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The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Dragon Megathread (original research)
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Hemingway To Go!
Nov 10, 2008

im stupider then dog shit, i dont give a shit, and i dont give a fuck, and i will never shut the fuck up, and i'll always Respect my enemys.
- ernest hemingway

is this what you're talking about

* # ? Aug 14, 2016 06:34
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# ? May 3, 2024 07:15
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Cymoril
Jul 1, 2005

Kittens Warm the World
Dinosaur Gum
I just finished a terrible novel where a fat dragon the size of a dachshund was bioengineered. I could get behind that.

* # ? Aug 14, 2016 12:04
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DrowningInDreams
Mar 13, 2009

Dilettante lizard

Acne Rain posted:


is this what you're talking about

I am going to make a game called Drag-Car Racing 2372 ADEARJGH one day, which will be a hyper realistic game about team-based racing with dragons and extremely light, specialized cars that can be lifted by dragons and thrown using momentum and angular momentum. It will probably be my 7th or 8th game. It will include a generic racing mode and also a plot mode, in which all of your stupid decisions are narrativized and you have to experience the consequences as a character in the broader world. For instance, if you pinball off of someone and send them flying over a cliff, then people get really upset with you but your character says "I thought I could have made that turn. I thought I could have made it." and they accept this (once), but if you just drive directly head-on into someone and knock them off a cliff your character reveals that they're epileptic and just didn't want to give up racing, and is barred from the game and faces consequences.

* # ? Aug 14, 2016 13:09
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DrowningInDreams
Mar 13, 2009

Dilettante lizard







MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE MAMMON SHALL RULE

* # ? Aug 14, 2016 14:48
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Skypizza
Dec 19, 2015

Geek
80 years from now a kid will make the same exact thread about Pandas and Rhinos.

* # ? Aug 14, 2016 15:30
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Fur20
Nov 14, 2007

すご▞い！
君は働か░い
フ▙▓ズなんだね！

Skypizza posted:

80 years from now a kid will make the same exact thread about Pandas and Rhinos.

imagine if your fursona was a panda... too lazy to gently caress, too lazy to live

* # ? Aug 14, 2016 15:54
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Skypizza
Dec 19, 2015

Geek
What the gently caress is a fursona

* # ? Aug 14, 2016 16:12
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Nathilus
Apr 4, 2002

I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

Skypizza posted:

What the gently caress is a fursona

Awww. How loving darling <3

* # ? Aug 14, 2016 16:13
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Dinosaurmageddon
Jul 7, 2007

by zen death robot
Hell Gem

DrowningInDreams posted:

MAMMON SHALL RULE

DrowningInDreams posted:

MAMMON SHALL RULE

DrowningInDreams posted:

MAMMON SHALL RULE

DrowningInDreams posted:

MAMMON SHALL RULE

DrowningInDreams posted:

MAMMON SHALL RULE

DrowningInDreams posted:

MAMMON SHALL RU-

DrowningInDreams posted:

MAMMON SHALL- - -!

DrowningInDreams posted:

SUMMON LAVOS


NOW LAVOS SHALL RULE
* # ? Aug 14, 2016 22:31
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DrowningInDreams
Mar 13, 2009

Dilettante lizard

Skypizza posted:

What the gently caress is a fursona

What is a furry? A second-hand and second-rate appropriator.

* # ? Aug 14, 2016 23:36
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Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

DrowningInDreams posted:

Sorry. I am bad at judging what people want. And I am also, let's say, quite a bit narcissistic, in the most grotesque way; that I use the repulsion of others to affirm my image of myself. And I am the worst sort of liar, since I use the confusion of others to conceal my honesty, in that way managing to confess constantly of my sins without ever being held accountable for them. And so I tease you all, and I try to bait you into going further down the path, because of course greater and greater extremes are needed to get the same rush, to the point that I have prostituted my daemon herself at times. In fact, it is precisely this I have been trying to bait you into, in offering to recount my dreams and daemonic experiences. I must say that I am actually somewhat jealous of this Terra Malatora fellow, because this deformed, fetal outburst of his inner life that he had was murdered brutally; it at once became both dead and synonymous with him. It gained this dreadful fixity, so that now the name Terra Malatora forever means something pathetic and malformed. He will never have the burden of having to grow again, or for that matter to live again. His garden grew weeds and so it was salted and will never grow anything again. And I don't know why I lust for this, or what fear it is that drives me towards it, only I suspect some of it lives in the attitude of the Man from Underground of Dostoyevski:
- The man from underground

