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Waci
May 30, 2011

A boy and his dog.
Dildomancer I know you said you wont post your store but how much for one (1) plastic puntl? Complete with acorns, vestigial tentacles, et cetera?

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honda whisperer
Mar 29, 2009

This thread just keeps on giving.

Carth Dookie
Jan 28, 2013

Waci posted:

Dildomancer I know you said you wont post your store but how much for one (1) plastic puntl? Complete with acorns, vestigial tentacles, et cetera?

Don't forget the cock ring. Also from Elise's post, it sounds like it should be on the floppy side.

Waci
May 30, 2011

A boy and his dog.
Not if it has the cock ring!

...

Dildomancer, can you make one with and one without? Start a crowdfunding campaign for it or something.

Elise, you're an international treasure.

Carth Dookie
Jan 28, 2013

Did we cover what shape the bellend should be?

Waci
May 30, 2011

A boy and his dog.
Humanish but more sharp/slender/pointed-like, like their ears?

Mercedes Colomar
Nov 1, 2008

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Dildomancer posted:

I wouldn't feel comfortable sharing my gallery or store, sorry. You guys have all been super welcoming and I appreciate that. I just don't want any Helldumpers going doxx-crazy, harassing my friends, telling my customers the stuff I've been posting here...

Aww, shame. But fair enough on that! I'd legit wanna see though if you'd be willing to share via a PM or email. If not, also understandable!

e - And a legit question. What was the biggest thing you've made? And did you get any feedback?

Mercedes Colomar fucked around with this message at 05:32 on Aug 24, 2016

Carth Dookie
Jan 28, 2013

Waci posted:

Humanish but more sharp/slender/pointed-like, like their ears?

I have an idea but I have to wait until I get home to draw it up/post it

ExecuDork
Feb 25, 2007

We might be fucked, sir.
Fallen Rib

elise the great posted:

First things first: we actually do know what elves called their dicks, because even the glorious JRRT couldn't keep his hands out of his pants.

GODDAM EPIC POST FOLLOWS

I want to beat & batter the 5 button on this thread to death with a Big. Black. Cock. just like that scene in Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels.

HiHo ChiRho
Oct 23, 2010

I want to know more about Elvish dicks and their reproductive habits

Waci
May 30, 2011

A boy and his dog.

Manuel Calavera posted:

Aww, shame. But fair enough on that! I'd legit wanna see though if you'd be willing to share via a PM or email. If not, also understandable!

This.

Also seriously Dildomancer make the elfcock.

Carth Dookie
Jan 28, 2013

Waci posted:

Humanish but more sharp/slender/pointed-like, like their ears?

Thinking about it, it might be the exact opposite. A big ish ball with a flat spot behind the head for the elfgina to pull in with the tentacles.

:cthulhu:

Arsenic Lupin
Apr 12, 2012

This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.


Elise, I can guarantee you will be able to find a fanzine that would be *ecstatic* to publish that. Or just put it up on AO3 yourself.

Loel
Jun 4, 2012

"For the Emperor."

There was a terrible noise.
There was a terrible silence.



HiHo ChiRho posted:

I want to know more about Elvish dicks and their reproductive habits

... Same

elise the great
May 1, 2012

You do not have to be good. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.
I dunno, probably bell-shaped? The meatus is likely to be larger than in humans, since a tentacle's gotta go up there. If there's a depression or groove in the penis for the tentacles to find, it's likely to be at the base, where the "ring" of constriction will be most useful.

Stretchy scrote skin seems to be a function of both cooling and of corollary to vulval/vaginal skin, which has to stretch enough to expel a baby. So you're probably still gonna have the reticulated wrinkly scrotum, and testes as normal, but there might be some other tissue-- similar to the vas deferens, but closer in structure to a lymph node-- which produces or houses the specialized B-cells. So maybe normal-looking testes, but with smooth lymph nodes adjoined. (Though these might just as well be internal, like the prostate.)

If you want to get really, really weird, and assume some correlation between elven and human vaginas, you might posit that a male elf with tentacles strangling his dick isn't likely to thrust a whole lot, so the penis is more likely to operate best as a stationary stimulator with minimal movement than as a ramrod-style plunger. That means it's gonna push hard against the anterior vaginal wall and press deeply into the pre-uterine pelvic region through the smooth muscle anterior to the cervix. We're looking at a fairly upward-curved, long penis that's bulkier near the base, with (once again, assuming human correlation) a pronounced and very sensitive frenulum that can produce adequate sexual stimulation from minimal motion for the male to achieve ejaculation.

Also, gay elves are gonna be waaaaaaaay into rope bondage.

I feel so unclean. The lord will judge me. When I sober up, I will judge me.

Waci
May 30, 2011

A boy and his dog.

elise the great posted:

I feel so unclean. The lord will judge me. When I sober up, I will judge me.

I'm hella judgey and I like you. You're cool and good.


