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I don't know anything about it but i'll do my best to answer your questions. ask me anything about being a "private dick"
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Aug 21, 2016 13:20
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Anderron Shi posted:Is it fun fighting crime is good fun and you get to drink a lot. the hangovers are awful
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Aug 21, 2016 13:22
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Blue Train posted:What color is your fedora camel A ILL BREAKFAST posted:do gumshoes still wear full suits or can you wear like sweatpants depends where you're undercover but in the office it's suits. i hear that if you're infiltrating run dmc you have to wear a tracksuit Anderron Shi posted:What's the best car for a private dick a cop car
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Aug 21, 2016 13:24
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SLICK GOKU BABY posted:What is your name? DI Johnny "Law" Babylon
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Aug 21, 2016 13:33
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thathonkey posted:ask your mom about me being a private dick i did she said you failed to solve the case of the location of the clitoris
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Aug 21, 2016 13:34
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Mega64 posted:How often do you shoot people? as a loose cannon i don't play by the rules and that includes the force continuum and basic fire safety procedures. i shoot people all the time, often on accident Frankenstyle posted:Can you get away with cold cocking a dame that plays you for a patsy in 2016? not with the sjw feel-good brigade on tumblr! you end up in one of those image macros Joust posted:Could you find out who killed my husband? ill get right on it Zzulu posted:Do you want to be my boyfriend sorry but im already married to a dame with gams up to here. that's right, sweet lady justice Lincoln`s Wax posted:Do you get to smoke weed? the trick you have to pull here is when you arrest a perp you tell them you're busting them for as little drugs as you can get away with, then you keep the rest for personal use or selling. what are they going to do, tell the judge they were carrying a pound of weed when you bust them for an ounce?
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Aug 21, 2016 14:31
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thathonkey posted:cause it is immured by many rolls of fat if you dont like fat ladies then i dont know why you're hovering around my mom all the time
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Aug 21, 2016 14:32
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Volume posted:I thought cop style detective and private detective were different shows what you know amusinginquiry posted:who is the yellow king errol childress DrowningInDreams posted:How is the investigation against me going? good Luvcow posted:Is it true that medical professionals had to extract a severed monkeys paw from your rectum at the conclusion of the Rockin' Moroccan case last year? no i just had to make a few wishes on it, it was easy to get it out once the fingers had all curled up Jukeboxblues posted:Is using overly complicated metaphores a natural skill you have to possess or is there some sort of book you have to read as part of your PI training? that's a hateful stereotype
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Aug 21, 2016 14:51
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big shags posted:I'll be your funny black sidekick if you need one OP only if you keep messing with the car radio even if i tell you not to. later we'll realise that although we grew up on the opposite side of the tracks we both share a love for two things : law and order later on i'll get promoted ahead of you for no immediately obvious reason
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Aug 21, 2016 15:21
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Lincoln`s Wax posted:That's a good setup but I don't like paperwork. get your black sidekick to do it
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Aug 21, 2016 15:21
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Junkfist posted:Which female ghostbuster will headline True Detective season 3? fingers crossed for dan akroyd Gridlocked posted:What happens when I turn to page 53? if you're lucky you get two wands, not just one
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Aug 21, 2016 15:46
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Forward Toward posted:Who portrays pi's best? Hammett or chandler the first guy you said
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Aug 21, 2016 16:42
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gannyGrabber posted:How many man's dongs have you touched while on a case? What's the max number for a single case? Do you touch dongs while not on a case? most dongs touched in a single case was about twenty on that big Wah Ching bust Dirk Squarejaw posted:Hi, I'm Kirk Hammett undercover pi. hi Beefeater posted:How many high speed chases occur on any given day? it depends but there's always at least one : when the receptionist brings the blintzes in before the morning brief Blue Train posted:what is your preferred drug to use when slipping someone a mickey i respect the law too much to slip people knock out drugs i prefer to punch them in the back of the head when they're not looking Roargasm posted:WHO DUNIT caught red-handed you crook Forward Toward posted:
hi Peebla posted:Do police get jealous and angry at you or do they appreciate your help on cases they can't solve? little known fact : police hate their uniforms and get jealous of anyone who's allowed to wear a suit on the job. also they can't arrest me just because they don't like me, it's win win
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Aug 21, 2016 17:37
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alnilam posted:how's it going with the Case of the Hidden Tootsie? did you ever find out how many licks it really takes? did you ever nab mr. owl? i don't know, i always end up biting it Hogge Wild posted:op, is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? judging by the length of your rap sheet no one's ever happy to see you, creep Blue Train posted:do you take your rings off before you introduce some lippy broad to the back of your hand no because that would show premeditation and completely mess up my claims of self defense ClamdestineBoyster posted:Do you ever piss in your own mouth and rub feces on your desk, you know, to get into the minds of the criminals? Or do you even have a desk? Maybe you just live under a dock, hanging upside down like a bat? Waiting... Waiting... that's why i do it. sure, why not of course i have a desk, you palooka. where do you think i put my feet up on.
