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Soup du Jour
Sep 8, 2011

I always knew I'd die with a headache.

Clayren posted:

Yes, I am actually quite close, probably only 4 updates to go or so. And then it'll be up to a vote, likely candidates so far are: a duke in the rapidly expanding Consumerist kingdom of Socal, an independent duchess in one of the few remaining matriarchal Gaianist realms, the besieged and shrinking Californian Empire or the Japanese colonial government.

Good lord, I'm not going to be able to pick.

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Sinner Sandwich
Oct 13, 2012
Gaian horselords if possible, if not, Socal consumerists sound pretty rad.

mcclay
Jul 8, 2013

Oh dear oh gosh oh darn
Soiled Meat
We must rebuild the Empire of California!

JT Jag
Aug 30, 2009

#1 Jaguars Sunk Cost Fallacy-Haver
The Gaian start seems like it'd be fun, there's a lot of poo poo going down in the West Coast right now, lots of obstacles to overcome if you want to rebuild the Empire or, perhaps, become the Empress yourself.

SirPhoebos
Dec 10, 2007

WELL THAT JUST HAPPENED!

Neat LP.

I think an older post mentioned other After the End LPs. Anyone got links to them?

Clayren
Jun 4, 2008

grandma plz don't folow me on twiter its embarassing, if u want to know what animes im watching jsut read the family newsletter like normal
Update #15: The Last Crusade



2757 - 2763




Plans for Andrew I to begin a semi-retirement so that his son and heir Andrew II could take over some aspects of the dual kingdom's running in preparation for his eventual inheritance had to be put on hold in October, after news came that the Tycoon of Ohio, having settled a white peace with the rebellious chief of the the Miskahannock, sough to reclaim some of his conquests in Missouri.



The Iowa-Missouri forces, numbering 11,000 men, was quickly gathered on the western side of the Mississippi under the aged but still capable Andrew's command. A few months were spent waiting for the Ohioan advance, Andrew hoping that he could strike the Rostmann force as it crossed. But King Andrew had always been an aggressive attacker and when the main Ohioan force failed to materialize he crossed his own troops to besiege the county of The Purchase. North of the town of Reidland, in a semi-triangle formed by the Ohio, Tennessee and Cumberland Rivers, Andrew's force came in contact with a smaller force coming from the east to link up with the main Ohioan force on the 9th of May.



By the time the main Ohioan force, led by the chief of the Miskahannock, arrived the smaller force was nearly wiped out. Numbers wise the two forces were equal, but the Iowans, as always, had the cavalry advantage and were able to hit the Ohioans on the right flank, sending the pagan infantry into a rout southward, down the only available route: the thin neck of land connecting to the heavily forested peninsula between Lake Barkley and Lake Kentucky.



The slow and disorganized rout turned into a slaughter, as Iowan cavalry quickly made its way around Lake Barkley to chase down the fleeing men from the south while the infantry came down from the north. The Battle of Reidland is rightly famous for how bloody it was.




After this there was no Ohioan force of note in the region, and Andrew left his son Andrew II in charge of the sieges while he returned home, to be with his wife and family. The years when the old king could spent long periods on campaign without a break were long behind him by this point.





He returned, shortly before the Second Battle of Reidland, where his forces were once more triumphant, even capturing the Oligarch of Cincy.





The Summer of 2759 saw the survivors of that battle, plus some reinforcements, attempt to break into Missouri in order to relieve pressure on the County of Mineral Mound. This failed, however, and the Tycoon of Ohio tired of sending his men to their death, offering terms agreeable to Andrew I in June.




Time away at the front meant Andrew's vassals and courtiers were free to scheme. In September, in one of the most bizarre events of his reign, his spymaster, the Lord Proprietor of Boonslick, came with startling news. Andrew's daughter and the Lord Proprietor's wife, Princess Margaret, had made plans to have Andrew II murdered. When confronted by her father, who threatened to have her marriage dissolved and her sent to a nunnery, Margaret quickly ended her plotting.



Horrifying news followed bewildering news, when in 2760 word came that the Tycoon of Michigan had succeeded in uniting the Northman lands of Superior under his rule, becoming Tycoon of Superior-Michigan. Worse yet, the holy city of Chicago had fallen under his control. For Andrew, already beset by the Tycoon of Ohio, the idea of an endless stream of Rust Cultist raiders and invaders flowing down the Chicago River was chilling. He began to make plans to counteract this immediately.




