the 4 worst irl names

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gary oldmans diary: Sep 26, 2005

charlesmanson

# ? Jun 17, 2016 18:35

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 5, 2024 21:20

Bob James: Nov 15, 2005; by Lowtax; Ultra Carp

OJ has been ruined.

# ? Jun 17, 2016 18:36

Tolkien minority: Feb 14, 2012

I don't think its possible to be named Brad and not be a douchebag

# ? Jun 17, 2016 18:40

psychokitty: Jun 29, 2010; =9.9=
MEOW
BITCHES

the trump tutelage posted:

Brett

Brit? Like Britney?

# ? Jun 17, 2016 18:42

pants in my pants: Aug 18, 2009; by Smythe

Chad
Fletcher, actually most names that end in -er
Susan is a very unpleasant sounding name
Ralph- sounds childish, also used to mean "to vomit"

# ? Jun 17, 2016 19:02

Drunk & Ugly: Feb 10, 2003; GIMME GIMME GIMME, DON'T ASK WHAT FOR

Barfballs FUckbag
Bluto
Sam
Leslie
Rebecca

on the other hand i think the name Baptiste is kind of cool even though it has religious connotations

# ? Jun 17, 2016 19:09

Malinois: Jun 13, 2003

Drunk & Ugly posted:

Joe is the guy sleeping with your girlfriend

or Jody, depending on your job...

# ? Jun 17, 2016 19:10

Masturbasturd: Sep 1, 2014

Thank God the heat's off the Kennys, Kenny people have suffered enough.

# ? Jun 17, 2016 19:23

Booblord Zagats: Oct 30, 2011; Pork Pro

JiveHonky posted:

#1. Brian

Brian is mostly a pedophile name. Brians like anime, molestation and strawberry smoothies. If your name is Brian change it immediately.

#2. Dave/David

Dont get me started about this name. Simply the worst.

#3. Steve/Steven

Steve is usually a name associated with violent homophobia, animal abuse and roid rage. if you know someone named Steve please be careful around them, they love guns, knives and UFC fighting. Steve is a dick name for dicks.

#4. Mark

The name Chris almost came in at number 4 but was just edged out by Mark because Mark is the name of a kid that i knew in Jr. high that EVERYONE hated. The first thing you notice about Marks is their stench. Marks smell like pee, stale sweat and burning wires. Marks interrupt you constantly to correct you on the facts because they think they know everything but they dont even though they act like aspie pricklord authorities on life. Marks lie about being virgins and masturbate so frequently and vigorously that they often have blood soaking through the front of their gross khaki cargo shorts. 56% of Marks like the Insane clown posse but have faces that are too greasy to put juggalo paint on.

any names i should add to the list?

Sounds like the JV football team hosed your day up, lol

# ? Jun 17, 2016 19:25

Nascardad: Oct 22, 2009; "Racing is in my blood, I can't quite get out of it yet"

Lance
Chad
Micah
Ralph
Channing
Mason
Aiden

# ? Jun 17, 2016 19:27

Dreddout: Oct 1, 2015; You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.

Windows 98 posted:

How you feel about Jacob, OP?

You are wrong if your answer is anything other than "I love the name Jacob I will name my first born son after you"

Jacob's one of those names where everyone I have met named Jacob has been an insufferable tool.

# ? Jun 17, 2016 19:28

Dreddout: Oct 1, 2015; You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.

Nascardad posted:

Aiden
Jaiden
Kaiden
Hayden
Braiden

If your kids name ends in any variation of 'en' just drown him in the dishwater.

# ? Jun 17, 2016 19:34

Nut to Butt: Apr 13, 2009; by FactsAreUseless

elmer
clarence
horace
melvin
eugene
maurice
roland
anton
leland
delbert
ruben
hobart

# ? Jun 17, 2016 19:36

psychokitty: Jun 29, 2010; =9.9=
MEOW
BITCHES

Drink Cheerwine posted:

elmer
clarence
horace
melvin
eugene
maurice
roland
anton
leland
delbert
ruben
hobart

melvin is my dad's name

gently caress you

# ? Jun 17, 2016 19:38

psychokitty: Jun 29, 2010; =9.9=
MEOW
BITCHES

also learn to count

# ? Jun 17, 2016 19:39

psychokitty: Jun 29, 2010; =9.9=
MEOW
BITCHES

because your days are numbered

# ? Jun 17, 2016 19:40

Unity Gain: Sep 15, 2007; dancing blue

Liam.

And Neil, Niel, Neal, Nial(llllll).

If you're not 100% ginger Irish with the last name O'Malley working in the potato fields, gently caress you, you don't get to use these names.

As for the ladies, every single girl named Sara(h) is absolutely batshit crazy. This is an incontrovertible scientific fact.

# ? Jun 17, 2016 19:41

Sperghetti: Apr 21, 2010

I've never met a Dustin or Dusty that wasn't a worthless piece of poo poo thief/murderer/retard and I went to school with a lot of Dustins. Take it from me, Spraynard F. Krueger, the only good Dusty is a dead Dusty. I know a girl Dusty and she is really hot so girl Dusty's get a pass.

