imagine I was in an open marriage

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > imagine I was in an open marriage

Carmant: Nov 23, 2015; Treadmill? What's that? Is that some kind of cake?

echinopsis posted:

And I'm trying to talk as much as I can without being too serious and of course I am generalising here, but just laying down my experience is that not one women I have met has not been SUPER into it..

Hmm.. you must have a small penis.

# ¿ Jul 5, 2016 18:02

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 14:31

Carmant: Nov 23, 2015; Treadmill? What's that? Is that some kind of cake?

Look I'm just trying to say that "deep" "throating" is probably a lot more enjoyable with someone who has a small dick, like the OP, not start a big argument. I don't know why he said that women don't have agency or enjoy sex. That seems really sexist and kind of a non sequitur but whatever dude. Let's just move on.

# ¿ Jul 5, 2016 23:23

Carmant: Nov 23, 2015; Treadmill? What's that? Is that some kind of cake?

echinopsis posted:

I don't inherently disagree with you, and that first problem comes from a lack of communication and care and love, I suspect. Sex should be good and fun for both parties, but what that means amongst consenting adults varies.

A good point is rear end sex. Woman I am thinking off had a dude that said to her "I wanna shove it up your rear end", no WAY was that going to work. Wasn't going to be good or fun for her at all. With me though, she says I'm the first person she's actually ever wanted to do it with, because she can see that with me, she'd feel safe and cared for. It's about the intent and the people, the acts themselves are just a form of communication.

My small dick hypothesis now has 3 supporting pieces of evidence. This is very interesting.

# ¿ Jul 6, 2016 00:11

Carmant: Nov 23, 2015; Treadmill? What's that? Is that some kind of cake?

echinopsis posted:

mate I ain't giving any advice yet. you don't get good at sex, you get good at people. care about them, and that'll translate into being good at the sex.

Fairly chill opinion

# ¿ Jul 6, 2016 00:36

Carmant: Nov 23, 2015; Treadmill? What's that? Is that some kind of cake?

echinopsis posted:

do you mean, how heavily are they involved, or how heavy are they? how is that relevant?

Well. If they are fat they are probably more likely to gently caress weird small penis men, so it would explain how you suddenly went from not even being able to please your wife to having sex with lots of women.

# ¿ Jul 6, 2016 23:37

Carmant: Nov 23, 2015; Treadmill? What's that? Is that some kind of cake?

echinopsis posted:

I don't even know what E/N means anymore

but yeah some of you guys (basically everyone in this thread that I don't know)... show some respect for the humans involved would ya!

Haha okay youre right tell us more about these hotties my man

# ¿ Jul 7, 2016 03:24

Carmant: Nov 23, 2015; Treadmill? What's that? Is that some kind of cake?

echinopsis posted:

so in general that doesn't leave boatloads of people around.. but they're all interesting people. all pretty well adjusted, normal social people. just sweet open minds about sex, probably sick of average sex from randoms but not in a place to commit to a long term relationship. heaps of these people are just out of long relationships with average dudes, probably dudes much like the terrible posters in this thread

Lol

# ¿ Jul 7, 2016 03:43

Carmant: Nov 23, 2015; Treadmill? What's that? Is that some kind of cake?

What percent of girls like to be pissed on OP, in your experience.

# ¿ Jul 7, 2016 17:03

Carmant: Nov 23, 2015; Treadmill? What's that? Is that some kind of cake?

What percent of girls like to be pissed on OP, in your experience.

# ¿ Jul 7, 2016 17:03

Carmant: Nov 23, 2015; Treadmill? What's that? Is that some kind of cake?

echinopsis posted:

I'm not sure how this sounds but this is really an indication of the kind of input I want to put into this. There is one woman I talk to a fair bit and so far have seen at least weekly and then there is another filthier woman who I don't talk to so much.. I have a date with her lined up this week, and I would also like to see the other woman too, and I have that organised, but I also want to see my wife.. and it's unreasonable on my wife to do it like this all the time, and unreasonable on the other's to only give them such little attention but still want sex.. and so there are two other woman who are interested and I just have to be honest and say "have patience please'. I don't think it's fair on them or my wife tbh..

But swiping right is so god drat addictive. currently I just "collect" the matches and say nothing. the reserves I call them. currently 14 matches I haven't talked to

drat thats a really low number of matches. Post your pics.

