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The only part of a movie that matters is the last part, and that's why it's the only part that I bother writing. Many of my endings have been sold to Hollywood and have been used. One time I tried to write the beginning, but some wires got crossed and BOOM, we get Momento. Anyway, I have some rejected movie endings. THey aren't rejected because they are bad, they are just too good and the Hollywood writers don't feel they are up to the task of writing a movie that the endings are worthy of. I'll dig around in my notes and post some of my favorites. For instance: Woman: YOu've been lying to me this whole time? You're not a bank manager and your name isn't even Travis? Man: Yes, it's true, my name is actually Art, and I've never been to a bank. Woman: Well, I don't know who Art is, but I know who I like. [Then they kiss and the movie ends] |
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Sep 6, 2016 04:11
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 07:05 |
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I've been a consultant for jazzy noir outros for years, and the first thing I tell every producer is, "Use jazz in your jazzy outro." Do not play ska. Do not play "Tubthumping" by Chumbawamba. Can you imagine if Chinatown used "Tubthumping" by Chumbawamba in its final scene? No one would remember "Forget it Jake, it's Chinatown," they would just forget Chinatown, the movie.
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Sep 6, 2016 05:43
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I just write the parts where the bad guy dies. Sometimes I get a big contract and I get to go into how the head honcho bites it but usually I'm stuck with the small fries who nonetheless need to get picked off in a memorable way. I hate it when script writers feel the need to throw in an ironic one-liner after the deed is done though. I feel like a really good bad guy death should stand on its own merits.
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Sep 6, 2016 08:23
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FutonForensic posted:I've been a consultant for jazzy noir outros for years, and the first thing I tell every producer is, "Use jazz in your jazzy outro." Do not play ska. Do not play "Tubthumping" by Chumbawamba. Can you imagine if Chinatown used "Tubthumping" by Chumbawamba in its final scene? No one would remember "Forget it Jake, it's Chinatown," they would just forget Chinatown, the movie. i dunno, it's actually not that bad... ends the movie on a more upbeat note: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsaJVMO8vNE found that one on the cutting room floor though, guess they took your advice |
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Sep 6, 2016 09:31
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POLICE SERGEANT: We managed to find a photograph of the guy who did the crimes, Gunther. GUNTHER: Enough with the chit-chat, sergeant! I've been working this case for five years. I deserve to know! POLICE SERGEANT shows GUNTHER the photograph. It is a photograph of GUNTHER. GUNTHER: Nooooooooo! [FIN] ---------------- |
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Sep 6, 2016 12:48
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RESTAURANT CRITIC: Never in my life have I had a meal as exquisite as this one. Your dead father would be very proud of what you've accomplished here, Zoo Elephant. ZOO ELEPHANT: [elephant noise] FADE TO BLACK Words on screen: NOW THE ZOO ELEPHANT DIDN'T HAVE TO LIVE AT THE ZOO ANYMORE [END] misty mountaintop fucked around with this message at 12:54 on Sep 6, 2016 ---------------- |
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Sep 6, 2016 12:49
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*protagonist dusts off his hands* "well that wraps that mystery up!"
