|
Used to say "goddamit can't you act like a human being" a lot, when I didn't conform to expectations of obedient child behavior. Which didn't really bother me much when i was a kid but people today tell me that was inappropriate/insensitive. When haranguing me about my report card in 3rd or 4th grade; "People who make A's will rule the world. People who make B's will starve." At the time I thought he was being kinda insane over elementary school grades but I see what he was going for. I won't go into the darker more damaging stuff because that wasnt' really about words.
|
#
?
Sep 16, 2016 07:33
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 2, 2024 23:59 |
|
|
"I love you, son." edit: sorry misread thread title
|
|
#
?
Sep 16, 2016 07:37
|
|
|
if i had a kid id tell them the boogie man is their real dad
|
|
#
?
Sep 16, 2016 07:37
|
|
|
"I tried to kill myself so you and your sister would get the insurance money to have more toys." Implying it was our fault. 7 year olds really know how to deal with that info and respond to it.
|
|
#
?
Sep 16, 2016 09:19
|
|
|
Bloody Hedgehog posted:"I tried to kill myself so you and your sister would get the insurance money to have more toys." Did you ask him how he managed to gently caress that up. I mean for real, talk about dropping the literal ball there dad.
|
|
#
?
Sep 16, 2016 10:58
|
|
|
Cocaine is a hell of a drug
|
|
#
?
Sep 16, 2016 11:03
|
|
|
KomodoWagon posted:Did you ask him how he managed to gently caress that up. I mean for real, talk about dropping the literal ball there dad. I stopped asking him about anything years ago, as the man will lie about the most innocuous, pointless things, makes arguments that a five year old would find moronic, and seemingly stopped maturing at about age 14.
|
|
#
?
Sep 16, 2016 11:16
|
|
|
When I got my first motorcycle, he said "remember: no dicks on the back seat; you're not a human being, are ya?"
|
|
#
?
Sep 16, 2016 11:23
|
|
|
Sup fellow fatherless goon. 
|
|
#
?
Sep 16, 2016 13:17
|
|
|
my dad used to like doing characters and lil comedy bits, he had this character that was a goof on Antonio banderas that called Antonio Pendejo that was this super effeminate over the top gay hispanic guy, he'd put on this goofy frilly Spanish lookin shirt my mom bought him once and these cowboy boots with his jeans tucked into them and he'd do this goofy castanet dance and talk about sucking "los peenos" and general weird gay Spanish poo poo Anyways I invited a friend over in h.s. and he was gay, like very obviously gay, all swishy and stuff. I assumed incorrectly that my parents would be totally respectful and nice. My mom was just fine, but my dad shook Zack's hand, then immediately bolted to his room to change into his Antonio Pendejo costume and came out into the living room and launched into every part of the bit including some new jokes like asking if he could give Zack 'la cabeza'. Zack waited until it was all over, then when we were alone he cried and left. I'm just glad he never told anyone about it.
|
|
#
?
Sep 16, 2016 14:04
|
|
|
Gatekeeper posted:my dad used to like doing characters and lil comedy bits, he had this character that was a goof on Antonio banderas that called Antonio Pendejo that was this super effeminate over the top gay hispanic guy, he'd put on this goofy frilly Spanish lookin shirt my mom bought him once and these cowboy boots with his jeans tucked into them and he'd do this goofy castanet dance and talk about sucking "los peenos" and general weird gay Spanish poo poo im sorry but  e: I am so soory
|
|
#
?
Sep 16, 2016 14:16
|
|
|
"......" 
|
|
#
?
Sep 16, 2016 14:29
|
|
|
<pointing at my dick after walking in on me exiting the shower and laughing> "Your going to have sex with that tiny thing??" Me: 
|
|
#
?
Sep 16, 2016 14:30
|
|
|
"hi hungry I'm dad"
|
|
#
?
Sep 16, 2016 14:41
|
|
|
Bloody Hedgehog posted:"I tried to kill myself so you and your sister would get the insurance money to have more toys." Jesus...
|
|
#
?
Sep 16, 2016 14:45
|
|
|
"Take out the drat trash" Also calling me a wuss for refusing to go up rickety osha violating scaffolding .
|
|
#
?
Sep 16, 2016 15:38
|
|
|
this thread is headed for the comedy goldmine! i never got over when he said that to me....
|
|
#
?
Sep 16, 2016 15:41
|
|
|
my dad was pretty cool, he did say "son. i'm going to kick your rear end for selling cocaine to my mistress"
|
|
#
?