An often overlooked bit of history about Andrew is that, even late into his years, he was regarded as a very handsome man. Well into his 60's there were rumors of women making advances towards the old king, but his own distaste for his father's escapades apparently had a strong effect on the lord, for he never strayed.




In November of 2761, news came from the west that the black ships, following a number of failed attacks against Socal, had sailed north and succeeded in defeating the Haida. At Olympia (which they dubbed, simply, "Capital" in their language), these strange foreigners established their presence and began to trade along the coast and inland along the Columbia River.



While the Edokko executed their invasion, King Andrew I was plotting his own. On the first day of 2762, having obtained the blessing of the Pope and a promise of aid from his wife, Andrew pressed a claim (of which there is no record, so we can safely assume it was completely falsified) on the county of Calumet and the City of Chicago.




A force of around 9,000 was gathered in Davenport in May and the county was besieged by July.




2762 came and went without any sign of a Superior-Michigan force, however. The holdings of Calumet soon fell and Andrew headed east to assault Gary to the east.



From the west, led by the king himself, the Rostmann force at last appeared. Feeling confident of his eventual victory, the Tycoon spent a few months assaulting and retaking the holdings of Calumet, before attacking Andrew's force.




The Battle of Chesteron is famous, not because of who fought or who won, but of who died there. Andrew I died in battle at Chesteron, but did not die of battle. In the midst of a skirmish the old king suffered a heart attack and died at age 61. His forces, unaware that they were no longer his forces, but those of Andrew II, won the battle and the war at Chesteron.

Born a bastard, King Andrew I died as the lord of Iowa and Missouri, savior of Chicago and beloved of Christendom. His actions in expanding the borders of Iowa and expanding the power, authority and prestige of the monarch in many ways paved the way for the Empire that was to come.

Next Time: You don't snub a Huether...

Deceitful Penguin
Feb 16, 2011
It's funny how the mod keeps the best element of being Christian in the main game; constant raids, adventurers and invading pagans.

At least you rarely have to deal with Haida or Brethren until you go far enough north/west.

Clayren
Jun 4, 2008

grandma plz don't folow me on twiter its embarassing, if u want to know what animes im watching jsut read the family newsletter like normal
Update #16: You don't snub a Huether



2763 - 2769



Were Andrew the First not so great a conqueror and reformer, his son Andrew II would likely stand out as a uniquely exceptional monarch in the history of Iowa and the Empire. As it is, however, Andrew II's successes are often seen as just a continuation of his father's rule by the public. This is rather unfair to the man, whose talents were certainly a match to those of his father. Andrew II at his coronation was a handsome and well-liked prince, whose cleverness and sense of justice led him to write the Book of Common Grange Law, a codex of laws and court rulings which was distributed to every ducal court in the realm, the first such unified legal code seen in the Grangelands, although similar codes had been common in California, the Holy Columbian Empire and the Americanist lands for some time. Most of all, Andrew II was a brilliant military mind the equal of his father, but after Andrew I there were few threats which needed fighting. If he lacked in anything, Andrew II might be accused of having been somewhat reclusive, preferring the company of his wife and friends to hob-nobbling with his vassals.



Queen Genesee Boudinot, daughter of the departed Duke of Sequoia, was a brilliant scholar and it has long been theorized that a number of sections from the Book of Common Grange Law were penned by her but attributed to her husband so as to avoid scandal. It is true that there are a number of sections where Andrew's style of writing changes strikingly from what his normal style, but more concrete evidence is so far elusive. What is known, however, is that the young Sioux woman was known to be as clever and fair-minded as her husband and rather humble as well, which, while not proving her authorship, certainly does make it easier to believe.



The first task of Andrew's reign was to manage the newly conquered Duchy of Calumet, a small but densely populated region centered around the grand city of Chicago. A mixture of bribes, threats and promises saw all but the most zealous Rostmann lords in the region convert to Catholicism. The local people, however, remained resistant, requiring Andrew to manage the dukedom himself for a number of years before granting it to a worthy lord.



At the time of his coronation Andrew II had one son, Prince Andrew, who was already 6 years old. At first this had seemed a blessing, securing the line of succession (and of Andrews), but as the years went on it became more and more obvious that the child was a far cry from the brilliance of his parents. By age 6 there were already concerns about the child's slow rate of development.



So it came as a great relief to Andrew when, in 2764, his wife once more became pregnant. It was hoped that a son would be produced and, if it was found necessary, he could inherit the throne and Andrew could be given a position of honor and prestige (and no real responsibility).



