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Waci
May 30, 2011

A boy and his dog.
This thread is wonderful, Dildomancer and Elise are wonderful, and I hope you keep the molds because you'll need more than one of the puntls.

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Xibanya
Sep 17, 2012




Clever Betty
:shrug: when you're an adult it's not uncommon to acknowledge that your parents are also sexual beings. To freak out about your mom having sex seems like a facet of the whole Madonna/whore thing. Now admittedly what's unusual here is that OP is a man but I've definitely had friends who could share saucy tales with their mothers.

literally a fish
Oct 2, 2014

German officer Johannes Bolter peeks out the hatch of his Tiger I heavy tank during a quiet moment before the Battle of Kursk - c:1943 (colorized)
Slippery Tilde
My mother is the one who gets squicked out when talking about sex, not me :v:

Goons I am sorry to be the one informing you of this but your parents are in fact people and I can almost guarantee they've had sex at least once. Unless you're adopted. Then maybe not. But probably, even then.

It's horrifying, I know :v:

Waci posted:

This thread is wonderful, Dildomancer and Elise are wonderful, and I hope you keep the molds because you'll need more than one of the puntls.

Counting down to the SAMart group buy of elf dildos

Osama Dozen-Dongs
Nov 29, 2014
Wanna get an elf fleshlight with a sounding tentacle right about now.

Xun
Apr 25, 2010

Will buy two elf dildos where do I throw the money

hailthefish
Oct 24, 2010

Doobie's Dong House lookin' good.

Cyrano4747
Sep 25, 2006

Yes, I know I'm old, get off my fucking lawn so I can yell at these clouds.

Xibanya posted:

:shrug: when you're an adult it's not uncommon to acknowledge that your parents are also sexual beings. To freak out about your mom having sex seems like a facet of the whole Madonna/whore thing. Now admittedly what's unusual here is that OP is a man but I've definitely had friends who could share saucy tales with their mothers.

There's a pretty wide space between accepting that your parents are sexual beings and giving them sex toys. Thinking it's a bit odd to give your mom a dildo isn't exactly freaking out about her having sex.

Cyrano4747 fucked around with this message at 21:59 on Aug 24, 2016

Dildomancer
Aug 8, 2016

No sense of right or wrong.

Shadowbag posted:

Well, that's the second part handled. Maybe some day I'll be smart enough to figure out how to give someone else plat, because apparently I need your email to do that.

It's gorgeous, thanks!


DroneRiff posted:

Gift Cert for Plat sent to the email you posted earlier

This one didn't come through, though. Did you send it to khrazxmg@sharklasers.com ? If not, I think you can forward it there. Maybe Guerillamail just sucks. Anyway, thank you! Even if we can't get plat sorted, I'm down for making the toy.


Cyrano4747 posted:

I'm still kind of amazed that this thread hasn't commented more on the fact that he made a dildo for his mom.

I mean moms are people to but holy poo poo it's got to be awkward making a sex toy for yours.

There's a story behind that; I'll tell it in a bit.


For the rest of you, all lookin' for elf dongs when they're done, I'll see what I can do. I don't intend to mass-produce these things, but a dozen or two wouldn't be a big deal. Just make sure to check and double-check the dimensions when the time comes. I've had several customers get their toys in and go, "oh... so THAT's what an eight-inch schlong looks like. I may have underestimated."

DroneRiff
May 11, 2009

Dildomancer posted:

This one didn't come through, though. Did you send it to khrazxmg@sharklasers.com ? If not, I think you can forward it there.

Have forwarded it on and hopefully will get through. Doing my part to help make the elf dicks happen.

Dildomancer
Aug 8, 2016

No sense of right or wrong.

DroneRiff posted:

Have forwarded it on and hopefully will get through. Doing my part to help make the elf dicks happen.

Got it! Thank you again :D

literally a fish
Oct 2, 2014

German officer Johannes Bolter peeks out the hatch of his Tiger I heavy tank during a quiet moment before the Battle of Kursk - c:1943 (colorized)
Slippery Tilde
I don't really mind how big it is as I'd have zero intent of ever actually using it, I just want one to put on a bookshelf so I can tell the story of Elise's magnificent 2000-word elf cock essay when people ask why I have an elf dildo on my bookshelf

chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

Xibanya posted:

:shrug: when you're an adult it's not uncommon to acknowledge that your parents are also sexual beings. To freak out about your mom having sex seems like a facet of the whole Madonna/whore thing. Now admittedly what's unusual here is that OP is a man but I've definitely had friends who could share saucy tales with their mothers.