Sep 16, 2016 15:55
|
|
|
My dad was like the Red Foreman of my social circle growing up, only genuinely very abusive lol. I'll see friends from high school who will tell stories of his antics to this day like he is some sort of comedy legend but it took me a long time to get the point where I could look back on it in a positive light. He would commonly tell me "You're a oval office, just like your mother". This all sounds really awful, and it was, but gently caress me if the man doesn't have impeccable timing.
|
|
#
?
Sep 16, 2016 16:01
|
|
|
My dad had a good sense of humor. In middle school some friends came over for the first time, Doug and Chaz. We were on the living floor playing with a Commodore 64 while he was in his easy chair reading and hasn't said a word. After an hour or so he puts his book down, stands up, and says "I'll be back in few minutes, I have to take a Chaz." Doug started cracking up and then he said "Oh don't worry, I'll be sure to wipe my Doug." I'm not quite sure what the worst thing he's ever said to me, I guess calling me an idiot or something.
|
|
#
?
Sep 16, 2016 16:58
|
|
|
My dad must be literally the nicest person the world. I see calling a son or daughter an idiot as abusive but actually from what I see it's pretty much normal and I need to harden up.
|
|
#
?
Sep 16, 2016 17:25
|
|
|
op your avatar makes me uncomfortable, why would you think of Laura in this way
|
|
#
?
Sep 16, 2016 17:34
|
|
|
When I was 5: "You bastard." I guess he didn't stop to realize the logical implications of that statement. At my brother's wedding when I was 24, in his speech to the groom: "I'm proud to call you my only son." Everyone turned and stared. Seriously though, my dad is a pretty cool guy. My friends and I all love him to death, and at 78 he still smokes cigars and wisecracks. schmuckfeatures fucked around with this message at 17:48 on Sep 16, 2016 |
|
#
?
Sep 16, 2016 17:44
|
|
|
Well, my dad just called me a couple hours ago to tell me that a mutual family friend died this morning, so, you know. gently caress.
|
|
#
?
Sep 16, 2016 19:58
|
|
|
Bloody Hedgehog posted:I stopped asking him about anything years ago, as the man will lie about the most innocuous, pointless things, makes arguments that a five year old would find moronic, and seemingly stopped maturing at about age 14. lol ur mom hosed a 14 year old
|
|
#
?
Sep 17, 2016 00:04
|
|
|
Nooner posted:lol ur mom hosed a 14 year old So did everyone's mom. Ask your girlfriend/wife/future-mom-to-be to learn the horrible truth.
|
|
#
?
Sep 17, 2016 00:19
|
|
|
my dads dying words to me were im gay and a cuck then he said lol, like literally said the letters and died ):
|
|
#
?
Sep 17, 2016 00:20
|
|
|
my dad got mouth and throat cancer in his mid 40s, and by 48-49 he had no bottom jaw left, just a feeding tube in his belly for cans of ensure and a methadone pump in his chest. He smoked marlboros in his nostrils and wrote lil notes on a teeny whiteboard to communicate I hadn't talked to him for a while and then found out he was sick so I drove up to visit him, and when I got to his pad he was out cold on the floor. Turns out he had slapped fentanyl patches all over his rear end and poured a fifth of ketel into his feeding tube and went down like a big fuckin heavy thing. I woke him up and helped him into his lil deathchair and he shoves a ciggy up his nose and grabs his blackboard "told u i was hardcore" made a funny gurgling laugh sound then went to sleep
|
|
#
?
Sep 17, 2016 00:32
|
|
|
"suck the poo poo out of my rear end in a top hat" my favorite internet dad said that
|
|
#
?
Sep 17, 2016 00:40
|
|
|
My father talking about my retarted little sister. "She`s not even human. Just a animal making GBS threads and pissing all the time". Thats the one thing i will never forgive him for saying.
|
|
#
?
Sep 17, 2016 00:53
|
|
|
I am the walrus.
|
|
#
?
Sep 17, 2016 00:57
|
|
|
I'm the juggernaut bitch!
|
|
#
?
Sep 17, 2016 00:58
|
|
|
your operating system is a piece of poo poo, bithc
|
|
#
?
Sep 17, 2016 00:59
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 2, 2024 23:59 |
|
|
my dad did a wicked rant against gay marriage earlier today, it was pretty crazy chill out old man
|
|
#
?
Sep 17, 2016 01:07
|
|
