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One day, I came in to work to find the women's bathroom literally cordoned off with police tape. I'd been off the day before and had no idea what had happened, and none of my coworkers would tell me. They just gave me a weird look and said something about blood, then scurried off to get back to work. Turned out some girl had attempted suicide in the parking lot, then stumbled into the store and bled all over the walls, floor, sink and toilet. They had to keep the place locked off as a crime scene for a couple of days, then get a biohazard cleanup kit from corporate to get rid of it. Seriously hosed. I hope that poor girl got help; sounded like the ambulance got there and she survived.
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Aug 10, 2016 18:56
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Nah, we just have two bathrooms like you would have in a regular house here, so you're always in there alone. Plus the cleaning lady keeps them really nice and clean. She did bring in those scentsy things once to try and help it smell better after we drop deuces, but that was an exercise in futility
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Aug 10, 2016 19:01
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at a old job i was once regaled with a tale about someone who had decorated one of the female employees bathrooms with their own fecal matter (and also used it like lipstick to write something on the mirror as well)...nobody was 100% sure who it was but i was told that it was a trademark act of vengeance done by very angry and slightly unhinged Brazilian girls and since a large percentage of the female employees at the time were Brazilian girls nobody ever determined who did it. despite this i do miss working with Brazilian girls however, just a shame about all their family bullshit and catholicism
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Aug 10, 2016 21:02
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Hector Beerlioz posted:Quote this if you've ever jerked off at work
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Aug 10, 2016 21:08
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Went to the bathroom earlier in my corporate office building and someone had covered the seat more thoroughly in piss than I've ever seen, it was like that scene in Jojo's where Old Joe plays the whiskey surface tension game with D'Arby the Gambler, just a perfect layer of piss held to the surface of seat by surface tension, even in corporate people are loving animals
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Aug 10, 2016 21:37
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One time a guy let loose the loudest, longest, wettest shart I've ever heard and someone washing their hands started singing "We're in the money" and everyone laughed. Also apparently girls don't take dumps in public restrooms.
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Aug 10, 2016 22:29
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Millie posted:I've seen people do that and it grosses me out so bad. I'm also grossed out by people who take their phones into the work restrooms and call people or watch videos. Nasty. I don't take my phone in the restroom. I used to know someone who would bring his 3DS into the toilet and play and poo poo every day at work for a minimum of two hours.  Gross Also FYI this man was in his 30's.
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Aug 10, 2016 22:38
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So I have a tendency to use the handicapped bathrooms because they are usually really clean, probably because most people think that they're like parking spaces that you're not supposed to use. The bathroom in the computer center at university only had a few stalls and was usually full even with not very many people in the center. And at least one of the stalls always had a clogged mess of poo poo and blood in it. Anyway, one day that handicapped stall had the worst I've ever seen in a bathroom. poo poo all over the seat, in the toilet, on the floor, the walls, the door. Everything. Like jfc what happened. I never ever used that stall ever again.
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Aug 10, 2016 22:43
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thathonkey posted:what the gently caress is this business about dicks being at the wrong angle ... you can move it to whatever angle you want with your hand A fat person does not have enough space to put their hand inside the bowl and also I dont want to put my hand inside the bowl because theres probably Real Gross poo poo living up on the underside of the bowl lid. A guy with a like legit micropenis would probably have no choice but to wad up TP or just hold it until he stood up bradzilla posted:Where else can you poo poo with the door open? Not at home because theres a dog
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Aug 10, 2016 22:46
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Trojan.exe posted:So I have a tendency to use the handicapped bathrooms because they are usually really clean, probably because most people think that they're like parking spaces that you're not supposed to use. I never use handicap stalls because i have a strong fear and distaste for the handicaped. I assume their bathroom practices are as twisted and warped as their broken bodies and I dont want to be exposed to their fluids and juices and who knows what else that leaks out of their various deformed holes and gets sprayed around as they writhe and spasm their way through a bowel movement. \ This is the same reason i dont post in GBS
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Aug 10, 2016 22:51
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I've seen boss dick in the bathroom, ama. not like intentionally, no homo, I mean inadvertent disclosure + a timely clawback
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Aug 10, 2016 23:06
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Bold Robot posted:I've seen boss dick in the bathroom, ama. Should have got a good look so if he was smaller than you, you could always have the upper hand in your dealings with him. Unless he was bigger, then lol, owned.