It's one thing to acknowledge it and another thing to actively help them with it. Unless of course the dildo was just made for fun as a sort of bizarre sculpture.

Carth Dookie
Jan 28, 2013

literally a fish posted:

I don't really mind how big it is as I'd have zero intent of ever actually using it, I just want one to put on a bookshelf so I can tell the story of Elise's magnificent 2000-word elf cock essay when people ask why I have an elf dildo on my bookshelf

:same:

Dildomancer
Aug 8, 2016

No sense of right or wrong.
Ok, so here's the deal with me making a dong for my mom. First off, you need to see the thing, because it's adorable:



My brother was the first in my family to find out about the hobby because we chat and hang out. He later ordered a huge purple glow-in-the-dark dong from me as a gag gift for a yankee swap. He is pretty good at keeping secrets and thank goodness my dad and sister don't know about the hobby because they're uptight, to say the least.

Months later, my mom asked if she could visit my apartment. I did my best to explain why that was not a good idea. Here is an excerpt from the chatlog:

:ohdear: There are naughty things everywhere
:sun: Naughty?
:ohdear: Yup
:sun: such as...
:ohdear: I have a very not-work-safe hobby. Nothing illegal
:sun: and what is that
-Long pause. Note that I am not going to lie to my mom about anything.-
:ohdear: I make custom sex toys
:sun: COOL!!!!!!!

So after a bunch more questions, the conversation was finished and I spent some time pondering the possible effects of my hobby on family reunions.

Christmas was approaching. Every Christmas, in addition to the typical purchased presents, I make handmade gifts for my family: candies, ornaments, photo albums, that kind of thing. Well anyway, my mom IMed me to talk about presents.

:ohdearsass: Your photo book should be getting to me soon, so I can re-ship to you. Sure you don't want anything else?
:sun: one of your handmade toys?
:ohdearsass: oh jeez
:sun: Amazon gift card always good, too. But handmade is my favorite.

I was kind of stunned, so of course I made my embarrassment public and asked Tumblr what I should do. The consensus was, "what are you going to do, refuse to give her what she asked for? Get over it you wuss." So I made the eel pictured above, and she got it along with her photo book. She was very happy with how it turned out.

:sun: Love the eel! I like the way the colors look like real fish skin
:ohdearsass: Yeah, it was fun to make.

CaptainJuan
Oct 15, 2008

Thick. Juicy. Tender.

Imagine cutting into a Barry White Song.
You should have sex with your mom.

Queen_Combat
Jan 15, 2011
I will buy an elf schlong, and print and laminate its lore (Elise's post) to go along with it.

SA:SS is going to be interesting.

Shadowbag
Jun 1, 2011

When shitposting, it's always important to properly stretch first.
Soiled Meat
Who do I throw money at to give Elise an elf dongle and a dramatic reading of her schlong essay? I have too much money and not enough common sense so this sounds like the best idea to me. :downs:

MF_James
May 8, 2008
I CANNOT HANDLE BEING CALLED OUT ON MY DUMBASS OPINIONS ABOUT ANTI-VIRUS AND SECURITY. I REALLY LIKE TO THINK THAT I KNOW THINGS HERE

INSTEAD I AM GOING TO WHINE ABOUT IT IN OTHER THREADS SO MY OPINION CAN FEEL VALIDATED IN AN ECHO CHAMBER I LIKE

Shadowbag posted:

Who do I throw money at to give Elise an elf dongle and a dramatic reading of her schlong essay? I have too much money and not enough common sense so this sounds like the best idea to me. :downs:

hmm I think I'm going to do a drunken recording this weekend, if it turns out decent I'll post for goon review.

Dildomancer
Aug 8, 2016

No sense of right or wrong.

