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So I do play-by-play for (mostly beyond horrendous) middle-school football games. A few years ago, we had this kid on our team who was pretty fast but had the Mother-loving Hands of Stone. Like, you could toss it to him underhand from 5 yards away and he'd bat the fucker around for 30 seconds blinking really quickly and then drop it Mother-loving Hands of Stone. He gets his number called about 2-3x a game, almost always the first one for a deep pass (which he drops) and then another 1-2 behind the line toss-pitch-type poo poo. This dude's mom hangs out in front of the pressbox filming the entirety of every game. When he's on the sideline, she films him on the loving sideline. Boy, I bet THAT is some scintillating video! There he is, sitting. So we're on game 4 of the season and so far the dude's statline is like 0/5 passes, he's just terrible. It's the end of the game and we're losing by 21 and our coach decides what the gently caress let's air it out. Ball goes up, DB makes a good play and hits the ball but instead of knocking it down he just knocks it straight up, spinning end over end, directly above Hands of Stone. And he caught it! Understand, the ball fell directly down, straight down, on top of him. He did not have to move or do anything at all except hold his hands out. So he caught it! And then, because he was legit fast, he tore rear end down the sideline and scored! Yeah! Finally! The motherfucker caught the ball! His mother looks through the pressbox window at me with this crazy zealous look in her eyes and says, "His dad says he's going to be as good as Jerry Rice. But after seeing something like that? You and I know the truth: he's already better than Jerry Rice."
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Sep 13, 2016 00:00
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| # ¿ May 10, 2024 08:09 |
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Belbos Computer posted:I thought local TV coverage with commentary might be something unique to my bat-poo poo crazy upper middle-class Alabama football town... Not sure if I'm relieved to find that it exists elsewhere... We don't have TV coverage, I just call the plays and shill for our concession stand over the PA system, but it's kinda fun and it keeps me from having to do poo poo like sit in the freezing cold and sell tickets to the 12 parents who come to middle school soccer games. Play-by-play is hard as gently caress without that yellow line, though, especially since our coach doesn't seem to care about marking the field in any way. "That's gonna bring up 2nd and 4... maybe 5... could be 3... possibly 6. Ball's at the... 30? could be... maybe the 35? I'm not sure. Wait, it's at midfield. Is it? It's 2nd down, fans!" Last year we had a team that just got new unis come in and play. The uniforms were white with extremely light yellow numbers on the front so the entire game I just had to say things like, "Catch made by... that kinda taller kid... with the ball," because under the lights it just looked like a bunch of kids in white shirts with green helmets.
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Sep 13, 2016 00:16
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