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You must suffer this until the very end, GeneralYeti. It is too late to run. Just...keep something nice around, please. Studying isn't fun, this game absolutely isn't fun, and I can't imagine talking to Giver does good things to your self-esteem.
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Feb 18, 2017 22:27
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Him talking to Giver at least gives us fun things to read. 
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Feb 18, 2017 22:33
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Update 25: The Revolution Will Not Be Shown On-Screen Other possible update title: Repetition is Not Always for Emphasis  Click for music Finally, we've finished up with everything we need to do before attacking the A.o.A directly in Amaterasu City.  As soon as we start to walk up the bridge, we get trapped in a cutscene. Because god knows we can't ever have agency in this game unless we're doing completely pointless things. If that sounds like a contradiction, then it is because this game makes no sense unless you warp the rules of reality. Kite: OK, we're going into Amaterasu City!  Teddy trundles up to us. What the gently caress are you doing here. Kite: ...Teddy! You came over here!? Teddy: Yeah, I came with Lisa and the others. Hey Kite, can you wait a moment before you go in!? Lisa is bringing everyone from the Resistance! Kite: Then, what about the A.o.A...? Teddy: They've been routed by the Resistance! Once we get the four cities, we only have Amaterasu City left! What do you mean, Teddy? Do you not see these stupid badges I had to go to the rear end-end of nowhere to collect? gently caress YOU, you assholes, you could have helped instead of, oh, I don't know, making me do all the work?! gently caress the Resistance. And gently caress the A.o.A too, while we're at it, bunch of assholes. hahahahahaha, yes. Yes the badges were pointless. Yes. I never would have suspected. Kite: I see! So now... Teddy: Yeah, it's our final battle! We're going to defeat the A.o.A! 'We' aren't gonna do poo poo, it's all going to be me saving the day like always until you idiots swoop in at the last second to share the glory. So inconsiderate, right? "IT WUZ A TEEM EFFURT" BULLSHIT. Kite: Yeah, right on! If we fight together, the A.o.A is nothing!  So, yeah, we don't get to refight Knightmon, or get revenge, or anything fun like that. Just a smash cut to this scene. Lisa: OK, first release the people of this city! Leader Chuck: Everyone, come on, Charge!   ...Um? Where were these guys earlier? ...Also, 'Meech'? That guy's parents must have hated him. Wow. Just. Wow.  Kite: Yeah! Lisa and the others are here too! Teddy: ...but what's happening in the Real World...? I hope Destromon hasn't started attacking yet... You know what this means!  Yep, it's another video. Destromon flies up to some city. I'm guessing some place in Japan, given the source of the game, but it's not obvious.  And then he opens fire. With lasers. That curve in midair. That is not how lasers work. But Yeti, they are HEAT-SEEKING LAZURZ. Where's your Suspension of Disbelief! Shattered into a million pieces. A state, coincidentally, this game will be entering as soon as I'm done.  Long story short, it was a really bad idea to put the oil refinery/power plant in such an easily-bombarded location. City Planner: But sir! What if some battleship, or monster, or battleship monster attacks? It'll be destroyed! Mayor: No! gently caress the environment!  And then yeah, the Gundam lands amid the flames for a picturesque shot like every other monster movie. You think this game can have an original idea? Pfft. >Gundam Oh, now you're stealing my jokes, huh, Yeti. I can't have an original idea either  Kite: We're going to defeat the A.o.A! Teddy: Yeah, you're right! We're almost there so let's go! Yeah, let's go fight the A.o.A and kick them out of the city. Christ. Let's just DO it already. We say the same lines over and over.  Kite: Oh, Nick! Teddy: Nick, what's our situation? Nick: Ha ha ha It's good! A.o.A inside the city surrendered quickly! Kite: Then the city? Nick: Oh, we got it back already! Then only the Administration Center is left! ...So. Uh. They already cleared out the city. Since searching the city for A.o.A would require them to do more than copy, paste, and replace all NPCs with pigs. Geez, this game. Kite: ...what?! Then we don't have a chance to beat them up! Nick: Ha ha ha. That's why we came to get you. We want you to help in the attack on the Center! Kite: All right, leave it to me! I won't lose! Teddy, I'm gonna go up ahead! Teddy: Be careful! I'll be right there!  So, uh, yeah. Completely empty of A.o.A. The only real NPCs around are the Resistance folk, and they don't do anything other than pat themselves on the back for taking back the town. Lisa and Nick just remind you that you need to go murder everyone in the Administration Center, so get going.  Keith's up here too, being as useless as ever. Keith: There's no problem at the moment! Once we get back the Administration Center, it will be perfect!  The only other human in the city is Dr. Osomatsu, who acts as the Digimon Lab for this town. Dr. Osomatsu: I was in the bathroom, and look at this! Yeah, he only escaped because he was in the bathroom when the A.o.A swept through, Oinkifying everyone. Stay classy, Digimon World 3. Works.   ...What? It's a shield so automatically crap.  Some quick detours to pick up the chests - we had to circle down through the Sewers to get that second chest, and of course it wasn't worth it. Hmph.  Well, that's enough screwing around. I guess I should actually get to the meat of the update - murdering our way through a bunch of terrorists.  Attacker: Our beautiful world is going to come to life soon!   Not with that team it's not.  