Jan 1, 2007

BY APPOINTMENT TO HER MAJESTY
QUEEN ELIZABETH II
SPLASHBACK HOLDINGS LTD
PUCKINS AND PRINTERS PURVEYORS

8-Bit Scholar posted:

TLDR: Shooting people is the only way to solve your problems

Ah, an appeal to tradition.

Thank you sir, for I owe you my chicory's warmth.

mazzi Chart Czar
Sep 24, 2005

The only things rural America are good for are: electoral votes, gun deregulation, and sucking money from them via heroin or Wal*mart.

JonathonSpectre
Jul 23, 2003

I replaced the Shermatar and text with this because I don't wanna see racial slurs every time you post what the fuck

Soiled Meat
So you guys are all about the free market, eh? Well, what would you say about a product that's been offered for sale since 1788 and has never, ever been purchased? Almost two and a half centuries and not a single successful sale! The market has very obviously spoken on how unappealing and straight-up bad this product is, right?

Hey! That product is libertarianism!

The Bananana
May 21, 2008

This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.



ArmZ posted:

parody thread: My friend came out as a librarian.

This is bannable

Captain Splashback
Jan 1, 2007

BY APPOINTMENT TO HER MAJESTY
QUEEN ELIZABETH II
SPLASHBACK HOLDINGS LTD
PUCKINS AND PRINTERS PURVEYORS

The Bananana posted:

This is bananable

There: fixed it for you.

Nelson Mandingo
Mar 27, 2005




ChrisHansen posted:

It's okay to be friends with people with different opinions

This is true. But Libertarianism isn't an opinion, it's a sign you hold up that shows the world your complete and utter lack of self-awareness.

amusinginquiry
Nov 8, 2009

College Slice
Books arent that bad, dont see what the big deal is

Sweaty IT Nerd
Jul 13, 2007

amusinginquiry posted:

Books arent that bad, dont see what the big deal is

Who wants to see me swirlie this nerd?

Nut to Butt
Apr 13, 2009

by FactsAreUseless
big business and big government work hand-in-glove

i never signed a social contract

taxation is theft

:hehe:

8-Bit Scholar
Jan 23, 2016

by FactsAreUseless

mazzi Chart Czar posted:

The only things rural America are good for are: electoral votes, gun deregulation, and sucking money from them via heroin or Wal*mart.

Also producing all of the food.

mazzi Chart Czar
Sep 24, 2005

8-Bit Scholar posted:

Also producing all of the food.

OH yeah, obesity too.

Maoist Pussy
Feb 12, 2014

by Lowtax

Gaunab posted:

My friend recently came out as a libertarian recently. Should I support him or shame him?

You should affirm his new sexuality.

Utz
Aug 1, 2008

by vyelkin

fyodor posted:

Libertarians LOOOOVE trains.

Utz fucked around with this message at 07:21 on Jun 10, 2016

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Gaunab
Feb 13, 2012
LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL
Reaganomics

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