I only write the endings to movies, but I'm VERY good at it.

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > I only write the endings to movies, but I'm VERY good at it.

FactsAreUseless

The guy who writes the post-credits scenes in superhero movies where characters look at a comics thing and say "what is it" or "oh my god" or "this just got real."

# ¿ Sep 6, 2016 14:20

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# ¿ May 2, 2024 21:08

FactsAreUseless

Detective 1: Looks like some kind of fireworks display.

Detective 2: Yeah, a real summer... Jubilee.

Audience: [goes completely loving nuts, people shouting poo poo like "oh my god Jubilee is in the next movie, it's Jubilee, they're gonna have Jubilee in it, I can't loving believe this" but they don't calm down, instead just getting crazier and crazier, marching in the streets with giant Jubilee flags and putting every single person from New Orleans into camps because "gently caress that stupid poser Gambit I hate him" and within a decade America is being occupied by an elite military peacekeeping force from countries all around the world and soon there is a tense but productive world peace]

# ¿ Sep 6, 2016 14:23

FactsAreUseless

A group of guerilla filmmakers keep following Hugh Jackman around Bowfinger-style so they can put Wolverine in the post-credits scenes in their movies, and everyone wonders why Wolverine keeps showing up to go grocery shopping or drink coffee in movies now but whatever, that's just superheroes I guess.

# ¿ Sep 6, 2016 14:24

FactsAreUseless

the hella epic 2016 Bowfinger reference

# ¿ Sep 6, 2016 14:25

FactsAreUseless

Ahundredbux posted:

wolverine sails up to the edge of the water and discoveres it's all an elaborate set

Jim Carrey shows up at the end of Justice League Part 2 and everyone wonders if he's supposed to be the Riddler from Batman Forever or if it's just Jim Carrey playing himself or what the deal is, and all the characters are making a huge loving thing out of it, like they keep talking loudly about how happy they are that he's here, but again they aren't saying who exactly he's supposed to be.

# ¿ Sep 6, 2016 14:29

FactsAreUseless

*every single character from every superhero movie, comic, and tv show comes in for a HUGE post-credits scene*

# ¿ Sep 6, 2016 14:30

FactsAreUseless

Heartbroken 2Twice posted:

jan., 1942: the president of warner brothers pats gross dude on the back. "gross dude," he says, "i think this is the ending of a very beautiful movie."

Humphrey Bogart famously ended every single one of his movies by saying "We're going to need a bigger boat" but it always got cut because nobody knew what he meant.

# ¿ Sep 6, 2016 14:31

FactsAreUseless

I hated the ending of Snowpiercer where the train just kept spinning around really fast and you couldn't tell if it was supposed to be a dream or not.

# ¿ Sep 6, 2016 14:32

FactsAreUseless

The film adaptation of Catch-22 ends much like the book, but in the original script, Yossarian meets Steve McQueen and they ride motorcycles together.

# ¿ Sep 6, 2016 14:34

FactsAreUseless

Bogart: We're going to need a bigger sleep.

# ¿ Sep 6, 2016 15:14

FactsAreUseless

It really was the birth... of a nation.

Credits. Cue music: Respect by Aretha Franklin

# ¿ Sep 6, 2016 17:01

FactsAreUseless

It is nine trillion years in the future. God looks out over the remains of his creation, cold and dead. Entropy claims everything.

Samuel L. Jackson: Welcome back, She-Hulk.

# ¿ Sep 6, 2016 17:03

FactsAreUseless

Ahundredbux posted:

at the end of the movie iron man shoots one of three different colored beams based on local reviews

Captain America turns to the camera. "Do you think Nick Fury survived? Text FURY to 99163."

# ¿ Sep 6, 2016 17:08

FactsAreUseless

Heartbroken 2Twice posted:

Before the advent of the professional ending writer, movies just didn't end. In fact, the very first Cannes festival is still going to this day

Journey Past The Moon And Into Space To Drift Endlessly

# ¿ Sep 7, 2016 11:13

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# ¿ May 2, 2024 21:08

FactsAreUseless

For the first time in ten years, Sgt. Al Powell reached for his pistol. The world felt slow, oozing, as he saw the man with the rifle step out from the crowd. His friend John was in trouble. He pulled the gun from its holster. In his head, he could hear music. Quietly, hidden behind the rush of blood in his ears. Then louder, fading in as he pulled the trigger.

Cue: Tubthumping by Chumbawumba. Powell and McClane high-five while Holly Genero-McClane sings the backup bit, about "pissing the night away." Argyle DJs.

# ¿ Sep 12, 2016 11:33

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > I only write the endings to movies, but I'm VERY good at it.