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Aug 10, 2016 23:14
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If only there was a youtube channel dedicated to restroom reviews
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Aug 11, 2016 00:01
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I worked auto-parts retail for a few years and our location was in a strip mall downtown. We were backed up to a low-cost-housing neighborhood and had quite a few drunks that lingered around or walked by a few times every day, and there were two in particular that on more than one occasion strolled in early morning, still half-lit and proceeded back to the bathroom to disappear for twenty minutes. And every time they left there was poo poo somewhere it didn't belong. One time we found a fully-loaded pair of tighty-whiteys just chillin' in the trash can. Another time one of them actually somehow managed to leave a poo poo-trail from the front door to the bathroom.
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Aug 11, 2016 00:02
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Wamdoodle posted:Should have got a good look so if he was smaller than you, you could always have the upper hand in your dealings with him. Unless he was bigger, then lol, owned. "With a dick like that, it's no wonder you couldn't close the Jenkins account."
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Aug 11, 2016 00:05
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Worked in a 85% female/15% male environment. Shitters/sinks shut down for a day. Corporate memo then shortly went out instructing not to flush sanitary stuff down the johns. Learned something that day, guess plumbers refer to them as mice. Along with the usual poo poo in weird places thing, the longest running problem was the micro penis guy who somehow would leave the Exxon Valdez of piss in front of the urinal. Problem is once laid, it would manifest itself. By 3pm guys were trying to take a whizz from 6 feet away so they didn't have to step in it...while just adding to the problem with their haphazard piss arcs from world record distances. Turned into a Sherlock Holmes investigation and somehow after a year it went away. Colostomy Bag fucked around with this message at 00:25 on Aug 11, 2016 |
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Aug 11, 2016 00:18
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C-Bangin' it 
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gamingCaffeinator posted:One day, I came in to work to find the women's bathroom literally cordoned off with police tape. I'd been off the day before and had no idea what had happened, and none of my coworkers would tell me. They just gave me a weird look and said something about blood, then scurried off to get back to work. Did she try to kill hersef and then realize that she'd Poop when she died and then went to go use the toilet before she poo her pant?
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Aug 11, 2016 00:43
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8 track betamax posted:If only there was a youtube channel dedicated to restroom reviews If only....
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Aug 11, 2016 00:48
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Captain Yossarian posted:If only.... I'll make the website
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Aug 11, 2016 00:51
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Somebody post the tossed salad man story about making GBS threads on the clogged McDonald's toilet
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Aug 11, 2016 00:58
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Saw one of the onsite maintenance guys bitching to himself and went over to see what was up. He was angry because one of the toilets in the women's room was clogged so badly he was having to rip the entire thing out to get at whatever was causing the issue. It's the most heavily used restroom on site, and also pretty old and disgusting. Later, he gleefully told me what caused the clog - a plastic proximity I.D. card from one of the H.R. girls. He was courteous enough to return it to her at her desk with what I'm sure was the world's biggest shiteating grin.
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Aug 11, 2016 00:59
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I've never seen poop on the floor but there's plenty of weird behavior in the toilets at my office. People will smash open the cubicle doors like they're participating in a poice raid then proceed to violently rip their pants down and start taking a poo poo while moaning and groaning like they're getting hosed. It's pretty off-putting. It's not uncommon to go into a cubicle and see the toilet stuffed with wadded up toilet paper but never any poo poo. I don't know what the aim of that is. People will rearrange the toilet paper rolls in the dispenser by pulling out the half-used roll and replacing it with a full roll. This results in a pile of half-used rolls sitting on the back of the toilet. Again, not sure what the purpose of this is. Then there's the normal stuff like guys carrying on full conversations while pissing, paper towel being thrown on the floor instead of in the bin, taps left running for no apparent reason. People are gross pigs and just don't give a poo poo about a space if it's not their own.
