Gifts "For Men" Are All Insulting Garbage

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Gifts "For Men" Are All Insulting Garbage

Decebal: Jan 6, 2010

A good sword or (for the wealthier dad) a nice suit of armor make a great gift for the man who loves his family & land !

# ? Aug 16, 2016 12:25

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# ? May 21, 2024 06:09

Mandator: Aug 28, 2007

men don't need gifts because we make all the money so we buy what we want all the time always it's great

# ? Aug 16, 2016 12:25

monkey: Jan 20, 2004; by zen death robot; Yams Fan

Pick posted:

GREAT gifts:

Raccoon penis bones
Porcupine claws
Trophies for things they didn't do
Buttons for political campaigns before their time
Cat treats (if they have a cat)
Rocks and minerals
Electric kettles (if they're Americans and don't know this is a thing)
Heat lamps
Human teeth (ethical)
Potted plants
Rusty railroad spikes or mysterious objects from past times, like those really good meat grinders
Stamps commemorating weird events or things that are uncomfortable now
A desk of Presidential flashcards where you gave each president a new nickname in Sharpie
Tiny erasers shaped like ocean fish
Lots of candy
Weird food that is difficult to get under normal circumstances
Dollar-store Light-Brites
A jar with a bunch of sugar cubes in it and exactly one ant which will live its life in luxury but die alone (it's a metaphor)
Resin dollops with one of your hairs in it like amber

These are all good gift suggestions, do you have a similar list of gifts for women? Kinda too late for me though, it was my mums birthday today, i bought her a nice sea shell.

# ? Aug 16, 2016 12:38

proctorbot: Jan 27, 2005; BUT CAN IT FEEL??!?!

Need a great gift for the man in your life? How about just leaving him the gently caress alone for like an entire day?

This is what a lot of men would really like

# ? Aug 16, 2016 12:45

Ape Fist: Feb 23, 2007; Nowadays, you can do anything that you want; anal, oral, fisting, but you need to be wearing gloves, condoms, protection.

All men over 35 are basically seen as a hybrid of Kevin James & John Goodman thanks to endless TV tropes portraying said age group as incompetent idiotic borderline alcoholic man-children and are basically marketed too with that exact idea in mind.

# ? Aug 16, 2016 12:46

TracerBullet: Apr 26, 2003; Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.; Doctor Rope

Get him Bee Movie on bluray

# ? Aug 16, 2016 13:12

Laphroaig: Feb 6, 2004; Drinking Smoke; Dinosaur Gum

Mandator posted:

men don't need gifts because we make all the money so we buy what we want all the time always it's great

P. much I just buy whiskey and cigars and steak and I'll die when I'm 67 like a real man should

# ? Aug 16, 2016 13:15

dogmother1776: Apr 16, 2016

I bought my dad a radioactive melted rock from the Trinity test site for Father's Day.

# ? Aug 16, 2016 13:33

unpacked robinhood: Feb 18, 2013; by Fluffdaddy

dogmother1776 posted:

I bought my dad a radioactive melted rock from the Trinity test site for Father's Day.

That's pretty cool. Is it in a lead lined box or something or is is low activity anyway ?

# ? Aug 16, 2016 13:41

Shame Boy: Mar 2, 2010

unpacked robinhood posted:

That's pretty cool. Is it in a lead lined box or something or is is low activity anyway ?

It's called trinitite if you want to google some and it's weak enough that it's not dangerous anymore

# ? Aug 16, 2016 13:42

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Cnut the Great posted:

Pick, I have to say i'm incredibly surprised to learn about your daddy issues.

That I try to give him good gifts and usually succeed?

# ? Aug 16, 2016 13:44

OXBALLS DOT COM: Sep 11, 2005; by FactsAreUseless; Young Orc

monkey posted:

These are all good gift suggestions, do you have a similar list of gifts for women? Kinda too late for me though, it was my mums birthday today, i bought her a nice sea shell.

Makeup
Jewelry
Handbags
Flowers
Candy
Porcelain figurines
Disney merchandise

# ? Aug 16, 2016 14:09

OXBALLS DOT COM: Sep 11, 2005; by FactsAreUseless; Young Orc

Oh wait, your mum?

Valtrex

# ? Aug 16, 2016 14:30

bigfatdynamo: May 10, 2016; When I'm dead, just throw me in the trash.

I mean I bought my boyfriend a Red Baron AKA Snoopy tie at a thrift store yesterday... is it masc enough tia

# ? Aug 16, 2016 14:46

Twerkteam Pizza: Sep 26, 2015; Grimey Drawer

Arian_Samurai posted:

Men want the Sopranos complete series on blu ray and nothing else.

My fiancée got me Star Trek TOS and I was pretty happy.

Before you ask yeah I like the commentary on the few episodes that have it

# ? Aug 16, 2016 15:33

Yolomon Wayne: Jun 10, 2014; You call it "The Big Bang", but what really happened is; Grimey Drawer

Best gift for any man is you getting out of the house for a week and not asking a single question upon your return.

# ? Aug 16, 2016 15:42

Stinky_Pete: Aug 16, 2015; Stinkier than your average bear; Lipstick Apathy

Marketing execs gathered in a boardroom

One of them says, "Remember, we are marketing to this person!"

# ? Aug 16, 2016 16:22

OXBALLS DOT COM: Sep 11, 2005; by FactsAreUseless; Young Orc

bigfatdynamo posted:

I mean I bought my boyfriend a Red Baron AKA Snoopy tie at a thrift store yesterday... is it masc enough tia

Red - manly
Hereditary titles - powerful, manly
Killing dozens of French and Englishmen - very manly
Dogs - manly

Hmm, checks out

# ? Aug 16, 2016 16:41

FedEx Mercury: Jan 7, 2004; Me bad posting? That's unpossible!; Lipstick Apathy

Cartoons are not manly though, in fact they are typically the domain of lesser males who have given up on masculines identities.