# ¿ Jul 10, 2016 13:59

Carmant: Nov 23, 2015; Treadmill? What's that? Is that some kind of cake?

echinopsis posted:

Or perhaps this ideal... because I get the cool stability and love of a real marriage, but the cool sexy fun times of having sex with other women

sexy fun times

# ¿ Jul 11, 2016 02:43

Carmant: Nov 23, 2015; Treadmill? What's that? Is that some kind of cake?

Hook me up with your wife OP

# ¿ Jul 11, 2016 02:44

Carmant: Nov 23, 2015; Treadmill? What's that? Is that some kind of cake?

Darth123123 posted:

You want crabs?

I'm a bug chaser

# ¿ Jul 11, 2016 03:23

Carmant: Nov 23, 2015; Treadmill? What's that? Is that some kind of cake?

echinopsis posted:

yeah mate cheers. felt I alluded to that before. already having 2 ladies that I am in active contact with is enough. there are
two more women I am interested in on the wings but for now just staying e-friends. like I said, even from their perspective alone, I don't want to offer such a little slice of my attention. it's not respectful to them either

I want to do right by everyone as much as possible. some of the language I use makes it seem like maybe I don't treat these people like people .. they are

Have you ever imagined how we feel having to read your fake posts about having sex

# ¿ Jul 11, 2016 18:22

Carmant: Nov 23, 2015; Treadmill? What's that? Is that some kind of cake?

echinopsis posted:

lmao mate would you like me to actually lay down the times and dates

Id like you to close the thread and stop posting this bullcrap

# ¿ Jul 11, 2016 21:24

Carmant: Nov 23, 2015; Treadmill? What's that? Is that some kind of cake?

echinopsis posted:

Don't read it then bro, but I haven't made up a single fact.

Other things you won't believe.. Tonight I have a girl coming over.. when the kids are asleep we are going to have sex. This is the one that tells me how much she loves deepthroating. She's a cool chick and loves to cuddle and is friendly.

Then tomorrow night I am off to visit another woman who is about an hour and a half away. I'm gonna stay at her place. She is filthy as hell. Should be a good evening. She is then coming to our place saturday night to join me and my wife so that will be even cooler. I will get fantastic levels of pleasure out of that evening.

That's my sexual agenda. I will no doubt have sex with my wife in between tonight and tomorrow because it makes it seem really dirty to have sex with three woman in a 24 hour period and it's one of those steam achievements. Also they all know about all of this too and so everyone is consenting and happy to be on the polysex train.

Perhaps you mate should put a few minutes in with the ladies and self improvement and get a slice of action rather than your pathetic attempt at raining on my parade, which in the analogy is more like squirting the tv with a water gun

What the hell dude

# ¿ Jul 12, 2016 02:51

Carmant: Nov 23, 2015; Treadmill? What's that? Is that some kind of cake?

echinopsis posted:

I kept getting probated (I think, who knows why I end up probated anymore) for chatting about it

I wish detectivemonkey cared about us as much as the YOSPOs mods seem to care about their posters

# ¿ Jul 12, 2016 06:45

Carmant: Nov 23, 2015; Treadmill? What's that? Is that some kind of cake?

Trig Discipline posted:

i would never do it because i know for a fact that my wife is like a million times hotter than me (seriously idk wtf she's thinking) and she could have a line of people of both genders extending halfway down the block within an hour just by mentioning she was open for business on facebook, while i'd be lucky to get a pity handy from a female friend who started feeling bad for me while she was in line to go to town on my wife

thats pathetic

# ¿ Jul 12, 2016 16:21

Carmant: Nov 23, 2015; Treadmill? What's that? Is that some kind of cake?

Smythe posted:

i just went through this guys post history looking for a funny post outing him as a neocon or something cool like that but instead it was just a million pages of the most boring jilted GBS-goon style posts of all time. This guy sucks.

Bugger off mate

# ¿ Jul 12, 2016 22:27

Carmant: Nov 23, 2015; Treadmill? What's that? Is that some kind of cake?

This girl from tinder sent me a pic of her butt, im going to gently caress her. Lol, and you'll never guess what else happened, this other girl sent me a pic of her rear end and I'm going to gently caress her.

# ¿ Jul 12, 2016 22:30

Carmant: Nov 23, 2015; Treadmill? What's that? Is that some kind of cake?

Are you going to be sad when your wife leaves you OP

# ¿ Oct 7, 2016 20:11

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 14:31

Carmant: Nov 23, 2015; Treadmill? What's that? Is that some kind of cake?

Sex doesnt count if its with a condom

# ¿ Mar 23, 2017 16:06

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > imagine I was in an open marriage