In my experience OP, the Marks and Steves I've known are reversed in description, do you possibly live in Australia where everything is the reverse of the normal part of the world (rural United States)?

# ? Jun 17, 2016 19:42

Bulgogi Hoagie: Jun 1, 2012; We

Mercedes for women lol

# ? Jun 17, 2016 19:43

symbolic: Nov 2, 2014

Dreddout posted:

If your kids name ends in any variation of 'en' just drown him in the dishwater.

Ben

# ? Jun 17, 2016 19:43

Windows 98: Nov 13, 2005; HTTP 400: Bad post

Dreddout posted:

Jacob's one of those names where everyone I have met named Jacob has been an insufferable tool.

Checks out

# ? Jun 17, 2016 19:49

Infidel Castro: Jun 8, 2010; Again and again
Your face reminds me of a bleak future
Despite the absence of hope
I give you this sacrifice

Drunk & Ugly posted:

Barfballs FUckbag
Bluto
Sam
Leslie
Rebecca

on the other hand i think the name Baptiste is kind of cool even though it has religious connotations

If I met someone named Barfballs Fuckbag I'd hang out with them. I bet they have a bunch of cool stories.

# ? Jun 17, 2016 19:53

symbolic: Nov 2, 2014

Sperghetti posted:

I've never met a Dustin or Dusty that wasn't a worthless piece of poo poo thief/murderer/retard and I went to school with a lot of Dustins. Take it from me, Spraynard F. Krueger, the only good Dusty is a dead Dusty. I know a girl Dusty and she is really hot so girl Dusty's get a pass.

i knew one Dustin from high school and he always reeked of weed and was held back twice

this also goes for anyone named Tyler

# ? Jun 17, 2016 19:54

CRIP EATIN BREAD: Jun 24, 2002; Hey stop worrying bout my acting bitch, and worry about your WACK ass music. In the mean time... Eat a hot bowl of Dicks! Ice T; Soiled Meat

chet is the worst

# ? Jun 17, 2016 19:55

Sperghetti: Apr 21, 2010

psychokitty posted:

melvin is my dad's name

gently caress you

I knew a Melvin once. When he was 4 his dad backed over his legs with his truck and he grew up using a walker to get around and also mean and cranky as gently caress. In kindergarten there was a chart on the wall to determine who's turn it was to take him to the bathroom to help him piss.

Is your dad a grotesque invalid too? Melvins are a good band.

symbolic posted:

i knew one Dustin from high school and he always reeked of weed and was held back twice

this also goes for anyone named Tyler

This checks out. The shittiest family in my town had a Dusty and a Tyler who burned down a commercial semi trailer filled with Charmin toilet paper. I never saw those lovely siblings with their lovely names again and I've been better off for it.

Sperghetti fucked around with this message at 20:01 on Jun 17, 2016

# ? Jun 17, 2016 19:55

psychokitty: Jun 29, 2010; =9.9=
MEOW
BITCHES

Sperghetti posted:

Is your dad a grotesque invalid too? Melvins are a good band.

No and no.

# ? Jun 17, 2016 20:07

bradzilla: Oct 15, 2004

Profondo Rosso posted:

I don't think its possible to be named Brad and not be a douchebag

suck my drat balls

# ? Jun 17, 2016 20:11

Bulgogi Hoagie: Jun 1, 2012; We

bradzilla posted:

suck my drat balls

haha

# ? Jun 17, 2016 20:20

Dreddout: Oct 1, 2015; You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.

Lichy posted:

Mercedes for women lol

Lol if you're named after a rock, car, or city, and not a stripper.

# ? Jun 17, 2016 20:29

Dreddout: Oct 1, 2015; You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.

"I'm going to name my daughter Brandy, after my favorite alcoholic beverage. :downs:

" - An idiot who has low expectations for their child.

# ? Jun 17, 2016 20:32

Jellidelic: Nov 28, 2011

nick

# ? Jun 17, 2016 20:34

Kuato: Feb 25, 2005; "I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"; Buglord

Infidel Castro posted:

If I met someone named Barfballs Fuckbag I'd hang out with them. I bet they have a bunch of cool stories.

All the Barfball Fuckbags I know are pharmacists and engineers. Just very bland people with zero stories. :shrug:

# ? Jun 17, 2016 20:46

goatsestretchgoals: Jun 4, 2011

nice irl name honeypot op

eagerly awaiting the followup worst last name and worst credit card number threads

# ? Jun 17, 2016 20:51

Sham bam bamina!: Nov 6, 2012; ƨtupid cat

I like that every possible loving-up of the name Aidan has caught on but not Aidan itself. Too boring, too Irish.

# ? Jun 17, 2016 20:57

Bulgogi Hoagie: Jun 1, 2012; We

speaking of names does anyone know why Boris Johnson decided to become Boris

# ? Jun 17, 2016 21:08

mrfart: May 26, 2004; Dear diary, today I
became a captain.

Once met a kid named 'Quentino'.
He was seven, his parents had given him a giant Mohawk haircut and he was talking to me about his favorite weapons in counterstrike to do head shots.

# ? Jun 17, 2016 21:27