# ? Aug 16, 2016 16:54

Frog Act: Feb 10, 2012

SaltLick posted:

https://stagprovisions.com/collections/gift

Everything from this store. They have cologne that smells like various types of wood jfc

i like the $110 bison emblazoned food tray

# ? Aug 16, 2016 17:10

H.P. Hovercraft: Jan 12, 2004; one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse; Slippery Tilde

Sheep-Goats posted:

The ladies never get a man what he really wants, a tug off at the massage place

i prefer the half & half since it only costs a little bit more

# ? Aug 16, 2016 17:40

i like that: May 22, 2016; by FactsAreUseless

As a radical feminist, I don't believe I should give a man anything that he has not given me: scorn; abuse; hatred; humiliation; hurt. these are the gifts he may, receive, furthermore,

# ? Aug 16, 2016 17:47

OXBALLS DOT COM: Sep 11, 2005; by FactsAreUseless; Young Orc

notZaar posted:

Cartoons are not manly though, in fact they are typically the domain of lesser males who have given up on masculines identities.

eh that's more for animation. drawn cartoons are acceptable. Also the NASA association helps.

# ? Aug 16, 2016 18:00

OXBALLS DOT COM: Sep 11, 2005; by FactsAreUseless; Young Orc

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

i prefer the half & half since it only costs a little bit more

what that

# ? Aug 16, 2016 18:00

Booblord Zagats: Oct 30, 2011; Pork Pro

WitchFetish posted:

Does your dad smoke?

If yes, try getting him some cigars/pipe tobacco/fancy lighters and poo poo.

No handmade ashtray tho, unless ironically as a bonus gag gift.

My girlfriends dad has pointed out how much better she has gotten at gift giving for him since she and I have been together.

I showed her how get him a big cigar sampler and a personalized lighter/humidor/cutter/etc from Stogie Boys for way less than the poo poo she was getting him that he'd never use

# ? Aug 16, 2016 18:01

its all nice on rice: Nov 12, 2006; Sweet, Salty Goodness.; Buglord

Why do so many things need beards or mustaches?

# ? Aug 16, 2016 18:02

Dreddout: Oct 1, 2015; You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.

i like that posted:

As a radical feminist, I don't believe I should give a man anything that he has not given me: scorn; abuse; hatred; humiliation; hurt. these are the gifts he may, receive, furthermore,

Pm me, baby :heysexy:

# ? Aug 16, 2016 18:03

That Robot: Sep 16, 2004; ask me anything about robots; Buglord

is there some krusty grill stuff, op?

# ? Aug 16, 2016 18:32

PallasAthene: Dec 6, 2010; Why, vixen, have you again set the gods by the ears in the pride and haughtiness of your heart?

Frog Act posted:

i like the $110 bison emblazoned food tray

I like how the $110 bison is a bull.

# ? Aug 16, 2016 18:37

H.P. Hovercraft: Jan 12, 2004; one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse; Slippery Tilde

various cheeses posted:

Ta-MAN-pons sound like they'd pair well with DUDE WIPES

preventing anal leakage is an important part of dude culture

# ? Aug 16, 2016 18:50

Germstore: Oct 17, 2012; A Serious Candidate For a Serious Time

PallasAthene posted:

I like how the $110 bison is a bull.

And the buffalo bottle opener is a bison.

# ? Aug 16, 2016 18:52

H.P. Hovercraft: Jan 12, 2004; one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse; Slippery Tilde

Mange Mite posted:

what that

you gently caress her then halfway thru it switches to oral b/c it's less of a mess

# ? Aug 16, 2016 18:55

Rondette: Nov 4, 2009; Your friendly neighbourhood Postie.; Grimey Drawer

This thing always cracks me up, I NEED TO ASSERT MY MASCULINITY IN THE BATHROOM BY SCRUBBING MY BODY WITH A TIRE

# ? Aug 16, 2016 19:06

Shame Boy: Mar 2, 2010

https://meggingsman.com/

MEGGINGS MAN CLOTHING

# ? Aug 16, 2016 19:12

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

Decebal posted:

A good sword or (for the wealthier dad) a nice suit of armor make a great gift for the man who loves his family & land !

"ask your mother" - this guy

# ? Aug 16, 2016 19:16

unpacked robinhood: Feb 18, 2013; by Fluffdaddy

Id like to know if the DUDE* products are bought by people for themselves or as gifts

# ? Aug 16, 2016 19:19

Al Cowens: Aug 11, 2004; by WE B Bourgeois

http://manglaze.com/

# ? Aug 16, 2016 19:21

Shame Boy: Mar 2, 2010

Al Cowens posted:

http://manglaze.com/

i feel like this is some kind of hypnotic suggestion, the way only two words are huge:

# ? Aug 16, 2016 19:24

FedEx Mercury: Jan 7, 2004; Me bad posting? That's unpossible!; Lipstick Apathy

Who in the world thought the phrase "man glaze" will appeal to anybody but the most degenerate cum loving man whores?

# ? Aug 16, 2016 19:27

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# ? May 21, 2024 06:09

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Parallel Paraplegic posted:

i feel like this is some kind of hypnotic suggestion, the way only two words are huge:

If I did do that then they'd have a market

# ? Aug 16, 2016 19:29

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