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Takane posted:Can you make Cthulhu real. ftfy (I know I already had my wish granted but I really really want this one I'll be good, I promise) e: 
Pththya-lyi fucked around with this message at 06:10 on Sep 5, 2016 |
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Sep 5, 2016 06:08
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 13:53 |
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I want to be able to poo poo a turd at my enemies at such a speed it would hurt/incapacitate them like a non-lethal round.
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Sep 5, 2016 06:09
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Nathilus posted:The devil doesn't react to criticism well. You insulted his shop. This shows not sympathy, courtesy, or taste. There's only one way in which he can be expected to react to such crassness. A request for a device that can close the thread forever is not an insult. It is a request, which should be fulfill-able without hassle. Sympathy, courtesy, and taste do not factor into this business transaction. But I suppose you're right, there is only one way he can react; incompetently.
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Sep 5, 2016 06:12
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do you have a lighter that never runs out?
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Sep 5, 2016 06:13
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How about a starter kit that lets me setup my own Lucien style shop of oddities, complete with the backfire mechanism built into all the products
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Sep 5, 2016 06:16
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Takane posted:Can you make anime real. (not)Lucien seems horrified, then thoughtful, then stumped. Finally he pulls out a take on me comic but within, instead of take on me, is a love hina manga. You are dragged into an obnoxious world of irritating harem anime bitches forever. You are now a pedo (one is like 10 iirc) but will never get laid by any of them. RIP. Alternatively: the anime that is made real is like school days or cat soup or something else crazy and depressing. Nanomashoes posted:Hello Lucien. I am going into battle and I want your strongest potions Potions, being one-time sort of deals, are on special. You get a sweet three pack. One is a white powder suspended ina milky bu clearish liquid. It is labelled "essence of speed" and is presumably really good at making you fast or clean your house while devolving you into a crazy idiot with horrible skin issues. It ia highly addictive. The second is called "hero's ambrosia" and looks suspiciously like semen. Hint: it's semen. Works as advertised though an makes you herculean for a limited time. The bottle is huge though, about the size of a bottle of brandy. You'd have to chug a LOT of semen. The final potion is a tiny vial of purple liquid with a half-gram of compact, gnarly looking plant matter suspended serenely within. "the golden nugget" is its cheeky label. The powers of a lunatic, tripping-balls god is locked within, but what is the price of such powers? (invokes perma-fried)
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Sep 5, 2016 06:22
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I wish to be ontologically epistemilogically and teleogically complete
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Sep 5, 2016 06:30
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Moridin920 posted:do you have a lighter that never runs out? The lighter is a battered old zippo with a half worn off engraving reading "gently caress communism". It works perfectly on the first strike almost every single time, as well as being enchanted such that you can pull off even the most fiendish and hardcore zippo tricks. However, ocassionally; and always when it would be most embarrassing or painful, instead of emitting a normal small flame it instead emits a ten-foot-high column of flame at approximately 1500 degrees c. It also utterly fails to light in the presence of communists. Wrath of the Bitch King posted:How about a starter kit that lets me setup my own Lucien style shop of oddities, complete with the backfire mechanism built into all the products I'm afraid that franchising opportunities, while eminently available, are reserved for demons and the damned of circles 5b and lower. In case you're not current on your dante that leaves heresy, violence, fraud, and treachery as avenues to the unlife allowed to you if you wish to keep the option of getting a franchising agreement left open. We hope to see you soon. We think you'll make a great member of our team. (Remember no suicide tho.)
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Sep 5, 2016 06:34
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Nathilus posted:Potions, being one-time sort of deals, are on special. You get a sweet three pack. One is a white powder suspended ina milky bu clearish liquid. It is labelled "essence of speed" and is presumably really good at making you fast or clean your house while devolving you into a crazy idiot with horrible skin issues. It ia highly addictive. These potions don't seem strong enough for me. For you see, I am a knight. I am a knight and I am going into battle and I need only the strongest potions. Do you happen to know a potion seller that sells stronger potions?
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Sep 5, 2016 06:37
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a few DRUNK BONERS posted:I wish to be ontologically epistemilogically and teleogically complete (not)Lucien seems amused and appreciative. He's a seeker after that same star, after all. He congratulates you on your monumental hubris and also what he calls "a big-boy kinda wish." You get an abrupt feeling that he isn't going to be handing you anything, but you are drawn back into a cozy sitting room and served a spicy, strangely nostalgic tea nonetheless. You feel comfortable and sexually vulnerable. He then goes into a long and extremely involved lecture on how what you are asking for is impossible for all, save the Creator himself; and not necessarily a good thing to ask for. He speaks of life as movement of information, more than mere animal needs but similar. Hungers and difficiencies. Will given rise by suffering and quenched in cold waters of victory. Utter completion, in contrast, is stillness. It is free of all need and thus silent and dead. True perfection is the opposite of existence, a death so total and real as to be something that can be described as eternal. "That's HIS problem." (not)Lucien hisses to you. "He's closer to dead than you'll ever be. He needs it all as dreams so he can roll over in his sleep ocassionally. It's why he must torture you all, and why I am cast aside." Finally the lecture is over. (not)Lucien has done his best to dissuade you from attempting the godhead, and offered several fun alternatives. You don't even notice that the shop isn't there as you tread back on the street. The cool night air washes over you pleasantly, carrying notes of a trillion trillion changes. You realize yourself to be standing in a web of power and possibility, and as always it is all focused right here on you at this very moment, the present. Before you lies a world in which you can play and upon which you can inflict your desires. And above, ever waiting, always patient, a creator to slay. Yes. Life is good. (+1 life lesson, alignment change neutral evil)
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Sep 5, 2016 07:02
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I like dick pics and no one ever sends me dick pics (except Hector Beerlioz and I'm not sure it's technically even a dick). How would Lucien rectify my lack of dick pics?
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Sep 5, 2016 07:21
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Can I get a refill on the shitmouth vomit ears?
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Sep 5, 2016 07:57
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look let's be fuckin real here. you got anything that can help sustain an erection? this powder I've been getting from China just ain't cutting it anymore
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Sep 5, 2016 07:59
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Iron Prince posted:look let's be fuckin real here. you got anything that can help sustain an erection? this powder I've been getting from China just ain't cutting it anymore
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Sep 5, 2016 07:59
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a hole-y ghost posted:You've been putting it in the wrong hole yah I've been snorting it
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Sep 5, 2016 08:00
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I've got a cold right now and the coughing is making it hard to sleep. What have you got for me?
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Sep 5, 2016 08:12
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criscodisco posted:I like dick pics and no one ever sends me dick pics (except Hector Beerlioz and I'm not sure it's technically even a dick). How would Lucien rectify my lack of dick pics? You get They Live glasses that are xray so you can see everyones junk, but also magically alert you to everything that is a phallic symbol. Phallic symbols are like 40% of all human consrructed objects and 30% of all natural ones. You soon tire of penis. Iron Prince posted:look let's be fuckin real here. you got anything that can help sustain an erection? this powder I've been getting from China just ain't cutting it anymore This stuff is REAL. It disproves the old notion that what goes up must come down. Rainbow Bells posted:I've got a cold right now and the coughing is making it hard to sleep. What have you got for me? An apple that cures your coughing and knocks you out until a prince gives you oral.
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Sep 5, 2016 09:47
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Okay, so, it has to be a permanent curse. What about a papercut on my left thumb that never heals but never bleeds out or gets infected either so if I'm not careful I'll feel a minorly annoying amount of pain for like a minute?
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Sep 5, 2016 13:56
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Hello, I'd like a phone which would never run out of battery please. e: it's gotta be a smartphone with a touch screen btw. Don't pull some monkey paw thing with me and give me a house phone. hemale in pain fucked around with this message at 14:08 on Sep 5, 2016 |
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Sep 5, 2016 14:05
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Hello sir, I'd like to ask you where I can get a good deal on merkins.
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Sep 5, 2016 18:59
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Bitter Mushroom posted:I'd like a cool guitar to help me get girls please God I hate this song but it means I barely have to post for this one. https://youtu.be/5_LxyhCJpsM RandomPauI posted:Okay, so, it has to be a permanent curse. What about a papercut on my left thumb that never heals but never bleeds out or gets infected either so if I'm not careful I'll feel a minorly annoying amount of pain for like a minute? Done. Beware of infection. hemale in pain posted:Hello, I'd like a phone which would never run out of battery please. Ok but its an iphone and sometimes when you answer it your dead loved loved ones are on the other side of the line screaming and begging for help. 8-Bit Scholar posted:Hello sir, I'd like to ask you where I can get a good deal on merkins. (not)Lucien has ro google this. He looks affronted and kicks you out, claiming that the product you desire is "unnatural".
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Sep 6, 2016 04:00
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well I never Such rudeness. I'm going to post a yelp review.
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Sep 6, 2016 04:02
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I'd like a job. Here, working at this store.
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Sep 6, 2016 04:27
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Sestze posted:I'd like a job. Here, working at this store. As a fallen soul I am on shift here more or less permanently. At least until armageddon. Therefore I don't need any help. But if you are still interested in working this kind of shop, read upthread about our fabulous franchising opportunities.
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Sep 6, 2016 04:54
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Nathilus posted:An apple that cures your coughing and knocks you out until a prince gives you oral.
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Sep 6, 2016 05:25
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Hey man, you got one if those things? *awkwardly gestures with hands It's like, an air pressure gage, but for temperature. I need one for this thing I'm doing. It's silver.....crap, I can't remember what it's called. You know Ted up the street's number? He'd know.
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Sep 6, 2016 05:26
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Rainbow Bells posted:So what's the catch then? How many dudes you know just randomly give other dudes who are sleeping oral? U gonna be out a while.
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Sep 6, 2016 05:27
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BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH* * A contract that plumbs an actress's "talents" to to the limit of the national average, so that I may exploit her, as a talent agent, to the most benefit of my wrongdoing.
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Sep 6, 2016 05:28
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Solice Kirsk posted:Hey man, you got one if those things? *awkwardly gestures with hands You are handed a THERMOMETER. It seems to work perfectly but only reads in C. RIP.
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Sep 6, 2016 05:29
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Nathilus posted:How many dudes you know just randomly give other dudes who are sleeping oral? U gonna be out a while. Jokes on you, I live in San Francisco. I'll be back in no time.
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Sep 6, 2016 05:29
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Nathilus posted:How many dudes you know just randomly give other dudes who are sleeping oral? U gonna be out a while. Sleep over at me place, you're in for a wild surprise 
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Sep 6, 2016 05:29
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VendaGoat posted:BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH* The contract also forces you to subjectively live through the actresses experiences as you are exploiting her. You quickly tire of penis.
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Sep 6, 2016 05:32
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criscodisco posted:Sleep over at me place, you're in for a wild surprise PM me.
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Sep 6, 2016 05:33
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Nathilus posted:The contract also forces you to subjectively live through the actresses experiences as you are exploiting her. You quickly tire of penis. As a goat the spews forth vending machines..... Really, who cares?
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Sep 6, 2016 05:43
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VendaGoat posted:As a goat the spews forth vending machines..... Really, who cares? You already had it pretty bad from loving with the proprietor. I guess he went easy on you.
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Sep 6, 2016 05:48
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Nathilus posted:You are handed a THERMOMETER. It seems to work perfectly but only reads in C. RIP. Thanks mister! Time to go see if that jacuzzi is warm enough. I nice warm 103 degrees sounds just right! *becomes soup
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Sep 6, 2016 05:49
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Nathilus posted:You already had it pretty bad from loving with the proprietor. I guess he went easy on you. *Begins eating your pants, just because*
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Sep 6, 2016 05:51
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VendaGoat posted:*Begins eating your pants, just because* You are a goat and cannot be blamed for this lapse of etiquette.
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Sep 6, 2016 06:13
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Nathilus posted:Done. Beware of infection. I believe you missed the intent of my question. I'm sure this was unintentional. So I'll be more explicit. What could I get in exchange for this level of curse? A papercut on my left thumb that never heals but never bleeds out or gets infected either so if I'm not careful I'll feel a minor annoying amount of pain for like a minute.
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Sep 6, 2016 07:44
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