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 My parents were the kind-of dumb assholes who felt that limiting exposure to "mature" material was a healthy idea, then wondered why all their kids were total pussies well up until 12. So whenever we'd go to Palmer or West Coast Video I'd go off and sneak peeks into the horror aisle. All the gory, usually hand-drawn covers set my imagination on fire and because this was pre-internet I didn't find out until much later how terribly 95% of them were. As I got older I would literally practice walking down the aisle and reading one or two back covers to desensitize my candy-rear end. Even then touching the paper that had the images just felt.... wrong... like I was holding some grimoire that could summon the worst of whatever was on the cover. I'm going to split this up into general covers I remember freaking me out followed by an awards section. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- General Spookiness        -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- AWARDS Hellraiser wins "movie I recall having a reputation as the goriest and scariest of them all, with Pinhead being the baddest of the bads"  Pumpkinhead wins "most bizarre monster I remember on a cover"  Clint Howard on this cover earns the "why the gently caress was I ever afraid of this?" award  House II wins "most evocative of potential, especially when you consider how loving boring the actual movie is" award  Nightmare on Elm Street 5 wins "first time I remember noticing horror and comedy blending well"  Nightmare on Elm Street 3 wins "Thing my Power Rangers-loving rear end was most entranced by for the potential of superheroes fighting a nightmare demon"  The Blob earns the "Cover that I could recognize as tubular and rad even thought it scared the poo poo out of me," with honorary mention to The Stuff for doing the same   The Surgeon earns "Most arrogant tagline"-- you can't read it; it says 'First Jason... Then Freddy... Finally, A PROFESSIONAL'  The Incredible Melting Man earns "Cover so gory that it was one of the last ones I could stand to look at"  Slumber Party Massacre earns the "Cover that told me my sex drive had kicked in"  --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- And top award goes to CRITTERS  Look at that loving thing. It's like a Furby hosed a Komodo Dragon with a Dreamworks face. Even today I look at that and think "I would hate to run into that fucker"  And Critters 2 gets an honorary award for being the perfect blend of goofy as all gently caress yet still scary to a small child. I think that contributed to my unease around Venus Flytraps until I was an adult and marginally less of a dandy. GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY
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Sep 4, 2016 11:51
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| # ¿ May 16, 2024 00:51 |
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Three-Phase posted:Mind the Walrus - have you ever considered making a "Video Nasties" (cheesy graphic horror movies from the late 70s to early 90s) thread? Nah I got it out of my system and any OP there would just be a copy/paste from here.
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Sep 4, 2016 21:14
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Have you seen Breaking Bad, The Sopranos, or any Scorsese movie? If so those are all scarier and gorier than The Godfather.
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Sep 5, 2016 06:34
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