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Aug 19, 2016 02:52
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| # ? May 7, 2024 12:28 |
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Brazilian gas station attendant: Excuse me sir, why are you breaking our bathroom door? Swimmer: What is this strange contraption? We have none of these in the pool, where I am from! It frightens and disturbs me! ---------------- |
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Aug 19, 2016 02:54
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Frankly I'm not sure those guys were even swimmers. Swimmers don't know what a bathroom is. They pee anywhere.
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Aug 19, 2016 02:54
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defense lawyer: don't worry, if you stick to what i tell you i think you'll walk swimmer, visibly nervous: walk?? |
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Aug 19, 2016 03:24
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all olympic athletes are bad people because they don't have normal social interaction; they spend all their free time training it's like me if I actually spent all the time I spend on internet forums training at swimming instead ---------------- |
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Aug 19, 2016 04:03
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bouncer: ID? swimmer: sorry man, I swear I'll have it next time bouncer: no ID, no entry swimmer: but– bouncer: take a hike, buddy swimmer: *sweating profusely* *adjusting collar* a… h-hike?
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Aug 19, 2016 04:12
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Michael Phelps uses swimming to help cope with everyday life. One time after losing a bunch of money at a casino, he immediately started practicing his butterfly stroke on the table. His dedication to the sport is something to be admired and shared on Facebook even though he smoked weed one time. |
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Aug 19, 2016 04:20
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if you gave a gold medal to a fish it would probably just sink and die lmbo. usa |
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Aug 19, 2016 06:47
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alnilam posted:defense lawyer: don't worry, if you stick to what i tell you i think you'll walk lol |
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Aug 19, 2016 07:10
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olympic swimmers maintain finely tuned diets but if you drop too many flakes into the pool they will eat them wantonly and perish
~sig~ |
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Aug 19, 2016 07:30
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a baby born on a plane is a citizen of the country it lands in, but if a baby is born in a swimming pool what country does it belong to? ...it's atlantis
~sig~ |
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Aug 19, 2016 07:32
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the other day i saw someone on the bus in speedos. it's sickening. next they'll be teaching maritime law in our schools
~sig~ |
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Aug 19, 2016 07:39
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People think all swimmers are the same but that's a pretty big oversimplification, and honestly it's a bit racist. For example, salt water and fresh water swimmers hate each other and can't live in the same pool even though to your average American there's no difference. |
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Aug 19, 2016 07:50
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At a bar: Guy: Hey, can I have a Sex on the Beach? Swimmer, drenching himself with the bar's water dispenser to keep from drying out: That's offensive to my people. |
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Aug 19, 2016 08:02
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competitive swimming comes with an increased risk of strokes
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Aug 19, 2016 08:03
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A swimmer stands sullenly near an empty table at the edge of a pool hall bar, looking upset and confused. "This isn't what I expected at all."Joke Whale posted:*buuuuuurp* (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST) Somebody fucked around with this message at 14:11 on Aug 19, 2016 |
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Aug 19, 2016 08:13
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Swimmers migrate up to 2km to the surface every day.
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Aug 19, 2016 08:47
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Swimmers and Land crabs rarely get along, but they do have a common enemy: the mud wrestler. No one wants a hug, and no one wants him in the pool.
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Aug 19, 2016 10:08
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<3 
<3 Vanisher |
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Heartbroken 2Twice posted:olympic swimmers maintain finely tuned diets but if you drop too many flakes into the pool they will eat them wantonly and perish st1LL_51ngl3 posted:People think all swimmers are the same but that's a pretty big oversimplification, and honestly it's a bit racist. For example, salt water and fresh water swimmers hate each other and can't live in the same pool even though to your average American there's no difference.
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Aug 19, 2016 11:03
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ryan lochte and his teammates standing in a bar in brazil drinking and laughing while peeing their pants, one of their handlers nervously whispers to the bouncers "its ok, this is just what they do"
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Aug 19, 2016 12:50
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*ryan lochte covered in wet naps on his plane ride home, eyes darting back and forth as he struggles to breath*
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Aug 19, 2016 12:52
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Luvcow posted:*ryan lochte covered in wet naps on his plane ride home, eyes darting back and forth as he struggles to breath* haha ---------------- |
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Aug 19, 2016 12:56
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My OP and followup post were pretty bad but the rest of the posts are good. Bless you BYOB for saving this humble thread.
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Aug 19, 2016 12:57
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Luvcow posted:*ryan lochte covered in wet naps on his plane ride home, eyes darting back and forth as he struggles to breath*
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Aug 19, 2016 16:17
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Michael Phelps runs the 100 meters does a flip and runs back the other way |
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Aug 19, 2016 18:36
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Mrs Phelps: "Michael, can you run to the store for more of Boomer's diapers?" Michael Phelps, Olympic Swimmer: "You know I don't know how!!!" |
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Aug 19, 2016 19:00
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Michael Phelps: I don't reaally like the water, or swimming for that matter. But my OCD demands that I collect as many shiny gold medals as I can! Ryan Lochte (falling down the stairs): Help, help, I'm being robbed! https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Aug 19, 2016 19:06
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Splatmaster posted:Michael Phelps: I don't reaally like the water, or swimming for that matter. But my OCD demands that I collect as many shiny gold medals as I can!