As the Queen's pregnancy was ongoing, however, another issue regarding her came up. An adventurer, with claim to Sequoyah, arrived in 2764 with a massive force and soon looked likely to take the duchy for himself. As a heretic, taught by the Gnostic's of Colorado, this was seen as a threat to Christianity in the Ozarks and the Pope granted Genesee claim to the duchy easily enough after a visit by King Andrew II.



In October Andrew declared war, citing the duke's inability to defend his lands and his wife's rightful claim on the duchy as daughter of the last duke.



10,000 men of Missouri and Iowa were gathered in early 2765 and quickly sent south to dispatch the Gnostic upstart and the weak duke.




The duke fell first at Pawhuska, followed by the Gnostic at McAlester.



2765 also saw hopes for another son dashed, as Princess Kimberly was born.



Also hopeful were the Ursulines. Seeing the success of the Iowans in retaking Chicago, the followers of the Ursuline Church set about on a Crusade to drive the Badgerlings (who had migrated into the lands of Indiana following repeated defeats at the hands of the Huethers) out of the eastern Chicagolands.




Andrew, meanwhile, focused on the war. Even though the numbers were decidedly in his favor, Andrew's victories in the conflict were nonetheless impressive for how few of his men were lost in battle. This can largely be attributed to his skill at using the massive light cavalry force of Iowa and Missouri, whose cowboys could be depended on to outflank and cause routs quickly.




After the Battle of Ardmore the duke sued for peace and Queen Genessee was granted rule over the duchy of Sequoyah. She immediately swore fealty to her husband, adding a large tract of the Ozarks to his realm.




2766 saw a number of titles granted by Andrew, with the Duchy of Iowa being given to his brother, Prince Othniel and the Duchy of Calumet going to his other brother Prince Hezekiah.




While well regarded as a brilliant legal scholar later on, Andrew's rulings were not always as popular with the common folk of his day. While judging a case of witchcraft in Chariton in early December of 2766 (he was touring the area at the time on his way to deliver and discuss his new code of laws with the duchess there), he called a village elder a "smelly sheep-loving idiot" when he argued that Andrew must find the woman guilty as she had an outtie bellybutton, a sure sign of the devil. The ensuing riot nearly cost the king his life and later evidence showed that the peasants had been encouraged by the Duchess of Chariton, Maxine II.



Andrew escaped the incident without harm and Maxine was firmly reprimanded afterwards for her nearly treasonous conduct. Andrew was, however, rather lenient on his vassal, never one to become enraged. But this calmness left him in 2767, when news came that his beloved mother had been stripped of her throne by plotting vassals. A Comanche duke, relative of the King of Commancheria, had gathered the support of the other lords of Platte and forced Queen Jezebel to abdicate. This was not only a major insult to the Huether dynasty, but it also meant that Andrew would inherit nothing from his mother upon her death, as inheritance outside of the realm was illegal in Platte. Plans were immediately drawn up to press Andrew's claim to the kingdom, but until his mother's death he had to wait.



Better news came in 2768, when a second son was at last born to Andrew and Genesee. Eustace, half-Sioux by blood, was born with a darker complexion not common in Iowa (although quite usual in Missouri and the Ozarks). While still young, Eustace showed no signs of mental defect, which greatly relieved those concerned about Prince Andrew's stunted development.




During his rule Andrew II continued his father's work of reforming the realm.




In August of 2769 Duchess Jezebel passed away, leaving her holdings in the hands of her daughter and the wife of the Duke of Coulee, Princess Henrietta Huether.



King Dalton Taylor-Jones remained lord of Platte and large portions of Commancheria.



Andrew II, meanwhile, inherited his mother's claim to the throne. It would not go unpressed for long.

Next Time: Spirit of '76

Deceitful Penguin
Feb 16, 2011
Dammit, I hate it when my dynasty members don't matrimarry.

Why did I even bother landing them at that point? BAH

So which Empire are you aiming for again?

Vinny Possum
Sep 21, 2015

THUNDERDOME LOSER
drat, I was really hoping the Neo-Gnostics would make it. I always have a soft spot for them.

As for the dynasty switch, I suggest some sort of minor Californian Cetic official, and see if you can work your way up to Emperor and Restore Imperial Authority.

GunnerJ
Aug 1, 2005

Do you think this is funny?
Play some Anabaptists, there's gotta be some way to make them interesting. (I find some way to switch to Ursaline, personally :negative: )

Clayren
Jun 4, 2008

grandma plz don't folow me on twiter its embarassing, if u want to know what animes im watching jsut read the family newsletter like normal

Vinny Possum posted:

drat, I was really hoping the Neo-Gnostics would make it. I always have a soft spot for them.

