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vanity slug
Jul 20, 2010

Blistex posted:

So just got some terrible loving news from my inlaws in China (been back for 2 weeks now).

About two years ago my mother in law got a German Shepherd mix puppy which she raised it for about 4 months. It was really cute and super friendly. Most people in the town knew it as she would take it on walks and it never barked at anyone and always wanted to lick people and play. She realized that she didn't have the time or space to take care of a full grown dog and gave it to a guy who was a real dog lover and wanted a guard dog. He soon realized that it was the most useless guard dog because it unconditionally loved everyone that approached, but he was a dog lover and didn't care.

Just a few minutes ago my wife was talked to her parents on Skype and found out that it's dead.

So the family comes home from the market (they were gone for about two hours) and open the gate to their yard and the dog is lying dead on the ground. There is frothy blood everywhere and it's obvious that it has been poisoned because it was bleeding from its mouth, nose ears and eyes. The owner is pretty sure that his neigbhour killed his dog because his neighbour really, really hates him (no why). My mother in law gave the dog to this guy because he loves dogs and is a really nice guy who nobody should dislike.

The owner was heartbroken and I guess he cried over the dog's body for a long time. Later he was talking with my mother in law and said that he will never own another dog again because he would not wish for it to happen to that dog as well, and never wants to feel that kind of senseless loss again.

now they should poison the neighbour

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vanity slug
Jul 20, 2010

this op is really loving cha buduo btw

vanity slug
Jul 20, 2010

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/09/17/business/dealbook/china-germany-takeover-merger-technology.html?_r=0

getting good deals with chinese characteristics

Xerxes17
Feb 17, 2011

Jeoh posted:

this op is really loving cha buduo btw

But, isn't that the true spirit of Chinar? :china:

GoutPatrol
Oct 17, 2009

*Stupid Babby*

My roommates were convinced someone in our neighborhood was trying to kill their dogs, because there were strange piles of food in the alleyway near us. Besides the several other dozen dogs and cats living around us

The Great Autismo!
Mar 3, 2007

by Fluffdaddy
a guy i work with went home a few weeks ago and heard a cat in his stairwell that i guess had wandered up to his floor? or someone had left it there? i dunno, he lives on the 50th story, no idea how it got there. he loves cats, he has two, and while it was meow-ing in the hallway a guy from his floor came out, picked up the cat, and threw it out the window of their hallway.

can't imagine the cat made it after falling 50 stories, the guy was crushed at work the next day.

A FESTIVE SKELETON
Oct 2, 2011

TIS THE SEASON BITCH

Blistex posted:

So just got some terrible loving news from my inlaws in China (been back for 2 weeks now).

About two years ago my mother in law got a German Shepherd mix puppy which she raised it for about 4 months. It was really cute and super friendly. Most people in the town knew it as she would take it on walks and it never barked at anyone and always wanted to lick people and play. She realized that she didn't have the time or space to take care of a full grown dog and gave it to a guy who was a real dog lover and wanted a guard dog. He soon realized that it was the most useless guard dog because it unconditionally loved everyone that approached, but he was a dog lover and didn't care.

Just a few minutes ago my wife was talked to her parents on Skype and found out that it's dead.

So the family comes home from the market (they were gone for about two hours) and open the gate to their yard and the dog is lying dead on the ground. There is frothy blood everywhere and it's obvious that it has been poisoned because it was bleeding from its mouth, nose ears and eyes. The owner is pretty sure that his neigbhour killed his dog because his neighbour really, really hates him (no why). My mother in law gave the dog to this guy because he loves dogs and is a really nice guy who nobody should dislike.

The owner was heartbroken and I guess he cried over the dog's body for a long time. Later he was talking with my mother in law and said that he will never own another dog again because he would not wish for it to happen to that dog as well, and never wants to feel that kind of senseless loss again.

jesus christ man my condolences

duodenum
Sep 18, 2005

Falun Bong Refugee
Dec 14, 2015

by FactsAreUseless
So this is the new china thread. Cool.

Comfy Fleece Sweater
Apr 2, 2013

You see, but you do not observe.

Nooner posted:

lol it looks like one of the dudes is j*rking off the other dude :wth:

Lol

You said it, Nooner!:classiclol:

Nathilus
Apr 4, 2002

I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

:eyepop:

I would blow Dane Cook
Dec 26, 2008
Why does this thread persecute the Falun bong.

akulanization
Dec 21, 2013

Jumpingmanjim posted:

Why does this thread persecute the Falun bong.

He has some high quality organs we want to make available at reasonable prices. :shrug:

Vincent Van Goatse
Nov 8, 2006

Enjoy every sandwich.