We've been through an A.o.A-controlled Administration Center before, and as always, this game can't do anything original, so the second verse is same as the first - we have to plow our way through the A.o.A soldiers blocking the chokepoints. Hell, would you want anything original at this point?  Soldier: This is the end of the line for you! Now, since that's boring and dull, I'm going to take this time to rant about something that I realized while spending 40 hours of my life grinding Digimon up to the correct level. Namely, the Skill Level system for leveling the Digivolutions.   Now, first off, I'm not a game designer, that's more Giver's schtick. But I can still point out the flaws in the system that I've spent a ton of hours working with. And something I noticed, while mashing X repeatedly to beat up the trash mobs on the first screen, was that there's literally no point to getting a Skill Level Up unless it's a multiple of 5 - the only time you unlock Techs or Digivolutions is on those nice, round numbers. Every other level is completely pointless.  Soldier: I'll make you regret ever coming here. So, since empty levels are really annoying and obnoxious, why not just make the level up requirement five times higher, and chop out all the unnecessary ones? Seems like a simple solution, right?  Problem is, there's a reason for the more frequent but pointless level ups. It triggers a release of... dopamine, I think, in the brain. It's the same thing that gets released when you refresh the forums page and you see new posts in a thread, or when you check your email and you have a new email in the inbox. It conditions us to check more often - or, in DW3's case, to keep playing. The end of the Digivolution levels shows that problem; at a certain level (95 for most Ultimate Digivolutions, 90 for most Megas, 50 for the worst offenders) the requirement spikes to 50 DVEXP instead of just 10. The level ups slow to a crawl, and it's terminally boring.  Soldier: Stop your meddling now! That means that upping the level requirement is off the table, if only because I need a reason to keep playing this godforsaken game. How about we take another route - that being small, tiny incremental increases on each level up?  Basically, each Digivolution gives small boosts to stats when equipped. More difficult to obtain Digivolutions give bigger boosts, naturally - a Mega will do more damage than a Champion, obviously, even if the numbers are the same on paper. Instead of doing that, what if we earned those stat boosts on the pointless level ups? So, each skill level grants one more HP, or STR, or SPD, or whatever. The problem with that is what I like to call the Final Fantasy 3 problem - if we have boosts in the current job, we'll loose those boosts when switching jobs (or Digivolution, whatever). Doing something like that actually discourages switching between jobs when appropriate. Well, that all depends with what you're going for. There's nothing implicitly wrong with that style. A 'way of life', if you will. It all depends on what narrative your game is serving. If Digimon are supposed to be highly adaptable creatures, then...yeah.   A brief break from my soapbox to point out that yeah, no chest here this time. Get hosed, game. Ah, now we've met the "Negative Exploration Zone". Whereby exploring dead-ends isn't rewarded. Case in point, put something here. Money, maybe. Especially since you have to load screens to check this tiny-rear end area. It would at least attempt to make it semi-worth your time.  Attacker: And then they'll make me a Soldier! Soldiers aren't the common ground unit? To fix that issue, maybe make the boosts permanent when you hit skill level 99. Switching out no longer loses those boosts, and now there's a REAL incentive to reach 99 beyond getting all the max numbers and loading all the techniques. It would make grinding easier, especially since the player actually knows that they're getting stronger, and it feeds a loop - after grinding enough, you get stronger, so grinding is faster, so you get stronger faster, so... Could allow for super powerful secret bosses, too.  Soldier: Come my adorable Digimon! Oh, Attacker is below Soldier. Weird.   And that's not even touching the mess that is the training system. Seriously, a random chance for getting the stat boosts that are going to keep me alive? gently caress that poo poo. It's a bad design decision and no amount of working on it is going to fix it. Here, I like to think that no decision is bad if it serves the right game. This isn't the right game. Hell, just make Digimon stats shape up differently depending on which Digivolution route you take.  Attacker: Come on. I'll knock you out in no time! This guy's actually somewhat threatening.   Namely, because he's got Piedmon and Puppetmon, who both hit really hard. And he's NOT a soldier? The enemy ranks are all kinds of hosed.    None of these chests are great, but whatever, free Ultra Charge. The empty chest is rude as hell, though. You mean funny, right?  Attacker: So I have no choice but to win!    Yeah, Agumon is currently rocking Kabuterimon as a Digivolution, since it's a requirement to unlock GranKuwagamon. Also, this guy is pretty nasty for the same reasons as the previous attacker.  Soldier: But do you really think you can defeat us?!  At least there aren't random encounters while fighting here. That would just be tedium on top of tedium. Which surprises me why it isn't a thing.  Thanks, game. Here in  This one doesn't even try to be useful.  They copy and pasted everything, including the chest locations. They just couldn't decide what to put, so they put nothing.  Soldier: I'll prove it to you right now!  You sure proved it, all right   This guy is pointless beyond the experience he gives us.  Like, not even a new team composition. Fun fact: we've already seen all the teams we'll be fighting. And yet you used the same screenshot like- Ohhhh, I see what you're doing.  And the exit doesn't have any prizes, like in Asuka.   