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Aug 19, 2016 19:09
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Radioactive Water in the Olympics: Olympic swimming competetors have been caught in the newest of many doping scandals when the water turned green over night in Rio. Radioactive doping is known to give you flippers, seal skin and other advantages to land crabs entering the domain of the fish people. The land crabs are just as bad as the swimmers. Uxzuigal fucked around with this message at 20:03 on Aug 19, 2016
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Aug 19, 2016 19:20
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https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Aug 19, 2016 19:36
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Michael Phelps: I'm going to retire to Venice, it will be nice to live in a place I can get around independently for a change. |
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Aug 19, 2016 20:13
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I'm on honeymoon with my new wife in Venice and we're kissing on the gondola when Michael Phelps leaps out of the water above us, showering us with glistening sweat and canal water. |
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Aug 19, 2016 20:14
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Reporter: "I'm Brian Jones, here in Rio where US Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte is reporting another "crime" against him..." Ryan Lochte: "I almost died today. Yeah, I went to a Brazilian steakhouse and they pulled a knife on me. Guy tried to cut my heart out." Reporter: "No Ryan, they cut the meat fresh off the roast right there in front of you! The guy was just doing his job for crying out loud." Ryan Lochte (ignoring the reporter): "Yep, my life flashed before my eyes, I could see the steely glint of his blade reflecting off of his black, soulless eyes..." Reporter (cuing the cameraman to cut): "Well, that's about it here... I'm Brian Jones and this is..." Ryan Lochte (misinterpreting the reporter's cue to cut): HE'S GOT A GUN! RUN! https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Aug 19, 2016 20:55
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ever since converting to judaism, michael phelps only carbo loads on potato Lotches
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Aug 19, 2016 21:53
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Every year billions of swimmers die trying to reach the egg at the end of the tunnel. Raise awareness. Swimmer Lives Matter.
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Aug 19, 2016 22:16
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On reflection, swimmers really aren't so different from us. We pray to Jesus, they pray to Neptune or possibly the nameless kraken God of the tartarean depths on the full moon when the tides dredge the waters and the inky black underworld of the void spills ever closer to the surface. We both pay our taxes, only they pay theirs in pearls and the spoils of the treasure chests of those land dwellers foolish enough to flitter across the surface of the sea in their puny matchstick boats, unaware of the horrors watching them from below. We both spend a ton of free time playing Candy Crush. Really more alike than not if you think about it.
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Aug 20, 2016 12:12
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st1LL_51ngl3 posted:On reflection, swimmers really aren't so different from us. We pray to Jesus, they pray to Neptune or possibly the nameless kraken God of the tartarean depths on the full moon when the tides dredge the waters and the inky black underworld of the void spills ever closer to the surface. We both pay our taxes, only they pay theirs in pearls and the spoils of the treasure chests of those land dwellers foolish enough to flitter across the surface of the sea in their puny matchstick boats, unaware of the horrors watching them from below. We both spend a ton of free time playing Candy Crush. Really more alike than not if you think about it. |
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Aug 20, 2016 13:46
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st1LL_51ngl3 posted:On reflection, swimmers really aren't so different from us. We pray to Jesus, they pray to Neptune or possibly the nameless kraken God of the tartarean depths on the full moon when the tides dredge the waters and the inky black underworld of the void spills ever closer to the surface. We both pay our taxes, only they pay theirs in pearls and the spoils of the treasure chests of those land dwellers foolish enough to flitter across the surface of the sea in their puny matchstick boats, unaware of the horrors watching them from below. We both spend a ton of free time playing Candy Crush. Really more alike than not if you think about it. Shakill OReal posted:I'm on honeymoon with my new wife in Venice and we're kissing on the gondola when Michael Phelps leaps out of the water above us, showering us with glistening sweat and canal water. very good thread ~sig~ |
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Aug 20, 2016 14:26
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https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Aug 20, 2016 15:51
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| # ? May 7, 2024 12:28 |
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st1LL_51ngl3 posted:On reflection, swimmers really aren't so different from us. We pray to Jesus, they pray to Neptune or possibly the nameless kraken God of the tartarean depths on the full moon when the tides dredge the waters and the inky black underworld of the void spills ever closer to the surface. We both pay our taxes, only they pay theirs in pearls and the spoils of the treasure chests of those land dwellers foolish enough to flitter across the surface of the sea in their puny matchstick boats, unaware of the horrors watching them from below. We both spend a ton of free time playing Candy Crush. Really more alike than not if you think about it. |
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Aug 20, 2016 17:46
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