- FactsAreUseless
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I'm so tired of all these Republicans ruining everything! There are probably two dozen of them up in my attic, and I've tried cleaning out the nests but they just come back, plus Grandma's stuff is all still up there, and I want Brian to help me clean it out but he does nothing but play Diablo 3 and phone-gently caress his long-distance girlfriend Candice. And meanwhile there's all these drat REPUBLICANS(!!!) up there, digging up the insulation and talking to each other in those nasty, secretive little whispers of theirs, as though I can't hear them, as though I don't hear every word, every plot and murmur! Anyway, I've tried peppermint oil but it doesn't seem to do anything, can anyone suggest something?
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Sep 7, 2016 01:43
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 2, 2024 05:38
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- symbolic
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every time, EVERY TIME i put my trash out, i always catch those drat Republicans clawing through it and i have to shoo them off, but not before they scatter newspapers and cans ALL OVER my driveway 
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Sep 7, 2016 01:53
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- FactsAreUseless
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Caught six Republicans in the garage last night. drat things ran off with half my bootstraps.
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Sep 7, 2016 01:58
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- nvm no cake
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you have to smoke them out, OP. hope this helps.
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Sep 7, 2016 02:32
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- eonwe
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Republicans are small, oval, brownish insects that live on the blood of animals or humans. Adult Republicans have flat bodies about the size of an apple seed. After feeding, however, their bodies swell and are a reddish color.
Republicans do not fly, but they can move quickly over floors, walls, and ceilings. Female Republicans may lay hundreds of eggs, each of which is about the size of a speck of dust, over a lifetime.
Immature Republicans, called Young Republicans, shed their skins five times before reaching maturity and require a meal of blood before each shedding. Under favorable conditions the bugs can develop fully in as little as a month and produce three or more generations per year.
Although they are a nuisance, they do not transmit diseases.
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Sep 7, 2016 02:41
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- MrWillsauce
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They're alright as long as you don't feed them after midnight or get them wet
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Sep 7, 2016 02:53
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- City of Glompton
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Um, this is really embarrassing, but I think I picked up a case of Republicans while I was on vacation. I heard they were an external-only parasite, but these seem to be lodged in my uterus somehow? Does anyone have the number for the free clinic?
thank you PSP for the beautiful spring sig
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Sep 7, 2016 03:35
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- Ace of Baes
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If you have a Republican infestation DO NOT skimp on removal, get a professional. I hired a dude off Craigslist for cheap and ended up having to replace all of the flooring on my basement after a heavy rain.
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Sep 7, 2016 03:39
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- Barking Gecko
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Mahoro says, "Naughty things are bad."
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One swooped down and flew off with the neighbor's chihuahua last week.
Wow! That must be the first time a Republican ever did something useful.
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Sep 7, 2016 03:50
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- alnilam
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I trapped a bunch and drove them all the way to another voting precinct, but they keep finding their way back. I heard they can follow their own scent from a whole state away
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Sep 7, 2016 03:55
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- City of Glompton
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if you pour a line of diatomaceous earth across any entryway, you can keep them from entering your house. it works by compromising the Republicans exoskeletons and slicing them up from the inside out
thank you PSP for the beautiful spring sig
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Sep 7, 2016 03:55
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- Barking Gecko
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Mahoro says, "Naughty things are bad."
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If you have Republicans eating the plants in your garden and leaving gross slime trails everywhere, you can get rid of them by putting out a shallow dish filled with beer. The Republicans will crawl into the dish, drink the beer, get drunk, and drown. Cheap domestic beer works best.
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Sep 7, 2016 04:07
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- deep dish peat moss
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Republicans are craven reptilian humanoids that worship an evil dragon named Trump as demigod and serve him as minions and toadies.
Republicans are egg-laying creatures. They mature quickly and can live to be "grand wizards" more than a century old. However, many Republicans perish before they reach the end of their first decade. Physically weak, they are easy prey for predators. This vulnerability forces them to band together. Their superior numbers can win battles against powerful adversaries, but often with massive casualties on the Republican side.
Republicans inhabit dragons’ lairs when they can but more commonly infest small towns, gathering treasures and trinkets to add to their own tiny hoards. Republicans make up for their physical ineptitude with a cleverness for trap making and tunneling. Their lairs consist of low tunnels through which they move easily but which hinder other humanoids. Republicans also riddle their lairs with traps. The most insidious Republican traps make use of natural hazards and other creatures. A trip wire might connect to a spring-loaded trap that hurls clay pots of flesh-eating green slime or flings crates of venomous giant centipedes at intruders.