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Aug 11, 2016 02:09
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cyberia posted:People are gross pigs and just don't give a poo poo about a space if it's not their own. I do this stuff in my owm home, ama
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Aug 11, 2016 02:17
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I wonder what the shitters are like at Google.
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Aug 11, 2016 02:20
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the one morbidly obese co-worker who you basically never want to go to the bathroom for half an hour after he's been there, otherwise everythign is pretty normal
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Aug 11, 2016 02:23
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cyberia posted:I've never seen poop on the floor but there's plenty of weird behavior in the toilets at my office. People will smash open the cubicle doors like they're participating in a poice raid then proceed to violently rip their pants down and start taking a poo poo while moaning and groaning like they're getting hosed. It's pretty off-putting. i did the 'open the bathroom door like the US marshalls' a couple weeks ago because the previous 5 bathrooms on my way outside for lunch that i passed were either occupied or being cleaned, the sixth was occupied and locked but did not have lock turned that shows it as being 'occupied' which indicates the presence of a moron, so i went up to bathroom #7 right next to it which appeared to be free - so now with the urgent need to take a piss and plus now being aggravated by that point both being amplified by my doubled up dose of my daily dextroamphetamine regiment I turned the handle and charged into the door hard enough to make that whoosing sound from the air pressure generated only to find a 3 ft tall black boy peeing into the toilet...then i really lost my poo poo and scolded him on my way out and i think i called him a fuckin idiot as well. im guessing it was mom in the adjacent bathroom since stupidity and lack of manner and common sense typically run in the family (plus the obv lack of any father figure present). even the retarded ppl in middle school would lock the stall door shut, that is when they werent using in the urinal with their pants down to their ankles https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLUh70zp0LE Mariana Horchata fucked around with this message at 03:02 on Aug 11, 2016 |
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Aug 11, 2016 02:26
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shovelbum posted:I wonder what the shitters are like at Google. That's what the ballpits are for
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Aug 11, 2016 02:27
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protip: if you want to take a mega poo poo , eat some drat Casey's breakfast pizza
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Aug 11, 2016 02:29
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Harald posted:protip: if you want to take a mega poo poo , eat some drat Casey's breakfast pizza I was at first surprised and revolted by the concept of breakfast pizza, but then I remembered that most goons live in America.
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Aug 11, 2016 02:38
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Harald posted:protip: if you want to take a mega poo poo , eat some drat Casey's breakfast pizza as someone who thinks breakfast burritos are a disgrace to the idea of a burrito im not even gonna GIS that bullshit...not that i dont believe what u said at all tho, in fact it prob gives u that xtra special kinda of savage diarrhea that on the onside of the bathroom sounds like someone dumping a 5 gallon bucket full of water into the toilet and smells like a burning fertilizer plant shovelbum posted:I wonder what the shitters are like at Google. prob like the compound where i work - constantly being cleaned throughout the day due to the constant cycle of slobs which results in a constant scarcity for places to relieve urself unless its early or late in the day (and if it's coffee enema o'clock fogggetaboutit, even if the bathroom is open u dont want to be inside - esp since they are all unisex and the place is filled with ppl of all types and ages, its practically like russian roulette). keep in mind there are two bathrooms our of own inside the office but i cant do drugs inside of them and plus thats where all the developers go and theres always piss sidespray all over the floor another bathroom confession: im that person who throws the paper tower on the floor because i always use the one i dried my hands with to turn the handle as i push the door open with my foot on the way out and then i turn around and toss the towel in the wastebasket which i often miss depending on where it is situated...idc tho because i still wash my hands after using the toilet like a civilized first world adult human is expected to do after being potty trained as a toddler also i love seeing fast food bags and other food containers/wrappers in the wastebasket of the bathrooms almost everyday, i guess fuckin ppl just cant wait to shovel hot garbage back in as they are simulataneously propelling it out of their bowels. goddamn people. i have no idea how the zoos stay in business and ppl keep paying to get in when they are actually already living inside of one Mariana Horchata fucked around with this message at 02:58 on Aug 11, 2016 |
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Aug 11, 2016 02:40
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As a guy I don't usually wash my hands after taking a piss because I don't tend to pee on myself, and my dick is quite clean. You can have a taste of it if you don't believe me.  People that don't wash their hands after taking a poo poo should be taken outside and shot, though.