Wrinkly scroteskin on top like the top of an acorn, with with the anticuck node below as the smooth part?

RandomPauI
Nov 24, 2006


Grimey Drawer
I feel horrible asking this question but...

How would you withdraw sperm from the male elf for IVF purposes? Would it be possible to attempt something like that with Middle Earth tech and magic?

elise the great
May 1, 2012

You do not have to be good. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.
Nah man, why do you think the elves were diminished and went away into the West?

And I like Waci's scrotum postulate. For a given value of "like."

Xun
Apr 25, 2010

elise the great posted:

I hope all your girlfriends catch you.

Waci? :ohdear:

Waci
May 30, 2011

A boy and his dog.

elise the great posted:

And I like Waci's scrotum postulate. For a given value of "like."

I feel way more validated by this than I really should. Thank you renowned elf sex expert Elise!

elise the great
May 1, 2012

You do not have to be good. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.
And I, in turn, have been inspired by the almighty Dildomancer, whose rubber chubbers were so awesome that they broke the clandestine international peace of chode-rendery and drove me through drink and out the other side into elf-ballsack crazy.

This thread is amazing. God, the shame I'll feel tomorrow. I kind of regret not owning a silicone sindarin schlong now.

elise the great fucked around with this message at 06:48 on Aug 24, 2016

Carth Dookie
Jan 28, 2013

There's still time. Live your elfdick dreams. Soar on the wings of Great Eagles.

ChickenOfTomorrow
Nov 11, 2012

god damn it, you've got to be kind

elise the great posted:

I kind of regret not owning a silicone siindarin schlong now.

If you participate in any of the SA secret santas ever again, this will come back to haunt you your santa.

Dick Trauma
Nov 30, 2007

God damn it, you've got to be kind.

elise the great posted:

First things first: we actually do know what elves called their dicks, because even the glorious JRRT couldn't keep his hands out of his pants. The poetic term (yes, elves seem to have For human males, this means that you're totally capable of landing a hot lady elf, as long as you don't mind her tentacles crawling up your dick every time you shark her in the rear end while she's asleep, and as long as you don't mind that she can totally cheat on you and in fact might have chosen to gently caress you specifically because she can screw around behind your back without breaking out in a fatal case of hives.

Goldmine is not enough, it belongs in a museum... :dogbutton:

Junpei Hyde
Mar 15, 2013




elise the great posted:

I hope all your girlfriends catch you.

Well yeah, someone has to use the dildo.

The Lone Badger
Sep 24, 2007

Pile of Kittens posted:

Hah! Reminds me of a conversation I had with a supplier at my old work. I worked at a rope factory where we processed hemp rope into nice soft oiled de-fuzzed bondage rope for weirdos like me to tie each other up with. We also spun small amounts of rope from yarn of various materials (mostly rayon and silk). I was given the task, as the most fiber-literate person on staff, to trace a spool of yarn's life back to the supplier and see if they would cut us a deal on larger quantities of it as our retail supply wasn't able to cope with our demand. After three phone calls, I got the number of the people who presumably manufactured this cone of yarn and called them up.

Supplier Rep :haw: : Thanks for calling, how can I help you?
Me :v: : Hey, I have here a cone of [blah blah blah technical stuff] yarn here that I'd like to order more of.
:haw: : Sure, that's one of our products, though it's a special order item, we only make it when we have large enough orders to justify setting up a mill for it.
:v: : Oh, I'm not sure we're going to make a big enough order to justify that, is there a way to piggyback onto another order?
:haw: : Well I guess, technically you could, but each order is different. What did you say your company does?
:v: : We, er, hand produce artisanal rope. Mostly we process hemp rope, but we also use traditional techniques to produce [technical description] rope in small lengths.
:haw: : Alright, well, to better help you find a product in our line that suits your needs, what are the tensile and frictional parameters you're aiming for?
:v: : Uh, no particular tensile requirements, but low friction and high luster are definitely the qualities our customers look for.
:raise: : Umm, (probably at this point becoming nervous about selling yarn to a ropemaker who claims to not care about how strong it is), what is the purpose of the rope?
:v: : Well...
:raise: : Like, what is your customer using it for?
:v: : Well, it's for hobbies mostly.
:raise: : ...hobbies. What kind of hobbies?
:v: : ....adult hobbies.
:raise: : [long pause]
:v: : [more long pause as I wait for him to figure it out]
:hawaaaafap: : I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!
:v: : We actually have several instructional videos on our website which do not contain any nudity, if your questions are about the end users.
:haw: : Hahahahahahaha yeah I guess that wouldn't be very professional of me.
:v: : So you can see why the aesthetic qualities of rayon, like the frictional parameters and the luster, are far more important than the tensile strength, as our users are cautioned to not use our handspun rope for any load-bearing... activities.

That job was so fun. I miss it sometimes.