As for the dynasty switch, I suggest some sort of minor Californian Cetic official, and see if you can work your way up to Emperor and Restore Imperial Authority.

Oh they're still there, they rule nearly all of Colorado through the realms of Western Slope, Denver and Boulder (at least until I go hands off and AI Andrew goes all Randal Flagg on their rear end). Next update will be the last, then a state of the world/voting options.

CommissarMega
Nov 18, 2008

THUNDERDOME LOSER
Man, I hope the Neo-Japanese Empire is a playable faction :allears:

Clayren
Jun 4, 2008

grandma plz don't folow me on twiter its embarassing, if u want to know what animes im watching jsut read the family newsletter like normal
Update #17: Spirit of '76

2769 - 2776

There is little argument about when the Late Iowan Period begins, most historians date it to August 20th, 2676 when King Franklin II was forced to abdicate his throne to King Poynter Adams-Farwell, ending over 150 years of continuous Greysnow rule dating back to the Catholic crusades that had reversed the conquests of Presidents Ned and Margaret Pitchstone and restored the Midwest to Christian rule. But there is considerably more argument about when the Late Iowan Period ended. This is in part complicated by the fact that people tend to want to place the end of Late Iowa right before the start of the Imperial Period. What defines the Late Iowan Period, however, is not that it was before the Imperial Period, but the system of electoral monarchy which saw large amount of power shifted into the hands of the Dukes. The Late Iowan Period, then, can be seen as ending when the duke's of Iowa and Missouri saw their power diminish greatly and the Imperial period can be defined not as the dynasty centralizing power, but organizing that power into an imperial political structure.

Some have argued for the conquest of Chicago, a feat that showed both the Huether dynasty's military power and position of prominence within the Catholic world. Others have argued that the election, by both the nobles of Iowa and Missouri, of Andrew's son was a recognition of the dynasty's power and prestige by the dukes and a clear sign that the elections were an empty show to rubber-stamp the Huether dynasty's next heir. Andrew II's revocation of council voting rights in 2754 also has some support, as it clearly established the, now strictly advisory, organization as a tool for the king to grant prestigious titles on his vassals in exchange for loyalty. Unsurprisingly, July the Fourth of 2776 remains the most popular date, largely for the romanticism of it. One thousand years exactly from the founding of the ancient Empire of America, 100 years since the end of Greysnow rule, the patriotic legends write themselves, really. As for myself, I quite favor the declaration of war for Andrew II's claim for Platte as the end of the Iowan Period. Here we have the largest independent realm in the Grangelands standing up to Andrew and refusing to kneel before Huether rule. It would be the last time so many Grangelanders fought against the Huether dynasty as a realm and not a rebellion.




Unlike his illustrious father, Andrew II was not at ease in a siege camp. In January, as his forces gathered in Des Moines, the king suffered from severe stress (an ailment common to the Huether dynasty and responsible for not a few of their deaths). The burden of running a war weighed heavy on Andrew, although he certainly proved good at it.




While the low hills and open plains of Iowa were vast, they were nothing compared to those of Platte. It took many months for Andrew's forces to reach and begin siegeing the holdings in Omaha County. The Platte army, meanwhile, avoided direct conflict and headed north, to assault Yankton.




When news of this came, Andrew lifted the siege of Lincoln and headed north across the plains, arriving in late September of 2771 to thoroughly crush the smaller army in the Battle of Marty.




The rest of the year saw slow progress, as Andrew besieged and captured holdings throughout southern Platte, before a scrapped together Platte army appeared to try and retake Omaha. This too was easily crushed.



In January of 2773, Prince Andrew came of age and was quickly and quietly made Bishop of Freeport. He appears little in the chronicles after this, only a brief mention of his death 12 years later after choking at dinner with some friends. The exact nature of Andrew's mental condition have long been speculated on, but whatever they were they were severe enough for the man who would have been Andrew III to be shipped off to some narrow corner of the Empire to die without ceremony.



Shortly thereafter, following the capture of Lincoln, King Dalton I surrendered the crown of Platte to Andrew II, recognizing him as the rightful lord of Platte, Iowa and Missouri.



Duke Franklin I Helianthus, his realm of Kansas de jure part of Platte, quickly swore fealty to Andrew after receiving a handsome gift from his would-be king. The threat of having his realm taken from him by the ever-more powerful lord also likely factored into his decision to bend the knee.