that I have encountered my Thelemic or Stoic or otherwise mystical "true will", my portion in God, and thus gained a certain fixity; but why does this fixity terrify me while the fixity of death and decay, of absolute ignominy does not, but rather strikes me as release? Perhaps it is a matter of getting the pain over with. You know the Zoroastrians believed that in death, one had to walk a literal narrow path, and that if one fell off, they would go into hell. And now that path is before me, and I yearn to fall into hell just to be rid of that dreadful stress of walking the path, so I come before you, you who turn lunatics into farcical martyrs, a kind of funhouse mirror distortion of martyrdom; I come before you and stealthily try to lay everything out, to set the stage, to bait you into coming along with me and destroying me, destroying me utterly. For if Lot had said to the men who came to rape the angels "Yes, I have them here, come in and know them", his sin would have exceeded all of Sodom's. In fact even in the time of Christ, in the time of forgiveness, such a sin couldn't possibly have been forgiven. And so it is the perfect thing for falling, for getting the fear and anxiety over with and done, for it must be suspected that even in heaven the anxiety doesn't end, as the rebellious angels were cast out of heaven for transgressing.

But perhaps I will start with this, since you have not taken the bait. It is a series of moral exhortations that came into my mind prior to my encounter with my daemon. Since it preceded her, it is still before the threshold to post, yet it bears undoubtedly a gleefully damning resemblance to the insipid code of Terra Malatora, insofar as it came similarly out of nothing, as it were. Yes it is all nonsense. Here, take it. I don't even follow it. I spite my daemon my daemon by not following it. Now let me be damned, and if not for this, then come forward and push me off this bridge, because I will not fight. It will not take much at all to send me into the pit.

did not read a word of that

* # ? Aug 14, 2016 23:48
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DrowningInDreams
Mar 13, 2009

Dilettante lizard

Mumpy Puffinz posted:

did not read a word of that

Then I take it you won't be interested in either of the two novellas I've written.

* # ? Aug 14, 2016 23:51
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Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

DrowningInDreams posted:

Then I take it you won't be interested in either of the two novellas I've written.

nope

* # ? Aug 14, 2016 23:51
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DrowningInDreams
Mar 13, 2009

Dilettante lizard

Mumpy Puffinz posted:

nope

I will pray to the dragons for your soul.

* # ? Aug 14, 2016 23:52
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Dinosaurmageddon
Jul 7, 2007

by zen death robot
Hell Gem

Skypizza posted:

What the gently caress is a fursona

DINNER
:getin:

* # ? Aug 14, 2016 23:55
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DrowningInDreams
Mar 13, 2009

Dilettante lizard
One of you has betrayed me. One of you has taken my gold.

* # ? Aug 14, 2016 23:58
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Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

DrowningInDreams posted:

I will pray to the dragons for your soul.

man, I don't want to read about a dragon. That's what everyone wrights about

* # ? Aug 14, 2016 23:59
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DrowningInDreams
Mar 13, 2009

Dilettante lizard

Mumpy Puffinz posted:

man, I don't want to read about a dragon. That's what everyone writes about

Novel 1: A novelization of a series of four dreams about an evil Scythian Enaree who travels between worlds leaving carnage in her wake, fueled by the blood of dragons. Written in two days.
Novel 2: A slightly fictionalized account of my life as a mentally ill 240lbs transsexual who thinks they're a dragon. Written in four days.

I realize now that turning the angel over with the notion of having them raped is of course grotesque; but that an angel can handle themselves, hence why the angels in the story of Sodom and Gomorrah initially wanted to stay in public and not even accompany Lot back to his house in the first place. And now that my GOLD HAS BEEN STOLEN, I have no reason not to inflict such things on you.

* # ? Aug 15, 2016 00:06
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Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

DrowningInDreams posted:

Novel 1: A novelization of a series of four dreams about an evil Scythian Enaree who travels between worlds leaving carnage in her wake, fueled by the blood of dragons. Written in two days.
Novel 2: A slightly fictionalized account of my life as a mentally ill 240lbs transsexual who thinks they're a dragon. Written in four days.

I realize now that turning the angel over with the notion of having them raped is of course grotesque; but that an angel can handle themselves, hence why the angels in the story of Sodom and Gomorrah initially wanted to stay in public and not even accompany Lot back to his house in the first place. And now that my GOLD HAS BEEN STOLEN, I have no reason not to inflict such things on you.

what the gently caress is wrong with you?