Are you going to post a thread too? I'm interested in hearing about the ins-and-outs of exactly what specialised ropes and ropelike-materials this involves, and the associated Drama.

Dildomancer
Aug 8, 2016

No sense of right or wrong.
I'll tell you what - I'll make this elf dilz for free if someone gets this account plat and an appropriate custom title. I want to use PMs like a civilized goon... and then yes, I can share some appropriate links with an interested party in private.

I will gather up the appropriate information this weekend and start on the clay sculpture. If anyone wants to do a mock-up in some 3D modeling program, that'll provide us with something to discuss and critique in the meantime. Now who gets the silicone dong itself is an open question. It'd probably go to whoever bought plat and the title. I think Elise deserves one as well.


Waci posted:

Not if it has the cock ring!

...

Dildomancer, can you make one with and one without? Start a crowdfunding campaign for it or something.

Elise, you're an international treasure.

It wouldn't be super hard to do that; I could just revise the model after making the mold and re-mold it. We'd have to wait and see how it goes over to begin with.

Making the whole thing will only cost me $40 or so (and a few hours of my life I'll never get back), so it's hardly worth crowdfunding. There used to be a site just for crowdfunding adult stuff (Offbeatr) but I don't think it's still solvent.


Manuel Calavera posted:

What was the biggest thing you've made? And did you get any feedback?

Biggest by length: a 5' x 1.5" tentacle - customer managed to take at least half; all tentacles made since have been 3' or shorter.
Biggest by width: a 6.1" diameter (over 19" circumference) egg with a robust cord sticking out one end - customer's eyes were bigger than their butt and they regretted their hubris.
Biggest by volume: a huge spiny cock - customer took on the first go and pondered commissioning a bigger one.

Here are some pictures of the three:





Poldarn
Feb 18, 2011

Hey there's like 50 posts in the dildo thread!

elise the great posted:

Elf Dick/ Vajayjay Speculation

Oh my.

I love Lord of the Rings and that was amazing, never stop

chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014


Is that a loving Yoshi egg.

Kurieg
Jul 19, 2012

RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20
:blizz::gamefreak:

chitoryu12 posted:

Is that a loving Yoshi egg.

Hey man, Birdo has needs.

Shadowbag
Jun 1, 2011

When shitposting, it's always important to properly stretch first.
Soiled Meat

Dildomancer posted:

I'll tell you what - I'll make this elf dilz for free if someone gets this account plat and an appropriate custom title. I want to use PMs like a civilized goon... and then yes, I can share some appropriate links with an interested party in private.

Well, that's the second part handled. Maybe some day I'll be smart enough to figure out how to give someone else plat, because apparently I need your email to do that.

White Genocide
Feb 22, 2010

Dildomancer posted:

my mom found out about my hobby and asked for a toy for Christmas.

DroneRiff
May 11, 2009

Dildomancer posted:

I'll tell you what - I'll make this elf dilz for free if someone gets this account plat and an appropriate custom title.

Gift Cert for Plat sent to the email you posted earlier

Pile of Kittens
Apr 23, 2005

Why does everything STILL smell like pussy?

I literally cannot wait for this because I will (Elise willing) get to visit and see it in person and maybe I should build a shrine for it to live in? :ohdear:

RandomPauI
Nov 24, 2006


Grimey Drawer
Would any other lotr races have unusual genitals?

Bhurak
Nov 12, 2007

Playing music in the key of HIP!
Fun Shoe
I'd buy one. I have some nerd birthdays coming up and an elf schlong would win the gift game.

TooMuchAbstraction
Oct 14, 2012

I spent four years making
Waves of Steel
Hell yes I'm going to turn my avatar into an ad for it.
Fun Shoe

RandomPauI posted:

Would any other lotr races have unusual genitals?

Why do you think hobbit feet are so hairy?

Pile of Kittens
Apr 23, 2005

Why does everything STILL smell like pussy?

The Lone Badger posted:

Are you going to post a thread too? I'm interested in hearing about the ins-and-outs of exactly what specialised ropes and ropelike-materials this involves, and the associated Drama.

You'll probably be disappointed but I posted a thread just for you.

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3787752

Cyrano4747
Sep 25, 2006

Yes, I know I'm old, get off my fucking lawn so I can yell at these clouds.

I'm still kind of amazed that this thread hasn't commented more on the fact that he made a dildo for his mom.

I mean moms are people to but holy poo poo it's got to be awkward making a sex toy for yours.

Cyrano4747 fucked around with this message at 19:58 on Aug 24, 2016

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Bhurak
Nov 12, 2007

Playing music in the key of HIP!
Fun Shoe

Cyrano4747 posted:

I'm still kind of amazed that this thread hasn't commented more on the fact that he made a dildo for his mom.

I mean moms are people to but holy poo poo it's got to be awkward making a sex toy for yours.

Something something Appalachia...

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