misty mountaintop posted:

Moses: Okay people, listen up. God had a couple of things to say to me.

1. Thou shalt not have any snacks before bedtime.
2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any cross-promotional branding opportunities.
3. Thou shalt not Do the Dew.
4. Remember the Food Pyramid, to keep it holy.
5. Stay hydrated.
6. Thou shalt not cover thy hands with orange dust.
7. Chester is a weird dude. I don't know what it is, but he seems like a pedophile.
8. Thou shalt not tell your kids that "Velveeta is practically the same thing."
9. They started covering Doritos with that poo poo to hide the fact that they go stale in about 15 seconds.
10. Thou shalt not try to discover the location of the Cool Ranch.