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Sep 6, 2016 13:06
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*basketball bounces in slow motion off of great white sharks nose and miraculously bounces into the hoop just as time expires, scoreboard shows that Amity Island wins the game by 1 point* Becky: "omg Jaws 5 we did it! we won the big game!" *visiting teams coach slams his clipboard down on the ground in disgust as the enormous shark begins flapping around on the floor snapping its mouth shut on various visiting players, blood begins spraying from their injuries and coating the floor* Travis: "Becky we did it!" *spray of blood almost makes Travis slip and fall as he runs to his big sister Becky to give her a hug, behind him Jaws slides easily across the gym floor and consumes yet another person, credits begin to roll as the camera pans out, Chumbawumba's Tubthumper begins to play as the screen fades to black*
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Sep 6, 2016 13:12
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misty mountaintop posted:POLICE SERGEANT: We managed to find a photograph of the guy who did the crimes, Gunther. Luvcow posted:*basketball bounces in slow motion off of great white sharks nose and miraculously bounces into the hoop just as time expires, scoreboard shows that Amity Island wins the game by 1 point* |
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Sep 6, 2016 13:38
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The End... Or Is It? |
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Sep 6, 2016 13:38
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joke_explainer posted:i dunno, it's actually not that bad... ends the movie on a more upbeat note: I haven't seen Chinatown so I don't want to ruin it by watching the ending but I'm assuming this is good and funny |
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Sep 6, 2016 13:39
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joke_explainer posted:i dunno, it's actually not that bad... ends the movie on a more upbeat note: never seen the movie but when I got to the 2 min mark i lmao'd
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Sep 6, 2016 13:58
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joke_explainer posted:i dunno, it's actually not that bad... ends the movie on a more upbeat note: oh my god
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Sep 6, 2016 14:09
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The guy who writes the post-credits scenes in superhero movies where characters look at a comics thing and say "what is it" or "oh my god" or "this just got real." |
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Sep 6, 2016 14:20
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samuel L jackson walks in during post-credit scene "sorry i just forgot my coat"
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Sep 6, 2016 14:21
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Detective 1: Looks like some kind of fireworks display. Detective 2: Yeah, a real summer... Jubilee. Audience: [goes completely loving nuts, people shouting poo poo like "oh my god Jubilee is in the next movie, it's Jubilee, they're gonna have Jubilee in it, I can't loving believe this" but they don't calm down, instead just getting crazier and crazier, marching in the streets with giant Jubilee flags and putting every single person from New Orleans into camps because "gently caress that stupid poser Gambit I hate him" and within a decade America is being occupied by an elite military peacekeeping force from countries all around the world and soon there is a tense but productive world peace] |
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Sep 6, 2016 14:23
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A group of guerilla filmmakers keep following Hugh Jackman around Bowfinger-style so they can put Wolverine in the post-credits scenes in their movies, and everyone wonders why Wolverine keeps showing up to go grocery shopping or drink coffee in movies now but whatever, that's just superheroes I guess. |
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Sep 6, 2016 14:24
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the hella epic 2016 Bowfinger reference |
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Sep 6, 2016 14:25
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wolverine sails up to the edge of the water and discoveres it's all an elaborate set
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Sep 6, 2016 14:26
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Ahundredbux posted:wolverine sails up to the edge of the water and discoveres it's all an elaborate set |
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Sep 6, 2016 14:29
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jan., 1942: the president of warner brothers pats gross dude on the back. "gross dude," he says, "i think this is the ending of a very beautiful movie."
~sig~ |
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Sep 6, 2016 14:30
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~*
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*every single character from every superhero movie, comic, and tv show comes in for a HUGE post-credits scene* |
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Sep 6, 2016 14:30
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FactsAreUseless posted:Jim Carrey shows up at the end of Justice League Part 2 and everyone wonders if he's supposed to be the Riddler from Batman Forever or if it's just Jim Carrey playing himself or what the deal is, and all the characters are making a huge loving thing out of it, like they keep talking loudly about how happy they are that he's here, but again they aren't saying who exactly he's supposed to be. he's also only credited as himself
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Sep 6, 2016 14:31
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*after credits secret ending scene* *the protagonist wakes up drenched in sweat, it turns out it was all a dream* |
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Sep 6, 2016 14:31
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Heartbroken 2Twice posted:jan., 1942: the president of warner brothers pats gross dude on the back. "gross dude," he says, "i think this is the ending of a very beautiful movie." |
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Sep 6, 2016 14:31
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I hated the ending of Snowpiercer where the train just kept spinning around really fast and you couldn't tell if it was supposed to be a dream or not. |
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Sep 6, 2016 14:32
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The film adaptation of Catch-22 ends much like the book, but in the original script, Yossarian meets Steve McQueen and they ride motorcycles together. |
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Sep 6, 2016 14:34
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the climatic reveal is about to happen when suddenly it spontaneously combusts because it was made out of celluloid
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Sep 6, 2016 14:35
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sam neill: where we're going we don't need eyes to see *enjoys a cool sensory deprivation tank experience*
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Sep 6, 2016 14:38
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*noir night scene, noir fog, noir lighting* *two characters slowly walk away from the camera* *suddenly Humphrey takes out a shotgun and shoots the other guy in the face* Humphrey: This is a beginning of a beautiful friendship *Humphrey hugs his shotgun* |
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Sep 6, 2016 14:38
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FactsAreUseless posted:*every single character from every superhero movie, comic, and tv show comes in for a HUGE post-credits scene* The camera goes close up on each of them in a shaky handheld-cam jackass-style "hi, I'm [character name]" intro, this goes on for an hour and finally when they're all introduced Johnny Knoxville says "and you just got kredited!!" |
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Sep 6, 2016 14:41
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*credits have rolled for several minutes after the end of schindlers list when suddenly a blooper gag reel begins to play showing men dressed in nazi uniforms playing pranks on people dressed as prisoners in a camp*
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Sep 6, 2016 14:44
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alnilam posted:The camera goes close up on each of them in a shaky handheld-cam jackass-style "hi, I'm [character name]" intro, this goes on for an hour and finally when they're all introduced Johnny Knoxville says "and you just got kredited!!"
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Sep 6, 2016 15:13
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Bogart: We're going to need a bigger sleep. |
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Sep 6, 2016 15:14
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you know that bit at the end of the movie where it says "the end"? well, i invented that. but everybody cottoned on pretty quick. you know, "fin", all that crap. one day i took a look up at the screen and thought "what if the end.... wasn't the end?". yeah, that's right. sequels. all me
~sig~ |
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Sep 6, 2016 16:08
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Palpek posted:*noir night scene, noir fog, noir lighting* ---------------- |
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Sep 6, 2016 16:17
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Heartbroken 2Twice posted:you know that bit at the end of the movie where it says "the end"? well, i invented that. but everybody cottoned on pretty quick. you know, "fin", all that crap. one day i took a look up at the screen and thought "what if the end.... wasn't the end?". yeah, that's right. sequels. all me 'fin' is a spiritual sequel to 'the end' since youre the copyright holder
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Sep 6, 2016 16:20
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Heartbroken 2Twice posted:you know that bit at the end of the movie where it says "the end"? well, i invented that. but everybody cottoned on pretty quick. you know, "fin", all that crap. one day i took a look up at the screen and thought "what if the end.... wasn't the end?". yeah, that's right. sequels. all me
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Sep 6, 2016 16:20
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MUSSOLINI throws his hat on the ground and stomps on it. JOHN HENRY: We did it, Autistic Boy! We made the trains run even more on time and saved the orphanage! AUTISTIC BOY: I only care about the trains. JOHN HENRY: Oh Autistic Boy! Don't ever change! AUTISTIC BOY: I won't. JOHN HENRY and THE ORPHANS laugh. In the background, even MUSSOLINI sees the humor in the situation and begins laughing as well. AUTISTIC BOY does not laugh. He is looking up train engines on his iPhone. Freeze Frame. THE END ---------------- |
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Sep 6, 2016 16:28
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 07:05 |
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Before I got fired from the writing team for titanic, the door scene was originally: "Rose: I'll never let you go, Jack. Jack: Thank you. the Titanic 2, which was launched 2 hours after the original titanic pulls up alongside them T2 captain: hey you two, need a lift? Jack and Rose: you bet, mister! Jack and Rose board the ship and enter the ballroom, where every character is singing and dancing for the final musical number: Tubthumping, as performed by Chumbawumba. The Heart of the Ocean necklace magically lifts in front of a spotlight and begins spinning, bathing the area in a "disco ball" effect END SCENE" |
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Sep 6, 2016 16:30
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