Smellrose
hello China thread

Ichabod Tane
Oct 30, 2005

A most notable
coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of no one good quality.


https://youtu.be/_Ojd0BdtMBY?t=4
Looking forward to some more wacky expat hijinks.

Ceciltron
Jan 11, 2007

Text BEEP to 43527 for the dancing robot!
Pillbug

ALL-PRO SEXMAN posted:

hello China thread

Hello, all-pro sexman

Neurion
Jun 3, 2013

The musical fruit
The more you eat
The more you hoot

The Great Autismo! posted:

a guy i work with went home a few weeks ago and heard a cat in his stairwell that i guess had wandered up to his floor? or someone had left it there? i dunno, he lives on the 50th story, no idea how it got there. he loves cats, he has two, and while it was meow-ing in the hallway a guy from his floor came out, picked up the cat, and threw it out the window of their hallway.

can't imagine the cat made it after falling 50 stories, the guy was crushed at work the next day.

The cat probably survived, cats reach terminal velocity pretty quick, and theirs is approx. 60 mph versus the 120 or so a human would reach. Survival rates are also really good the higher up a cat is, because it gives them more time to right themselves and spread their limbs out, etc.

Can't blame the guy from being bummed, though, it's a hell of a thing to do to an animal.

I would blow Dane Cook
Dec 26, 2008
Do cats in China not have 9 lives?

uber_stoat
Jan 21, 2001



Pillbug
they do but they get exhausted pretty quick when the cat gets strung up on a chain and they take a blow torch to them. good eats tho.

BONGHITZ
Jan 1, 1970

I do not like it when people are mean to animals. I hate all peoples from countries that are mean to animals.

Fojar38
Sep 2, 2011


Sorry I meant to say I hope that the police use maximum force and kill or maim a bunch of innocent people, thus paving a way for a proletarian uprising and socialist utopia


also here's a stupid take
---------------------------->

Jumpingmanjim posted:

Do cats in China not have 9 lives?

5000 lives

Falun Bong Refugee
Dec 14, 2015

by FactsAreUseless
And 9 flavors.

dookifex_maximus
Aug 10, 2016

by zen death robot
i dunno if we can really blame the neighbor, remember when china accidentally poisoned a bunch of american dogs with poison dog food? china just kinda randomly poisons all kinds of stuff all the time

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com
:roboluv: :love: :roboluv:

Neurion posted:

The cat probably survived, cats reach terminal velocity pretty quick, and theirs is approx. 60 mph versus the 120 or so a human would reach. Survival rates are also really good the higher up a cat is, because it gives them more time to right themselves and spread their limbs out, etc.

Can't blame the guy from being bummed, though, it's a hell of a thing to do to an animal.

I can't remember where I read this, but an article indicated that the whole 'the higher up the better the cat's chances' thing came from flawed data. Basically low heights the cat just walks away (ok no surprise) and a few go to the vet, from medium heights some go to the vet and some die. From extreme heights most die and a few go to the vet and live. So the guy doing the study just uses vet data, and concludes that high altitude cats survive better because less of them go to the vet, ignoring those that are just dead and get scraped into a the rubbish.

I mean, by the 60km/hr logic you can shovel a bunch of cats out of a plane at 3000m and they'll have the same survivability as a cat that falls out of a 8 story window. Anyone have a Cessna we can borrow?

dookifex_maximus
Aug 10, 2016

by zen death robot
what the gently caress that's barbaric, if i want to kill some cats i just use car exhaust

Raserys
Aug 22, 2011

IT'S YA BOY
Where's that post about the grandparents being dumped on the side of the road after trying to sell off their granddaughter

dookifex_maximus
Aug 10, 2016

by zen death robot

Raserys posted:

Where's that post about the grandparents being dumped on the side of the road after trying to sell off their granddaughter

:lol: owned

BONGHITZ
Jan 1, 1970

To be fair, Chinese girls don't do much

vanity slug
Jul 20, 2010

Neurion posted:

The cat probably survived, cats reach terminal velocity pretty quick, and theirs is approx. 60 mph versus the 120 or so a human would reach. Survival rates are also really good the higher up a cat is, because it gives them more time to right themselves and spread their limbs out, etc.

Can't blame the guy from being bummed, though, it's a hell of a thing to do to an animal.

yeah was about to post this, the higher you get the better the cat gets at surviving.

Falun Bong Refugee
Dec 14, 2015

by FactsAreUseless

Jeoh posted:

yeah was about to post this, the higher you get the better the cat gets at surviving.

That's not true at all, but you're an idiot so I doubt you've tried to analyze the logic of that statement for even a second.

vanity slug
Jul 20, 2010

Falun Bong Refugee posted:

That's not true at all, but you're an idiot so I doubt you've tried to analyze the logic of that statement for even a second.

every time you post i hope someone drops you from 50 floors

Falun Bong Refugee
Dec 14, 2015

by FactsAreUseless

Jeoh posted:

every time you post i hope someone drops you from 50 floors

That's why you will spend your life in impotence wishing things will be better while never actively taking a part it making them better.