Soldier: I'll show you what happens when you mess with an adult!  You mean, we murder you? Yeah, okay, sure.   Another set of the Puppetmon-Piedmon-Creepymon teams. These fights are the only ones I actually take seriously, because of how dangerous they can be. Piedmon is the only Digimon that can match my attacks one-for-one every time, which says something about 1) how broken 999 SPD is, and 2) how annoying it would be to fight Piedmon without said 999 SPD. Wow. Go Piedmon. Though, it would suck if all enemies sharing the same 'Speed Group' all count for the same practical speed. Basically, if the game considers a Speed of 500 to be in the same 'tier' as 999, then having those extra 499 points is basically useless.   I'm ignoring the entrance to the main administrative section for now, but we'll get back to it. Spoiler alert - that's where the boss is.   And I am king of all I survey. Given that I only survey pigs, the A.o.A can have it.  Soldier: No one can stop Destromon! Are you fuckers tired of seeing this team yet? You're not playing the game, and it gets old twice as fast.   And the grand prize for fighting through every single A.o.A member is... nothing. This game in a nutshell. [exasperated sigh]  Might as well get on with it.   Now, you might think that you know what's coming. We already did this puzzle, but the game designers have no creative thoughts in their head, so we're doing it again. Kite: I see! It's the same as Asuka's Game Master Room! It's a secret door! ...then what's the code? Asuka was MONSTER so maybe it's DIGITAL here...? But it's fine, since they just give us the loving answer after pointing out that it's the exact same puzzle  ...Really? To think I've seen it all.  Except nope, we don't even do the puzzle. The door just opens. Kite: !! It opened by itself! Why? ........?! Maybe it wants me to come in... All right then! I'm coming in whoever you are! I had mixed feelings about this scene. On one hand, I didn't have to do a tedious puzzle. But on the other hand, why even have the scene if we immediately get to pass through? Just have the drat thing open to begin with. Holy poo poo, and these game makers were professionals!?  Oh, and, better make sure you healed up before going into the Game Master's Room, since you're immediately thrust into a battle. Guess what I didn't do  Not surprised. Making smart, tactical decisions isn't your forte. I was expecting a tedious puzzle where I could heal first, not... what just happened, okay?  Kite: Come on. I'll take you on! Royal Guard #2: We are stronger than the anything you've faced yet. Royal Guard #3: With the pride of the Royal Guard, I'll defeat you!  Fun fact! We do, in fact, get to face off against Knightmon for a grudge match.   Name: Knightmon Level: Ultimate Location: Tamer Only Drops: None 3 STR, 5 DEF, 5 SPR, 2 WIS, 2 SPD, 3 FIRE, 2 WATER, 2 ICE, 3 WIND, 1 THUNDER, 2 MACHINE, 2 DARK EXP: 530, BIT: 1060 Regular Attack: No Element Technique: Berserk Sword (Physical, Hits Twice), Soul Charge (Powers up the next blow) Knightmon's not that tough, really. It's only got 3 STR, and that 5 SPR doesn't actually do anything useful. Just avoid physical attacks and you won't have a problem. (I say this, when all of my 'mons only have physical attacks except Agumon. Should have brought Renamon, but I didn't know.) And yet, the Royal Knightmon are normal.   The only thing you have to watch out for is a Berserk Sword powered up by Soul Charge. That one hurts a LOT, since the boost applies to both hits.  Kite: Then the guy at the top is up ahead!   ???: But I'm rather impressed by your strength!  ???: ...President? Oh, yes. But can you call me Chief Officer? It sounds cooler! This guy. This guy is trying to destroy the world. Not sure if it's so bad I want to like it...or just bad. Kite: Stop kidding around! Terminate Destromon right now! Chief Officer: Hey, chill out. Why don't you join us? If you say yes, I'll make you No.2 after me! Kite: ...no way! You use Digimon for evil... Even if I'm destroyed, I'll never be one of you! Chief Officer: You just blew your chance. You really are a stupid boy. By the way, it's already too late to change your mind! I'm reminded of Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door, where you can actually say yes to that kind of offer. Sure, the boss ends up taking over the world and you get a game over, but it's a nice little touch. Anyway yeah, it's boss time. Hope that Knightmon didn't drain your health too much.  Boss fight! First up is MetalSeadramon, only black, vs. Cannondramon. Cannondramon has the Dramon Buster, which does bonus damage to anything with Dramon in its name, so MetalSeadramon doesn't last too long.  Next up is VenomMyotismon vs. Paildramon (Agumon, in a different Digivolution). He's not hard, and his defenses are sorely lacking, so it's easy to tear through him. As for VenomMyotismon's bio, we'll get to it later.  Finally, out comes the big boy, and the one you're probably going to lose to.   Name: Raidenmon Location: Unknown Drops: Unknown 4 STR, 4 DEF, 2 SPR, 2 WIS, 3 SPD, 2 FIRE, 1 WATER, 3 ICE, 2 WIND, 3 THUNDER, 3 MACHINE, 2 DARK EXP: None, BIT: None Regular Attack: Machine Element Technique: Gilead Plant (Heals Around Half HP, Powers Up Next Blow), Big Charge Bomb (Physical-Thunder, Counter Attack used after Gilead Plant) So, Raidenmon. This guy hits like a truck. But that's not the worst part of the fight. Hit him with some Water techs and you'll carve through his HP pretty quick.   His regular attack does a lot of damage, yeah, but it's not what you have to look out for. (Also, I don't know why the localized versions of the game changed the letters on his shoulder pads to be MG instead of VD. It's weird.)    This attack right here is what you have to watch out for. It's a nasty one. See, Raidenmon has about 3000 HP, give or take a few hundred. Gilead Plant, when used, restores a full third of that. It'll also increase the power of the next attack by half again.   