While most of the lords of the realm (now officially Iowa-Missouri-Platte, but generally just referred to as the "Huether Heartlands") quietly accepted the increasing power of the thrice-crowned Andrew II, a few gathered in August of 2773 to try one more attempt to shore up the eroding feudal power structure.



That these lords ruled lands on the edges of the Heartland, where crown authority was weaker, is perhaps telling. The dukes of Forgottonia, Yankton, Lead Belt and Grand River, dispersed across the far corners of the realm, rose in 2773 and the resulting war went as might be expected.



These lords fought for a past way of life which was rapidly going extinct. While they squabbled over issues of feudal power and regional differences, the works of the old world, written in Aenglish, Spanish and Latin were being translated into Grangelander in Des Moines under the patronage of the Huether family.




At Horton and Omaha the forces of King Andrew II were victorious, while his foes continued to argue over strategy amongst themselves.



In November of 2774 the rebellion ended after the defeat at West Plains. Andrew II was forgiving, offering his vassals freedom from his dungeons after only a couple weeks and without any talk of ransom. I have come across a few who have argued for this to be the point at which the Iowan Period ends, with the last flickers of ducal rebellion smoldering out in an ill-planned rebellion at the edges of the Empire. If so it would make the period between Iowan and Imperial only a couple years long.




In January of 2775 Andrew II approached the powerful Duke Elrod Blythe the Third with an offer. A crown for loyalty, rule over all of the Ozarks (or nearly all), in exchange for a marriage between his third daughter and Andrew's second son and a vow of loyalty. After 3 months of consideration, Elrod accepted, thus placing the Ozarks firmly under Huether control and removing the last truly great independent dukedom from the Midwest.



His speech on July 4th is widely acknowledged as one of the key political statements of the past. Not a small achievement for a declaration so blatantly plagiarized from ancient American Imperial documents.


Declaration of Imperial Sovereignty and Vassal Rights posted:

In the eyes of God almighty, who has delivered to me the realms of Platte, Missouri, Iowa and the Ozarks, I declare that all lords are made equally by his hand and granted, equally, rights befitting their stature. That they are endowed with the right to their holdings and lives, which are not to be taken without cause or trial.
And that, in order that these rights be protected from the upstart, the heretic and the pagan, kings are placed above them by the will of God. But when a kings might is not enough, when the whole of Christendom faces assault on all sides and the faithful cry out for God's hand, then are greater measures required. On this day, under the watchful eyes of God and in view of my assembled loyal vassals, I accept from his Holiness the Pope, the crown of the Heartlands and the title of emperor thereof.
May God bless me and this realm and may I prove worthy of his favor.




And so, 1,000 years since the founding of the First American Empire and 100 years since the ending of the Mid-Iowan Period, the Empire of the Heartland was born.





While the crowns of Missouri and Iowa remained directly controlled by Andrew II, he granted Governorship of the Ozarks to Elrod III as he had promised and returned rule of Platte to the Brasge dynasty, who had first taken the realm from the Americanists so many years ago.



The further chronicles of Andrew II, first emperor of the Heartland, could fill a volume and those of his descendants could fill volumes more. But it is here that this particular story ends, with the realm stretching from the windy shores of Chicago to the humid border of Louisiane. None since the Pitchstones, President Ned and his daughter the first female president Margaret, had so fully unified the Heartlands under a single banner.







Isaiah 40 posted:

22He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth, and its people are like grasshoppers.
He stretches out the heavens like a canopy, and spreads them out like a tent to live in.
23He brings princes to naught and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing.
24No sooner are they planted,
no sooner are they sown,
no sooner do they take root in the ground,
than he blows on them and they wither, and a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff.

31 but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Next Time: State of the World and Voting

Vinny Possum
Sep 21, 2015

THUNDERDOME LOSER
:hist101: :f5h:

All hail the Heartlands, Saviors of Christendom!

Clayren
Jun 4, 2008

grandma plz don't folow me on twiter its embarassing, if u want to know what animes im watching jsut read the family newsletter like normal
Update #18: State of the World in 2776 and Voting

If you don't care about the state of the world and just want to vote, scroll down to the sirens.





The 27th and 28th centuries saw long standing empires fall and long divided regions unite. Generally, the stable kingdoms of the East Coast (Hudsonia, the Maritimes, Deitscherei and the Holy Columbian Empire) remained mostly intact by the 2770's. It was beyond the Appalachians where major changes were taking place.