* # ? Aug 15, 2016 00:09
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DrowningInDreams
Mar 13, 2009

Dilettante lizard

quote:

Then Moses said, “I pray You, show me Your glory!” And He said, “I Myself will make all My goodness pass before you, and will proclaim the name of the LORD before you; and I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will show compassion on whom I will show compassion.” But He said, “You cannot see My face, for no man can see Me and live!” Then the LORD said, “Behold, there is a place by Me, and you shall stand there on the rock; and it will come about, while My glory is passing by, that I will put you in the cleft of the rock and cover you with My hand until I have passed by. “Then I will take My hand away and you shall see My back, but My face shall not be seen.”
- Bible

If you go blind, experience extreme discomfort, throw up, find yourself screaming repeatedly, or otherwise experience bad effects while reading my work; THIS IS THE WRATH OF GOD, WHO YOU HAVE GLIMPSED TOO GREAT A PORTION OF.

* # ? Aug 15, 2016 00:10
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Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

DrowningInDreams posted:

- Bible

If you go blind, experience extreme discomfort, throw up, find yourself screaming repeatedly, or otherwise experience bad effects while reading my work; THIS IS THE WRATH OF GOD, WHO YOU HAVE GLIMPSED TOO GREAT A PORTION OF.


Mumpy Puffinz posted:

what the gently caress is wrong with you?
* # ? Aug 15, 2016 00:11
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Three-Phase
Aug 5, 2006

by zen death robot

DrowningInDreams posted:

Novel 1: A novelization of a series of four dreams about an evil Scythian Enaree who travels between worlds leaving carnage in her wake, fueled by the blood of dragons. Written in two days.
Novel 2: A slightly fictionalized account of my life as a mentally ill 240lbs transsexual who thinks they're a dragon. Written in four days.

Well at least they both sound much better than "Ethan Frome".

* # ? Aug 15, 2016 00:12
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DrowningInDreams
Mar 13, 2009

Dilettante lizard

Mumpy Puffinz posted:

what the gently caress is wrong with you?

Get the gently caress out of my thread

Three-Phase posted:

Well at least they both sound much better than "Ethan Frome".

Thank you

* # ? Aug 15, 2016 00:13
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Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost
no

* # ? Aug 15, 2016 00:16
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Lux Anima
Apr 17, 2016


Dinosaur Gum

DrowningInDreams posted:

my life as a mentally ill 240lbs transsexual who thinks they're a dragon

so you DO jizz in the cup

* # ? Aug 15, 2016 00:47
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Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

Prince of Space posted:

so you DO jizz in the cup

lol

* # ? Aug 15, 2016 00:49
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DrowningInDreams
Mar 13, 2009

Dilettante lizard
I do not.

* # ? Aug 15, 2016 00:57
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Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

DrowningInDreams posted:

I do not.

we should break some things, kid

* # ? Aug 15, 2016 01:01
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Hogge Wild
Aug 21, 2012

by FactsAreUseless
Pillbug

DrowningInDreams posted:

quote:

Then Moses said, “I pray You, show me Your glory!” And He said, “I Myself will make all My goodness pass before you, and will proclaim the name of the LORD before you; and I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will show compassion on whom I will show compassion.” But He said, “You cannot see My face, for no man can see Me and live!” Then the LORD said, “Behold, there is a place by Me, and you shall stand there on the rock; and it will come about, while My glory is passing by, that I will put you in the cleft of the rock and cover you with My hand until I have passed by. “Then I will take My hand away and you shall see My back, but My face shall not be seen.”
- Bible

If you go blind, experience extreme discomfort, throw up, find yourself screaming repeatedly, or otherwise experience bad effects while reading my work; THIS IS THE WRATH OF GOD, WHO YOU HAVE GLIMPSED TOO GREAT A PORTION OF.

wat

did god goatse moses?

* # ? Aug 15, 2016 01:02
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DrowningInDreams
Mar 13, 2009

Dilettante lizard

Mumpy Puffinz posted:

we should break some things, kid

I want to break people and I have perfectly good guns for it, but I'm bound by oath not to.

