MizPiz posted:

quote:

The other night, I received a Facebook friend request from a woman named Dixie Layman.

We had one mutual friend. Her profile, since deleted, was sparse. I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt — maybe it was a new profile — and accepted the friend request. What followed was the strangest night of my life.

I immediately messaged her, asking if I knew her outside of Facebook. She replied, in broken English, that she didn’t, but she found me through “research.” I assumed that I was either being catfished or maybe a newly immigrated, soon-to-be college student had stumbled upon my profile.

She started asking me personal questions, like how old I was and where I was from. I directed her to my profile, which is public and includes this information. Her responses included unsolicited information about her life.

Time to see if this is a human or robot, I thought.

The best way to determine if you’re talking to a human is to contradict yourself. In this case, Dixie asked if I was alone. My response was, “Yes, I am alone. There are other people in the room with me.”

A human being would probably think this is a joke and respond with “lol” and ask another question in clarification. Not Robo-Dixie. Instead, she went ahead with her programming.

“I alone,” she messaged me. “I want to show. Call me.”

This was new. On dating apps, bots can’t call you. Facebook messenger's newest updates allows for video calls. I quickly went into the bathroom, shut the lights off and called Robo-Dixie. A woman closely resembling Dixie’s profile picture answered.

“Flip on light light,” Dixie messaged in broken English. This questioned my robot hypothesis. Robo-Dixie was exhibiting problem solving skills. With nothing to lose, I turned on the light. Robo-Dixie burst into laughter as soon as she saw my face. I asked her what was so funny, but never received a response.

Instead, Robo-Dixie began dancing and stripping. Before I knew it, she was completely naked. She stopped every once in awhile to type a message to me. The rate at which I received messages and the amount she stopped at the keyboard didn’t correlate. I knew I wasn’t seeing who I was chatting with, but I was still curious if this was a robot.

“Show me your tiny baby (expletive),” she messaged.

“Yeah, I don’t do that,” I replied.

I kept asking questions, attempting to determine if I was talking to a person. Robo-Dixie’s replies only consisted of insulting my manhood, then asking to see it. (What a way to get a fella to whip it out.) Eventually, I gave up. After ending the call, Robo-Dixie tried calling back, but I ignored her.

This incident perplexed me. Why would someone want to see my penis? Could I have been talking to a human? Was it a Chinese or Russian hacker? But what do foreign hackers want with my nether region?

It was conceivably possible that my computer-savvy friends were playing a prank on me. It also could have been the beginning of an elaborate blackmail attempt. It also could have been what the hackers wanted.

I was puzzled. But at the end of the day, there was only one explanation. Obviously, Harambe, the deceased Cincinnati Zoo Gorilla had died and gone to the internet. His digital ghost now haunts us. Harambe died for our internet sins and he was demanding penance. Somewhere, hundreds of men were showing Facebook their penises.

Eventually, the memes caught up with us.

Mr. 47 posted:

Making fun of a disabled person for being disabled is wrong, I feel. Unless they became disabled for a stupid reason, like climbing a water tower or skateboarding. Or if you're making fun of them for a different, legitimate reason, like they got sucked into some retarded MLM like Amway or something.

Fathis Munk posted:

That's a pretty small coffin

twistedmentat posted:

I forget what shooting this was after, but this fellow felt the need to defend the local recruiting station from ISIS

Grimlook posted:

What show is that?

The Mentalizer posted:

I always wonder what the hell he was doing to give himself that pattern of cuts on his fivehead. Other than trying to extract bugs that aren't there, I mean.

Knee posted:

A little off topic and from pages ago, but I've only just caught up on the thread.

For people concerned about clicking a random link with no description to a you-tube video there are some useful browser extensions out there.

This one adds the name on the video to the link and when you hover over it you get a little thumbnail image.

https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/video-title-adder/ddpephnhacfpgcemhioaejgenlgadnnh?utm_source=chrome-app-launcher-info-dialog


FakeEdit: Haha holy poo poo, I just realized the example images are from these very forums...

Bast Relief posted:

cash crab posted:

Vladimir Poutine posted:

Mastodon Compound posted:

Holy crap, were you in san diego?

You Are A Elf posted:

So I found this folder of images on an old hard drive entitled "Florida Mug Shots":

bean_shadow posted:

First Ever Jewelry Collection For Bearded Men

Cosima posted:

Ten years ago I worked in a store that rented porn dvds. I have some absolute horror stories, but one dude stands out because he was just such a tedious dickhead. He had the nerve to throw a fit at me because he thought I was purposely refusing to search for a video he wanted but could only remember the name of the actress. We argued for awhile and eventually I told him to gtfo and never come back. A few weeks later I see him downtown and he comes up to me crying and loudly apologising, then he moved in for a hug which I very stiffly endured. I guess he didn't have access to the internet or something.

Dreddout posted:

"Model" is a pretty good euphemism for an off the clock hooker.