The mountains themselves were unified by one of the "Big Three" (a term used by historians of Rostmann history for the kingdoms of Applachia, Michigan and Ohio). This unified mountain realm posed a major threat to the stability of the HCE, preventing it from focusing on the growing power of Maryland and Miami on its borders.



By far the greatest of the Big Three, Ohio under the Napton dynasty unified the entire Ohio River Valley and pushed west, right to the Mississippi. A pair of defeats at the hands of Iowa under Andrew the Great refocused Ohioan efforts north, to Ontario, in the latter half of the 2700's.



Following his father's death, Benzene Rostenhauer saw his control of the Norse in Superior slip away and the realm shattered once again. Michigan in the 2770's remains a weak kingdom, unable to claim the peninsula for itself against the powerful duke of Geeyem and the Ohioan control of Detroit.




While Hudsonia remained mostly the same in terms of territory , Deitscherei lost nearly half its mass to Ohio and began to expand eastward, into New Jersey.



But not all of the Americanist lands are so divided and ripe for conquest. Maryland, under the Dandridge dynasty, remains a thorn in the side of the HCE and a defender of the Americanist faith.



Further north, the squabbling Occultists of New England have been conquered by the de Beaconsfields, a Quebecois dynasty which has dubbed their new kingdom Nouvelle Angleterre. Some Yankees have converted to the Ursuline faith of their conquerors, while others remain resistant. What this means for the future of the Occultist faith is to be seen.



The Maritimes remain much the same, under the Beaton dynasty.



Between Applachia, Maryland, Miami and the newly formed Heartland Empire, lays the ancient Holy Columbian Empire. The empire has sought to expand west, absorbing the independent counts and dukes of the Riverlands, but conflicts with Louisiane, Miami and Appalachia, along with internal conflicts between imperial vassals, continue to distract the empire and weaken it. For now, the HCE remains a bastion of strength and power, but the world around it is rapidly changing.



One of these most notable changes is the Republic of Miami, which rules over southern Florida and eastern Cuba. A strange mix of Santeria practicing Cubans and Americanist Floridians, the Republic miraculously has not fallen into a bitter civil war between Americanist and Santerian patrician families. The two groups tolerate each other, aware that a weak Miami would make tempting prey for the HCE.



The Kingdom of Louisiane is much diminished to the west. Invasions by the Catholic realms of Metroplex and Longhorn have taken their toll on the Vodun realm.



Commancheria is a fractured realm. Nearly a half of the realm went with Dalton Taylor-Jones when he was made King of Platte. Now these lands are part of the Heartland Empire, which may yet absorb COmmancheria into the massive Catholic realm.



Also threatened by the Heartland are the Gnostic Coloradans of Boulder, Denver and Western Slope. The Gnostics of the Rockies have long resisted Catholic attempts to return them to the fold, but for how much longer they will be able to resist?




The western Rockies are dominated by the kingdoms of the Haida and Washington. But many are the dukes and counts who live amongst the valleys and slopes, fiercely independent and unwilling to submit to outsider rule.



A potential threat to both kingdoms is found in the colony of Beikoku, where strange invaders from far away have begun to trade for pelts, timber, wine, gemstones and other goods found in the western regions of America. These goods are loaded onto strange dark ships, which sail west into the chaotic waters of the Pacific to a land once never dreamed of. What further designs these merchants have for the west is to be seen.




In the northern Great Valley the Emperor of California and his last kingly vassal watches his empire shrink. Once the jewel of the west, an empire of power and wealth beyond imagining, the Empire of California is now an inland realm beset on all sides by invaders and raiders. The poets write that "The empire, long divided, must unite; long united, must divide." but it remains to be seen if California shall ever unite again as was in the days of glory.



But one man's loss is another man's gain and few have gained more in the past 100 years than the heirs of the Great Prophet Gable. Socal, heart of the Consumerist faith, spreads outwards in every direction. Across the desert and down the Baja Peninsula, up into the Great Valley and southeast into the SIerra Madre Occidentals. Surely it is the Consumerists, not the Cetics, who shall rebuild California and rule the west.

:siren: :siren: :siren: VOTING TIME :siren: :siren: :siren:

It would be, at this point, pretty boring to just stomp everyone as the Heartland and reform the Empire of America. So we're going to move west some, to a new dynasty and a new culture/religion. Below are four options, post your pick of :20bux: , :ca: , :abuela: or :japan: for where we go next. I'll leave this up for the rest of the week or so (may end it earlier if a clear winner is obvious).


