Ask me about making horrific silicone fantasy dildos! [NWS]

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Ask me about making horrific silicone fantasy dildos! [NWS]

jetz0r: May 10, 2003; Tomorrow, our nation will sit on the throne of the world. This is not a figment of the imagination, but a fact. Tomorrow we will lead the world, Allah willing.

elise the great posted:

If you want to get really, really weird, and assume some correlation between elven and human vaginas, you might posit that a male elf with tentacles strangling his dick isn't likely to thrust a whole lot, so the penis is more likely to operate best as a stationary stimulator with minimal movement than as a ramrod-style plunger. That means it's gonna push hard against the anterior vaginal wall and press deeply into the pre-uterine pelvic region through the smooth muscle anterior to the cervix. We're looking at a fairly upward-curved, long penis that's bulkier near the base, with (once again, assuming human correlation) a pronounced and very sensitive frenulum that can produce adequate sexual stimulation from minimal motion for the male to achieve ejaculation.

Are you saying that elf dicks have a knot that requires a sounding rod and/or a cockring to work? Cause that's what I'm reading.

# ¿ Aug 26, 2016 05:40

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# ¿ May 6, 2024 06:48

jetz0r: May 10, 2003; Tomorrow, our nation will sit on the throne of the world. This is not a figment of the imagination, but a fact. Tomorrow we will lead the world, Allah willing.

Geirskogul posted:

No, it means they're super sensitive, curved, and longer.

Think about what she's saying, a dick that doesn't move much, that's wider towards the base, and is being held in place by tentacles. A slippery cone or rod can't really be gripped, there needs to be a indent to hold on to. Meaning that you now have a wide portion near the base, with a slimmer section behind it. On a dick that doesn't move during sex? Congrats, you just invented a knot. Any two of those three requirements will lead to the same conclusion. I'd say any of them, but I'm sure some species have come up with cone-dicks to fill their niche's needs.

loving 13 years, and this. This is my worst post.

# ¿ Aug 26, 2016 06:56

jetz0r: May 10, 2003; Tomorrow, our nation will sit on the throne of the world. This is not a figment of the imagination, but a fact. Tomorrow we will lead the world, Allah willing.

Geirskogul posted:

Our ideas aren't mutually exclusive.

Not at all exclusive. I was just pointing out that the requirements from each side point towards a shape that's already in use to deal with similar problems.

# ¿ Aug 26, 2016 07:04

jetz0r: May 10, 2003; Tomorrow, our nation will sit on the throne of the world. This is not a figment of the imagination, but a fact. Tomorrow we will lead the world, Allah willing.

BirdOfPlay posted:

I know this is severely off topic of ordering elf ding-dongs, but have you made toys with cumtubes? Did you ever have any that, well, just didn't make sense to have one? Like, I don't know, a beer bottle?

Check the Vimeo account, there's a video on making jizz tubes.

Dildomancer posted:

For those who are curious, here is how I did the colors:
1) Mix together 150cc Part A, 150cc Part B in bowl 1.
2) Pour 2/3 of the mixed silicone into 2 mixing bowls (bowls 2 and 3).
3) Stir silver mica (silver) into bowl 1. Degas in vacuum chamber A.
4) Stir golden glow mica (very pale gold) into bowl 2. Degas in vacuum chamber B.
5) Take bowl 1 out of vacuum chamber A. Pour 3/4 into tip of mold.
6) Stir sun gold mica (light gold) into bowl 3. Degas in vacuum chamber A.
7) Take bowl 2 out of vacuum chamber B. Pour remaining silver silicone from bowl 1 into bowl 2. Degas bowl 2 again in vacuum chamber B.
8) Mix together 150cc Part A, 150cc Part B in bowl 4.
9) Pour 2/3 of the mixed silicone into 2 mixing bowls (bowls 5 and 6).
10) Take bowl 2 out of vacuum chamber B. Pour 3/4 into mold.
11) Stir gold nugget mica (gold) into bowl 4. Degas in vacuum chamber B.
12) Take bowl 3 out of vacuum chamber A. Pour remaining very pale gold silicone from bowl 2 into bowl 3. Degas bowl 3 again in vacuum chamber A.
13) Take bowl 3 out of vacuum chamber A. Pour 3/4 into mold.
14) Stir tangerine mica (golden orange) into bowl 5. Degas in vacuum chamber A.
15) Take bowl 4 out of vacuum chamber B. Pour remaining light gold silicone from bowl 3 into bowl 4. Degas bowl 4 again in vacuum chamber B.
16) Take bowl 4 out of vacuum chamber B. Pour 3/4 into mold.
17) Stir copper mica (copper) into bowl 6. Degas in vacuum chamber B.
18) Take bowl 5 out of vacuum chamber A. Pour remaining gold silicone from bowl 4 into bowl 5. Degas bowl 5 again in vacuum chamber A.
19) Take bowl 5 out of vacuum chamber A. Pour 3/4 into mold.
20) Take bowl 6 out of vacuum chamber B. Pour remaining tangerine silicone from bowl 5 into bowl 6. Degas bowl 6 again in vacuum chamber B.
21) Take bowl 6 out of vacuum chamber B. Pour until the mold is full.
22) Remaining silicone in bowl 6 gets dumped into the fish-shaped candy molds for firmness samples.
23) Go take a shower to get the goddamn sparkles off.

Can I just say, please charge more than $20 for these?

# ¿ Aug 31, 2016 08:43

jetz0r: May 10, 2003; Tomorrow, our nation will sit on the throne of the world. This is not a figment of the imagination, but a fact. Tomorrow we will lead the world, Allah willing.

Carth Dookie posted:

Dare you to just whip it out for a catheter insertion demo for one of your preceptees

But it doesn't have a jizz tube! Don't tear the silicone!
https://vimeo.com/176943671

elise the great posted:

My god, it's like everything has led to this outcome. Things that go up urethras? Weird-shaped dongs? My complete inability to talk about LotR without being possessed by demons and spewing filth into the internet?

THIS WAS MEANT TO BE.

As foretold by the prophecies.

# ¿ Sep 2, 2016 01:51

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# ¿ May 6, 2024 06:48

jetz0r: May 10, 2003; Tomorrow, our nation will sit on the throne of the world. This is not a figment of the imagination, but a fact. Tomorrow we will lead the world, Allah willing.

Dildomancer posted:

If anyone wants one of their fish (or just some random ones of any color), I'll gladly include it with their puntl for $2. I will have a bunch of leftovers for anyone who wants to buy an arbitrary number for $2 apiece.

Don't ask me what to do with the fish. I don't care what you do with the fish. They are not intended to be toys, and you can stick them to mirrors or walls or just bring them to work to squeeze. Every time I sold them, someone asked what to do with the fish, and then someone inevitably told them to put the fish up their butt. These are not butt fish. If you do put them in your butt, do not tell me. I do NOT want to know what you do with the fish.

Is this silicon heat resistant? Could someone use these ~~dicks~~fish to grab hot items, or to place pots on?

Could you make an edward penishands oven mitt?

# ¿ Sep 6, 2016 21:55

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Ask me about making horrific silicone fantasy dildos! [NWS]