Worse, if you happen to attack Raidenmon after he uses Gilead Plant, you'll be hit by this counter.  And since it's a counter boosted by Gilead Plant, it does at least 225% of the damage you just dealt to Raidenmon. That right there was the result of Kumamon using a technique that knocked off about 700 health or so. The other problem is, Raidenmon has a very simple pattern. If he's at about half-health or above, he just attacks. Once he's below half health, he'll start using Gilead Plant every third turn and attack the rest of the time. Still doable, though you have to be careful about Big Charge Bomb if you're not faster than him. Otherwise, just pay attention and heal when you know he's going to use Gilead Plant. The problem comes in to effect when you get his health lower than about 500. So, in the red. He will ALWAYS use Gilead Plant, no matter what. This is a DPS check boss. Don't have enough power to do at least 500 damage in a single turn before Raidenmon goes again? gently caress you, he's healing. He'll just eventually whittle you down if you can't kill him. Though it is dickish, it's still one of the final enemies, so I can forgive it that much. Plus, it does demand that you budget your moves somewhat correctly. Don't wanna overshoot it and have him use Gilead Plant. You'll need to undershoot it and then nuke him down.  My gun dinosaur beats him, though, thanks to copious application of Pinpoint Shot (which has a higher chance of critting than regular attacks). If I'd gotten Cannondramon high enough to unlock his Signature Tech, which does extra damage to Machines, Raidenmon would have gone down a lot easier - but it didn't work out that way.  Surprise surprise, we didn't actually kill this guy. Chief Officer: You're really strong... I wonder who would win... you or him... Kite: ...what? I'm sure this will never come up again. After all, we just beat the President, saved the day, so on and so forth. No, of course not. We won!   Kite: ...hey, everyone! Hey! Time for you all to steal the thunder, right? Cool, don't mind me. Just doing all the work for none of the credit, it's fine.  Lisa: We got every one of the A.o.A except you. Chief Officer: ...alright. I think I've had enough. Next time, I'll play for myself. Lisa: Oh, he's rather obedient. But there's one more thing... Chief Officer: Destromon? You can stop it with that machine. Lisa: OK, then! I'll interrogate him... And you guys go stop Destromon!  This is actually working out surprisingly well.  Nick: Destromon's gonna land on a city! Teddy: Yes sir! Kite: ...Teddy, you know how? Teddy: Heh heh! Well most of it... The system is the same as Asuka Server's computer!  Teddy: Hold your horses! Kite: ...Come on, please be in time!   Click to watch it! So, uh, yeah. Big city.  And the Megazord has a giant laser on its chest that happens to be aimed directly at said city. I wonder how much property damage that'll cause.    But it's fine, because the stupid thing just starts to explode. Looks like  You all didn't do poo poo. To be fair, Teddy pushed a button. That was hard. Teddy: Destromon stopped and broke down! We won against the A.o.A! Kite: Yeah, we did it Teddy!  Nick: I have to go tell this to the others! Teddy: Man, I'm beat... Today just sucked... Kite: ...really? I had fun! Teddy: Hey, let's go to the Login Room! I'm sure everyone and the Matrix Chamber are back to normal! Kite: ...Yeah! Let's go back to the Real World!  Huh. I think we might still have a problem. Tune in next time for Tedium World 3! GeneralYeti fucked around with this message at 23:54 on Feb 21, 2017 |
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Feb 21, 2017 22:59
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A Digimon named Raidenmon, with the letters MG on it that happens to be a giant, mobile battle tank. Someone really liked Metal Gear Solid 2.
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Feb 21, 2017 23:36
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Something to point out, Girlian Plant is a pretty bad mistranslation (nothing new here). The actual name of the attack is Kirlian Brand, which, quoting Wikimon:Wikimon posted:Kirlian is a reference to Kirlian photography, a process of photographing an object by exposing it to an intense electrostatic field, undergoing electronic and ionic interactions; i.e. corona discharges. Another thing to point out: wow, Kite's bloodthirst knows no end. He gets annoyed because he doesn't get to beat up more AoA members (after beating up a lot of them), and then just says the whole thing was fun even when there was a very real risk of being stuck inside the matrix forever. Our hero, ladies and gentlemen.
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Feb 21, 2017 23:52
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is the mg supposed to stand for MEGAMI
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Feb 21, 2017 23:53
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Hazarding a guess, but I guess they changed it to MG from VD since... VD's a common acronym for venereal disease. A Tales of game recently got flack for changing a character's name because it was similar to a slang for self-cutting, so that kind of 'oops this thing that's fine in Japanese is coincidentally a bad thing in English' change does happen.
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Feb 21, 2017 23:55
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This game lasts forever and is consistently unpleasant without intervention; VD is a great set of letters to use here.
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Feb 22, 2017 01:42
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Oh no! The real A.O.A. was hiding in DarkDeathMurderHell Server all along and you'll need to collect the 20 components of the Light Scope or you'll be going in blind!