:20bux: posted:




Managing Director Dustin Pickford has a lot going for him. A young man in the fastest growing firm kingdom in the western market and an arranged marriage to one of the king's daughters (and an patrilineal heir of the Profit Prophet himself to boot!), Dustin's position in the kingdom seems secure. But Dustin himself has no head for finance (nearly a sin in the Consumerist faith!) and gets by mostly through his skill at hostile negotiations war and his cunning.


Worse yet, Dustin's brother and vassal, Julian of Tijuana, is gunning for his position! Can the bumbling Dustin avoid losing his dukedom to Julian? Can he please his clients and get a promotion? Will he rise up through the ranks of Socal?

Pro:
+ We get to start out as a vassal and have fun stabbing other vassals in the back as we climb the corporate ladder!
+ Consumerism: A religion that skips the babble and gets right to selling you poo poo you don't need!

Con:
- We start out in a hard spot with our brother (his county has 5 holdings, ours has 3)
- Limited room for expansion (we can take the rest of the peninsula from California, but beyond that we're surrounded by Socal)
- Lots of very big, very powerful Socal vassals ready to take us down a peg


:ca: posted:



So California. Wow, what a fall. From top of the world to scared inland empire holding onto a shrinking glob of land.



But don't be without hope, my friends! If ever there was a man suited to the task of rebuilding California it is Emperor Melvin the Second, mostly august and celestial lord of California and heir of the Yudkow line. Skilled ine verything (except finance), Melvin has vowed to restore the Best Coast.



His wife and aunt Sandi is a powerful warrior lesbian, which has not helped her much in producing an heir, but there's still plenty of time

Pro:
+ Working our way out of the "Figurehead Emperor" status will be an interesting challenge
+Cetic faith: Holy emperors, forbidden palaces and Elron Hubbard as an enlightened sage of trickery and blackmail
+Lots of places to expand in the north

Con:
- Socal is a terrifying monster that wants to absorb us and then sell us stuff
- Our only king vassal left is the king of the Valley, which is pretty much everything besides our capital county, so we gotta keep him happy


:abuela: posted:



Along the valley of the Snake River live a number of minor Gaian counts and dukes. The greatest of them is West Snake.



West Snake is ruled by a (literally) calculating political mastermind, Duchess Jesseca the Spider Sheepeater. A skillful plotter and treasurer, Jesseca is going to need to be tricky in order to avoid being conquered by Washington or the Mormons to the south.



Helping her is her brilliant warrior husband Blackburn, a Gnostic Canuck skilled at battle.

Pro:
+ We actually get to play a lady for once (and we'll mostly be playing ladies, Gaians don't think men are good at running stuff)
+Gaians: Like Pocahontas if at the end she had captured John Smith and slit his throat to water Grandmother Willow in sacrifice
+Lots of places to expand if we play our cards right

Con:
- Closer to the Heartland than the other options and I just spent 110 building that realm into a monster
-We are probably never going outside of the Rockies, so if you wanted to go for a cruise: sorry


:japan: posted:




You don't need to worship a money god like the Consumerists to know that cash rules the world. Far away, in the distant lands of Japan, the Eternal Emperor, from his forbidden palace, has ordered (through his trusted priest-bureaucrats, of course) a fleet of ships to head west in search of rumored wealth.



Four families headed up this expedition, but the greatest of these was the Hitachis, led by Nobuyoshi. A skilled warrior and merchant with little patience for negotiating with the natives, Nobuyoshi turned his rifle against the Haida and took the region he named Beikoku for himself. Now he rules it as colonial leader, but upon his death elections shall be held and the other families are eager to grab power.



His wife, the brilliant diplomat Lina, seeks to ensure that her son will be the next Sotoku.


Pro:
+ It is the burden of the Asian man to uplift the idiot savage and teach him intelligence and civilization
+Immortal god emperor who nobody has seen in a few hundred years? Sounds legit.
+We can and will conquer everything around us in the name of profit
+Merchant Republic fun!

Con:
- I have almost no experience playing a merchant republic, so this'll go well
-Japanese are not very fleshed out in the mod, but I can make it work


Cast your votes now!

Clayren fucked around with this message at 21:13 on Aug 2, 2016

GunnerJ
Aug 1, 2005

Do you think this is funny?
:abuela: for max matriarchy!

Soup du Jour
Sep 8, 2011

I always knew I'd die with a headache.