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless

Outrail posted:

I can't remember where I read this, but an article indicated that the whole 'the higher up the better the cat's chances' thing came from flawed data. Basically low heights the cat just walks away (ok no surprise) and a few go to the vet, from medium heights some go to the vet and some die. From extreme heights most die and a few go to the vet and live. So the guy doing the study just uses vet data, and concludes that high altitude cats survive better because less of them go to the vet, ignoring those that are just dead and get scraped into a the rubbish.

I mean, by the 60km/hr logic you can shovel a bunch of cats out of a plane at 3000m and they'll have the same survivability as a cat that falls out of a 8 story window. Anyone have a Cessna we can borrow?

Cats do have different terminal velocities than larger animals and many smaller animals never make it to a high enough speed that they die from impact.

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless
BTW China is like a goblin camp from The Lord of the Rings.

P-Mack
Nov 10, 2007

Outrail posted:

I mean, by the 60km/hr logic you can shovel a bunch of cats out of a plane at 3000m and they'll have the same survivability as a cat that falls out of a 8 story window. Anyone have a Cessna we can borrow?
"My dad was a skydiver back in the sixties. There was a guy in his club that was a nut. He had the idea that he could test the axiom that “cats always land on their feet” from free fall altitude, where he would fall with them and observe their self-righting behavior. He had no interest in aiding their descent, just wanted to see how they behaved in free fall. In his plan, landing was the cats’ problem, not his. Scientific impartiality, or some such thing.

He took four stray cats up in a pillowcase for the jump. After exiting the plane, he turned the pillowcase inside out, releasing the cats. To his great surprise, all four cats attached themselves to his body immediately. With their claws. Given that cats have 18 claws each, he was punctured at least 72 times. More, probably, because he struggled vainly to remove the cats as he fell, but they were having none of it, and would reattach with even more conviction with every effort he made to pull them off.

Presently, he was out of altitude, and had to turn his attention to opening the chute. Let’s pause to do some math. A chute opening can generate as much as 3 Gs of force. The average cat weighs 8 lbs at 1 G. At three Gs, this becomes 24 lbs per cat. So when the chute opened, for a moment this guy had 72 razor sharp claws in his skin, each one being pulled down with a force of about one and a third pounds. That’s 96 pounds of cat. He was sliced to ribbons, basically.

All four cats hung on through the chute opening, although the skydiver’s shredded flesh allowed each one to slip several inches. Bleeding and in misery, the skydiver managed to make a safe, if rather rough, landing in a farm field.

As soon as he hit the earth, all four cats ran off across the field, leaving him to lie there bleeding from his hundred or so wounds. He was the only member of the skydiving club that was displeased with the results of his experiment."

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless

P-Mack posted:

"My dad was a skydiver back in the sixties. There was a guy in his club that was a nut. He had the idea that he could test the axiom that “cats always land on their feet” from free fall altitude, where he would fall with them and observe their self-righting behavior. He had no interest in aiding their descent, just wanted to see how they behaved in free fall. In his plan, landing was the cats’ problem, not his. Scientific impartiality, or some such thing.

He took four stray cats up in a pillowcase for the jump. After exiting the plane, he turned the pillowcase inside out, releasing the cats. To his great surprise, all four cats attached themselves to his body immediately. With their claws. Given that cats have 18 claws each, he was punctured at least 72 times. More, probably, because he struggled vainly to remove the cats as he fell, but they were having none of it, and would reattach with even more conviction with every effort he made to pull them off.

Presently, he was out of altitude, and had to turn his attention to opening the chute. Let’s pause to do some math. A chute opening can generate as much as 3 Gs of force. The average cat weighs 8 lbs at 1 G. At three Gs, this becomes 24 lbs per cat. So when the chute opened, for a moment this guy had 72 razor sharp claws in his skin, each one being pulled down with a force of about one and a third pounds. That’s 96 pounds of cat. He was sliced to ribbons, basically.

All four cats hung on through the chute opening, although the skydiver’s shredded flesh allowed each one to slip several inches. Bleeding and in misery, the skydiver managed to make a safe, if rather rough, landing in a farm field.

As soon as he hit the earth, all four cats ran off across the field, leaving him to lie there bleeding from his hundred or so wounds. He was the only member of the skydiving club that was displeased with the results of his experiment."

Things that never happened for 400 Alex

Blistex
Oct 30, 2003

Macho Business
Donkey Wrestler

Raserys posted:

Where's that post about the grandparents being dumped on the side of the road after trying to sell off their granddaughter

It was one of my posts, but I couldn't find it in the last China thread or the goldmined one. Pretty sure it's posted 4 China threads ago (including this one).