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Aug 11, 2016 03:01
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Lol just lol if you don't pee on yeself
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Aug 11, 2016 03:04
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Not workplace, but dorm restroom. About 20 years ago, my dorm room was on a floor with a lot of south Asian dudes (exchange program with Malaysia). For some reason, locking the door on the stall was not a thing that any of the exchange guys did. Every drat morning, I'd look under the stall door and then try to push it open. It would slam back at me and there would be yelling on the other side. There were always footprints on the toilet seats and an absurd amount of over-spray; both yellow and brown. If they used the urinal, they would never flush. I'll never understand it. The ethnic Malay guys had no problem using the toilet like normal people, the Indian Malaysian guys never did the squat toilet thing, but the Chinese Malaysian guys always made a mess. It was weird.
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Aug 11, 2016 03:04
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Wamdoodle posted:Should have got a good look so if he was smaller than you, you could always have the upper hand in your dealings with him. Unless he was bigger, then lol, owned. I opened the stall and he was making GBS threads and had forgotten to lock the door, his dick was between his legs so I couldn't really tell how long it was. Didn't look like anything special. I didn't like dick gawk but yeah now you got me thinking I shoulda whipped it out and crossed swords for dominance. mostlygray posted:If they used the urinal, they would never flush. I'll never understand it. If it's yellow let it mellow dude.
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Aug 11, 2016 03:51
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DoctorCatapult posted:I'll make the website I'll make the poop
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Aug 11, 2016 04:09
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I worked a second job at a corrugated paper plant for a few years as a customer service rep. If you ever want to hear some of the finest reenactments of the Turbolax scene from Dumb and Dumber, take a poo poo at a corrugated plant in August when it's 120°F at the machine and everyone on the floor has explosive diarrhea. You just make sure you poo poo just after the janitor cleans the stalls or everything is covered in poo poo. I almost got fired in high school after cleaning the restrooms at McDonald's the night before. I did a great job cleaning, but another co-worker and I decided that we should place folded ketchup packets under the toilet seat. The next morning, a customer who had stopped in for breakfast had to use the restroom. When he sat down, his pants were sprayed with ketchup and he complained until they paid for dry cleaning. The first school I taught at had a kid known as the Mad Shitter amongst faculty for a few months. The kid was painting murals on the stall walls with his own feces. I just missed him once as he was feverishly washing his hands in the restroom (that also featured fresh artwork) and he was finally caught brown-handed a couple weeks later. Oddly enough, he was already banned from other area schools and had to go back to a boys home. The school system I've been at for the last 15 years also had a poop artist for awhile and a kid got expelled for getting blown by a girl in the restroom and was hailed as king poo poo by other students for a few days after he returned the following year.
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Aug 11, 2016 04:41
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Dirk Squarejaw posted:I worked a second job at a corrugated paper plant for a few years as a customer service rep. If you ever want to hear some of the finest reenactments of the Turbolax scene from Dumb and Dumber, take a poo poo at a corrugated plant in August when it's 120°F at the machine and everyone on the floor has explosive diarrhea. You just make sure you poo poo just after the janitor cleans the stalls or everything is covered in poo poo. wait so was king poo poo both the poop artist and the recipient of the bathroom blowjob? the ketchup packet thing sounds like a really great idea btw 
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Aug 11, 2016 05:47
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Bold Robot posted:I opened the stall and he was making GBS threads and had forgotten to lock the door, his dick was between his legs so I couldn't really tell how long it was. Didn't look like anything special. I didn't like dick gawk but yeah now you got me thinking I shoulda whipped it out and crossed swords for dominance. It's all good. File that info away for next time.
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Aug 11, 2016 05:57
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I dont like my new office cause its just got one joint bathroom for the whole top floor and its just one urinal and one toilet and I swear every guy upstairs is on the same poop cycle so like it hits around 1030 and you gotta go and there is always someone else in there. i think its like when chicks live together and all get on the same menstrual cycle maybe guys all work otgether and get on the same dook cycle 
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Aug 11, 2016 06:32
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Gently KRS posted:Work poster spotted Guilty
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