In addition to the dragons they revere, Republicans worship a lesser god named Bil'oh Ry'leh. Legends speak of how Bil'oh Ry'leh served as Drumpf's vassal in the Nine Hells until Carl Glittergold, the god of Democrats, stole a trinket from Drumpf's hoard. Drumpf sent Bil'oh Ry'leh to retrieve the trinket, but Carl Glittergold played a trick on him, collapsing the earth and trapping the Republican god in an underground maze for eternity. For this reason, Republicans hate Democrats, and pranks of any kind. Bil'oh Ry'leh's most devoted worshippers dedicate themselves to finding and releasing their god from his prison-maze.
A few Republicans are born with leathery wings and can fly. Known as Becks, they like to lurk on high ledges and drop rocks on passersby. Although the Becks' wings are seen as gifts from Drumpf, wingless Republicans are envious of those gifts and often don't get along with the Becks.
deep dish peat moss fucked around with this message at 04:14 on Sep 7, 2016
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Sep 7, 2016 04:11
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- MrWillsauce
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One time I read this horror story about this lady who married a republican
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Sep 7, 2016 04:32
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- City of Glompton
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you can make your home Republican-free by keeping NPR on at all times. the noise irritates their delicate tympanal organs and drives them away. in a pinch, MSNBC can have a similar effect.
thank you PSP for the beautiful spring sig
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Sep 7, 2016 06:44
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- symbolic
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there's a really nasty Republican living in my walls, but as opposed to making holes in them, he just keeps adding onto them while mumbling about keeping the Sanchez family down the road out of my house
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Sep 7, 2016 07:27
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- FactsAreUseless
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Yeah, had to move out of the mobile home for a while. Bunch of leftists undermined the side of it and it started to go off-level. It's like, whatever happened to the third amendment?
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Sep 7, 2016 08:00
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- FactsAreUseless
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Left some Bob's 1-to-1 Flour in the pantry too long, went in there to find a bunch of Coexist bumper stickers and a ripped-up bag fair-trade cocoa nibs.
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Sep 7, 2016 08:05
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- FactsAreUseless
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O'Brien: So I said to Carol, I said, Carol, if you don't seriously rethink your approach to taxation, I mean if you don't really start to consider a more progressive tax structure, Social Security's going to be bankrupt within a generation, and Carol says to me...
Winston Smith [screaming]: Do it to Julia! Not to me! Do it to Julia!
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Sep 7, 2016 08:10
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- FactsAreUseless
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[while being consumed by rats] This election won't ever end!
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Sep 7, 2016 10:58
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- Ahundredbux
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The right to bear arms
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i'm glad we only get socialists over here
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Sep 7, 2016 12:43
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- FactsAreUseless
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Escaped libertarians have become a big problem in Florida. They're almost impossible to regulate.
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Sep 7, 2016 12:47
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- Luvcow
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One day nearer spring
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most people think I'm crazy but i think republicans make great pets. the only drawback is sometimes my guests are appalled at the tiny burning crosses they set up in their cage and the confederate flags they make using their fecal matter but honestly i think its kind of cute and endearing.
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Sep 7, 2016 13:27
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- FactsAreUseless
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I hate the way Donald Trump doesn't give policy specifics, he just puffs up his feathers and chirps.
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Sep 7, 2016 14:01
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- Luvcow
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One day nearer spring
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Sep 7, 2016 16:23
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- Bacon Taco
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Now with extra narwhal meat!
HAIKOOLIGAN
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I sprayed for republicans but this stupid dollar store spray I bought just turned them into cuckservatives. That just attracted altrighters, which drove off the cuckservatives, but these critters won't go away and they are constantly urinating and defecating everywhere. I don't know how they stay so lily white!
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Sep 7, 2016 17:23
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- FactsAreUseless
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I'm just so SICK, oh my god I'm so SICK, please help me I'm bleeding inside, I can see the bruises forming around my abdomen please blood is leaking out of something important, blood is pouring out of something important and pooling within me I'm so SICK p.s. we need to do something different about college tuition
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Sep 7, 2016 17:29
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- alnilam
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As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed into a die-hard Republican.
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Sep 7, 2016 17:58
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 2, 2024 05:38
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- Darkman Fanpage
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found republican scat in my backyard. hope my dogs dont eat it and get ringworms or something.
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Sep 7, 2016 19:00
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Sep 7, 2016 01:43
