Jukeboxblues posted:

Hello, I am highly popular and rather attractive forums poster Jukeboxblues. Today marks the day that I first signed up to this comedy website Something Awful. I figured it very useful if perhaps I reflect on the past 12 months and you can compare it to yours and then we can see how much better I am than you. Here is my official™ Year in Review! Enjoy.

The Good

There is much I could say here, but I shall refrain from it. The amount of female goons that have thrown themselves at me, the constant mailbox full of gold bars and fan letters I receive every day, how statues have been erected in many famous and important cities and towns in my honor. All things I shall refrain from even mentioning, because I am a humble man. Instead I will talk about things that are contained within this subforum.

I will first begin with the many good things this subforum has taught me, and how it has made me the man I am today. It has taught me the importance of Crowd Funding (giving); how it always works out exactly as expected and every time its well worth it. The kindness of the human spirit is truly a beautiful thing, I think to myself as I sip on my caramel macchiato, typing away wistfully. On top of this, it has taught me that any ol' hick from the backwoods can achieve heights never dreamed of through the application of elbow grease and a heart of gold. It truly is a great time to be alive to witness such transcended human kindness. Praise be to your chosen deity (don't want to offend anyone so please insert your preferred religious icon. If you happen to be Atheist, please pretend I said Richard Dawkins, Stephen Hawkings or Neil Degrasse Tyson.)

All posters on this wonderful subforum are also really smart, good looking and truly charming. Especially you, reader. Please, for the love of god, like me.

The Bad

Okay, so even the most perfect place has its flaws. Here are my only grievance with this place. Not everyone has the exact same opinion as me. It really irks me and sends me into a fury that I don't think is possible to contain. It truly is a tragedy that not every person that posts here, no matter your creed, colour, race, religion, gender, sexuality, pepsi or coke, sweet or sour, overly long lists or short and succinct lists, you are all different from me and this angers me. How dare you not have the same opinion as me, you loving piece of human trash!! You have no idea what you are talking about because I actually really like the KFC burger MORE than the McDonalds burger!!!!!

The Ugly

You. You're ugly, you god drat piece of poo poo. Look at you, reading some strangers year in review hoping that you will get a shout out or that there will be a funny piece of content. Hahaha you are so dumb! I don't even care that the few posts I actually put effort into get very few replies! Not at all! Please, for the love of all that is sacred, just like me. I need this. I need this like I need to lose weight, like I need to shower, like I need to read a book.

Conclusion and Score

Overall I would say this place is cool and good, and that I would be highly likely to recommend to a friend or family member. The food was made in a timely manner, the waiter (Jennifer her name was) was very attractive and friendly and I thought I might have even gotten a kiss at the end (Had it not been a drive through and such high time demands made on her I would say she would have 100% have kissed me). I also appreciate how everyone knew that my opinion mattered because writing a novella for every post I make deserves to be taken seriously, and those whose IQ is too small to read all those words will politely quote it and say "I'm not reading that" (to show that they appreciate the effort I have put in but they are too dumb and stupid to actually make it through the first sentence). gently caress you Windows98.


7.5/10