* # ? Aug 15, 2016 01:04
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Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

DrowningInDreams posted:

I want to break people and I have perfectly good guns for it, but I'm bound by oath not to.

then we should go to the shooting range.
Pretty sure they have people shaped targets

* # ? Aug 15, 2016 01:05
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DrowningInDreams
Mar 13, 2009

Dilettante lizard

Mumpy Puffinz posted:

then we should go to the shooting range.
Pretty sure they have people shaped targets

I don't want to simulate hurting people, I want to actually hurt people. And technically, there's nothing preventing me from doing everything up to murdering someone as long as I stop before then, so at any time I could take my P238 and shoot someone in the gut and dick repeatedly, the knees, the elbows, whatever, so long as I don't kill them. I could take my benchmade and cause as much cosmetic damage as I like too. In that way I could potentially take out all my rage on a single unfortunate, at any moment, the thought of which helps to keep me sane. Though I would likely have to kill myself immediately afterward to maximize my ROI by avoiding the repercussions.

* # ? Aug 15, 2016 01:08
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Ramaroot
Aug 24, 2008

I AM THE FIRE
 I once read a book where dragons were used as beasts of burden and food, but only female ones because no one knew how to get male dragons born in captivity.

Also the main character and her mom made piss jewelry. She also got licked by a dragon. Down there.

It was pretty messed up.

* # ? Aug 15, 2016 01:13
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Ramaroot
Aug 24, 2008

I AM THE FIRE
 I also read a book that was a romance novel but with a lady and a dragon and the lady's dad tried to seduce her.

Basically if a book has a dragon and a lady on the cover, don't get it.

* # ? Aug 15, 2016 01:14
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Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

DrowningInDreams posted:

I don't want to simulate hurting people, I want to actually hurt people. And technically, there's nothing preventing me from doing everything up to murdering someone as long as I stop before then, so at any time I could take my P238 and shoot someone in the gut and dick repeatedly, the knees, the elbows, whatever, so long as I don't kill them. I could take my benchmade and cause as much cosmetic damage as I like too. In that way I could potentially take out all my rage on a single unfortunate, at any moment, the thought of which helps to keep me sane. Though I would likely have to kill myself immediately afterward to maximize my ROI by avoiding the repercussions.

how old are you?
do you know how guns and bullets work?

* # ? Aug 15, 2016 01:16
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Lux Anima
Apr 17, 2016


Dinosaur Gum

DrowningInDreams posted:

I don't want to simulate hurting people, I want to actually hurt people. And technically, there's nothing preventing me from doing everything up to murdering someone as long as I stop before then, so at any time I could take my P238 and shoot someone in the gut and dick repeatedly, the knees, the elbows, whatever, so long as I don't kill them. I could take my benchmade and cause as much cosmetic damage as I like too. In that way I could potentially take out all my rage on a single unfortunate, at any moment, the thought of which helps to keep me sane. Though I would likely have to kill myself immediately afterward to maximize my ROI by avoiding the repercussions.

don't sign your posts

* # ? Aug 15, 2016 01:17
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DrowningInDreams
Mar 13, 2009

Dilettante lizard
I'm trying to think of a counterexample but I don't know enough dragon books, and my memory is terrible. Dragonriders of Pern had Lessa of Ruatha, and I don't know if she was on the cover alongside a dragon or not. Rainwilds chronicles I can't remember at all.

Mumpy Puffinz posted:

how old are you?
do you know how guns and bullets work?

I'm older than I would like to be. Anyway, it's just an idle fantasy that I wear around my neck, to keep next to my heart. Don't worry about it. I am a bad person but I'm a self-aware and sanctimonious bad person. If I actually did anything I couldn't justify continuing to be angry, and then where would I be?

DrowningInDreams fucked around with this message at 01:20 on Aug 15, 2016

* # ? Aug 15, 2016 01:18
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Dinosaurmageddon
Jul 7, 2007

by zen death robot
Hell Gem
I read a book about dragons where most of the "dragons" in the world were actually these wingless, flameless draconids who fought alongside humans in armies with giants swords and armor it was pretty kickass:
* # ? Aug 15, 2016 01:32
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Ork of Fiction
Jul 22, 2013
 Ur not stuppsed to sit in the poison. Ur supposd to drink it, dummy.

* # ? Aug 15, 2016 01:34
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bald gnome error
Feb 9, 2011
 your mental illness is not as fascinating as you think it is. please take ur meds and talk to trusted friends and/or family.

also please don't make "drake" your last name, holy lol

* # ? Aug 15, 2016 01:39
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The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Dragon Megathread (original research)
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