Elder Postsman posted:

What if... there really were creatures on other planets? Just for fun, let's go on an imaginary safari to real places faithfully described, and see some creatures that never were.



Titan On dim, cold Titan, Saturn's giant moon, stovebellies might live - perhaps by the icy shores of a ethane lake. To avoid freezing, they keep fires burning inside their bodies. How? Stovebellies eat ice, which forms much of Titan's surface. Their fuel is make of oxygen from the ice and methane from the dense atmosphere. By squirting flame like a rocket, they can make long leaps in Titan's low gravity. Amphibious fishimanders like to crawl out of the lake and cuddle by a handy stovebelly for warmth - until their host blasts off, sending its guests flying.



Mars Whisper-thin winds hiss along a dry, dusty canyon. Deadly ultraviolet radiation pours from an unshielded Sun. Nighttime cold reaches -80 C. Perfect weather for a fellow like the Martian waterseeker. Its parasol tail can lift three meters in Mars' low gravity, shading it from ultraviolet sunburn. The long snout can probe for pockets of ice under dried up channels. And the giant ears, needed to hear well in the thin air, also serve as blankets: In Mars' frigid nights the waterseeker stays snug by clamping its ears tightly around its whole body.



Europa Flat ice covers the second of Jupiter's four major satellites. Europa may be the smoothest globe in the Solar System. And here brinker-roos might frolic, on feet shaped like skates. They lead a carefree life, living on pure energy as they zoom across the endless frozen plains. Since there's no air to breathe and no food to eat, brinker-roos need no mouths or noses. Their green skins can carry out photosynthsis in sunlight, as plants do. And the coils on their backs pick up energy from Jupiter's strong magnetic field, which Europa must travel through as it orbits the giant planet.



Pluto Electrical, crystal beings like these Plutonian zistles would find -250 C too hot for comfort. At night, when it's colder still and electricity flows perfectly, zistles feel best. Highly intelligent, they spend most of their time radioing great thoughts to each other. When zistles do get going, they can spring 20 meter high in Pluto's feeble gravity. Zistles think Pluto is the only planet with life - it's too hot everywhere else!



Venus To survive Venus's heat - lead would melt here - you might need a body that feeds on rock and metal. This oucher-poucher snacks on a space probe from Earth. Venus's surface is so hot that oucher-puchers keep shifting from one foot to the other. They travel by inflating their pouchlike bodies and bouncing along the ground. Every time one lands, it utters its customary cry, which sounds remarkably like "ouch!"



Jupiter From birth to death, any life in Jupiter's wild atmosphere would have to stay airborne - there's no place to stand. Hanging from their gasbags, floating jellyblimps would be easy prey for hungry swordtails. A swordtail uses Jupiter's strong gravity and its own pointed body to dive right through its victim. All creatures here must avoid winds blowing towards the freezing layers above or the scorching pressures below.

duTrieux. posted:

i made a thing for y'all

Kid CUDA posted:

lol, it's a documentary about the internet and its global impact.

yet it's impossible to watch legally outside the US

great job, lawyers

DOWN JACKET FETISH posted:

paradox soon, fellow stalker

NoneMoreNegative posted:

Smoke weed everyday

SmokaDustbowl posted:

god it's going to be worse than vape cloud people

News flash fucko posted:

im going to piss a rock made of hardened piss out of my dink

Bill NYSE posted:

atomicthumbs posted:

from toe to tip, that's a BART

SynthOrange posted:

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

lol canadians are so racist

Apocadall posted:

marpat is better, ACU is poo poo if you're not in urban gray environment, then it's actually impressive how well it works, outside of that loving useless though

Apocadall posted:

i didn't know mc escher did camo patterns, makes sense though

SmokaDustbowl posted:

send me the yostop

Apocadall posted:

green or amber?

Sagebrush posted:

theflyingexecutive posted:

I've been at it a bit with the gf abroad and what the gently caress when did incest get so popular?

Radio Paranoia posted:

pornhub's stats are the best


gonna have to narrow it down there bud

SynthOrange posted:

Like in here? http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3788329

H.P. Hovercraft posted: