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ANIME IS BLOOD posted:African-American RestingB1tchFace posted:Being black people. Being any plucky young minority sidekick who helpfully volunteers to "go get the van"
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Jul 25, 2016 04:08
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| # ¿ May 18, 2024 10:24 |
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-getting a sweet as heck gig where they give you and several hundred close friends matching leather jackets and Uzis, all you have to do is walk back and forth in front of these shipping containers
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Jul 25, 2016 14:21
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-what's that? Practice shooting my Uzi? Psssshaw why I'll just kinda spray some bullets around if someone breaks in its fine -besides, you can tell who is on my side because we all have these leather jackets and mustaches -hmm that new guy in the ill fitting leather jacket is several inches taller/shorter than he was 10 minutes ago and he keeps pressing his mustache back on self consciously
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Jul 25, 2016 14:26
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Any job that involves sitting around with a bunch of vaguely European guys in turtlenecks speaking English to each other badly while smoking and laughing spookily
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Jul 25, 2016 15:58
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"English not it is first of language and yet here we of are speaking it not very of goodly wearing turtlenecks and suspenders HAHAHA!" *holds cigarette weird and sideways, racks slide on uzi like, seven times*
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Jul 25, 2016 16:03
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-Being a generic normal sized uzi henchman in a room with the super big sleeveless punching henchman because he's obviously going to get more screen time
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Jul 25, 2016 18:23
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coffeecup posted:I would legit read a non-TV Tropes study on henchmen taxonomy It's mostly just Uzis, mustache(s), bigness, punching and also poor marksmanship OH and laughing spookily and turtlenecks/smoking/warehouse
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Jul 25, 2016 20:34
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Me irl https://youtu.be/0XZdUW5hRas
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Jul 26, 2016 05:19
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Being any kind of entrepreneur whose business development plan can be ruined by a ragtag team of plucky kids
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Jul 26, 2016 14:18
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Architect who designs a secure facility who adds lots of big safe easy to access air vents with large grates that an off duty cop or rag tag team of plucky kids could crawl through
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Jul 26, 2016 15:14
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Engineer who adds a big glowing red button that "shuts down the reactor," perhaps with an air vent directly over it
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Jul 26, 2016 15:17
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-A real estate investor who purchases a really valuable 200 acre wooded lot with natural water features- oh and a small failing summer camp (several poorly constructed uninsulated log cabins)- who fails to read the "wacky canoe race" clause -what do you mean a rag tag band of plucky kids are blocking our bulldozer?? -well did you send that one really big scary construction guy with no sleeves on his shirt to make mean faces? -the camp councillor constructed some kind of elaborate pie throwing device that threw pies in all our face?? -what if we get the rich kids from the rival camp across the lake to race their canoes and be really smug and mean, clearly that would in some way affect the legal status of this property that we own -the pie throwing device threw scrambled eggs all over the rich kids and everyone yelled P U YOU STINK and they ran away?? -I'm going to have to get in my rich guy car and drive down there and waggle my finger at them myself in a tuxedo because I'm a rich guy - oh no they are doing some kind of incredibly racist Native American themed dance number and chanting and parachute turtles are falling and biting all us bad guys and the no sleeves construction worker guy and the rich kids have turtles and stinky eggs on them and we lose!!!
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Jul 26, 2016 17:17
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Dinosaurmageddon posted:Tied to a chair, a table, or to an unlikely companion. Unless you are the hero or a love interest, in which case you engage in some witty banter and then the bad guy explains their entire evil plan in great detail and you escape through the power of punching
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Jul 29, 2016 21:55
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Also all the rules for bad guys work opposite for the hero- 500 bad guys with Uzis? No threat to anyone. Hero punches bad guy and TAKES an Uzi? Invincible. Cannot miss, unlimited ammo. Any bad guy pointing their Uzi at an Uzi hero has a jam or shoots another bad guy by mistake or is easily punched/awkward karate neck chopped. When the really big bad guy with no sleeves who's good at punching shows up the hero just yells "whoa nelly!!" and cleverly tricks him into an airplane propeller or big industrial fan or maybe a bunch of pies or eggs squash his face and he trips on some marbles (kids movie)
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Jul 29, 2016 22:05
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Uzi henchman to commander "he's got a gun!!" "Wait don't, you guys have guns? You all have guns that's, your job just shoot him" "But he's shooting at us!!" "Ok, yeah I mean, get behind something? Then shoot back" "Ok so spray bullets around while screaming" "Um well, no like HIT him, with the bullets, from the gun" "But he's got a gun!!" "There's 100 of you you, all, have, what am I paying you for!!! You're a guard, with a gun, how did you not know GUNS were a thing with this, look I've got to prepare my evil monologue because its obvious he's getting past you
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Jul 29, 2016 22:21
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"What kind of gun does he have, you guys have automatic weapons. I know, I bought them. They were super expensive by the way." "An Uzi." "That's what YOU have!" "I know, it's one of ours" "Well how'd he get it?!" "He punched Kevin!" "Kevin?" "Kevin- 6,2", leather jacket, mustache, evil laughter, smoking" "That's, literally all of you. Why didn't this Kevin shoot him?" "His Uzi jammed." "So he just stood there and got punched??" "Yes." "Like, punch him back? Dodge??" "Uh yeah Kevin was normal sized and has sleeves he's not a punching guard?? Hello" "Well, have punching guy punch him for fucks sake" "We tried but punching guy got tricked into the very large obvious industrial fan"
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Jul 30, 2016 00:07
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| # ¿ May 18, 2024 10:24 |
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SO! I see you got past my mustached Uzi guards with the power of 'also an Uzi' and also my very large sleeveless punching guard who apparently just walked right into some kind of big obvious fan. Now I will do that thing where I explain my evil plan in great detail if you will just, just step forward, yes a little more, no, to your right- no your OTHER right heh just a little evil humor there, yes that's good, stay right there on that large rectangular patch of carpet tile that is a different color right in front of my evil desk yes no it's not a trapdoor to a shark tank. I mean yes obviously it is a trap door to a shark tank LOOK we BOTH read the SCRIPT okay???
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Jul 30, 2016 00:35
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