Shadowbag posted:

Who do I throw money at to give Elise an elf dongle and a dramatic reading of her schlong essay? I have too much money and not enough common sense so this sounds like the best idea to me. :downs:

She gets the first one out of the mold for free if she wants it. Gotta figure out what to do about shipping costs. Shipping a typical dong within the US is $5-12 depending on distance. Overseas is $15-25 depending on where it's going.

InternetOfTwinks
Apr 2, 2011

Coming out of my cage and I've been doing just bad
Has anyone ever asked you to make a toy as a vac-u-lock attatchment?

Dildomancer
Aug 8, 2016

No sense of right or wrong.

WombatCyborg posted:

Has anyone ever asked you to make a toy as a vac-u-lock attatchment?

People have asked about it, but nobody has ever commissioned one. It would be very easy: I'd just have to stick the stub into the toy as it cured. Ultimately, though, I don't know whether that would be infringing on a copyright, so I'd be reluctant to do it.

RandomPauI
Nov 24, 2006


Grimey Drawer
Is there a market for horror movie inspired sex toys?

jlechem
Nov 2, 2011

Fun Shoe

Dildomancer posted:

Ok, so here's the deal with me making a dong for my mom. First off, you need to see the thing, because it's adorable:



My brother was the first in my family to find out about the hobby because we chat and hang out. He later ordered a huge purple glow-in-the-dark dong from me as a gag gift for a yankee swap. He is pretty good at keeping secrets and thank goodness my dad and sister don't know about the hobby because they're uptight, to say the least.

Months later, my mom asked if she could visit my apartment. I did my best to explain why that was not a good idea. Here is an excerpt from the chatlog:

:ohdear: There are naughty things everywhere
:sun: Naughty?
:ohdear: Yup
:sun: such as...
:ohdear: I have a very not-work-safe hobby. Nothing illegal
:sun: and what is that
-Long pause. Note that I am not going to lie to my mom about anything.-
:ohdear: I make custom sex toys
:sun: COOL!!!!!!!

So after a bunch more questions, the conversation was finished and I spent some time pondering the possible effects of my hobby on family reunions.

Christmas was approaching. Every Christmas, in addition to the typical purchased presents, I make handmade gifts for my family: candies, ornaments, photo albums, that kind of thing. Well anyway, my mom IMed me to talk about presents.

:ohdearsass: Your photo book should be getting to me soon, so I can re-ship to you. Sure you don't want anything else?
:sun: one of your handmade toys?
:ohdearsass: oh jeez
:sun: Amazon gift card always good, too. But handmade is my favorite.

I was kind of stunned, so of course I made my embarrassment public and asked Tumblr what I should do. The consensus was, "what are you going to do, refuse to give her what she asked for? Get over it you wuss." So I made the eel pictured above, and she got it along with her photo book. She was very happy with how it turned out.

:sun: Love the eel! I like the way the colors look like real fish skin
:ohdearsass: Yeah, it was fun to make.

Best loving post evar :vince:

Bhurak
Nov 12, 2007

Playing music in the key of HIP!
Fun Shoe

Dildomancer posted:

She gets the first one out of the mold for free if she wants it. Gotta figure out what to do about shipping costs. Shipping a typical dong within the US is $5-12 depending on distance. Overseas is $15-25 depending on where it's going.

Shipping is shipping. A fair price for a piece of glory.

Queen_Combat
Jan 15, 2011
Are they flexible enough to fold into a medium flat rate box? Or is it more like parcel select?

elise the great
May 1, 2012

You do not have to be good. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.
I will GLADLY pay shipping for that amount of glory. Heck, if you end up with enough, I'd pay full price for a second as well, because I have a really uptight and proper close friend who thinks the liberties I've taken with the works of Tolkien are borderline criminal, and I'd like to hand him a huge lubed-up topical dong and invite him to go gently caress himself.


(He's not wrong.)

Carth Dookie
Jan 28, 2013

Bhurak posted:

Shipping is shipping. A fair price for a piece of glory.

Agreed. I will purchase a novelty elf dong if the opportunity presents itself.

kaschei
Oct 25, 2005

This is the first I've heard of a dong for tentacle sounding JRRT fetishists.

Deluxe version should have embedded swarovski silmaril.

