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hello everyone, it is your friend Business Gorillas and i am here to talk to you about wizards. now you may be asking yourself a lot of wizard-centric questions recently so let's talk about wizards and how they impact our every day lives what is a wizard?a wizard is a person who can use magic. magic can come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, much like the wizards themselves. most people believe that the original wizards came from another planet in some sort of battlefield galactic scenario where they came to a prehistoric earth and settled down. i guess somewhere along the way they decided to gently caress our subhuban ancestors and they made us. i always thought it was really weird at the end of that show with how they landed on the planet and someone from the enlightened space society decided to stick their donger in a caveman. like, what was the point of that? i'm sure the super futuristic space society had invented condoms or at least learned to pull out. do you think the half battlestar galactic/half caveman kids were accepted by the battlestar society? i imagine that would be pretty messed up, to be a half caveman half battlestar galactic baby. like, the first generation at least. i imagine that there was some sort of moratorium on doing sex to the cavemen but once one dude did it and the kid was fine i figure everyone just shrugged and got to it. anyways, some people are wizards and some people aren't. that's what i'm trying to get at here there are four main types of wizards: - sorceror - shapeshifter - genies - trickster each of these different types of wizards work in a different type of magic and we'll start talking about them and other subsets of the main categories as we learn more about wizards (and ourselves) itt let's spend some time talking about wizards and how they affect us every day
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Aug 7, 2016 02:44
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ok
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Aug 7, 2016 02:44
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im a druid, reporting in
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Aug 7, 2016 02:45
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hth posted:ok looks like we have our own bad posting wizard grace us for our first post. hello and welcome!
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Aug 7, 2016 02:45
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i read every word!
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Aug 7, 2016 02:45
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i liked the part about the galactic thing
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Aug 7, 2016 02:45
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Parallax Scroll posted:im a druid, reporting in druids are a subset of shapeshifters and we will be covering them shortly. what is your animal spirit feeling right now?
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Aug 7, 2016 02:46
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Aug 7, 2016 02:46
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im a bard can I still chill it's considered music
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Aug 7, 2016 02:47
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Haha whoops I meant it's considered magic it is absolutely music though as well
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Aug 7, 2016 02:47
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Business Gorillas posted:druids are a subset of shapeshifters and we will be covering them shortly. what is your animal spirit feeling right now? like taking a big ol poo poo
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Aug 7, 2016 02:47
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I would love to be a modern-day wizard, without all the racist connotations that come along with the title.
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Aug 7, 2016 02:47
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Aug 7, 2016 02:48
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i hope you're a necromancer, op, because your thread is already dead.
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Aug 7, 2016 02:49
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i'm attempting to conjure a good post *mystical incantations* 
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Aug 7, 2016 02:49
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was aliester crowley a real wizard or just some grabass that liked scaring white middle class americans with ornately produced books about demons and satanic worship
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Aug 7, 2016 02:57
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satanic splash-back posted:i hope you're a necromancer, op, because your thread is already dead. 
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Aug 7, 2016 02:58
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this brings us to our first type of wizard we will be talking about :  SORCERERSsorcerers are your stereotypical wizard. they have command over the elements and spend lots of their time reading books. because of this, sorcerers have terrible social skills. back before the liberals invented vaccines which caused "autism", lots of these people were thought to be sorcerers instead. sorcerers are terrible with women and are actually very sexually frustrated. they live alone in giant towers and get into trouble because they channel their sex angst into things like blowing up villages and summoning elementals.  pictured: a sorcerer consults the All-Seeing Eye of Jarakth to find out where the clitoris is because we're on gbs, some of you idiots might think that because you're bad with girls means that you might become a sorcerer one day. sorry, idiot. it doesn't work like that. just because you haven't touched a boob in a while doesn't mean that you'll gain magical powers. sorcerers are born that way and they are not a lifestyle choice. while some sorcerers like to hide in towers. others can congregate anywhere, especially in between your walls and under your floorboards. while a single sorcerer might not harm your home too much, it may secrete pheremones to attract other sorcerers and soon enough, you can have a whole sorcerer colony underneath your floorboards! sorcerers cause billions of dollars in damages to homes across the US every year, so please be careful! next up we will talk about shapeshifters. how exciting!
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Aug 7, 2016 02:58
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The West Coast Greater Witches Coven wants to know where that wizard blood is you promised. You know we have ley lines to deal with over here. Yeesh. Wizards... get a clue.
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Aug 7, 2016 02:58
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Wizard magazine was not actually for the Wizard demographic amongst us. Talk about false advertising.
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Aug 7, 2016 02:58
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im also a pinball wizard btw
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Aug 7, 2016 03:01
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Aug 7, 2016 03:01
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really need an answer about the bard
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Aug 7, 2016 03:02
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im an illusionist and have no access to fireball or lightning bolt plus I'm a gnome so I'm really small and slow and
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Aug 7, 2016 03:02
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Magic seems like a good idea until you are enslaved by someone who is better at magic
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Aug 7, 2016 03:03
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I've been playing a lot of Witcher lately and I'm of the opinion that wizards drool, sorceresses are where it's at
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Aug 7, 2016 03:04
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Parallax Scroll is no druid. A Wizard of the Coast at best.
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Aug 7, 2016 03:05
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deal wiz it also, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfnIBnz2_zw
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Aug 7, 2016 03:05
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the circle of eight
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Aug 7, 2016 03:06
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tensor never died
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Aug 7, 2016 03:06
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rary isn't a traitor
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Aug 7, 2016 03:06
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The Goatfather posted:deal wiz it
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Aug 7, 2016 03:08
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redm posted:was aliester crowley a real wizard or just some grabass that liked scaring white middle class americans with ornately produced books about demons and satanic worship L. Ron Hubbard didn't give two shits as long as the suitcases of money kept rolling in.
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Aug 7, 2016 03:08
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Business Gorillas posted:there are four main types of wizards: "Trickster" being code for "wizards with dark complexions"? loving bigot. I watched Chapelle's show, I know what's up.
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Aug 7, 2016 03:12
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I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT WARLOCKS SOMEONE HELP ME
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Aug 7, 2016 03:13
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it's magick with a K get it right noobs
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Aug 7, 2016 03:13
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Tom Gorman posted:I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT WARLOCKS They were pretty tough in the original Dragon Warrior, that's all I know.
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Aug 7, 2016 03:14
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Do necromancers really just wanna bone dead chicks
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Aug 7, 2016 03:20
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What about Zondaar, warp mage elite, master of Time and Space! Do time and space count as elements? This is v. Important, asking for a friend.
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Aug 7, 2016 03:20
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Lemon posted:Do necromancers really just wanna bone dead chicks "Extremely" - (Teal'c voice)
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Aug 7, 2016 03:24
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