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Feb 22, 2017 02:46
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Quick there's 8 more colour swapped servers to collect badges from goooO!
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Feb 22, 2017 16:08
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My god AoA were a false flag by the government Now tou must travel to the presidents server and punch him in the digi nads But first you must defeat all his cabinet!
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Feb 22, 2017 17:42
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Kite just needs to collect one little tiny item to fix everything, but the game will give you no idea where it is, and it could be literally anywhere you've been before! Also the random encounter rate has doubled for no apparent reason. And then when he collects it, everyone else steals the credit anyway.
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Feb 22, 2017 20:35
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I think my favorite part of the last update was the A.o.A. surrendering literally less than a minute after the Resistance showed up.
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Feb 22, 2017 22:45
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Without actually checking on it VD probably stands for something like Virus Destroyer. It's the goofy kind of thing that Digimon loves to do.
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Feb 23, 2017 00:28
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Hey everyone. I'm not dead, so that's good, but currently I'm without power thanks to the windstorm on Wednesday. Normally that wouldn't be an issue, but all my video and screenshots are on my desktop tower, which needs power. I mean, I could try to throw together an MS Paint update from memory, but I think it'd be best to wait another week or so until the electricity is back on.
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Mar 10, 2017 13:52
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LP'ing a game without access to the game itself or any of the related materials sounds like some kind of zen challenge. Heck, someone once did a stream-of-consciousness text LP of REZ. ...I'm not saying you should do MSPaint updates, I'm just saying that you would have an audience regardless.
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Mar 10, 2017 15:09
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Let's be honest, any mistakes made in an MS paint update would probably be more entertaining than the real stuff given what's happened before. At the very least, it wouldn't be any more BS or padded.
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Mar 10, 2017 16:27
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YggiDee posted:LP'ing a game without access to the game itself or any of the related materials sounds like some kind of zen challenge. Heck, someone once did a stream-of-consciousness text LP of REZ. ...I'm not saying you should do MSPaint updates, I'm just saying that you would have an audience regardless. That tie fighter LP is still one of my all time favorites.
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Mar 10, 2017 18:37
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Blind Sally did an LP of some weird jrpg a while back. Something to do with clocks and giant space ticks or something?
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Mar 11, 2017 10:05
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Update 26: Oioi Oink So, remember how we beat up a bunch of A.o.A guys and then arrested the Surprisingly, yes.  Click for music Yeah, we're still not finished yet. All the NPCs are still pigs. Men, amirite? Teddy: Kite, the chamber's not working either...  Teddy/Kite: Kail!/...Kail! Kail: Why won't Kurt turn back to normal? We defeated the A.o.A... right? ...Is Kurt and everyone going to stay this way...? Kurt: Ooink, oink! Teddy: N-no. I'm sure there's a way to turn them back! ...right, Kite?! Kite: ...ye-yeah. I'm sure! You guys wait here. I'll go look into it! So, the gist of things is this: we need Kurt to fix the chamber, but we have to figure out how to fix the pig transformation. The pigification? Whatever. Baconater.  Let's chat with the named and plot-important NPCs, they're probably going to be helpful. Lisa: Has the Jamming Program that Kurt made not been deleted? If we can get back, we can fix the program... Keith is looking for a way to turn Oinkmon back. Nick: We can't access the Real World. I wonder why? The Matrix Chamber isn't moving either. What is going on? We still don't know how to get everyone back from Oinkmon. Keith is experimenting in Qing Long City... Well, that's convenient. Less so the fact that this is all Kurt's fault to begin with, anyway. So, we know where to go next. Backtrack town?  Click for music (Which is that we have to go to an auction and not progress the plot in any meaningful way) (gently caress off) Mr.  : Wild Suit, admired by all members! This Kumamon exclusive clothes will start at 23000 BIT! This auction's only open for a short time, from after we beat the Chief Officer until the end of this update. Like the other auctions, it's not the end of the world if we miss it.  Click for music By the way, this happened again This led to a very awkward interaction where I ran into Qing Long, saved, restarted, then ran back out - all for the screencaps.Defeating the Chief Officer made the program glitchy! Interactive storytelling! Attach magnets to your monitor now!!  You're welcome  Everyone looks so sad.  Anyway, we need to talk to Keith, who's busy in that far end of Qing Long City. Keith: But there's very little energy, so it's not going too well! Oh, MAN! What are we going to do?  