:abuela:

Really tough choice between them and the Japanese, but ultimately I've never seen the Gaians beat the Haida and I want to give them that chance.

Robindaybird
Aug 21, 2007

Neat. Sweet. Petite.

could you put the map in a timg - it's making the update virtually unreadable for me.

Ralepozozaxe
Sep 6, 2010

A Veritable Smorgasbord!
:abuela: West Snake is the best snake.

mcclay
Jul 8, 2013

Oh dear oh gosh oh darn
Soiled Meat
:ca:
For the Emperor!

Jack2142
Jul 17, 2014

Shitposting in Seattle

:abuela:


Soup du Jour posted:

Really tough choice between them and the Japanese, but ultimately I've never seen the Gaians beat the Haida and I want to give them that chance.

I am beating the Haida in my ATE Campaign starting as the Duke of Willamette and its hard as hell, you need alot of luck in getting strong martial Rulers, I got really lucky and had my king marry the sister of the Emperor of Gran Fran, had a couple kids, she cheated on him I executed her her brother declared me a rival I dueled him and killed him and my Dukes daughter became queen, the Duke died a year later fighting the Haida so I was Queen of Western Oregon and San Francisco. I also found a dude with 26 Martial (that grew to 30) in Gran Francisco and took him North to be my lover sans asskicker supreme. I used my Gran Francisco guys to tributize a bunch of realms in the rockies and thus had a huge Gaian/Cetic anti-Haida confederation that survived until I conquered Oregon and was strong enough to stand alone.

ShootaBoy
Jan 6, 2010

Anime is Bad.
Except for Pokemon, Valkyria Chronicles and 100% OJ.

:20bux: because being a vassal is actually fun now!

Tarezax
Sep 12, 2009

MORT cancels dance: interrupted by MORT
Even though I'm a guy, I like to play badass women in video games. Voting :abuela: 2776 :911:

JT Jag
Aug 30, 2009

#1 Jaguars Sunk Cost Fallacy-Haver
:ca:
Because the West Coast seems to be where the action is right now.

Technowolf
Nov 4, 2009




:abuela: I'm with her

Lord Cyrahzax
Oct 11, 2012

:20bux:

Consumerist California or bust. :colbert:

Clayren
Jun 4, 2008

grandma plz don't folow me on twiter its embarassing, if u want to know what animes im watching jsut read the family newsletter like normal

Robindaybird posted:

could you put the map in a timg - it's making the update virtually unreadable for me.

Oh sorry about that, thought I had them both timg'd.

RabidWeasel
Aug 4, 2007

Cultures thrive on their myths and legends...and snuggles!
:abuela: sounds fun and if you get totally hosed you can try something different quickly :v:

Robindaybird
Aug 21, 2007

Neat. Sweet. Petite.

Clayren posted:

Oh sorry about that, thought I had them both timg'd.

Thank you!

I'll jump on the :abuela: bandwagon

Deceitful Penguin
Feb 16, 2011
drat. If you are really going for the Gaians, you're completely out of easy nomad land, as it looks like West Slope nabbed it all? I guess you could try for the Mormons.

Enatic is fun to run too; it's pretty great to be able to use all those commanders and chancellors right away.

Donowitz
Feb 26, 2012

:abuela:

I'll follow the trend.

Bellophon
Sep 26, 2012
:20bux:
What's not to like about nearly everyone else in the kingdom being out to get us?

berryjon
May 30, 2011

I have an invasion to go to.
:20bux:

CommissarMega
Nov 18, 2008

THUNDERDOME LOSER
:20bux: for now, since I've wanted to see them ever since the first LP. That being said, I hope the Japanese survive long enough for us to play them.

inscrutable horse
May 20, 2010

Parsing sage, rotating time



Gotta admit, all those scenarios look sweet, but you just can't beat the siren song of :20bux:

NewMars
Mar 10, 2013
:20bux: I wanted to go full bear flag, but this seems like a good compromise.

LordGugs
Oct 16, 2012
:20bux: This is our god now.

Aeromancia
Jul 23, 2013
:20bux: I hope we can be with her in the future, but I have never seen anyone play as Consumerist before.

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Vinny Possum
Sep 21, 2015

THUNDERDOME LOSER
:ca:

California Uber Alles! Take back the land from the filthy worshipers of Mammon, into truly enlightened hands! Spread the message of the gurus, and make The Lawgiver and Mohammed proud! El cielo lo quiere! Viva California! Viva El Emperador!

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