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Aug 21, 2016 18:07
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Blacktoll posted:As a 1950s man myself I enjoy a hearty breakfast of seven cigarettes and a donut. Often with coffee. What regimen do you recommend for a man with your constitution? i like a belt of whiskey with some aspirin crushed up ins VendaGoat posted:I hear that every case is about a dame. Is this accurate? it's always a dame alnilam posted:Did you know she was trouble the moment you saw her silhouette on the frosted glass of your office door? no i usually have to wait for the minute the dame walks through the door Hogge Wild posted:do her legs end? they go up to her neck but they never quit King of Bees posted:When a dame walks in your office with a case what is the ratio of her being the perp or the victim ? I'll take my answer off the air, thanks for the discussion. i jsut flip a coin and that's what goes in the report King of Bees posted:Oh, one more thing before I hang up. Did you know Turbo Textiles makes very dapper detective suits? Ok, thank you. i'll get right on that lead thanks OctoberBlues posted:the great deceiver got arrested by an undercover detective once, maybe he can chime in.... and save this pathetic op. that was me. im no patheti cop thathonkey posted:i am gonna go sign up at the police to go undercover as a drug addict how much walking around money do you think that they'll give me to buy drugs and keep up the ruse ?? you get one standard cash loaf but it's mostly just a few jacksons wrapped around a huge roll of singles
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Aug 21, 2016 19:27
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thathonkey posted:i can make that work you got to go around shaking people down for bribes if you want to supplement your loaf but if you're anything like me you'll do that anyway
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Aug 21, 2016 19:31
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Mojo Threepwood posted:Do you often need to crawl into dumpsters to look for clues? Do you ever find more than you bargained for? yes but im often in dumpsters for unrelated reasons anyway, the clues are a bonus Hogge Wild posted:have you hosed watson watson works for sherlock holmes who is a "consulting detective", totally different line of work. but yes i have hosed watson JakeP posted:i tried to be a public dick and now im a sex offender ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ the law is a tightrope, hung between tenements of despair over a filthy, poo poo encrusted alleyway. let the zip of justice slide down even for a minute and you'll plummet from that tightrope like a drunk to the bottom of a bottle of whiskey and your name will be all over the sex offenders registry of sex offenders before you can say "you're flying at half mast, bucko". coulda happened to any of us. bunnyofdoom posted:Where is the jade monkey and who killed Hildebrand? check the glove compartment and john ragland respectively
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Aug 21, 2016 21:29
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VendaGoat posted:Give me your best, "A dame walks in", monologue. She walked through my door like a used-car salesman homing in on a mark — a high school maths teacher from Tuscon trading sideways from some beat up jalopy to another, trying to convince himself that a different ride might give him a new lease at life, maybe rekindle some of the sparks he used to see in his wife's eyes before they had the children and grew cold and apart, indifferent to one another as they went through the daily motions. His jacket, worn at the elbows from too much teaching, his shabby chinos buffed and shiny with age, his scuffed shoes, the patchy, grey mustache and musty toupee all speaks of a desperate man, a crumpled and lonely victim of the modern world, living paycheck to paycheck and staring over the grim precipice of redundancy, teetering on the very edge of relevance. One more push from that principal - a younger man, still with a full head of hair, earning twice what the faded old maths teacher's bringing home, living high on the hog and not giving a drat about the little guy, a guy no longer on the up-and-up or even stalled in the slow lane of middle age but somewhere near the beginning of the downward slide into yhe black night of senility - and he'd be gone, another nobody disappearing into the void of nowhere, with no one to miss him or even mark his passage. The saleman has his number and moves in for the kill, his mouth full of glittering teeth like a leopard shark, ready to take this guy for all he's worth - not much, perhaps, but in this topsy-turvey world it's kill or be killed and you take what you can get. Nothing personal, but sometimes you've got a yard full of dinged-up 1980 Crestas you've got to shift. No, this guy will pay sticker price on the 1979 Datsun 310 with moderate rust. The Datsun 310, a creditable successor to the Cherry F-II line of motor vehicles and known overseas variously as the Nissan Pulsar and the Nissan Cherry, was a hard sell thanks to its lack of an automatic shifter, its small size and its cost compared to the more popular 210. Still, he sizes the guy up just like this dame was eyeballing me, he'll take the car, I'd take the case. And just like this salesman, she was bad to the