Operator Anne: If there's a strong wind, I think it'll work... Fortunately, Operator Anne is here to save the day. Also, I want to draw attention to this. THIS RIGHT HERE. This is how you do signposting in a game. They give you a hint without coming right out and saying 'Go to this location and talk to this person.' It's pretty obvious, if you think about what unique (i.e. not those dorks standing around town) we've seen but not really interacted with. But even if it isn't obvious, there's only so many locations it could be. And the best part is, it's not like a new NPC just popped up out of nowhere, this one's been there the whole time. Yeah, you had to be paying attention to piece together all the clues. Not that we'll blame you if you didn't.  Anyway, what we'll be doing is taking a quick shortcut through the Amaterasu Kicking Forest Circuit Board. It has a lot of different entrances and exits, and there's one that connects, conveniently, to the Asuka Kicking Forest.  Of course, because I'm loving retarded, I don't end up there. Holy poo poo, Bellsprout.  Click for music Ahem. Well, a quick trip later and we're in Seiryu City, right outside the Zephyr Tower. Get it? Zephyr? Wind?  no.  This boy's got some big wings. I bet he might be able to create some wind, right?  ...Well, uh, poo poo. Kite: Hey, Airdramon. I've got a favor to ask. Airdramon: Zzzzzzzzzzzzz Zzzzzzzzzzzzz Kite: Airdramon, can you go to Qing Long City and blow some wind? We don't have enough power to turn everyone back from Oinkmon... Airdramon, help them. Come on, wake up! Airdramon: Zzzzzzzzzzzzz Zzzzzzzzzzzzz Kite: But I guess that's not possible... OK, I'll find some other way...  Stymied by Airdramon's masterstroke of a bargaining move, sleeping, Kite fucks off. Just...hit him with your Digimon?   Well, alright then. I'm sure the eye opening doesn't actually mean anything, so let's just go back to Qing Long and see if anyone has any other ideas. Lazy rear end Digimon.  Click for music!!! Wait. What's this? Real music, not the A.o.A Theme? ...What. What's this? There's no pigs in the city? ...WHAT. Oh gently caress.  Keith: He spun the windmill...and presto! Now if we can just get back, it will be a happy ending! Holy poo poo, it worked! The game didn't require any bullshit plot device or Digi-Egg, it just wanted you to make the connection between wind and Zephyr and go talk to Airdramon. This is amazing. When did this game suddenly become tolerable? aaaaaaaaaa Nooooo! Competence! RUN YETI, RUN! THIS ISN'T DIGIMON WORLD 3  Click for music!!! And the music's good again, and the NPCs are back (okay, so two out of three's not bad...)  Like, holy poo poo. What is this game anymore?  Click for music Alright! Kurt's back to normal, and all we have to do is wait for him to fix the chambers. Everything is looking up!  While we're waiting, how about I break the game wide open and make half of the grinding pointless? Mr. Wedge: OK, back to work! We've got good items in the back too, so look around! Because now that we've turned everyone human again, we have access to the Amaterasu Black Market.  The equipment side of the Black Market has, as it turns out, every single piece of equipment available to us through the Auction. Turns out, they're just a lot more expensive. So, the only real downside of not hitting the auctions at the right time is that you have to pay for all the stuff. I pick up all the items we've missed. Hooray. I detest missable items in RPGs, so it's glad the devs let you re-acquire them (at a higher cost to give weight to the auction gimmick)  On the other market, we have... Heh. Heheh.  HAHAHAHAHA  Ahh... Kumamon is now a loving engine of destruction. His biggest drawback was one, how slow he was to level up, and two, the incredibly low MP pool available for using the ridiculously powerful techs. With the chips available to me, both of those problems are solved. Mr. Fuzzums has come into his own and, unless voted off the team in the end, will be my leading dude for all time.  I KNEW IT! I KNEW MR.FUZZUMS WAS OP gently caress whoever was saying the Mr.Fuzzums joke needs to die  Ahem. Well, let's go see the idiots in charge of getting us out of here.  Giver, what do you think the odds are on us having to go fix their problem because the person specifically in charge of fixing things can't fix things? About as high as anyone of us making a sarcastic comment.  Teddy: I wonder how it works. I kinda want to know!  Account Login: Now all we need is the Matrix Chamber to work.  Kail: ...and he's going to fix the program now so... We can go back to the Real World soon!  drat straight, Kurt. Recognition! Kurt: I'm checking the Matrix Chamber right now... But there's something affecting the system from the outside. Something is getting inside the system I designed... Then it must also be inside the Optical Net Administration System. ...maybe the A.o.A's plan hasn't been foiled yet. Ugh. Really? We solved literally everything. Fine, fine, whatever. The game's earned some goodwill thanks to having actual music, I figure this brings it back down to neutral.  Buuuut, of course, the Admin System in our current server isn't good enough. No, we need to head back to Asuka. But... Amaterasu is the A.o.A's HQ. Wat?  Also, Kite still doesn't get Art.   So, remember how the Amaterasu Kicking Forest connects to the Asuka Kicking Forest? Turns out, this particular entrance to the Circuit Board sends us to that particular board, and it's right next to the Asuka Kicking Forest exit. 2complicated4me   From there, a quick trip through the Seabed...  And here we are, back in Central Park. The thing is, if you know exactly where to go, the travel time really isn't terrible. Of course, this would be a lot easier if, oh, I don't know, the Circuit Boards and Seabeds had clearly labeled entrances and exits, not to mention the ability to know where the hell I was going. So, Giver and I are both pretty heavily involved in Megaman Battle Network, though Giver moreso than myself. And Battle Network did the whole twisty-turny internet maze thing too, but it worked really well because every single map was different and not a combination of five different rooms put together in a strange and meaningless combination. That, and the color scheme helps you locate the main path. This game looks colorful, but the maps look so much...bigger? Judging by the screenshots, anyway. With the high encounter rate, it just becomes a chore. Ugh.  