OwlFancier
Aug 22, 2013

elise the great posted:

My LotR nerd glands require me to question how different elf cock is from a regular fleshtone floppy rubber dilz. DOES IT SPARKLE. VERY IMPORTANT.

Like a normal dick but when erect is always perfectly tangential to the surface of the earth and when it ejaculates the jizz lands in valinor.

Also this is a loving pro thread and you are a pro OP, OP.

Goatse James Bond
Mar 28, 2010


I've made a huge mistake.

elise the great posted:


I thought way the gently caress too much about this. I consulted the LACE about this. gently caress every last one of you for goading me into this nightmare of grisly overanalytic humiliation. I hope all your girlfriends catch you.

Post of the loving (:haw:) month.

Dildomancer
Aug 8, 2016

No sense of right or wrong.
Thanks to everyone who's enjoying the thread! People like you are what makes the hobby worthwhile.

RandomPauI posted:

Is there a market for horror movie inspired sex toys?

Yes! Someone commissioned a cock with a zombie color scheme. Pallid green, streaks of blood. No fully custom horror-themed toys, though. But basically, if it exists, someone would buy a dildo of it.


Geirskogul posted:

Are they flexible enough to fold into a medium flat rate box? Or is it more like parcel select?

The flat rate boxes aren't the right size/shape for dildos. Really flexible ones might be squished down, but I've always found it easier (and often cheaper) just to fold them into a 4", 5", or 6" cube box. You can fit a LOT of dicks into a 6" cube if they're soft silicone.

And pre-empting the inevitable question, the most I've mailed was about a dozen dildos at once. I had to break some bigger boxes apart and make one giant cobbled-together frankenbox wrapped in enough packing tape to give it structural stability. It looked like a dildo-loaded claymore mine ready to launch phallic doom at whoever dared to mishandle it.


kaschei posted:

This is the first I've heard of a dong for tentacle sounding JRRT fetishists.

Deluxe version should have embedded swarovski silmaril.

OH, that reminds me: I have made sounding toys, too. They weren't intended as such, but with enough lube and a suitably intrepid customer... well, I'll leave it at that.

honda whisperer
Mar 29, 2009

Dozen franken box for one customer... Group buy? If it was one customer was it a themed purchase or a sampler?

So many questions.

Fauxtool
Oct 21, 2008

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
You can fit a LOT of dicks into a 6" cube

Dildomancer
Aug 8, 2016

No sense of right or wrong.

honda whisperer posted:

Dozen franken box for one customer... Group buy? If it was one customer was it a themed purchase or a sampler?

So many questions.

It was a single order from a single customer. There is such a thing as a dildo collector, and they don't necessarily use or resell the toys. There are pictures out there of another collector in a bathtub literally filled with toys.

Duck and Cover
Apr 6, 2007

Hmm this dildo thing might be worth reactivating my paypal account for. Beats Overwatch loot boxes... wait a minute Overwatch dildos you'd be rich!

kaschei
Oct 25, 2005

Dildomancer posted:

OH, that reminds me: I have made sounding toys, too. They weren't intended as such, but with enough lube and a suitably intrepid customer... well, I'll leave it at that.
But this would be a, uh, sounding "penetrable" if I read Elise's post correctly? Surely that's a first?

Dildomancer
Aug 8, 2016

No sense of right or wrong.

kaschei posted:

But this would be a, uh, sounding "penetrable" if I read Elise's post correctly? Surely that's a first?

No, though that would be a unique class of toys. I don't think silicone is very good for sounding in general; sounds are typically made of rigid materials like metal. These were just small firmness samples, chunks of silicone about the size of gummi bears.

Queen_Combat
Jan 15, 2011

Fauxtool posted:

You can fit a LOT of dicks into a 6" cube

Please

Faerunner
Dec 31, 2007

elise the great posted:

silicone sindarin schlongs

:allears:

I just today snagged a matched paperback set (Hobbit/LOTR/Silmarillion), and now I find this post. Today has been a glorious day.

I will be eagerly following the protyping of the elftwig'n'berries.

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RandomPauI
Nov 24, 2006


Grimey Drawer
Once you've tapped out the Lord of the Cock Ring market you should capture some of the Walking Dead audience. I'm sure there's a way to pornify the name.

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