bone, overselling on servicing and options, charging extra for rustproofing, chucking a few bucks onto the bill for kicking the tires before shoving the unpopular vehicle out of the lot and into some poor sap's life. That maths teacher would thank the salesman for the grift, just like I thanked the broad for coming to me with her tale. She was tall, like the Toyota Cresta in relation to the Datsun 310, with legs that stretched as long as the mileage on that beat-up old rustbucket. You could tell she'd been round the block once or twice even if she dolled herself up to turn back the clock much like the salesman using his drill on the Datsun 310's odometer to make it look as though it had traversed fewer miles than it had in fact traversed. But her dress, plunging at the neckline like the resale value of that Datsun as it putters off that sunblasted lot in Tuscon made it all worthwhile, her cleavage as deep as the crack the old teacher failed to spot in the Datsun's rocker cover before signing the papers. He must have known deep down that car'd be trouble, and I should've listened to that same voice, growling deep in the back pf my mind, telling me to show this tramp to the door. But it was too late - she was sauntering over to me like that Datsun 310 snaking its way through the Patagonia - Sonoita Scenic Road, smoke curling from her lips like the oil burning away on that cracked engine, and she had me. She sat down across from me, leaned over the desk and began spinning her story - a web of lies and deceit, but I was on the hook like that maths teacher for that loan on a broken down old Datsun 310.
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Aug 21, 2016 22:26
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Colonel Cancer posted:Are you a smooth operator? As a private dick, do you ever go gay for pay? i'm as smooth as the bathtub whisky in my hipflask. i'm an undercover detective so i have to clear my sidelines with the police department. luckily they're ok with professional sodomy
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Aug 21, 2016 22:31
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King of Bees posted:Where do you poop when doing a stakeout? doing a stakeout is what PIs call taking a dump so usually a construction site Mojo Threepwood posted:Do you have a web of informants throughout the city who put themselves at considerable risk to keep you informed of evildoers' plots? Have you considered betraying them? no, i keep rolling over on them for cash
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Aug 21, 2016 22:33
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Mojo Threepwood posted:Describe your dream vehicle for stakeouts i have an unmarked cop vehicle for that but i have to drum up business so it's got my name, logo, business address and phone number on the side in big letters maybe one with some lighting strips so you can read the ad, im worried im not getting enough exposure at night
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Aug 21, 2016 22:38
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Nelson Mandingo posted:How many thrilling government conspiracies solved by finding the one thread of evidence with a dramatic reveal have you been involved in bub? none. as a police officer i am part of the government and we frown on pulling the whole tapestry down with one tug of the last thread holding the rotten thing together
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Aug 21, 2016 22:39
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Mojo Threepwood posted:Would you be willing to plant corroborative evidence on a suspect you knew to be guilty, in order to ensure an indictment? 1. yes, but also innocent depending on how close i am to hitting my weekly quota and how likely the charges are to stick 2. yes, but also innocent depending on how close i am to hitting my weekly quota and how likely the charges are to stick 3. no. good lawyers and PIs are part of the cycle of justice. I do a sloppy but not indictably bad job of arresting a perp, the sharp lawyer pokes holes in the case, both me and the lawyer get paid, the perp walks, and I pick him up again a week later for some other thing. it's like those little birds who pick the meat out of crocodiles' teeth.
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Aug 21, 2016 23:46
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dethkon posted:I just solved your avatar (it's been driving me crazy): it's Deion Sanders after getting arrested for fishing at the Ft. Myers International Airport. I should get some kind of reward for knowing that. how did you crack the case, gumshoe?
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Aug 21, 2016 23:46
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Iron Prince posted:is being a private dick anything like being a private dancer as described in the hit tina turner song "private dancer"? yes but you dance to the beat of justice argondamn posted:an undercover detective is actually nothing like a private dick hope that helps you fraud they're pretty much the same thing, why do you think they call it "private", it's because they don't want you to know. and who are "they"? the police. source: me, i'm a undercover detective aka a private dick
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Aug 22, 2016 00:54
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