BCR
Jan 23, 2011

Good luck!


quote:

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BCR
Jan 23, 2011

Good luck!
http://basketballbuddha.com/allen-iverson-trip-to-china-ruined-by-chinese-agents/

quote:

Iverson, Abdur-Rahim, and the rest of the crew got back to the hotel in Xi’An only to see government officials still present. David Lee, who was working with Li Dong negotiate side deals with local promoters was being detained in a small room next to the front desk of the hotel. Li Dong was there too, but wasn’t locked in a room. So Li Dong and Abdur-Rahim had a meeting discussing the current status of the tour. “Li Dong said he was going to give Iverson $10,000 a minute, but maximum five minutes so $50,000 per game. This time I was very direct with Li Dong, I told him, ‘Li it’s not about the money. It’s about doing things the right way. We had a contract. Iverson wants to spend some times here with his family and be with his fans in China. That’s it. It’s not about the money’,” said Abdur-Rahim.

Li Dong continued to insist on a new deal, and Abdur-Rahim continued denying him. Iverson joins Abdur-Rahim and Li Dong in the meeting. Now things are about to get serious because in this room is Li Dong, Abdur-Rahim, Iverson, and Tawanna. Now Li Dong is desperate, and throws a ridiculous number at Iverson. Li Dong offers Iverson $1 million for a combined 10 minutes of playing time for the remaining four games of the tour. That’s $1 million for two-and-half minutes per game. Iverson’s eyes light up, and he says… no. “My intent when I came to China wasn’t to play. I’m not going to mislead my fans and give them a bad show. I gave you my word that I’m going to coach and I’m sticking to the word I gave. There’s no amount of money that’s going to make me play,” says Iverson.

For Iverson, his word is bigger than a dollar value. His word was he’s not going to play, and for Iverson his word is stronger than anything. Unfortunately, for Li Dong, this is not what he wanted to hear.

“That’s when Li Dong played me as a fool,” says Abdur-Rahim.

“He played me using emotions. As soon as Iverson rejected the “final offer” of $1.5 million to play two minutes per game in four-games, Li Dong said, ‘if Iverson doesn’t take the deal and play, David Lee will go to jail for misleading the public. And before David Lee goes to jail, he’s going to commit suicide by jumping off the hotel building’.”

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BCR
Jan 23, 2011

Good luck!

quote:

I'm woken up by a phone call from the TV company. I'm filming my bit tonight. We haven't even talked to Guinness about the details of my record, but yep, apparently I'm filming tonight. Alright. I grab my suit, and off we go back to the studio. I share a ride with the bottle-walker, and another performer, who mentions in passing that yeah, he's done this show a bunch of times and they usually spring a surprise competitor on you, and change the record your attempting. Most people just go along with it because, y'know, TV.

We get to the studio at about noon, and we're rushed into make-up. Odd, since the show doesn't tape until seven. They give me a basic foundation to cover up the fact that I'm 46 ¾ and have lived a life, and then they go to work on my eyebrows. And boy do they. I walk out of the makeup room looking like a particularly startled Groucho Marx, and go right into the bathroom next door to wash off the borderline clown make-up. Odd.

Next is a camera rehearsal. We rehearse my entrance, walking down the stairs, waving to the imaginary audience, chatting with the host, and doing the trick. Doing their trick. No mention of the big tablecloth. No mention of the reason why I travelled five thousand miles. I bring it up. Everyone looks shifty, and confused, and shifty. I get told that we'll deal with that soon, that I'll talk to the producer again and we'll sort it all out, and then I'm told to go back upstairs and wait.

I've done enough TV to know that if something isn't covered in the camera rehearsal, it's not going to happen in the show, so once I'm back in my dressing room, I ask to speak to the producer. Sure, I'm told, she'll be right here.

I ask to speak to her every half hour. It becomes a bit of a running gag between me and the other performers. I use my grown-up “This is important” voice. Nothing. I say that there is a very real chance I won't be doing the show. Nothing. I spend my day sitting in a feezing cold dressing room, being ignored and not taken seriously.

Finally, at 6.45, literally fifteen minutes before the show is supposed to start filming, with a studio audience already filling the huge hangar downstairs, I get granted a meeting. I ask what about the big tablecloth trick. They immediately start shouting. What big tablecloth trick? There was never a big tablecloth trick agreed. You knew you weren't doing a big tablecloth trick. Why would you lie about this? The producer fixed me with a hard stare and told me that if I backed out of the show, they would cancel my return ticket, kick me out of the hotel, and “Your visa, perhaps not so good now”.

http://matricardo.blogspot.com/2016/01/and-world-record-for-worst-gig-ever.html

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