Right, that's enough of that. Let's just fix the problem already and get the hell outta here. Kite: Asuka's Game Master was sending Vemmon somewhere... Maybe there's some clue! Let's go in further! We step forward.  ...what. No! No more! STOP!  WHAT. What the gently caress is this poo poo. Other Oinkmon: Oooin, oioink! Oinoink, oink! Oioin, oinnk! Oscar-winning dialogue right here.  Let's just go inside. Fortunately, we don't have to do some stupid rear end art appreciation again, the door's just open. Kite: OK! Let's go on ahead!  Kite: Hmmm...the Matrix System should be around here... But I don't know how to get the system to work... But Game Master sent Vemmon from here... Fun fact: We never actually get control in here. It's always a scripted event.  Wait what. THEY'RE MULTIPLYING The Vemmon bolt. Kite: Wh-why is Vemmon here?! ...can it be... Well, I gotta follow it!  Yeah, Kite still doesn't get it.  Click for music... Also the music is back to the A.o.A theme.  YOU WERE DOING SO WELL. WHY.  I'm... I'm not even angry, anymore. Just incredibly, incredibly resigned to the trainwreck that is this game.  There is one bright spot in the darkness, though.  Click for music Pig auction gently caress yeah .....kill me. (The following dialogue is transcribed 100% accurately, swear to god I'm not making this up. I'm not Giver.) (Fake dialogue would have been better here.)  Mr. : Oink, oin, ooink! Oin, ooink, ooin oi oiin oinko! Oi oinioi oinoink oinnk oin oinkk oi 30000 BIT!How do I even react...?  Chief Milly: Oioi 31500 BIT! RPG Fan Masao: Oin oi 31900 BIT! Kite: Hmm. 32000 BIT...hmmm... Umm...  Mr. : Oink! 32000 BIT! Oinoink, oink 32000 BIT? Oin oink oioink oink oioink oink. Oioi Oink nk oionko 32000 BIT! Oinkoinnnk oi oink oi oiii! Oi oinkoo oinoiko oin oioinnnk oink!  Kite: OK, I got a pretty cool item, so let's see what it does. Swear to god, this isn't edited in any way. There is no longer a point to our commentary; this game has the best jokes.  Unfortunately, we don't actually get an item called the Oioi Oink. It's actually the Brave Armor - and it's the last auction! Finally, we never have to do this ever again. Next time, we figure out what the gently caress just happened and how the gently caress to undo it.
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Mar 24, 2017 00:59
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Okay, that last part was genuinely funny. Sometimes this game does things right! It's only sometimes though.
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Mar 24, 2017 02:18
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I'm not even playing this game and I feel like I'm slowly descending into madness.
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Mar 24, 2017 06:37
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Update 27: Lord WHAT. Click for music As expected, every single NPC is a pig, now. Also, that music will be playing throughout the entire update, so get used to it. Yeah, but hey! This update came hot off the heels of the last one! This is a special occasion. Break out the bacon.    Something happened, and our best bet is to go check on the idiots trying to fix the problem. So, a quick retracing of our steps from last update, and we're back in Amaterasu Central Park.  That, uh, sure is a pig. I hope these people liked being human for all of the minute or two. Oink, oin, ooink!  When we approach Amaterasu Bridge, Kail is... surprisingly, still human? Kite: Hey, Kail?!  Kite, Kite no, it's rude not to look at people when you're talking to them. Kurt: Oink! Oin, ooink! Kite: ...Kail! What happened? Why have they all turned into Oinkmon? Kite is 10; he's rude.  Those bastards! I appreciate Kail's new sprite. Kite: ...what?! What did you say...? Kail: A lot of Vemmmon came out of Amaterasu's Administration Center! Then they launched beams and turned everyone into Oinkmon! Kite: But wait - Vemmon doesn't have that kind of power... Have they been... reprogrammed? Kail: I-I don't know...  Kail: But I was the only one who wasn't changed. Teddy and Lisa were all turned into Oinkmon. Kite: ...then everyone else...? Kail: Yea-yeah. Teddy, Lisa and the others are Oinkmon now. Kite: What is going on... and where did the Vemmon go? Kail: They all went straight to the Master Room! Somehow, Kail didn't get turned into a pig? I'm not entirely sure why not, and I don't think the writers knew either, given that little rear end pull. Maybe Kail's evil and behind everything  I knew it! A female Game Master and a female friend! KILL HER NOW!  Kite: Well, let's go! Kail you go hide somewhere safe! Kail: What?! Bu, but, Kite... Kite: I'm the only one who can fight against them in this world! Don't worry! Just leave it to me! Kail: ...All right. I'll believe in you Kite. But I'll kick your butt if you lose! Kite: All right! Then I'm off!  I'd call hubris on Kite's part, but let's be fair, with Mr. Fuzzums by our side nothing can stop us. We have become an unstoppable force of murder. Plus, he's right. We've been developing our team while she has not. Kail: ...But the A.o.A isn't defeated yet... I wonder what's happening in the Real World... Hey, that line! It always means we're about to smash cut to the Real World.  This time isn't an exception, either. Everything is empty, there's no TV or music or lights or anything.  I'm sorry wait gently caress the what now? How are they even realized? Kite had to go through all kinds of bullshit to get his Digimon in the Real World. "We are the Vemmon. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile."  I'm sorry wait HOW THE gently caress? They have Oinkmon in the Real World, somehow? Despite the beam being a digital thing that rewrites the data of the people in the digital world? Man, I don't even loving know. Oink, oin, ooink! Tech Savy Seiya: Oi? Oioio..........  Everyone in the town has been turned back into Oinkmon. But that means... No, please let him be okay! Oinkk oink, oin.  NOOOOO...  That's right. You get access to the Black Market and then it's immediately taken away. Better hope you got all the equipment and Oin, ooink, ooin oi oiin oinko!  Irritating and obnoxious design decisions aside, this is the best time to save and make sure your Digimon are fully healed. I'd also recommend making sure your levels and equipment are what you want them to be, as well as stocking up on items.  Because once we go through this door, there's no turning back. (Also, there's no WARNING this is the point of no return, which, y'know, would be nice.) Oink OINK! (That's loving retarded, game.)  Yep, those sure are Oinkmon. Oioi oin oink oink   Oh loving god drat it. I'm not transcribing this poo poo. Kite: Te-Teddy?! What?! Lisa, Nick, and Keith as well...  There are another FIVE FULL TEXTBOXES of unintelligble pig noises. Yeah, gently caress that poo poo. Oi, oi, oi, oi ooiink, ooi! Oi! Oi, oi, oin! Oi, ooin, oooink! Oi, ooinoinkoink!  ...I'll admit, I laughed. Kite: Just wait here with Lisa and the others! I'll do something about this!  All four of the pigs: obnoxious pig Oink noises gently caress this game. Oink.  Nobody's here? So let's just solve the problem and-  (whoops, that's supposed to be an exclamation mark in that speech bubble. drat you, graphics that immediately disappear.)  ...What is this ugly piece of poo poo? Those balls of light on its... shoulders? Are those shoulders? Anyway, they flicker because this game isn't hard enough to take screenshots of. Seriously, though, who is this guy?  Lord... gently caress it I'm out. Update ends now. Okay, that snapped me out of Pig Beam. You know what? I'm done, too. All I wanna see for every reply until the next update is psyduck. I just wanna see a string of Psyducks. I'll start. 
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Mar 24, 2017 17:03
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Mar 24, 2017 17:04
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Mar 24, 2017 17:20
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Blueberry Pancakes fucked around with this message at 17:31 on Mar 24, 2017 |
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Mar 24, 2017 17:26
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Mar 24, 2017 17:46
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Mar 24, 2017 17:58
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WHAT THE gently caress IS EVEN THIS loving GAME!? Also good job devs on putting the POINT OF NO loving RETURN WHERE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GO WITHOUT A SIMPLE TEXT BOX SAYING THAT IT'S THE POINT OF NO RETURN AND ALSO GIVING YOU ACCESS TO THE loving BLACK MARKET ONLY TO loving TAKE IT AWAY THE NEXT loving PLOT HOOK BECAUSE gently caress YOU. I...I...
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Mar 24, 2017 18:26
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the pig auction was hilarious - but it feels like no one working on this game ever stopped to go 'wait, would this actually be fun?'
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Mar 24, 2017 18:29
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Kemix posted:ALSO GIVING YOU ACCESS TO THE loving BLACK MARKET ONLY TO loving TAKE IT AWAY THE NEXT loving PLOT HOOK BECAUSE gently caress YOU. I...I...
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Mar 24, 2017 18:34
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Waterfall of Salt posted:Actually the airdramon sequence is completely optional. If you go to the other center when everyone returns back to pigs you completely skip the black market That's arguably even loving worse. WHY?!
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Mar 24, 2017 18:37
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Yeah, I didn't want to interrupt the Psyduck posting butKemix posted:WHAT THE gently caress IS EVEN THIS loving GAME!? Also good job devs on putting the POINT OF NO loving RETURN WHERE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GO WITHOUT A SIMPLE TEXT BOX SAYING THAT IT'S THE POINT OF NO RETURN AND ALSO GIVING YOU ACCESS TO THE loving BLACK MARKET ONLY TO loving TAKE IT AWAY THE NEXT loving PLOT HOOK BECAUSE gently caress YOU. I...I... What the gently caress, devs? Also, the main villain is some random guy never before mentioned named Lord Megadeath. I mean, come on. Dr. Regal was a more subtle villain.
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Mar 24, 2017 19:42
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Goons posted: Robindaybird posted:the pig auction was hilarious - but it feels like no one working on this game ever stopped to go 'wait, would this actually be fun?' Oi, oi, oinkoinkoik! Oin Oink! Waterfall of Salt posted:Actually the airdramon sequence is completely optional. If you go to the other center when everyone returns back to pigs you completely skip the black market Oink! OINK! Oi, oinoink, oi, oink!
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Mar 24, 2017 19:51
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And I used to play this game all the time.. Good grief.
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Mar 24, 2017 20:00
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I'm sure there's a perfectly logical and consistent explanation for the sudden appearance of a being whose motivations have nothing in common with the villains that were fought until now and whose design heavily clashes with the rest, especially with such a witty, creative and interesting name.
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Mar 24, 2017 20:44
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Mar 24, 2017 23:03
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Mar 25, 2017 00:10
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Who would have thought Dave Mustaine was the mastermind behind Digiterrorism?
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Mar 25, 2017 00:58
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| # ? May 13, 2024 00:22 |
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Mar 25, 2017 01:48
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